And some days, I just want to stop trying.
Nothing I do it right...for anyone.
I constantly disappoint someone.
I get forgotten in the shuffle.
I don't feel special or important.
I'm a means to an end. A ride to soccer. A ride to friends. A house cleaner. An expected cook...which I fail at miserably because I hate to cook and never once pretended otherwise.
I'm not allowed to eat without comments of how I should cook for everyone. And yet...rarely ever does anyone cook for me. They just go get themselves food without asking if I would like some. But God forbid if I do the same.
Food had become a battle ground.
My refusal to be a taxi driver at a moments notice inconveniences everyone.
Rarely does anyone ask how I am.
I paste on a fake smile and just keep moving.
I want someone to go out to of their way for ME.
I want someone to be interested in what I have to say instead of the sighs and clear message that I am interrupting something they are doing.m something clearly more important than me.
I'm tired. I feel defeated. Lost. Alone.
I wonder often what I would do if I won some sweepstakes and came into a lot of money. I entered the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes. I need the dream. I need feel like I have possiblities.
And right now...in this dark moment....I feel like I have nothing.