The Weekend in Review
It's been a busy weekend for us. Dakota was off from work on Friday (normally her study day but since there is no school we get to claim another family day - at least for now) so we were lucky enough to get a four-day weekend. You just have to love that! :)
First on the "must do" agenda was tightening up the bolts on the play structure as well as finally adding the in-ground support. Thank goodness! I was sure that these two wild swingers of mine were going to knock the whole thing ever. Kelton can get going so high that it was literally lifting one end off the ground. Dakota assures me it would have taken a lot to knock it over but still - I'm glad to have it all tightened up and secure. At least until the boy's wild swinging once again loosens a bolt or two. :) As you can see, the kids were right in there helping. They both took their jobs *very* seriously. :)
The weather has turned warm....at least it was warm Friday and Saturday (and it is supposed to be warm again tomorrow) so Friday we went out and bought the much anticipated and greatly desired backyard pool. The kids were beside themselves waiting for the yard to be mowed and the pool inflated but finally it was time! The water was FREEZING but that didn't stop my two water babies. The next day the water was nice and warm so Dakota jumped in for fun with the kids.
Saturday evening we invited our wonderful neighbor, Rian, over for dinner. She was a tremendous help while I was away because, as you may remember, we have a house full of pets who needed to be cared for over the weekends Dakota was with us in Seattle and the evenings when Dakota was in school. Rian really came to the rescue and dinner was but a small token of thanks. The animals love her - which was quite evident. And a huge plus, Rian loves the kids and their antics didn't bother her one bit. It was a really nice and relaxing evening (and I'm sure the wine made it seem even more so. *grin*).
Yesterday was dishwasher installing day and it did not go as smoothly as we would have liked to have thought but we *did* get it installed. But seriously, what is a home repair story without a disaster? When we turned the water back on the new water supply hose burst into pieces and hot water flooded the kitchen. After using just about every towel we own, the mess was cleaned up (and the floor looks darn nice!) and Dakota headed back to Home Depot for a replacement line. "Gee - this never happens." they said...after all, the product is called "Flood Safe Auto Shutoff Connection". Ironic, no? The replacement part was just the ticket and the project was completely within moments. Quite the adventure but at least we saved ourselves the cost of a plumber. :) I'm sure all the towels and rugs needed to be washed and dried anyway. You know how dusty those things get when they just sit in linen closets unused month after month. *laughing*
Today we are having a stay at home day. Dakota and the kids are in Kelton's room playing who knows what but it sounds like they are having a great time and I am enjoying the peace and quiet of not hearing "MOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYY!!!!" every few seconds. I hope you all have had a great weekend.
Happy official start to the summer season!
Monday, May 28, 2007
I don't agree with war...at all. As I often tell my children; fighting never solves anything. I do, however, support every single man and woman who have served their country and who have had their lives taken from them. Every single day I am mindful of the families who have lost people they love. And for that reason I am flying my flag high today.
Memorial Day. I don't so much like to say "Happy Memorial Day" because for those who have lost loved ones, I'm sure this day isn't "happy" at all. Maybe my own pain is too fresh to see the "happy" in a day set aside to remember those who are no longer here or those who are here but are forever changed because of war. For whatever reason, I will just say this: I remember.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Yummy!
Look at the sweet goodness that a friend sent to me today. In the photo it is hard to tell but this beauty is a full 18 inches tall and has 20, count 'em 20, cookies (well ok - there are only 18 in the photo because the kids had already grabbed a couple)! The kids and I arrived home from a playdate this morning and found this sitting on the porch. I was barely able to get it into the kitchen before four little hands were scrambling for cookies. Kaylen went after the pink flowers (mostly picking off the accent frosting to shove in her mouth) and Kelton went after the gigantic chocolate chip cookies. I spied the lemon filled and frosted ones - yum yum yum!! :)
Thank you, dear friend! You sure knew how to brighten my day as well as the day of two little munchkins. You rock! :)
Look at the sweet goodness that a friend sent to me today. In the photo it is hard to tell but this beauty is a full 18 inches tall and has 20, count 'em 20, cookies (well ok - there are only 18 in the photo because the kids had already grabbed a couple)! The kids and I arrived home from a playdate this morning and found this sitting on the porch. I was barely able to get it into the kitchen before four little hands were scrambling for cookies. Kaylen went after the pink flowers (mostly picking off the accent frosting to shove in her mouth) and Kelton went after the gigantic chocolate chip cookies. I spied the lemon filled and frosted ones - yum yum yum!! :)
Thank you, dear friend! You sure knew how to brighten my day as well as the day of two little munchkins. You rock! :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Every Day Drudgery of Real Life
There is nothing like it to keep you grounded. Before we left for Seattle I started having problems with our dishwasher. I believe it's original to the house which makes it about 28 years old so I guess it was bound to start acting up. I just have to laugh at its timing though. :)
For some reason, when I turned it there was no water entering the machine. I would fiddle with it and eventually the water would start. It was a pain in the rear but at least it worked once it got going. Fast forward to yesterday when I attempted to start the dishwasher after dinner. Fifteen minutes and a few choice words later, the darn thing started properly however when I went to unload it I ended up washing by hand a good portion of the load. Yeah - not my idea of a good time especially since the drying cycle baked things on really well.
After I put the dishes away I logged onto CraigsList.org to see what I could find in the way of an inexpensive but in excellent working order dishwasher. I lucked out and tonight we picked up what I hope will be an easy to install, excellent-ly working dishwasher all for the low price of $80.00. It looks great - if that counts for anything - and the people who sold it are upgrading their recently newly built home (evidence of remodeling told that story). It's only 6 years old and I am going on great faith that it will serve us well for years and years to come.
Now all we have to do is install the thing. :)
There is nothing like it to keep you grounded. Before we left for Seattle I started having problems with our dishwasher. I believe it's original to the house which makes it about 28 years old so I guess it was bound to start acting up. I just have to laugh at its timing though. :)
For some reason, when I turned it there was no water entering the machine. I would fiddle with it and eventually the water would start. It was a pain in the rear but at least it worked once it got going. Fast forward to yesterday when I attempted to start the dishwasher after dinner. Fifteen minutes and a few choice words later, the darn thing started properly however when I went to unload it I ended up washing by hand a good portion of the load. Yeah - not my idea of a good time especially since the drying cycle baked things on really well.
After I put the dishes away I logged onto CraigsList.org to see what I could find in the way of an inexpensive but in excellent working order dishwasher. I lucked out and tonight we picked up what I hope will be an easy to install, excellent-ly working dishwasher all for the low price of $80.00. It looks great - if that counts for anything - and the people who sold it are upgrading their recently newly built home (evidence of remodeling told that story). It's only 6 years old and I am going on great faith that it will serve us well for years and years to come.Now all we have to do is install the thing. :)
Monday, May 21, 2007
Unmotivated
Is that even a word? If not, it is now. :) It completely sums up how I'm feeling right now - totally unmotivated. *sigh*
I did manage to get all the toys unpacked. Somehow the amount of toys increased while we were away. I swear toys are like rabbits. You turn your back and more appear.
You should have seen the car yesterday. It was packed so tight that we could barely see the kids. Oh wait! You *can* see it. I have a picture on my phone. Let me email it to myself and post it...be right back.
Ok - here are the pictures. I had taken these and sent them to my brother because the running joke was I was going to need a U-Haul to get back home. Keep in mind that I have a fairly large cargo area in my SUV and it was packed tight. I could barely see out the back window - certainly not enough for my own comfort level. Luckily I had Dakota in the passenger seat (equally packed down) to help check blind spots for lane changes.
See all those plastic bags? Those are filled with extra food, supplies, etc. that I hadn't had on the way up. There were far too many plastic bag that we had to find room for.
The squished kids. :)
Needless to say, there was a lot of unpacking to be done. We worked for more than 2 hours straight last night and there was still stuff to put away today. OY!
We are pretty settled in tonight - enough that I'm not going bonkers anyway.
Dakota came home from work early (school is out for the summer - yippie!) so I escaped for about an hour. I went to a local coffee shop, bought a coffee and read a magazine for a bit. Then I made a small grocery store run for things like milk, coffee creamer, eggs, etc. It was nice to get away but I have to say, I am still so darn tired! I mean bone tired. So tired that all I really want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep for a day...or three. I'm sure it's just all the stress catching up with me but man - I'm just so tired.
Tomorrow will be better.....
Is that even a word? If not, it is now. :) It completely sums up how I'm feeling right now - totally unmotivated. *sigh*
I did manage to get all the toys unpacked. Somehow the amount of toys increased while we were away. I swear toys are like rabbits. You turn your back and more appear.
You should have seen the car yesterday. It was packed so tight that we could barely see the kids. Oh wait! You *can* see it. I have a picture on my phone. Let me email it to myself and post it...be right back.
Ok - here are the pictures. I had taken these and sent them to my brother because the running joke was I was going to need a U-Haul to get back home. Keep in mind that I have a fairly large cargo area in my SUV and it was packed tight. I could barely see out the back window - certainly not enough for my own comfort level. Luckily I had Dakota in the passenger seat (equally packed down) to help check blind spots for lane changes.
See all those plastic bags? Those are filled with extra food, supplies, etc. that I hadn't had on the way up. There were far too many plastic bag that we had to find room for.
The squished kids. :)
Needless to say, there was a lot of unpacking to be done. We worked for more than 2 hours straight last night and there was still stuff to put away today. OY!
We are pretty settled in tonight - enough that I'm not going bonkers anyway.
Dakota came home from work early (school is out for the summer - yippie!) so I escaped for about an hour. I went to a local coffee shop, bought a coffee and read a magazine for a bit. Then I made a small grocery store run for things like milk, coffee creamer, eggs, etc. It was nice to get away but I have to say, I am still so darn tired! I mean bone tired. So tired that all I really want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep for a day...or three. I'm sure it's just all the stress catching up with me but man - I'm just so tired.
Tomorrow will be better.....
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The Everett Herald Obituary
Here is another obit for my mom. This one has a picture and I have to say, I like the write up format they use much better than the on-line Seattle Times version. The photo is one of my favorites of her as it's how she looks when I picture her in my mind. The whole photo has my dad in it too.
Oh shoot...I'll just post the real picture here.
I had a rough time sleeping last night. Could it be that it's all starting to be real?
Here is another obit for my mom. This one has a picture and I have to say, I like the write up format they use much better than the on-line Seattle Times version. The photo is one of my favorites of her as it's how she looks when I picture her in my mind. The whole photo has my dad in it too.
Oh shoot...I'll just post the real picture here.
I had a rough time sleeping last night. Could it be that it's all starting to be real?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Already posted on-line
I just checked The Seattle Times obit page and found my mom's listing. Wow.
Wow.
I just checked The Seattle Times obit page and found my mom's listing. Wow.
Wow.
*sigh* I can't believe Gilmore Girls is over. I am so going to miss this show - it's been a constant Tuesday night companion for seven years. SEVEN YEARS! Do you know how many changes in my life I have gone through in seven years? And yet - there were a few things I could always count on to hold rock steady and Gilmore Girls was one of them. This is so not right. So not.
But in other news.....remember that video montage I told you that I had made for my mom's funeral reception? The pastor would like to play it during the service instead of just having it in a corner of the fellowship hall afterwards. Eeeek! I think it's cool but at the same time it's freaking me out a bit. Front and center is definitely a big jump from the small obscure corner I had pictured.
We are meeting the pastor tomorrow to go over details of the service. Tomorrow is also the first day the obituary runs in the papers. That is going to be so surreal to see.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Another Day; Another Park
This morning I dropped Kelton off at his cousin's house and then Kaylen and I met Lannon, James and Cara at the florist to order flowers for the funeral. I am amused at how people react to us. We are not your average mourning family, I guess. We tend to crack stupid jokes and use some dark humor. Everyone copes in their own ways and for us - around other people (and each other for the most part) we keep things light. I'm not one to cry in front of other people - and especially not strangers. Once people figure us out a bit, they too are much more lighthearted about things. I mean seriously people - I can only cry so much. My eyes are killing me and I have had a splitting headache for days and that is just for all the times I tear up and choke it all back. I can't imagine crying all day every day.
Anyway...we picked out the flowers and I returned to pick up Kelton. On the way I decided to take the kids to Build-A-Bear Workshop at the Alderwood Mall (which is just a couple blocks from our hotel).
They had a blast and were so well behaved!! I had thought they would choose the less expensive animals but oh no! Not my two. They each fell in love with $20 bears and then had to get a sound thingy and clothes. Oh but the joy on their little faces - it was all worth it. Keltons' has shoes, too but given that it's bedtime and I sneaked the bears out of their beds, the shoes are not on. Kaylen's, of course, is wearing princess clothes. And what did they name their new friends? Rocky for the Kelton's and Princess for Kaylen's. :)
We came back to the hotel for lunch and then it was off to yet another park. We are staying only about 10 minutes from the house Dakota and I owned from 1996-2002 and there is a neighborhood park that we would often visit. It has a huge wooded area perfect for a long walk as well as a play area. The park isn't in the best of shape right now and I think the play area is waaaaay too close to the road (something I never noticed before since we didn't have a child yet) but the kids still had a good time.
We also drove by our old house. Incredibly, 5 years later, it looks exactly the same. The planter box I had on the porch is still there, so is the squirrel feeder, the bricking around the garden that we put in and the address number plaque that I made. We hung the shutters, the front door and the screen door. It is kind of trippy - like stepping back in time. The trees are bigger but basically - it's the same. I couldn't help myself - I just had to take a picture.
That house has a lot of memories tied up in it. It's where I broke my back and it's to where we brought Kelton home from the hospital. So many memories. So many.
So that's been today.
(PS..Wow. I just noticed the date. May 14th. The kids and I have been up here for one entire calendar month. We arrived April 14th (Kelton's 5th birthday). And that, of course, means my mom has been not part of this world for 3 days. 84 hours, to be exact. Feels like so much longer - on both counts.)
This morning I dropped Kelton off at his cousin's house and then Kaylen and I met Lannon, James and Cara at the florist to order flowers for the funeral. I am amused at how people react to us. We are not your average mourning family, I guess. We tend to crack stupid jokes and use some dark humor. Everyone copes in their own ways and for us - around other people (and each other for the most part) we keep things light. I'm not one to cry in front of other people - and especially not strangers. Once people figure us out a bit, they too are much more lighthearted about things. I mean seriously people - I can only cry so much. My eyes are killing me and I have had a splitting headache for days and that is just for all the times I tear up and choke it all back. I can't imagine crying all day every day.
Anyway...we picked out the flowers and I returned to pick up Kelton. On the way I decided to take the kids to Build-A-Bear Workshop at the Alderwood Mall (which is just a couple blocks from our hotel).
They had a blast and were so well behaved!! I had thought they would choose the less expensive animals but oh no! Not my two. They each fell in love with $20 bears and then had to get a sound thingy and clothes. Oh but the joy on their little faces - it was all worth it. Keltons' has shoes, too but given that it's bedtime and I sneaked the bears out of their beds, the shoes are not on. Kaylen's, of course, is wearing princess clothes. And what did they name their new friends? Rocky for the Kelton's and Princess for Kaylen's. :)We came back to the hotel for lunch and then it was off to yet another park. We are staying only about 10 minutes from the house Dakota and I owned from 1996-2002 and there is a neighborhood park that we would often visit. It has a huge wooded area perfect for a long walk as well as a play area. The park isn't in the best of shape right now and I think the play area is waaaaay too close to the road (something I never noticed before since we didn't have a child yet) but the kids still had a good time.
We also drove by our old house. Incredibly, 5 years later, it looks exactly the same. The planter box I had on the porch is still there, so is the squirrel feeder, the bricking around the garden that we put in and the address number plaque that I made. We hung the shutters, the front door and the screen door. It is kind of trippy - like stepping back in time. The trees are bigger but basically - it's the same. I couldn't help myself - I just had to take a picture.
That house has a lot of memories tied up in it. It's where I broke my back and it's to where we brought Kelton home from the hospital. So many memories. So many.
So that's been today.
(PS..Wow. I just noticed the date. May 14th. The kids and I have been up here for one entire calendar month. We arrived April 14th (Kelton's 5th birthday). And that, of course, means my mom has been not part of this world for 3 days. 84 hours, to be exact. Feels like so much longer - on both counts.)
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Crazy Times
It's been a strange few days. Friday the kids were buckled into their car seats and I was just putting the key in the ignition when James called to say my mom was gone. I'm ok about not being there for the actual event - I had already said my goodbyes ( a couple times) but it was still a shock to hear the words. Her pastor had arrived, said a prayer and right after "Amen" he said "She's gone." I'm happy for her that he was there to help her move on - he had been a regular fixture in the house the last 7 weeks so it feels right that he was there when it happened. He's a great guy and I really enjoyed the time I had spent with him and I know that he will take good care of my dad as Dad navigates through his grief.
Yesterday James, Lannon, Cara, my dad and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Holy smoke! What it costs to die is amazing!!! I knew it was expensive but wowsa! I'm not sure how people afford it - it was really mind blowing. $1200 for just walking in the door and sitting down with the people. And it just added on at every turn. My parents had done some pre-planning (and pre-paying) which was nice. No guessing as what type of headstone she wanted, that's for sure. :) But even so...the dollar amount made my head spin. And it isn't a final cost yet - there are still flowers to order, etc. Yikes.
I have to say though - the funeral home we are going through (the same place our entire family always uses) sure could use a method that was more time effecient. It took us 2.5 hours to do what really could have been done in about an hour. It was a bit crazy. I'm sure some people like all that time and whatnot but I'm thinking there are probably others (like us) who would be much more satisfied with an "express" service. Maybe electronic instead of handwritten. I joked about needing a kiosk...just walk up and select what services/products you would like. :)
The funeral service will be Saturday. Graveside in Seattle at 11:00 and then the church service in Everett at 1:00 with the reception to follow. The obituary will be in the Seattle Times/PI and the Everett Herald on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Today we met at the adult family home and packed up all my parents things and moved them to my dad's new apartment. It was weird. I thought it would be no big deal to walk into the house and go down the hall to their room but boy was I wrong. I didn't even make it half way down the hall before I had to go back outside to cry and get myself together. I spent a lot of time in the recent weeks sitting in that bedroom next to my moms bed and now....well..she wasn't there and it really rocked me.
Early last week I put the finishing touches on the video montage I created from photos spanning the time from my mom being an infant to just a couple weeks ago. It's 14 minutes 26 seconds long and (I think) really good. I burned it onto DVD's and gave copies to Lannon and James so they can watch (and have my dad watch) a few times before the funeral reception where it will be shown.
Dakota went home tonight and will be back Thursday afternoon. Even though we don't have the vacation time to spare, I really need her up here a day earlier than she would normally have come. I wish she could have just stayed this week. It would have helped me a lot but, as always, I'll just do what I can on my own.
I notified the hotel of our check-out date; the four of us will head back home next Sunday. Together. It's been a long time coming.
Thank you all for your kind words. It meant so much to me. It's a crazy ride, that's for sure. It rocks me hard whenever I slow down enough to think.
My mom is dead.
It just doesn't compute for me.....yet.
It's been a strange few days. Friday the kids were buckled into their car seats and I was just putting the key in the ignition when James called to say my mom was gone. I'm ok about not being there for the actual event - I had already said my goodbyes ( a couple times) but it was still a shock to hear the words. Her pastor had arrived, said a prayer and right after "Amen" he said "She's gone." I'm happy for her that he was there to help her move on - he had been a regular fixture in the house the last 7 weeks so it feels right that he was there when it happened. He's a great guy and I really enjoyed the time I had spent with him and I know that he will take good care of my dad as Dad navigates through his grief.
Yesterday James, Lannon, Cara, my dad and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Holy smoke! What it costs to die is amazing!!! I knew it was expensive but wowsa! I'm not sure how people afford it - it was really mind blowing. $1200 for just walking in the door and sitting down with the people. And it just added on at every turn. My parents had done some pre-planning (and pre-paying) which was nice. No guessing as what type of headstone she wanted, that's for sure. :) But even so...the dollar amount made my head spin. And it isn't a final cost yet - there are still flowers to order, etc. Yikes.
I have to say though - the funeral home we are going through (the same place our entire family always uses) sure could use a method that was more time effecient. It took us 2.5 hours to do what really could have been done in about an hour. It was a bit crazy. I'm sure some people like all that time and whatnot but I'm thinking there are probably others (like us) who would be much more satisfied with an "express" service. Maybe electronic instead of handwritten. I joked about needing a kiosk...just walk up and select what services/products you would like. :)
The funeral service will be Saturday. Graveside in Seattle at 11:00 and then the church service in Everett at 1:00 with the reception to follow. The obituary will be in the Seattle Times/PI and the Everett Herald on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Today we met at the adult family home and packed up all my parents things and moved them to my dad's new apartment. It was weird. I thought it would be no big deal to walk into the house and go down the hall to their room but boy was I wrong. I didn't even make it half way down the hall before I had to go back outside to cry and get myself together. I spent a lot of time in the recent weeks sitting in that bedroom next to my moms bed and now....well..she wasn't there and it really rocked me.
Early last week I put the finishing touches on the video montage I created from photos spanning the time from my mom being an infant to just a couple weeks ago. It's 14 minutes 26 seconds long and (I think) really good. I burned it onto DVD's and gave copies to Lannon and James so they can watch (and have my dad watch) a few times before the funeral reception where it will be shown.
Dakota went home tonight and will be back Thursday afternoon. Even though we don't have the vacation time to spare, I really need her up here a day earlier than she would normally have come. I wish she could have just stayed this week. It would have helped me a lot but, as always, I'll just do what I can on my own.
I notified the hotel of our check-out date; the four of us will head back home next Sunday. Together. It's been a long time coming.
Thank you all for your kind words. It meant so much to me. It's a crazy ride, that's for sure. It rocks me hard whenever I slow down enough to think.
My mom is dead.
It just doesn't compute for me.....yet.
Happy Mother's Day!
And on a happy and uplifting note....Dakota made sure I had a really nice Mother's Day. I had gone out with the kids and picked up a card, a movie and a book for her but I had honestly thought she wouldn't think to pick anything up. Not because she isn't an amazing person but more because last week we agreed not to do anything since there was so much chaos taking place in our lives.
But surprise me she did!
I woke up to Kelton yelling "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!" I received three cards (!), a Starbuck's gift certificate and a Starbucks cup that I have been lusting over for months (it's the one that looks exactly like a Venti paper cup but it's ceramic. Just my coffee cup size...HUGE!). And even better - Dakota and Kelton had made me breakfast in bed. That was nice. Really nice!!
Sadly, because they let me sleep in a bit, we didn't have a lot of time to just enjoy the morning as we had to rush out to be at my parents old house to move the stuff to my dad's new apartment. Considering, though, that I had figured the day would be a non-event; I had a really great Mother's Day.
I hope all you mom's out there had a great day.
And on a happy and uplifting note....Dakota made sure I had a really nice Mother's Day. I had gone out with the kids and picked up a card, a movie and a book for her but I had honestly thought she wouldn't think to pick anything up. Not because she isn't an amazing person but more because last week we agreed not to do anything since there was so much chaos taking place in our lives.
But surprise me she did!
I woke up to Kelton yelling "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!" I received three cards (!), a Starbuck's gift certificate and a Starbucks cup that I have been lusting over for months (it's the one that looks exactly like a Venti paper cup but it's ceramic. Just my coffee cup size...HUGE!). And even better - Dakota and Kelton had made me breakfast in bed. That was nice. Really nice!!
Sadly, because they let me sleep in a bit, we didn't have a lot of time to just enjoy the morning as we had to rush out to be at my parents old house to move the stuff to my dad's new apartment. Considering, though, that I had figured the day would be a non-event; I had a really great Mother's Day.
I hope all you mom's out there had a great day.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Status Quo
Another day come and gone. O2 level is lower, heart rate is higher but things are mostly the same. Her temp is holding steady at 101.4. They say she was awake for a few moments in the morning but mostly sleeping a deep sleep.
Today is my dad's 69th birthday so we all gathered at the house and had a party in my moms room. Well..not so much a "party" but we sang Happy Birthday, talked a bit and had the gift opening. We'll see if that is what she was holding out for.
We also moved a bunch of my dad's stuff from storage (where it was placed 8 months ago when they moved from their "independent/assisted living" place to the adult family home) to his new apartment. I think he will like it there - it's a retirement community but he has his own 2 bedroom apartment as well as access to meals in the dining room and all the great activities and outings that retirement communities provide. He doesn't need the care provided at an adult family home - that was for my mom so it just makes sense to move him back out into a retirement community to live. He is happy about the place and happier still that it means he can get another cat (his went to live with James and Cara when they moved 8 months ago).
Something good to look forward to. Always a good thing.
Tomorrow is Friday which means Dakota arrives for the weekend. I really thought we'd be going home on Sunday but my mom clearly had other ideas. *sigh* Dakota is taking her last final tonight and then she is out of school until late August. I'm bummed that we are missing out on the first week when she will be going home after work instead of going to school but I am hopeful that we will only be missing the first week.
I wish Dakota could just stay with us next week but alas, she is on the job trail (and doing well tracking down "leads") and well..it's not like we are swimming in vacation time anymore. So much for any sort of vacation this year. *sigh*
So there ya have it. Life from The Hampton Inn and Suites. Oh the excitement of it all.
Another day come and gone. O2 level is lower, heart rate is higher but things are mostly the same. Her temp is holding steady at 101.4. They say she was awake for a few moments in the morning but mostly sleeping a deep sleep.
Today is my dad's 69th birthday so we all gathered at the house and had a party in my moms room. Well..not so much a "party" but we sang Happy Birthday, talked a bit and had the gift opening. We'll see if that is what she was holding out for.
We also moved a bunch of my dad's stuff from storage (where it was placed 8 months ago when they moved from their "independent/assisted living" place to the adult family home) to his new apartment. I think he will like it there - it's a retirement community but he has his own 2 bedroom apartment as well as access to meals in the dining room and all the great activities and outings that retirement communities provide. He doesn't need the care provided at an adult family home - that was for my mom so it just makes sense to move him back out into a retirement community to live. He is happy about the place and happier still that it means he can get another cat (his went to live with James and Cara when they moved 8 months ago).
Something good to look forward to. Always a good thing.
Tomorrow is Friday which means Dakota arrives for the weekend. I really thought we'd be going home on Sunday but my mom clearly had other ideas. *sigh* Dakota is taking her last final tonight and then she is out of school until late August. I'm bummed that we are missing out on the first week when she will be going home after work instead of going to school but I am hopeful that we will only be missing the first week.
I wish Dakota could just stay with us next week but alas, she is on the job trail (and doing well tracking down "leads") and well..it's not like we are swimming in vacation time anymore. So much for any sort of vacation this year. *sigh*
So there ya have it. Life from The Hampton Inn and Suites. Oh the excitement of it all.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Ramblings and Photos
Yesterday and today James and Cara took the kids for the day so that I could stay with my mom. It's impossible to have the kids there now and besides, hanging around there for hours and hours isn't the best thing for them. They are much better off running wild at a park or something. I'm so lucky that James and Cara are enjoying spending time with them (even when Kelton forgets to wear his listening ears).
It's strange to have them away from me all day. Yesterday I had thought they were just going to the nearby park and then would be back but they ended up going to one park, then McDonald's for lunch, then another park and finally to my sister's house before returning. They were gone from 11-4 which is a long time for them to be away from me. They did great though.
Today they left around noon and returned around 4:30 and again they visited a park, McDonald's, the beach and another park.
Needless to say both nights they fell into their beds exhausted. Last night Kaylen stood in the bathroom calling "Bath Mommy! Bath!" She knows that bedtime follows bath and she was eager to be tucked in.
Yesterday I neglected to pass along my camera but today I remembered. Here are a few of the 146 pictures that Cara took. Too funny! :)
Here they are at the beach which is about 10 minutes from where my parents are:
And these are park and McDonald's pictures:
Tomorrow I am definitely picking up some sunscreen for these guys. My poor babies are a bit sunburned on their arms and faces. Who knew? When I packed to come up here (four and a half weeks ago) it was all about raincoats and long sleeves. This week I've had to pick up a few summer outfits. I didn't realize I would be here for the change in the season. Wow.
Have I mentioned that it's been a long 4 weeks? James and Lannon keep telling me that time is being counted in dog years during all this and I have to say, they are right! Seven dog years to every one human year....so what does that equate to in months? I'm too tired to figure it out but it's a lot.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers and thoughts. Today my mom didn't wake at all; not even when the caregiver and I tended to her hygiene or turned her. Not once did I see her eyes even flutter open. Today for the first time she looked mostly dead. It was weird. When she received her meds this afternoon she didn't wake either and that included choking on them (which was really hard to watch). Note to self: make sure that people know I want an IV port for medication when/if I ever get to this point. Meds by mouth (her desire was stated "by mouth or not at all") when you can no longer swallow worth a damn is not good. I get the not wanting to be hydrated to extend things but an IV port for meds seems reasonable to me....and downright necessary after seeing what I saw today. She has to have the drugs to be comfortable and yet choking to death on them seems so...........well... awful.
I'm praying that tonight she starts her new journey. Somehow I just KNOW the new place will be better than where she is right now.
Yesterday and today James and Cara took the kids for the day so that I could stay with my mom. It's impossible to have the kids there now and besides, hanging around there for hours and hours isn't the best thing for them. They are much better off running wild at a park or something. I'm so lucky that James and Cara are enjoying spending time with them (even when Kelton forgets to wear his listening ears).
It's strange to have them away from me all day. Yesterday I had thought they were just going to the nearby park and then would be back but they ended up going to one park, then McDonald's for lunch, then another park and finally to my sister's house before returning. They were gone from 11-4 which is a long time for them to be away from me. They did great though.
Today they left around noon and returned around 4:30 and again they visited a park, McDonald's, the beach and another park.
Needless to say both nights they fell into their beds exhausted. Last night Kaylen stood in the bathroom calling "Bath Mommy! Bath!" She knows that bedtime follows bath and she was eager to be tucked in.
Yesterday I neglected to pass along my camera but today I remembered. Here are a few of the 146 pictures that Cara took. Too funny! :)
Here they are at the beach which is about 10 minutes from where my parents are:
And these are park and McDonald's pictures:
Tomorrow I am definitely picking up some sunscreen for these guys. My poor babies are a bit sunburned on their arms and faces. Who knew? When I packed to come up here (four and a half weeks ago) it was all about raincoats and long sleeves. This week I've had to pick up a few summer outfits. I didn't realize I would be here for the change in the season. Wow.
Have I mentioned that it's been a long 4 weeks? James and Lannon keep telling me that time is being counted in dog years during all this and I have to say, they are right! Seven dog years to every one human year....so what does that equate to in months? I'm too tired to figure it out but it's a lot.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers and thoughts. Today my mom didn't wake at all; not even when the caregiver and I tended to her hygiene or turned her. Not once did I see her eyes even flutter open. Today for the first time she looked mostly dead. It was weird. When she received her meds this afternoon she didn't wake either and that included choking on them (which was really hard to watch). Note to self: make sure that people know I want an IV port for medication when/if I ever get to this point. Meds by mouth (her desire was stated "by mouth or not at all") when you can no longer swallow worth a damn is not good. I get the not wanting to be hydrated to extend things but an IV port for meds seems reasonable to me....and downright necessary after seeing what I saw today. She has to have the drugs to be comfortable and yet choking to death on them seems so...........well... awful.
I'm praying that tonight she starts her new journey. Somehow I just KNOW the new place will be better than where she is right now.
Update
My mom is still among the breathing - though just barely. We are all befuddled as to why since all signs are pointing to the contrary. The hospice nurse thinks she is hanging on until my dad's birthday; which is tomorrow. She suggests we have a birthday party for him in my mom's room and see if that gives her the peace she needs to finally let go.
It sounds reasonable but part of me wonders how she could possible know what day it is considering she has been all but comatose for days and days. *sigh*
I hope she isn't holding out for Mother's Day - I'm not sure any of us can take much more of this. We thought she would go Monday night but rallied at the last moment. That was hard for all of us. So - if you are of the praying sort (good thoughts, etc) then please do my family a great favor by praying, wishing, etc that my mom finds whatever peace she is looking for quickly so that she can move from this incredibly painful place to whatever lies ahead.
We all need to move forward. As emotionally painful as it will be for those of us left behind, the desire for mom to be out of her horrible physical pain outweighs that. It is time that she moves forward. It's time we all do.
My mom is still among the breathing - though just barely. We are all befuddled as to why since all signs are pointing to the contrary. The hospice nurse thinks she is hanging on until my dad's birthday; which is tomorrow. She suggests we have a birthday party for him in my mom's room and see if that gives her the peace she needs to finally let go.
It sounds reasonable but part of me wonders how she could possible know what day it is considering she has been all but comatose for days and days. *sigh*
I hope she isn't holding out for Mother's Day - I'm not sure any of us can take much more of this. We thought she would go Monday night but rallied at the last moment. That was hard for all of us. So - if you are of the praying sort (good thoughts, etc) then please do my family a great favor by praying, wishing, etc that my mom finds whatever peace she is looking for quickly so that she can move from this incredibly painful place to whatever lies ahead.
We all need to move forward. As emotionally painful as it will be for those of us left behind, the desire for mom to be out of her horrible physical pain outweighs that. It is time that she moves forward. It's time we all do.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Mother's Day and Park Days
All these Mother's Day commercials and displays in the stores are ripping out my heart. I'm not even sure why exactly since the holiday has always just been a "send a card and make a call day" but this year it's just hitting me hard. My mom will most likely be gone by Sunday and I will never again buy a Mother's Day card for my mom. Weird. I had no idea when I picked out the card last year that it would be the last time.
I'm having a hard day today.
*deep breath*
And since I'm really great at denial and avoidance.....here are a few pictures that Dakota took at the park Saturday and a few that I took at a different park this afternoon. The weather today has been amazing! We stayed around 70 today which is quite the change from the 50-60 degree days that have been the norm. I hear it's even warmer at home.
Saturday's park adventure:
Today's park adventure:
All these Mother's Day commercials and displays in the stores are ripping out my heart. I'm not even sure why exactly since the holiday has always just been a "send a card and make a call day" but this year it's just hitting me hard. My mom will most likely be gone by Sunday and I will never again buy a Mother's Day card for my mom. Weird. I had no idea when I picked out the card last year that it would be the last time.
I'm having a hard day today.
*deep breath*
And since I'm really great at denial and avoidance.....here are a few pictures that Dakota took at the park Saturday and a few that I took at a different park this afternoon. The weather today has been amazing! We stayed around 70 today which is quite the change from the 50-60 degree days that have been the norm. I hear it's even warmer at home.
Saturday's park adventure:
Today's park adventure:
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Our Digs
I know you are probably dying to see the layout of the room in which we are staying. I mean, who could blame you? This hotel living is nothing like Eloise or even The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I mean, it's ok and all but...well...it just isn't home. Know what I mean?
The bedroom doesn't actually have a chair in it. Instead, where the chair appears on the floor plan there is a roll-away bed that Kelton sleeps in. Otherwise, it's pretty accurate.
In other news, things are picking up speed. We're in the counting hours part - hospice feels certain she won't make it much longer. It's hard to watch but I'm glad I am here. I've said my goodbyes and feel at peace about it all....well, as "at peace" as you can get when your mother is dying and soon won't be in the world. It's so strange to think about the reality of that; not here. My mom will be gone. I know this seems like a big ol' "duh" but I've never lived one single day in my life when my mother was not part of the world. Facing the reality that soon I will be "motherless" is...well....I cna't even describe it.
I know many of you know what I mean and I hope the rest of you don't have to experience this for a long, long, long time. It's just so strange. Surreal. Dreamlike.
I don't know.................
Anyway - that's it from here for now.
I know you are probably dying to see the layout of the room in which we are staying. I mean, who could blame you? This hotel living is nothing like Eloise or even The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I mean, it's ok and all but...well...it just isn't home. Know what I mean?
The bedroom doesn't actually have a chair in it. Instead, where the chair appears on the floor plan there is a roll-away bed that Kelton sleeps in. Otherwise, it's pretty accurate.
In other news, things are picking up speed. We're in the counting hours part - hospice feels certain she won't make it much longer. It's hard to watch but I'm glad I am here. I've said my goodbyes and feel at peace about it all....well, as "at peace" as you can get when your mother is dying and soon won't be in the world. It's so strange to think about the reality of that; not here. My mom will be gone. I know this seems like a big ol' "duh" but I've never lived one single day in my life when my mother was not part of the world. Facing the reality that soon I will be "motherless" is...well....I cna't even describe it.
I know many of you know what I mean and I hope the rest of you don't have to experience this for a long, long, long time. It's just so strange. Surreal. Dreamlike.
I don't know.................
Anyway - that's it from here for now.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I've Been Tagged....
...by Patti_Cakes and it seems like a good diversion so here goes:
First, the rules:
Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to blog about their seven things and post the rules as well. At the end of your post, choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog! OK, here we go....
1) I'm a bit (ahem....yes, I'm only claiming a bit. No comments from the peanut gallery, Dakota!) anal about things. Not all things but a lot of things. I think things should be done in a certain manner and that's all there is to it. So there. :)
2) I love, love, love The Gilmore Girls. I own a bunch of the seasons already (well - some were "gifts" for Dakota but we both know they are really for me. *grin*) and by golly I will own all of them before the year is out. And I am so incredibly bummed that May 15th is the last ever new episode. It's true - word came down today that the show is ending. It's just not right, I tell you. If 7th Heaven can still be on the air (and it should have been done years ago!) then this just makes no sense what-so-ever. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
3) I work really hard to be sure the house is cleaned up before the kids and I leave it - even if we're only running the grocery store. One of my biggest fears is leaving a messy house, getting hurt (or worse) while away from the house and having other people walk into the house to find it a mess. I just don't want people thinking "Dang - she was a slob! Couldn't even be bothered to do the breakfast dishes or make the bed? Lazy ass." Yes, I know. I need therapy. :)
4) If I were to win the lottery (which I'm told is impossible if you never play. Go figure.) I don't think I would go nutty and buy tons of stuff. I don't have a need for 5 fancy cars and a gigantic house. I think my biggest splurge would be a beach house for weekend/summer getaways. Nothing tremendously fancy - but it would have to have an up close and personal view of the beach. :)
5) I have precious few real life friends. Most of the people who I call friends are internet-based. I gotta tell you though - it's hard to have a summer bbq with friends who span the country.
6) I love to shop. But not for myself. I love to shop for the kids. I rarely ever buy things which are not on clearance or at a consignment shop/garage sale. I can' stand paying full price when I know I can get things for less....even if they are "pre-owned". Except shoes for the kids. I am all about new shoes for them though I still won't spend a ton.
7) I've been living in a hotel for 21 days (and counting). It's not as much fun as it looks in the movies. :)
So - who is getting tagged? Let's see...........Brenda, Caroline, FroggyMama, Mieke, Tracey, Lynilu and Holly. Can't wait to read yours.
...by Patti_Cakes and it seems like a good diversion so here goes:
First, the rules:
Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to blog about their seven things and post the rules as well. At the end of your post, choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog! OK, here we go....
1) I'm a bit (ahem....yes, I'm only claiming a bit. No comments from the peanut gallery, Dakota!) anal about things. Not all things but a lot of things. I think things should be done in a certain manner and that's all there is to it. So there. :)
2) I love, love, love The Gilmore Girls. I own a bunch of the seasons already (well - some were "gifts" for Dakota but we both know they are really for me. *grin*) and by golly I will own all of them before the year is out. And I am so incredibly bummed that May 15th is the last ever new episode. It's true - word came down today that the show is ending. It's just not right, I tell you. If 7th Heaven can still be on the air (and it should have been done years ago!) then this just makes no sense what-so-ever. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
3) I work really hard to be sure the house is cleaned up before the kids and I leave it - even if we're only running the grocery store. One of my biggest fears is leaving a messy house, getting hurt (or worse) while away from the house and having other people walk into the house to find it a mess. I just don't want people thinking "Dang - she was a slob! Couldn't even be bothered to do the breakfast dishes or make the bed? Lazy ass." Yes, I know. I need therapy. :)
4) If I were to win the lottery (which I'm told is impossible if you never play. Go figure.) I don't think I would go nutty and buy tons of stuff. I don't have a need for 5 fancy cars and a gigantic house. I think my biggest splurge would be a beach house for weekend/summer getaways. Nothing tremendously fancy - but it would have to have an up close and personal view of the beach. :)
5) I have precious few real life friends. Most of the people who I call friends are internet-based. I gotta tell you though - it's hard to have a summer bbq with friends who span the country.
6) I love to shop. But not for myself. I love to shop for the kids. I rarely ever buy things which are not on clearance or at a consignment shop/garage sale. I can' stand paying full price when I know I can get things for less....even if they are "pre-owned". Except shoes for the kids. I am all about new shoes for them though I still won't spend a ton.
7) I've been living in a hotel for 21 days (and counting). It's not as much fun as it looks in the movies. :)
So - who is getting tagged? Let's see...........Brenda, Caroline, FroggyMama, Mieke, Tracey, Lynilu and Holly. Can't wait to read yours.
Coming to an end....
...at least, that's what I'm seeing. My mom definitely changed from yesterday to today. As soon as I walked into the room this morning I could see it. Much more non-responsive, staring at things and rarely making eye contact, severe trouble swallowing (yesterday she was still drinking fairly well - this change was quite shocking as it feels like it happened in the blink of an eye), not wanting things to drink (yesterday she would take whatever was offered. Today she refused ice chips to help wash down the liquid morphine.). Her color was different - much more pale.
I can't see her going on like this for much longer and honestly, I don't want her to have to go on much longer like this. It can't be easy for her and I wonder how she is feeling about it all...or even if she is aware (which I think she is but what do I know?) It breaks my heart to know she has pain and is scared and confused. In a way I'm a bit taken back by this - though honestly it could all be my own projections - she is a very religious person and has been always. For some reason, I have been under the misguided assumption that having such faith would make it much easier to make the transition from this life to the next. I'm not seeing that in her but then, maybe I am. Maybe that is what she wants but it just isn't time yet. I don't know - like I said, I'm sure it's mostly my own projections. All I know is I don't want her to have to go through much more of this. For her sake...and for all of ours. We are where we are - she can't come back from this so the only place there is to go is forward. Forward...into new territory for all of us.
Brave New World. Or something like that.
...at least, that's what I'm seeing. My mom definitely changed from yesterday to today. As soon as I walked into the room this morning I could see it. Much more non-responsive, staring at things and rarely making eye contact, severe trouble swallowing (yesterday she was still drinking fairly well - this change was quite shocking as it feels like it happened in the blink of an eye), not wanting things to drink (yesterday she would take whatever was offered. Today she refused ice chips to help wash down the liquid morphine.). Her color was different - much more pale.
I can't see her going on like this for much longer and honestly, I don't want her to have to go on much longer like this. It can't be easy for her and I wonder how she is feeling about it all...or even if she is aware (which I think she is but what do I know?) It breaks my heart to know she has pain and is scared and confused. In a way I'm a bit taken back by this - though honestly it could all be my own projections - she is a very religious person and has been always. For some reason, I have been under the misguided assumption that having such faith would make it much easier to make the transition from this life to the next. I'm not seeing that in her but then, maybe I am. Maybe that is what she wants but it just isn't time yet. I don't know - like I said, I'm sure it's mostly my own projections. All I know is I don't want her to have to go through much more of this. For her sake...and for all of ours. We are where we are - she can't come back from this so the only place there is to go is forward. Forward...into new territory for all of us.
Brave New World. Or something like that.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
My Poor Babies
My kids were both conked out by 6:15 tonight. They are beyond exhausted so we stayed in this afternoon and just hung out watching tv, playing and getting laundry done. After an early dinner and early bath I read them their stories and turned out the lights. Kaylen was asleep before I finished the first of two chapters in "Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing". Kelton was out just moments after closing the book.
But it has been anything but quiet. They are both jabbering away in their sleep (this has actually been going on for the past few nights). Kelton is just saying non-sensical things but Kaylen is clearly having nightmares of some sort. Yelling out for me, screaming "NO! GO AWAY! MOMMY!!!" and "Rainy day, watch Barney. No sunny day, rainy day." It's the squirming and yelling out for me that get me though. Poor little girl. She really is at her wits end with being able to deal with things.
Hopefully she will get a good amount of decent sleep (and me, too). Goodness knows all three of us need some good quality rest.
Here's hoping.
My kids were both conked out by 6:15 tonight. They are beyond exhausted so we stayed in this afternoon and just hung out watching tv, playing and getting laundry done. After an early dinner and early bath I read them their stories and turned out the lights. Kaylen was asleep before I finished the first of two chapters in "Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing". Kelton was out just moments after closing the book.
But it has been anything but quiet. They are both jabbering away in their sleep (this has actually been going on for the past few nights). Kelton is just saying non-sensical things but Kaylen is clearly having nightmares of some sort. Yelling out for me, screaming "NO! GO AWAY! MOMMY!!!" and "Rainy day, watch Barney. No sunny day, rainy day." It's the squirming and yelling out for me that get me though. Poor little girl. She really is at her wits end with being able to deal with things.
Hopefully she will get a good amount of decent sleep (and me, too). Goodness knows all three of us need some good quality rest.
Here's hoping.
Who Am I?
Sounds profound, doesn't it? It's not. It's so much more simple than that. Up here, with my family and everyone connected to them, I am Tricia. It is the name I was given at birth.
About 13 (plus) years ago, I legally changed my name to Casey (and then changed my last name to Dakota's last name and changed my middle name to my birth last name. Confusing, no?). Just to further complicate things, Dakota, at the same time (both name changes where in stages before we met) was changing her name from Cynthia (Cindy) to Dakota.
So - here, in Seattle, people call me Tricia and back home, Dakota's family calls her Cindy (though they do try to use Dakota most of the time). The kids, well, Kelton at least, know this little thing and is used to us having two names - depending on where we are.
But it's confusing for me. Whenever I introduce myself to someone hospice nurse, pastor, etc) I feel my head spin a little as I quickly sort through "who am I to this person"? It's a weird feeling. The kids still call me Casey when they refer to me which I know confuses people but I just don't feel like explaining.
Way back when, when I told my mom about changing my name, she said "I'm not surprised. You have always said you hated your name and wished it was something else." At that time I'm sure I was wanting it to be Jennifer or Julie (they were my two favorite names when I was a child). :)
I'm feeling very identity-confused. Who am I? *sigh* I know I'm Tricia to my family and that's ok. It's just so weird to say "And I'm Tricia, the other daughter." when that's not who I really am. Or am I?
On another note, yesterday evening I noticed that Kaylen was starting to develop a runny nose. By 10pm it was a full-fledged stuffy-runny nose. Yep - another cold. Great. Didn't she just get over one as we arrived up here? Yeah - I thought so.
My mom isn't doing well at all. She is in bed full time now, sleeping a lot, confused because of the morphine and anti-anxiety drugs. It's hard to see her like this - I don't want this part for her at all. The hospice nurse says it could be in the next hour or it could be a couple weeks yet. Her main caregiver says she anticipates seeing something radically change by weeks end. Only time will tell.
The kids are all over the place with their behavior and emotions. That's hard for me, too. I don't like seeing them this way and knowing it's because they are feeling so displaced and adrift. I try to maintain a sense of schedule but really - it's just a joke. There is no schedule and I know that my two thrive in the confines of a schedule and routine and they don't have that right now which equates to rough moments/days.
Dakota's first final is today. Please take a moment and telepathically wish her great success on this one and the next two.
I have no word on her dad since this weekend. He is undergoing radiation to reduce the pain level. It will take 3 weeks (I believe) to complete. After that, I'm not sure of the game plan.
She is busy putting feelers out all over the place for employment opportunities. I'm actually quite impressed with the sheer number of people she is contacting and the positive responses she is receiving. Something good is bound to come from all that hard work and dedication.
So that's it's from here. Hope everyone is having a good week.
Sounds profound, doesn't it? It's not. It's so much more simple than that. Up here, with my family and everyone connected to them, I am Tricia. It is the name I was given at birth.
About 13 (plus) years ago, I legally changed my name to Casey (and then changed my last name to Dakota's last name and changed my middle name to my birth last name. Confusing, no?). Just to further complicate things, Dakota, at the same time (both name changes where in stages before we met) was changing her name from Cynthia (Cindy) to Dakota.
So - here, in Seattle, people call me Tricia and back home, Dakota's family calls her Cindy (though they do try to use Dakota most of the time). The kids, well, Kelton at least, know this little thing and is used to us having two names - depending on where we are.
But it's confusing for me. Whenever I introduce myself to someone hospice nurse, pastor, etc) I feel my head spin a little as I quickly sort through "who am I to this person"? It's a weird feeling. The kids still call me Casey when they refer to me which I know confuses people but I just don't feel like explaining.
Way back when, when I told my mom about changing my name, she said "I'm not surprised. You have always said you hated your name and wished it was something else." At that time I'm sure I was wanting it to be Jennifer or Julie (they were my two favorite names when I was a child). :)
I'm feeling very identity-confused. Who am I? *sigh* I know I'm Tricia to my family and that's ok. It's just so weird to say "And I'm Tricia, the other daughter." when that's not who I really am. Or am I?
On another note, yesterday evening I noticed that Kaylen was starting to develop a runny nose. By 10pm it was a full-fledged stuffy-runny nose. Yep - another cold. Great. Didn't she just get over one as we arrived up here? Yeah - I thought so.
My mom isn't doing well at all. She is in bed full time now, sleeping a lot, confused because of the morphine and anti-anxiety drugs. It's hard to see her like this - I don't want this part for her at all. The hospice nurse says it could be in the next hour or it could be a couple weeks yet. Her main caregiver says she anticipates seeing something radically change by weeks end. Only time will tell.
The kids are all over the place with their behavior and emotions. That's hard for me, too. I don't like seeing them this way and knowing it's because they are feeling so displaced and adrift. I try to maintain a sense of schedule but really - it's just a joke. There is no schedule and I know that my two thrive in the confines of a schedule and routine and they don't have that right now which equates to rough moments/days.
Dakota's first final is today. Please take a moment and telepathically wish her great success on this one and the next two.
I have no word on her dad since this weekend. He is undergoing radiation to reduce the pain level. It will take 3 weeks (I believe) to complete. After that, I'm not sure of the game plan.
She is busy putting feelers out all over the place for employment opportunities. I'm actually quite impressed with the sheer number of people she is contacting and the positive responses she is receiving. Something good is bound to come from all that hard work and dedication.
So that's it's from here. Hope everyone is having a good week.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
The Birthday Day
And then, after visiting my mom, James, Cara, Dakota, the kids and I headed to a park to play. After that we had dinner out and then came back to the hotel room for cake and ice cream. All things considered, I'd say she had a pretty good birthday. :)
And here are a few pictures I took at my mom's a couple days ago. Kaylen really likes the wheelchair and will go directly to it. She has gotten to be a good little driver, too! Pretty funny. :)
And then, after visiting my mom, James, Cara, Dakota, the kids and I headed to a park to play. After that we had dinner out and then came back to the hotel room for cake and ice cream. All things considered, I'd say she had a pretty good birthday. :)
And here are a few pictures I took at my mom's a couple days ago. Kaylen really likes the wheelchair and will go directly to it. She has gotten to be a good little driver, too! Pretty funny. :)
Friday, April 27, 2007
Happy Birthday, Dakota!!
Today the love of my life turns 41. She is getting ready to leave our house and drive the 3 plus hours to our hotel and the three of us are so darn excited to see her!!! After I down another cup (pot) of coffee, I'm going to jump in the shower, get ready, get the kids ready and head out to Fred Meyer to find a birthday cake and decorations. Yep - we're going to decorate the hotel apartment! :)
The only question is will we end up with Spiderman, princess or something equally completely non-adult? Only time will tell. :)
Happy Birthday, Dakota! I have to say though, I think I get the best present every year on your birthday...another year with you! :)
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Waiting for my mom to die is torture. On the biggest hand, I don't want her to die (duh) but on the other hand, the kids and I have been here almost two weeks and the stress and strain is showing on all three of us. At this point, there is no telling how much longer we will be here.
She's getting worse. She started liquid morphine every 4 hours at 1cc Tuesday and by yesterday morning, she was up to 4cc's every hour. She probably should have started out at a higher dose Tuesday but whatever...she's been fighting taking pain meds but yesterday gave in willingly. I feel awful for her.
I'm so damn sad and frustrated and angry and heartbroken. Yesterday was a crap-ass day and I took out so much on the kids. Poor babies. Not that they were angels but the didn't really deserve me screaming at them either. I know they are stressed and I know they hear everything that is going on and yet....I just kept exploding. Today is better - though not by much. I did end up exploding all over Dakota via the phone though. *sigh*
I can't leave the kids with anyone for a break. I *could*, of course, but I can't do it to Kaylen. She can't stand if I'm out of her line of vision for more than a minute and given how stressed out the kids are, I just can't in good consciousness do that to her. Dakota arrives tomorrow afternoon so at least I can leave them with her while I go spend time with my mom. It's just getting so hard to have them there and get a nice visit in. I feel like I am riding them constantly to be quiet and good. This all sucks more than I can explain.
I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I want to go home. And I feel crappy for wanting that because of what it will take for me to be there. I don't want my mom to die.
She's getting worse. She started liquid morphine every 4 hours at 1cc Tuesday and by yesterday morning, she was up to 4cc's every hour. She probably should have started out at a higher dose Tuesday but whatever...she's been fighting taking pain meds but yesterday gave in willingly. I feel awful for her.
I'm so damn sad and frustrated and angry and heartbroken. Yesterday was a crap-ass day and I took out so much on the kids. Poor babies. Not that they were angels but the didn't really deserve me screaming at them either. I know they are stressed and I know they hear everything that is going on and yet....I just kept exploding. Today is better - though not by much. I did end up exploding all over Dakota via the phone though. *sigh*
I can't leave the kids with anyone for a break. I *could*, of course, but I can't do it to Kaylen. She can't stand if I'm out of her line of vision for more than a minute and given how stressed out the kids are, I just can't in good consciousness do that to her. Dakota arrives tomorrow afternoon so at least I can leave them with her while I go spend time with my mom. It's just getting so hard to have them there and get a nice visit in. I feel like I am riding them constantly to be quiet and good. This all sucks more than I can explain.
I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I want to go home. And I feel crappy for wanting that because of what it will take for me to be there. I don't want my mom to die.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Pacific Science Center: Grossology
Cara and I took the kids to the Pacific Science Center today. Among other exhibits, they have the Grossology exhibit which, if you are a 5 year old boy, is something that MUST be expienced. :) I admit that I enjoyed it as well. I found out several facts that I never thought I'd have the need to know but I now know them. For instance, did you know that in the average lifetime a person pees out enough urine to fill 319 bathtubs?
I know. I don't know how you lived without that bit of knowledge either. Glad I could help. :)
Here are a few pictures of our outting:
Cara and I took the kids to the Pacific Science Center today. Among other exhibits, they have the Grossology exhibit which, if you are a 5 year old boy, is something that MUST be expienced. :) I admit that I enjoyed it as well. I found out several facts that I never thought I'd have the need to know but I now know them. For instance, did you know that in the average lifetime a person pees out enough urine to fill 319 bathtubs?
I know. I don't know how you lived without that bit of knowledge either. Glad I could help. :)
Here are a few pictures of our outting:
Stretched to the Point of Snapping
I'm feeling like a rubber band that has been pulled as far as it can go and yet - someone just keeps yanking on it anyway.
As if the stuff with my mom isn't stressful enough (and every day it becomes more so) we had a couple more things dumped on our laps.
Thursday Dakota called me to give some not great news. Her department is making some big cutbacks. Her supervisor's position has been eliminated and one of the two team members positions as well. It just isn't clear which team member. In all likelyhood, it will be Dakota that moves on. Not all together a bad thing as she has been restless in her job for a while now and would love to find something more closely aligned with law but still....yet another stress to deal with. The timeline is unclear as to when all this will unfold but Dakota isn't wasting time - she's already applied for a few positions and will continue to do so. We know something good will come of this - it's just getting from here to there that isn't all that much fun.
Friday we got even worse news. Dakota's dad was admitted to the hospital (ironically it's only 15 minutes from my parents house) and things weren't looking good. Today the offical word was given: lung cancer that has already spread far and wide. Three to six months is the prognosis. Needless to say, she is spinning.
This is the last week of classes and then finals begin next week. The timing of all this couldn't be worse and yet - here we are.
I can hear myself screaming inside my head: THIS ISN'T FAIR!! THIS IS TOO DAMN MUCH!! and yet, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. There are moments in time, like right this very minute, when I don't see how that is even possible and yet....I know that thre are two sleeping babies in the next room that are counting on me not to let their world implode.
We're lucky, in a way....we have the kids to keep us centered and focused and moving. And yet sometimes, just for mere seconds, I wish I had the time and space to just fall apart.
I feel like talking with Dakota about all the crap I'm feeling, etc. isn't very fair since she is now swimming her in own pool of grief. It's all so strange.
And I wonder how much further I can be stretched. No - wait. I don't wonder. I'm putting it out to the universe that I have all I can handle right now. No more for now. Give us time to absorb, deal, grieve and heal. They say (whoever "they" are) that bad things come in three's. Ok....we're at three. We're all full up. Any other problems are just going to have to keep moving and find elsewhere to set up shop. The Inn is full. Seriously. It's full.
I'm feeling like a rubber band that has been pulled as far as it can go and yet - someone just keeps yanking on it anyway.
As if the stuff with my mom isn't stressful enough (and every day it becomes more so) we had a couple more things dumped on our laps.
Thursday Dakota called me to give some not great news. Her department is making some big cutbacks. Her supervisor's position has been eliminated and one of the two team members positions as well. It just isn't clear which team member. In all likelyhood, it will be Dakota that moves on. Not all together a bad thing as she has been restless in her job for a while now and would love to find something more closely aligned with law but still....yet another stress to deal with. The timeline is unclear as to when all this will unfold but Dakota isn't wasting time - she's already applied for a few positions and will continue to do so. We know something good will come of this - it's just getting from here to there that isn't all that much fun.
Friday we got even worse news. Dakota's dad was admitted to the hospital (ironically it's only 15 minutes from my parents house) and things weren't looking good. Today the offical word was given: lung cancer that has already spread far and wide. Three to six months is the prognosis. Needless to say, she is spinning.
This is the last week of classes and then finals begin next week. The timing of all this couldn't be worse and yet - here we are.
I can hear myself screaming inside my head: THIS ISN'T FAIR!! THIS IS TOO DAMN MUCH!! and yet, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. There are moments in time, like right this very minute, when I don't see how that is even possible and yet....I know that thre are two sleeping babies in the next room that are counting on me not to let their world implode.
We're lucky, in a way....we have the kids to keep us centered and focused and moving. And yet sometimes, just for mere seconds, I wish I had the time and space to just fall apart.
I feel like talking with Dakota about all the crap I'm feeling, etc. isn't very fair since she is now swimming her in own pool of grief. It's all so strange.
And I wonder how much further I can be stretched. No - wait. I don't wonder. I'm putting it out to the universe that I have all I can handle right now. No more for now. Give us time to absorb, deal, grieve and heal. They say (whoever "they" are) that bad things come in three's. Ok....we're at three. We're all full up. Any other problems are just going to have to keep moving and find elsewhere to set up shop. The Inn is full. Seriously. It's full.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Ferry Ride!
Yesterday James, Cara, my dad, Dakota, the kids and I went on a ferry ride (or - thanks to Grey's Anatomy, I've taken to calling them ferry boats even though I grew up here and have always before called them ferries. I notice my kids are calling them ferry boats which cracks me up. :) ). The kids LOVED it and Kaylen kept saying "More ferry boat? More ferry boat?"
Here are a few pictures:
Yesterday James, Cara, my dad, Dakota, the kids and I went on a ferry ride (or - thanks to Grey's Anatomy, I've taken to calling them ferry boats even though I grew up here and have always before called them ferries. I notice my kids are calling them ferry boats which cracks me up. :) ). The kids LOVED it and Kaylen kept saying "More ferry boat? More ferry boat?"
Here are a few pictures:
Friday, April 20, 2007
YAY!!!
Dakota comes today!!! We are all so excited to see her that I can barely sit still. Her train arrives at 12:30 and you know there will be three eager people waiting at the station.
My mom is still hanging in there. Hospice told my brother yesterday that we probably gained a few days because we found out about the infection before we normally would have since they had to cath her instead of getting a sample the "old fashioned" way. They were able to culture the bacteria from the bladder itself and not the tract. She is definitely starting to decline and yesterday, for the first time, she request pain medication. She has been refusing it so yesterdays requests means that the pain is increasing.
Yesterday, while I was visiting with her, I asked my mom if she wanted me to get her book (she had been reading it the day before while I was there). She said "No...I'd rather just look at you." So - we're getting there and she is well aware of what is taking place.
The kids have had two really good days in a row which I so desperately needed. Yesterday we picked up Cara and the four of us headed to the local Children's Museum. It was a really good 2.5 hours of just playing and being kids. I think, too, that we are finding a routine to call our own for now. That helps tremendously.
I have pictures from the Children's Musuem but I haven't yet uploaded them. When I do, you know I'll post some. :)
Dakota comes today!!! We are all so excited to see her that I can barely sit still. Her train arrives at 12:30 and you know there will be three eager people waiting at the station.
My mom is still hanging in there. Hospice told my brother yesterday that we probably gained a few days because we found out about the infection before we normally would have since they had to cath her instead of getting a sample the "old fashioned" way. They were able to culture the bacteria from the bladder itself and not the tract. She is definitely starting to decline and yesterday, for the first time, she request pain medication. She has been refusing it so yesterdays requests means that the pain is increasing.
Yesterday, while I was visiting with her, I asked my mom if she wanted me to get her book (she had been reading it the day before while I was there). She said "No...I'd rather just look at you." So - we're getting there and she is well aware of what is taking place.
The kids have had two really good days in a row which I so desperately needed. Yesterday we picked up Cara and the four of us headed to the local Children's Museum. It was a really good 2.5 hours of just playing and being kids. I think, too, that we are finding a routine to call our own for now. That helps tremendously.
I have pictures from the Children's Musuem but I haven't yet uploaded them. When I do, you know I'll post some. :)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Day In Pictures
All I really have the energy to say is: I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. The kids are tired in probably the same ways and they are having a hard time adjusting to being away from home. Their behavior sucked today - well, not all day but from about noon on. Miraculously, they were quite good at my parents this morning, A few hiccups but overall, pretty darn good. I didn't even come close to seeing good this afternoon. It's been a very, very long day. (And Brenda, thanks for putting up with my mini-meltdown on the phone today.)
An all morning visit with Grandma and Grandpa:
Swimming with Uncle James and Cara:
All I really have the energy to say is: I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. The kids are tired in probably the same ways and they are having a hard time adjusting to being away from home. Their behavior sucked today - well, not all day but from about noon on. Miraculously, they were quite good at my parents this morning, A few hiccups but overall, pretty darn good. I didn't even come close to seeing good this afternoon. It's been a very, very long day. (And Brenda, thanks for putting up with my mini-meltdown on the phone today.)
An all morning visit with Grandma and Grandpa:
Swimming with Uncle James and Cara:
Monday, April 16, 2007
Wait for it......
You know that saying "Wait for it......wait for it....."? That pretty much sums up how all this is feeling right now. My mom actually got out of bed today and they got her dressed. Talk about a mental shift for me to make. All this back and forth and up and down is hard on a girl. She is not running a fever yet which would indicate the infection was causing problems but it is clear that things are starting to shut down. Today she kept falling asleep while people were visiting which she hadn't before done. She has been sleeping a lot but never falling asleep during a visit. This afternoon, when the kids and I were visiting, she laughed at a story I shared about Kelton and his "baby" (blanket). Other than that, she never spoke a word. The waiting is difficult and painful. Sleeping is not easy for me either and it sure doesn't help that Kaylen doesn't sleep well in general and rarely sleeps even her regular patterns when we are away from home. I'm tired.
And stressed.
This morning we took Dakota to the train station to head back home. Unfortunately, it took her all day to get home instead of the 3.5 hours it should have taken. Her train broke down so she and the other passengers were shuttled into Seattle to wait for the afternoon train. She found a coffee shop and set up shop for the hours she was waiting. By the time she got home, she decided to skip tonight's class and just study at home.
After we left Dakota this morning, the kids and I headed to a nearby park for some much needed "run and be kids" time. It was cold and gray but they didn't care. They played for about an hour and then we headed back to the hotel for lunch. We stayed in for a few hours and I did some laundry, Kaylen napped and Kelton vegged in front of tv for a few hours. They really needed some down time.
Then my brother James, Cara and my dad came by to visit and we went to The Rack with them to find my dad a pair of shoes. The store is literally right outside my window (well - across the small parking lot) so we all just walked over and walked back. Very exciting! :)
Then we headed over to visit my mom. After that James, Cara, the kids and I went to dinner. Then it was back to the hotel, bath and bed.
My mind is all muddled and very tired - I apologize if this is an incredibly boring posting. (and don't even get me started on proof reading...as you can probably tell, proofreading isn't high on my list of things to do. Sorry! :) ) I guss I'll end this rambling and let you get back to your lives. But before I go, here are some photos from the past few days: Kelton's birthday party with Dakota's family, some silly shots from dinner last night and then a few from the park today. Oh - and I think there are a few photos of the kids and Dakota playing in the "toy corner" of the room. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and support. I appreciate you very much!
You know that saying "Wait for it......wait for it....."? That pretty much sums up how all this is feeling right now. My mom actually got out of bed today and they got her dressed. Talk about a mental shift for me to make. All this back and forth and up and down is hard on a girl. She is not running a fever yet which would indicate the infection was causing problems but it is clear that things are starting to shut down. Today she kept falling asleep while people were visiting which she hadn't before done. She has been sleeping a lot but never falling asleep during a visit. This afternoon, when the kids and I were visiting, she laughed at a story I shared about Kelton and his "baby" (blanket). Other than that, she never spoke a word. The waiting is difficult and painful. Sleeping is not easy for me either and it sure doesn't help that Kaylen doesn't sleep well in general and rarely sleeps even her regular patterns when we are away from home. I'm tired.
And stressed.
This morning we took Dakota to the train station to head back home. Unfortunately, it took her all day to get home instead of the 3.5 hours it should have taken. Her train broke down so she and the other passengers were shuttled into Seattle to wait for the afternoon train. She found a coffee shop and set up shop for the hours she was waiting. By the time she got home, she decided to skip tonight's class and just study at home.
After we left Dakota this morning, the kids and I headed to a nearby park for some much needed "run and be kids" time. It was cold and gray but they didn't care. They played for about an hour and then we headed back to the hotel for lunch. We stayed in for a few hours and I did some laundry, Kaylen napped and Kelton vegged in front of tv for a few hours. They really needed some down time.
Then my brother James, Cara and my dad came by to visit and we went to The Rack with them to find my dad a pair of shoes. The store is literally right outside my window (well - across the small parking lot) so we all just walked over and walked back. Very exciting! :)
Then we headed over to visit my mom. After that James, Cara, the kids and I went to dinner. Then it was back to the hotel, bath and bed.
My mind is all muddled and very tired - I apologize if this is an incredibly boring posting. (and don't even get me started on proof reading...as you can probably tell, proofreading isn't high on my list of things to do. Sorry! :) ) I guss I'll end this rambling and let you get back to your lives. But before I go, here are some photos from the past few days: Kelton's birthday party with Dakota's family, some silly shots from dinner last night and then a few from the park today. Oh - and I think there are a few photos of the kids and Dakota playing in the "toy corner" of the room. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone for your kind comments and support. I appreciate you very much!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Settling In
It's 6:30 and the rest of the family is still sleeping. Yesterday was a long day but we are finally settled in (well mostly) into the hotel. I've been going a little nutty trying to get everything done in two days to get here - it's all complicated by not knowing how long we are going to be here. So much to do but I did manage to accomplish a lot; inlcuding getting Kelton registered for kindergarten for September. Appointments were cancelled and rescheduled and pet sitting help was arranged (we have an amazing neighbor and, of course, Dakota's wondeful family helping us out). Dakota is here for the weekend and then will go back home, via train, Monday morning for school and work. She'll take the train Friday morning back up and stay the weekend. That will be the routine for the time we are here.
My brother set us up in a really great hotel, The Hampton Inn and Suites - in a 900sq foot suite with complete kitchen. It's really incredible considering it is 50sq feet bigger than the first house Dakota and I bought. :) The staff is overly friendly and helpful which tipped me off the the face that they know why we are here. I asked my brother and yep, they know and, he was quick to add, there is nothing they won't do to help me out while I am here. That brother of mine - he knows how to get things done. :)
We weren't in our room (apartment, really) for 5 minutes when James, Cara and Lannon showed up to help settle us. Then we went to lunch and then it was off to my parents. My mom has changed so much in just a week. I admit I was shocked more than I thought I would be.
Later, James said to me, "I know in the next couple of days you will be asking yourself why you are here but just wait." Meaning he knows things don't look critical yet (eventhough they very much are at this point) but times are changing - and fast.
It's so surreal.
This morning after breakfast we will head up to my parents place again. I'll stay and Dakota will take the kids and go pick up groceries. I know at some point today James and Cara are planning to come over to go swimming with the kids. Kelton and Kaylen are both VERY excited about the pool area.
Thanks for all your kind words and for the birthday greetings for Kelton. Yes, it's true. Yesterday he turned 5 years old. WOW.
For those of you on my Yahoo groups, I went to no mail status (Thursday, I think) for now.
More later.
It's 6:30 and the rest of the family is still sleeping. Yesterday was a long day but we are finally settled in (well mostly) into the hotel. I've been going a little nutty trying to get everything done in two days to get here - it's all complicated by not knowing how long we are going to be here. So much to do but I did manage to accomplish a lot; inlcuding getting Kelton registered for kindergarten for September. Appointments were cancelled and rescheduled and pet sitting help was arranged (we have an amazing neighbor and, of course, Dakota's wondeful family helping us out). Dakota is here for the weekend and then will go back home, via train, Monday morning for school and work. She'll take the train Friday morning back up and stay the weekend. That will be the routine for the time we are here.
My brother set us up in a really great hotel, The Hampton Inn and Suites - in a 900sq foot suite with complete kitchen. It's really incredible considering it is 50sq feet bigger than the first house Dakota and I bought. :) The staff is overly friendly and helpful which tipped me off the the face that they know why we are here. I asked my brother and yep, they know and, he was quick to add, there is nothing they won't do to help me out while I am here. That brother of mine - he knows how to get things done. :)
We weren't in our room (apartment, really) for 5 minutes when James, Cara and Lannon showed up to help settle us. Then we went to lunch and then it was off to my parents. My mom has changed so much in just a week. I admit I was shocked more than I thought I would be.
Later, James said to me, "I know in the next couple of days you will be asking yourself why you are here but just wait." Meaning he knows things don't look critical yet (eventhough they very much are at this point) but times are changing - and fast.
It's so surreal.
This morning after breakfast we will head up to my parents place again. I'll stay and Dakota will take the kids and go pick up groceries. I know at some point today James and Cara are planning to come over to go swimming with the kids. Kelton and Kaylen are both VERY excited about the pool area.
Thanks for all your kind words and for the birthday greetings for Kelton. Yes, it's true. Yesterday he turned 5 years old. WOW.
For those of you on my Yahoo groups, I went to no mail status (Thursday, I think) for now.
More later.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Not Good News
I'm going to be MIA more than not for a while. Things have gotten to the point of no return so the kids and I are heading up to stay until after.........
I will be taking my laptop with me because I will need to work on the video montage so I will update as I can.
*sigh* Happy Birthday to Kelton.
I'm going to be MIA more than not for a while. Things have gotten to the point of no return so the kids and I are heading up to stay until after.........
I will be taking my laptop with me because I will need to work on the video montage so I will update as I can.
*sigh* Happy Birthday to Kelton.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Because I Am In Need Of Amusement
I stole this from Random and Odd....it cracked me up and just screamed "SHARE ME!"
–Go to Google.com
–Click on Maps.
–Click on get Directions.
–From New York,New York
–To Paris,France.
–And read line # 23.
I stole this from Random and Odd....it cracked me up and just screamed "SHARE ME!"
–Go to Google.com
–Click on Maps.
–Click on get Directions.
–From New York,New York
–To Paris,France.
–And read line # 23.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Photographs
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
Monday, April 09, 2007
Easter Weekend, the write up
I just watched the montage again and I have to say - I'm such a sap. Every time I see it, I cry. I'm so glad we were up there this past weekend. So, so glad.
I was able to have my mom all to myself for a while Saturday afternoon and it was really great. She was in her room resting on her bed when we arrived so I set the kids up in the living room with some toys (Dakota stayed with them) and went back to sit with my mom. She didn't have a lot to say as talking is very difficult for her now but I managed to chat enough for the both of us. She would answer yes or no, laugh when I said something funny and even managed to get a few multi-word sentences. I told her I was in complete awe of her being able to raise 5 children because sometimes I feel I can barely raise the two I have. She said "You have wonderful children. Beautiful." It broke my heart and made me proud at the same time. I shared with her how I felt about watching them grow up and how hard it is for me that Kelton will be starting school. How hard it is to let them go. She listened and said "Yes. It is hard. I raised you." I knew she was saying that she knew how hard it is to let your children grow up and move on because she had to do it with me. I think she was also telling that me everything will be ok.
It was hard emotionally but I'm so glad I had that time. I needed it. I need more but I have to be happy with what I am able to get. It's not like I can move into a hotel with the kids and stay up there. I wish I could but I can't.
I also had a really good visit with my brother. We have never gotten to spend much time together until recently and I am so happy that we are able to now. I love watching him with my kids and they, of course, adore their Uncle James (though frankly I think Kelton has a crush on my brother's girlfriend. It's kinda cute!). On Friday we met James and Cara at their house and then went to pick up lunch to take to the nearby park. The park was so much fun!
After the park, we headed up to our hotel and got settled in just in time for me to head over to my parents house. Traffic was awful and what should have been a 7 minute drive from the hotel to the house was 35 minutes. Ugh! James and Cara were already there but James said that when I walked into the room, my mom lighted up and where they were only getting nods and shrugs, she started talking in 3 and 4 word sentences when she talked with me. Guess I'm pretty special. *laughing*
After visiting for a bit, we all headed out. They followed me back to the hotel and we picked up Dakota and the kids and went out to Red Robin for dinner. Then we made a stop at Toys R Us to pick up gift cards my sister was needing. Of course, toys there are meant to be played with though I'm not sure who played with more of them - James or Kelton. Again, very fun to watch the interactions. :)
Then it was back to the hotel for bath and bedtime.
Saturday we were requested to be at my parents at 10am as one of the caregivers had arranged an Easter egg hunt complete with eater baskets for the 4 little ones in our family and the care givers two little ones. The kids had a blast and my mom had a really good time watching them. We really wore her out though so after about 2 hours, we all headed out so mom could rest. Dakota and I decided to go to the local mall to hang out for a few hours as well...you can only do so much hanging out with kids in a hotel room. We spent about 2 hours there and then headed back to the hotel to grab a bite to eat and rest a bit before going back over to see my parents.
After visiting for about an hour (my mom was still so tired from the morning that she was still resting when we got there which is when I had the earlier posted conversations with her) we said our goodbyes and left. My parents were going to go to Easter church service so between their getting ready and leaving and our packing and leaving, we weren't going to be seeing them again this trip. It was hard for me to leave.
We then drove up to my sister's house where everyone was gathering for dinner. After dinner, we let the kids run wild in the freshly tilled garden area. James set about digging a deep hole with the fence post digger and the kids had a blast climbing inside the hole. It was hysterical to watch! Tired and grimy, we plopped all four kids in the bath and after they were clean, dry and in their jammies we let them play. It was a really nice evening and we returned to the hotel exhausted and happy.
Sunday was Easter and the kids were thrilled to see that the Easter Bunny did indeed find them in the hotel. We even had an egg hunt! Talk about being prepared. :) Then it was packing and the long drive home.
For a weekend that I wasn't sure what to expect or if I would see anyone besides my parents, it really turned out to be a fantastic weekend. Emotionally overwhelming at times but a really great weekend. I was able to talk with my mom and make some really special memories to hang onto, watch my kids interacting with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and spend time with my brother and sister. I'm so glad we had the time.
Today the phone calls came from my sister and brother. Bladder infection (again) possible, lung infection still there though better than last time. What to do about antibiotics? Mom decided to not take any at this time since they are making her so sick. She may change her mind tomorrow or next week. It's whatever she wants to do. Without antibiotics, it's anyones guess. At this point, even with antibiotics it's anyones guess. She's been on antibiotics for weeks (3 months I think). When do they not do anymore good? It's so hard to wrap my mind around it all.
I am just so grateful for the time I had this past weekend. So, so grateful.
I just watched the montage again and I have to say - I'm such a sap. Every time I see it, I cry. I'm so glad we were up there this past weekend. So, so glad.
I was able to have my mom all to myself for a while Saturday afternoon and it was really great. She was in her room resting on her bed when we arrived so I set the kids up in the living room with some toys (Dakota stayed with them) and went back to sit with my mom. She didn't have a lot to say as talking is very difficult for her now but I managed to chat enough for the both of us. She would answer yes or no, laugh when I said something funny and even managed to get a few multi-word sentences. I told her I was in complete awe of her being able to raise 5 children because sometimes I feel I can barely raise the two I have. She said "You have wonderful children. Beautiful." It broke my heart and made me proud at the same time. I shared with her how I felt about watching them grow up and how hard it is for me that Kelton will be starting school. How hard it is to let them go. She listened and said "Yes. It is hard. I raised you." I knew she was saying that she knew how hard it is to let your children grow up and move on because she had to do it with me. I think she was also telling that me everything will be ok.
It was hard emotionally but I'm so glad I had that time. I needed it. I need more but I have to be happy with what I am able to get. It's not like I can move into a hotel with the kids and stay up there. I wish I could but I can't.
I also had a really good visit with my brother. We have never gotten to spend much time together until recently and I am so happy that we are able to now. I love watching him with my kids and they, of course, adore their Uncle James (though frankly I think Kelton has a crush on my brother's girlfriend. It's kinda cute!). On Friday we met James and Cara at their house and then went to pick up lunch to take to the nearby park. The park was so much fun!
After the park, we headed up to our hotel and got settled in just in time for me to head over to my parents house. Traffic was awful and what should have been a 7 minute drive from the hotel to the house was 35 minutes. Ugh! James and Cara were already there but James said that when I walked into the room, my mom lighted up and where they were only getting nods and shrugs, she started talking in 3 and 4 word sentences when she talked with me. Guess I'm pretty special. *laughing*
After visiting for a bit, we all headed out. They followed me back to the hotel and we picked up Dakota and the kids and went out to Red Robin for dinner. Then we made a stop at Toys R Us to pick up gift cards my sister was needing. Of course, toys there are meant to be played with though I'm not sure who played with more of them - James or Kelton. Again, very fun to watch the interactions. :)
Then it was back to the hotel for bath and bedtime.
Saturday we were requested to be at my parents at 10am as one of the caregivers had arranged an Easter egg hunt complete with eater baskets for the 4 little ones in our family and the care givers two little ones. The kids had a blast and my mom had a really good time watching them. We really wore her out though so after about 2 hours, we all headed out so mom could rest. Dakota and I decided to go to the local mall to hang out for a few hours as well...you can only do so much hanging out with kids in a hotel room. We spent about 2 hours there and then headed back to the hotel to grab a bite to eat and rest a bit before going back over to see my parents.
After visiting for about an hour (my mom was still so tired from the morning that she was still resting when we got there which is when I had the earlier posted conversations with her) we said our goodbyes and left. My parents were going to go to Easter church service so between their getting ready and leaving and our packing and leaving, we weren't going to be seeing them again this trip. It was hard for me to leave.
We then drove up to my sister's house where everyone was gathering for dinner. After dinner, we let the kids run wild in the freshly tilled garden area. James set about digging a deep hole with the fence post digger and the kids had a blast climbing inside the hole. It was hysterical to watch! Tired and grimy, we plopped all four kids in the bath and after they were clean, dry and in their jammies we let them play. It was a really nice evening and we returned to the hotel exhausted and happy.
Sunday was Easter and the kids were thrilled to see that the Easter Bunny did indeed find them in the hotel. We even had an egg hunt! Talk about being prepared. :) Then it was packing and the long drive home.
For a weekend that I wasn't sure what to expect or if I would see anyone besides my parents, it really turned out to be a fantastic weekend. Emotionally overwhelming at times but a really great weekend. I was able to talk with my mom and make some really special memories to hang onto, watch my kids interacting with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and spend time with my brother and sister. I'm so glad we had the time.
Today the phone calls came from my sister and brother. Bladder infection (again) possible, lung infection still there though better than last time. What to do about antibiotics? Mom decided to not take any at this time since they are making her so sick. She may change her mind tomorrow or next week. It's whatever she wants to do. Without antibiotics, it's anyones guess. At this point, even with antibiotics it's anyones guess. She's been on antibiotics for weeks (3 months I think). When do they not do anymore good? It's so hard to wrap my mind around it all.
I am just so grateful for the time I had this past weekend. So, so grateful.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Packing...Again
I've packed this family up three times in as many weeks. Well - five times, so far, if you count packing up to come back home. I'm sick of packing. I'm sick of counting out underwear, diapers, socks, jeans, shirts, etc. I'm tired of gathering blankets, books, toys, snacks, DVD's and other "must have's". Pakcing is overwhelming when you are doing it for four people all by yourself. All while two little ones run around and try to drive you, and each other, crazy.
I had to laugh tonight when Kelton was telling Kaylen to do something that she clearly didn't want to do. She yells, at the top of her lungs, "LEAVE ME ALONE BRAHBRAH!" (that's how she says brother and it's all she ever really calls him even though she does know his name. I think it's sweet.) Oh my kids - they are willfull. Wonder where they get that from? :)
I guess I should finish compiling my list of "things still to pack" before I completely hit my wall tonight. Take care and have a good weekend!
PS...Happy Easter to all who celebrate! Here's a little something I posted last year that I thought I would share again:
Wish us luck as the Easter Bunny will need to find us in our hotel room this year. That ought to be interesting. :)
I've packed this family up three times in as many weeks. Well - five times, so far, if you count packing up to come back home. I'm sick of packing. I'm sick of counting out underwear, diapers, socks, jeans, shirts, etc. I'm tired of gathering blankets, books, toys, snacks, DVD's and other "must have's". Pakcing is overwhelming when you are doing it for four people all by yourself. All while two little ones run around and try to drive you, and each other, crazy.
I had to laugh tonight when Kelton was telling Kaylen to do something that she clearly didn't want to do. She yells, at the top of her lungs, "LEAVE ME ALONE BRAHBRAH!" (that's how she says brother and it's all she ever really calls him even though she does know his name. I think it's sweet.) Oh my kids - they are willfull. Wonder where they get that from? :)
I guess I should finish compiling my list of "things still to pack" before I completely hit my wall tonight. Take care and have a good weekend!
PS...Happy Easter to all who celebrate! Here's a little something I posted last year that I thought I would share again:
Wish us luck as the Easter Bunny will need to find us in our hotel room this year. That ought to be interesting. :)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
I've Got Nothin'
I kept thinking that somewhere along the line today something inspirational would hit me that I could blog about. But nope. Nada. I seriously have nothing.
Oh wait. I just let one of our dogs outside and a big ol' mosquito eater flew in. Now the cats are on the kitchen table and the counter trying to get it. I guess *that's* something. As lame as it is.
And now dog #2 wants out.
Yep - that pretty much sums up things here. Boring.
The day was ok. A few meltdowns here and there. Some art time. Kelton and I played Toon Town for a bit which is really kind of cute. He wants me to play and he likes to watch and give "helpful suggestions" but since I'm at the control (per his wishes) he runs to take care of whatever Kaylen needs when she calls out. Today he did things like change the DVD (Barney, of course), find a doll she was looking for, helped her find a book, got her some water, etc. I think that's one of my favorite things about playing computer games with him - I love watching him, and listening to him, take care of his sister. Sweet stuff! It helps even out the times when he picks on her relentlessly just to get a rise out of her. Brothers. I remember those days well.
It was a warm day - 69 degrees at 4pm. Of course, earlier in the day I hadn't realized it was warm out because it had been overcast and we had been inside all day. A day without errands to run or places to be. Kelton is recovering from a cold-type bug so we've been laying low. I want everyone healthy (or as healthy as can be) when we go to visit my parents this weekend. The last thing my mom needs is the four of us showing up sick with colds.
I tossed the kids out into the yard after dinner and they had a pretty good time running around. Kelton tried to convince me it was warm enough to bring out the sprinkler but they happily settled for Popsicles instead. :)
So, all in all...a rather lackluster day in regards to fodder for blogging. Sorry guys. :)
Tomorrow I need to get everyone packed up for yet another weekend away from home. This will be the third weekend in a row that we've been gone. Next Saturday is Kelton's birthday. I'm in such denial about my baby turning five. FIVE. I remember when he was a teeny tiny baby in my arms and we talked about the day he would leave us to go to school. It seemed so, so, so far away. Like it could never possibly happen and yet - here we are. Months away from that day.
Time flies.
Someone once told me when I was pregnant with Kelton "The days are long but the years fly by." I didn't really understand it then but I sure do now. *sigh*
I kept thinking that somewhere along the line today something inspirational would hit me that I could blog about. But nope. Nada. I seriously have nothing.
Oh wait. I just let one of our dogs outside and a big ol' mosquito eater flew in. Now the cats are on the kitchen table and the counter trying to get it. I guess *that's* something. As lame as it is.
And now dog #2 wants out.
Yep - that pretty much sums up things here. Boring.
The day was ok. A few meltdowns here and there. Some art time. Kelton and I played Toon Town for a bit which is really kind of cute. He wants me to play and he likes to watch and give "helpful suggestions" but since I'm at the control (per his wishes) he runs to take care of whatever Kaylen needs when she calls out. Today he did things like change the DVD (Barney, of course), find a doll she was looking for, helped her find a book, got her some water, etc. I think that's one of my favorite things about playing computer games with him - I love watching him, and listening to him, take care of his sister. Sweet stuff! It helps even out the times when he picks on her relentlessly just to get a rise out of her. Brothers. I remember those days well.
It was a warm day - 69 degrees at 4pm. Of course, earlier in the day I hadn't realized it was warm out because it had been overcast and we had been inside all day. A day without errands to run or places to be. Kelton is recovering from a cold-type bug so we've been laying low. I want everyone healthy (or as healthy as can be) when we go to visit my parents this weekend. The last thing my mom needs is the four of us showing up sick with colds.
I tossed the kids out into the yard after dinner and they had a pretty good time running around. Kelton tried to convince me it was warm enough to bring out the sprinkler but they happily settled for Popsicles instead. :)
So, all in all...a rather lackluster day in regards to fodder for blogging. Sorry guys. :)
Tomorrow I need to get everyone packed up for yet another weekend away from home. This will be the third weekend in a row that we've been gone. Next Saturday is Kelton's birthday. I'm in such denial about my baby turning five. FIVE. I remember when he was a teeny tiny baby in my arms and we talked about the day he would leave us to go to school. It seemed so, so, so far away. Like it could never possibly happen and yet - here we are. Months away from that day.
Time flies.
Someone once told me when I was pregnant with Kelton "The days are long but the years fly by." I didn't really understand it then but I sure do now. *sigh*
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Manipulated by the Best
Ah yes. It's so easy to manipulate a mommy who lives on, and for, caffeine.
We're driving along, happily chatting with each other on the way from running errands when my not-yet 5 year old says:
"Mom....wouldn't a nice cup of hot coffee taste really good right now?"
Me: "It sure would."
Kelton: "Yeah. It would be really nice."
He makes a few happy sounds as I start to fanatize about holding a hot cup of Starbucks coffee in my sleep deprived hands.
Kelton: "Hey Mom?"
Me" "Mmmmm?"
Kelton: "Why don't we stop by a coffee place and you can buy a coffee." (notice how it isn't a question. It's a statement. A directive."
Me: "You know, that does sound really good. I think I will."
Silence for a minute while I am lost in happy thoughts about coffee.
Kelton: "And while we're there, let's get a big cookie for me and Kaylen."
And there you have it. My sweet boy wasn't looking after *me*. Nope. He was looking after himself and his desire for a big chocolate chip cookie.
And yes. He got it.
But I got my Venti Raspberry Mocha, too! :)
Ah yes. It's so easy to manipulate a mommy who lives on, and for, caffeine.
We're driving along, happily chatting with each other on the way from running errands when my not-yet 5 year old says:
"Mom....wouldn't a nice cup of hot coffee taste really good right now?"
Me: "It sure would."
Kelton: "Yeah. It would be really nice."
He makes a few happy sounds as I start to fanatize about holding a hot cup of Starbucks coffee in my sleep deprived hands.
Kelton: "Hey Mom?"
Me" "Mmmmm?"
Kelton: "Why don't we stop by a coffee place and you can buy a coffee." (notice how it isn't a question. It's a statement. A directive."
Me: "You know, that does sound really good. I think I will."
Silence for a minute while I am lost in happy thoughts about coffee.
Kelton: "And while we're there, let's get a big cookie for me and Kaylen."
And there you have it. My sweet boy wasn't looking after *me*. Nope. He was looking after himself and his desire for a big chocolate chip cookie.
And yes. He got it.
But I got my Venti Raspberry Mocha, too! :)
Monday, April 02, 2007
The Beach
It was a great weekend and I was no where near ready to come home yesterday. I think I could have easily stayed for an entire week. I put together a short (well, short for me) montage. It's under 5 minutes - just one song length long - so take a peek and enjoy.
The shot of the beach with the tall grass and driftwood is the view we had from the living room window. I swear I could have sat in the lazy boy chair by that window all weekend long. It was a breath-taking view. As you can tell, the kids loved the carousel and they rode it more than just a few times. Usually we are a "sleigh" riding family which means we sit in the sleigh bench only. Horses were a no-go...until this weekend! Kelton decided all on his own that it was time to ride the horses and ride they did! It brought happy tears to my eyes to see them riding so tall and so proud. My babies are growing up so quickly.
Enough ramblings from me about how great my life is so go on, click play and enjoy the show!
It was a great weekend and I was no where near ready to come home yesterday. I think I could have easily stayed for an entire week. I put together a short (well, short for me) montage. It's under 5 minutes - just one song length long - so take a peek and enjoy.
The shot of the beach with the tall grass and driftwood is the view we had from the living room window. I swear I could have sat in the lazy boy chair by that window all weekend long. It was a breath-taking view. As you can tell, the kids loved the carousel and they rode it more than just a few times. Usually we are a "sleigh" riding family which means we sit in the sleigh bench only. Horses were a no-go...until this weekend! Kelton decided all on his own that it was time to ride the horses and ride they did! It brought happy tears to my eyes to see them riding so tall and so proud. My babies are growing up so quickly.
Enough ramblings from me about how great my life is so go on, click play and enjoy the show!
And for a mere $132.39....
I'm back in business! The clean clothes business, that is. Thank goodness...I think the pile of clothes in the garage from the weekend at the coast were starting to ferment. :)
I called first thing this morning to find out which two hour time slot we were in for the repair guy and they said "Between 3 and 5PM." Yikes! I'm not sure how we won that lottery place since I called first thing Thursday morning to schedule (which has always been a same-day schedule thing the two times when I called before for the dryer). But..what could I do?
At 4:50pm, the door bell rang. Talk about cutting it close. I was actually beginning to think they weren't coming. But he did indeed arrive and he did indeed fix the washer! A strut had broken (we have a front loader) and was easily fixed. He was here and gone in less than 30 minutes.
The part itself cost only $32.36. Labor was $90.00 (OUCH!) and tax; $10.003. Definitely a figure I could live with considering I was bracing hard for a much, much heftier number. :)
I am now on my second load. With only about four more to go. :)
I'm back in business! The clean clothes business, that is. Thank goodness...I think the pile of clothes in the garage from the weekend at the coast were starting to ferment. :)
I called first thing this morning to find out which two hour time slot we were in for the repair guy and they said "Between 3 and 5PM." Yikes! I'm not sure how we won that lottery place since I called first thing Thursday morning to schedule (which has always been a same-day schedule thing the two times when I called before for the dryer). But..what could I do?
At 4:50pm, the door bell rang. Talk about cutting it close. I was actually beginning to think they weren't coming. But he did indeed arrive and he did indeed fix the washer! A strut had broken (we have a front loader) and was easily fixed. He was here and gone in less than 30 minutes.
The part itself cost only $32.36. Labor was $90.00 (OUCH!) and tax; $10.003. Definitely a figure I could live with considering I was bracing hard for a much, much heftier number. :)
I am now on my second load. With only about four more to go. :)
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