Thursday, September 28, 2006

I've Been Boo'ed!!

Have you ever been boo'ed before? I hadn't until today and it's GREAT!! :) My MOMS Club is doing this thing where you make up two little gift bags full of Halloween goodies (candy, trinkets, inexpensive decorations, etc) and you anonymously deliver a bag to two different club members. After you've been boo'ed, you have to hang a paper ghost cut-out on your door so that other people know you've already been hit. (Though honestly, I thought about not so that I could get another surprise. Bad me! LOL!)

It was SO much fun to find goodies on the porch this afternoon! The kids had a blast going through everything, checking it all out and talking me out of a few pieces of candy. *I* had fun knowing someone had been thinking of me. What a rush! I love surprises showing up now and just make a routine day so much more special.

Thank you, my boo-er! It means the world to me!
The Boys First Dental Cleaning

I had expected it to be a rocky visit. First off, I didn't have anyone to watch Kaylen for me while I took Kelton in for his first ever teeth cleaning (he went before when he was two but they didn't do anything besides look in his mouth). I expected Kelton to not be as cooperative as he can play up the class clown bit that he does so well. Boy was I in for a shock! I think I had someone else's kid. Kelton was perfectly behaved...and I mean PERFECTLY. It was surreal. Even Kaylen was an angel and sat in my lap the entire time. Someone was watching over me, that's for sure.

No cavities...not even any plaque which I'm not sure how we managed to pull off. I mean, yes, we brush twice a day but I figured he'd have SOME areas talked about in regards to needing more care. All in all, they said his "home care is excellent." *THUD* I don't believe it. We're just very lucky - he must have good enamel like I did when I was younger. It's all luck....but I'll take it!

He goes back in 6 months.
What Are Your Deepest Fears For Your Child(ren)?

My biggest worry for Kelton is that he will be made fun of, or made to feel bad for, having two moms. Now that he is going to a couple different preschool type things I worry about this all the time. He is SO proud of his family and will tell everyone he meets that he has two moms. So far, he has only been met with acceptance but I know the day will come that will shatter him and I stress out about it. I don't know how to protect him from the world and the cruel comments that will come his way. I don't want his spirit broken....or his heart.

For Kaylen, I worry that she will never ever outgrow her "pallid breath holding" stuff (which has nothing to do with temper tantrums and every thing to do with sudden trauma or fright). It scares the crap out of me every time she stops breathing. And yes, she does it often.

I also worry that my kids first memories, the ones they will carry with them for the rest of their lives, will be of my yelling at them or being angry with them. I know, that for me, my first memory is feeling lost and alone when my mom, pregnant with my younger brother, was too sick to care for me and I was alone in the house with her. The curtains were drawn and I was sitting at the child sized table playing tea-party with my doll, alone and scared. I don't want my kids first memory to be sad or painful.

What are your deepest fears?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I was tagged by Shawna, my sweet, creative friend. Check out the bottom of this post to see if I've tagged you. :)

Here are the rules of the tag:
List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets.
Tag 5 friends and list them.
Those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people.
Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

Here goes:

I often do not proof read my email or my posts. Ok – 98% of the time I do not proof read my emails nor do I run spell check. If I actually took the time to do that I might find that I am writing pure drivel and not send the mail or post the post. Sometimes (or is that all the time?) it’s better not to know that your brain has turned to mush.

I do not like to cook….or bake. Primarily because I have a hard time rationalizing hours of prep and clean-up when it takes less than 15 minutes to consume the meal. I generally leave all the cooking and baking in the hands of my trusty side-kick but now that she is in school in the evenings, I am having to do more. Good thing my kids love Easy Mac and chicken noodle soup from a can. :)

I am actually scared of the oven. Not the stovetop – just the oven. (This also accounts for my dislike of cooking/baking) I do not trust anything or anyone who gets that hot and holds that much heat inside it. And yeah – that’s just my silly way of saying I’m scared of hot things. Perhaps I was badly burned in another life or something. I can’t explain it – it just is.

I am very decisive. However I am easily thrown off track, and frustrated by, the indecisiveness of others. Case in point: I will have decided what we should do about X,Y or Z but then Dakota will enter the equation and come up with A,B or C that might be better. I will usually opt to give up the fight and go with A,B or C knowing full well that MY idea would have been more easily executed and then, when it comes to pass that my way would have been better, I’ll say “Told you!” I’m not sure why I rarely fight for my original decision. I don’t always give up the fight but I do more times than I care to admit.

I used to despise the color pink. I’m sure this comes from my childhood when I was overdosed on the color. Or, maybe I used to like it but due to outside pressure, I made a conscious choice to dislike the color. Whatever the reason – I couldn’t stand pink. That is – until the day my daughter was born. From that day on, pink has become my favorite color and this is seen over and over again in my t-shirts, the color I chose to paint Kaylen’s room, how I dress Kaylen, etc. I admit it – I LOVE pink! Go figure. :)

And as a bonus, here are a few more.

I am not a last minute person. I do not like to be late with anything – arriving someplace, meeting a deadline, etc. If I have something that needs to be done by a certain date, you can bet it’s done days, if not weeks, in advance. Until I had children, I was always early – and even now, with kids, I push incredibly hard for us to get out the door and arrive somewhere on time. Some days this causes more chaos than necessary but for me, even five minutes past the start time for something is not good enough. If I’m meeting someone at 10 – then I am driven to be there at 10. I wish I could be more lax about this but for some reason, I can’t.

I have a hard time forgiving myself for anything. Things I have said or done in the past haunt me and I rehash things over and over – trying to figure out how it could have been handled differently (and no – that doesn’t always mean more peacefully – there are lots of times I wish I had spoken up or held my ground or given someone a piece of my mind or just plain told someone where to go).

This was really easy for me since I was recently featured in a getting to know you type column in my MOMS Club newletter. Cut and paste is a good thing. :)

Ok - now onto the tagging. Ready?

Tracey, Dakota, Caroline, Mistalyn and Cristin (hey girl - this is just what you need. You haven't updated all friggin' month!)

Monday, September 25, 2006

Feeling "Value-less"

Wow. As a stay at home mom, nothing makes me feel quite as "without value" than receiving my social security statement. You know the document I'm talking of...the one they send out a couple months before your birthday (which was another thing of which I didn't so much need to be reminded. Yeah - I know. I'm getting OLD! Rub it in, why don'tcha?) that shows your estimated social security benefits for retirement, disability and survivors.

I'll be 62 in twenty short years. (Holy crap!!! How did that happen?!?!?!) I've been out of the work force since the day prior to Kelton's birth. That's been almost 4.5 years.

I just *love* seeing those big fat zero's in the "Your Earnings at a Glance" section. I hope my sarcasm wasn't lost on you.

What kills me is that fact that I am working harder *now* than ever before in my entire life. I am on the clock 24/7 with no sick leave, no vacation time, no long term disability, no overtime, no shift paycheck at all to show for all my hard work.

I'm raising children from infancy to adulthood. That is an ominous job. We're talking HUGE. If I screw up too much, there is a chance harm to the universe as we know it could be done (Hey! You don't know. Maybe Kaylen will grow up to be a mad scientist who unleashes lethal chemicals into the universe that will destroy all forms of life. Unlikely yes, but you don't know it won't happen. You are all trusting me that I do my job correctly so it won't happen.) Being a parent is gigantic and more important that any other job in the world. Raise good people, maybe the universe will be saved from itself, screw up and know the drill.

And yet.....those zero's just taunt me. It's like I am doing nothing of importance. I don't have a JOB. Oh really? I beg to differ. Come on over and hang out for a day or two and see how much work goes into this full-time at home child rearing stuff.

Being a stay at home parent should be a paid position. And I mean in something more than hugs, kisses, runny noses and chocolate smudges. I'm taking moolah. Show me the money. Fund my retirement.

And here is something else that really chaps my ass. If Dakota and I were legally tied to each other (I prefer the term married but I don't really care as long as we can have the same legal benefits as straight folks) then I would be entitled to her social security survivor benefits should I outlive her. As it stands now....I'm at home raising her(our) children, doing her laundry and dishes, making sure she has food to eat in the fridge, paying the bills, balancing the checkbook, etc. and I don't even have the freakin' right to her survivor benefits from social security. That sucks.

But's those darn zero's that I'm focusing on tonight. They make me feel worthless. Without value. And yet, I'm doing the most valuable job on the planet. Go figure.

I'm lonely and miserable today. Brenda is in California now and, thanks to some sort of issues with their phone line, she is sans phone which means I have gone all day without talking with her. It's so weird - and lonely.

She's sent a couple quick email. The movers arrived with their stuff so she is waiting for them to unload everything and leave. She is miserable as well. She doesn't want to be there any more than I want her there. Yeah yeah - it's where her husband is. I get that. I'm happy that her husband will be home every evening to help with the kids (I know how it is to do this without a partner. It's tough stuff and I don't wish it on anyone.). I just don't like that all that is happening *there* instead of here.

*sad heavy sigh*

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Halloween Scrap Page

I just had to see what I could do with the picture we had taken today (see next post for details). I like it! :)

The Last Day Together

Brenda and I took the kids to the mall today to get Halloween pictures taken at The Picture People. Here are a few photos I snuck in of the kids walking the mall together. This is *not* unusual so you can tell the kind of bond they have to each other. It damn near broke my heart when the boys were saying good-bye and giving each other hugs and kisses. So, so, so unbelievably sad.

And now the pics that were taken:

(notice there is no Kaylen. Yeah - she was way over the photo thing by this point. :( Maybe next time I'll have better luck with getting the two of them to work the same time. :) )

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Good-Byes Are Hard To Say

Well...I've fought against this for as long as possible but denial isn't working for me any longer. The moving truck is pulling out Friday afternoon. My amazingly good friend, Brenda, is actually moving away. I still can't quite wrap my mind around it.

Remember back in January when I posted about it possibly happening because of her husband interviewing for a position? Here we are, nine months later and it's all coming true. Her husband was hired six months ago and actually moved to California, commuting home for weekends, to start the job. Brenda and the kids stayed here to be sure A) Al liked the job and B) they found a place to live.

They had a house built and it is now ready for them. :( I can't begin to tell you how much this sucks. I've cried over and over about her leaving - I just don't know how I will survive. We talk at least two times a day, she's my sounding board, she talks me down on bad days (or at the very least is standing onthe cliff with me), she's my portrait appoinment buddy and my mall-walker buddy. She completely understands the solo-parenting thing. The boys have known each other since Kelton was 9 months old and Carson was 13 months. The girls were born a year apart. It feels like I've known Brenda and her family for ever. I just can't believe she is really moving away.

The Sacramento area is a very lucky area. They are gaining an amazing person and one of the best people I have ever been fortunate enough to call "friend".

I made this montage for Brenda. It's full of photos from the last four years. I hope you will take a minute to watch it.

And Brenda - I just don't know what to say. I suck at good-byes but you have to know by now how much you mean to me. I love ya, girl! Rock on.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Slowly But Surely, The Lost Is Found

Found today:
The missing car key (last seen on the buffet in the foyer)
Magnifying Glass (last seen in the kitchen)
Buzz Lightyear sunglasses (last seen on the buffet in the foyer)
talking picture frame (last seen in K's possession)

Yeah I know, I didn't add some of those to the ever growing missing list from a few weeks back. What was the point> It seemed every time I turned around we were unable to locate something else.

It would seem we have a minor kleptomaniac on our hands. A while back, K developed a backpack obsession, which is still going strong. Apparently he has been walking around the house picking up things of interest, putting them in his backpack of choice (he has many!) and then, apparently, forgetting he ever saw them, let alone had them in his hands.

Today's discovery came from a backpack which had been left in the garage among the many (and I do mean many) toys that live in the garage and rotate in and out of the house. This particular backpack (which we got in Disneyland) hasn't been in the house in a while. Makes me wonder what he has in all the other packs. Usually it's just kid stuff...lots of papers (he is also obsessed with papers) but maybe there are a few hidden treasures to be found.

Ah the joy of being four.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

It's My Blog and I'll Bore You If I Want To

*grin* Sorry guys but I am feeling oh-so-proud of my scrapbooking accomplishments over the past couple of weeks so even though you can easily find these pages over on my scrapping blog, I'm going to post them here too. I know some of you don't go over there and you know what they say about the mountain and Mohammed. :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Have You Noticed?

Have you noticed that days will go by without an update and then BLAM! you'll have 4 or 5 to wade through? Yeah well.....that's the way my life works these days. It's feast or famine, babe. :)

I just wanted to put a bug in your ear(s) that there are new scrapbook pages up if you are so inclined to see them.

And you guessed it....keep reading. I was busy today. LOL!
Water Balloons, anyone?

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Bath Foam

This post is primarily for Tracey but any kid of any age might have fun with this stuff. I played with it tonight and had a really fun time. :)
To All Those Who Are Using Blogger-Beta

Holy cow people! It's not that I'm not reading your blogs and want to comment - it's that I *can't*! The darn beta program, for some reason unknown to me, won't let me post as myself. If, and only if, you allow anonymous comments may I post something. Otherwise, I just get a message that says it is unable to post my comment.

*sigh* And it isn't like I'm trying to leave mean comments and there is a need to sensor me. :(

So - if you have the beta version and you don't see my usual commenting, that's why. *sigh*

Monday, September 11, 2006

September 11th.

This is such a surreal day to me. After 5 years you would think I wouldn't be taken back to those moments in time and flooded with all these emotions. You would think it would start to feel different than it did that day.

Everything feels off. The tears are right at the surface. Kelton asks why I seem so sad and I try to explain in a way a 4 year old can understand. Understand. Yeah right. Who could possible understand what happened on this day 5 years ago? Not me, that's for sure.

We have our flag flying today. I am actually shocked and dismayed at the lack of flags flying in my town. It's almost like people have pushed it from their thoughts...forgotten. I know that can't be true. It just can't be.

We watched a documentary last night (no, not the controversial "docu-drama" The Path to 911) about fire house 7 in New York. It was the fire house that had a film crew working there to document a new fire fighters probationary period. I cried.

After 5 years, the pain is still so raw. And I didn't lose anyone in the attacks. I just can't even comprehend how today must feel to those who did.

*photo credit unknown

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Bath Time Fun with Mama

There is just something so incredible about your children's laughter. And I have to ask, isn't her laugh absolutely amazing? Dang I love these guys. :)

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PS..Keep reading. There are new posts below.
My Big Boy

I took K in to have his 4.5 year photos taken last Thursday. I am completely blown away by how big my baby is getting. How did this happen? How did he go from that tiny baby to being this child....this kid? Wow. I only have him for one more year before he starts going to school. That feels so surreal to me. I'm not ready for him to be this old....this big. But...I look at him and I am SO proud of the child he is, the person he is learning to be. He's amazing and wonderful and funny and bright.....there is just no doubt about it - he is a miracle from beginning to end.

Personally, I think he is one of the best people on the planet. And yes, I know I'm biased but I'm his mom and I get to be. :) Enjoy!

Found It

D found my debit card last night. No wonder we couldn't find it in the house no matter how hard we looked. The darn thing was in the garage under a rubbermaid container lid by the freezer.

Now why didn't I think to look *there*?


Too bad it's already been inactivated. *sigh*

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


It was a weekend for lost and missing things at our house. Here's a quick list:

Baby K played with my wallet and now my debit card is missing in action. The crazy part is, it's IN the house. We have turned this place inside out and upside down and haven't been able to find it. I cancelled it and ordered a new one. Ten days of not having it loom in front of me.

Baby K's precious baby doll. Lost at the mall - for way too long. Fear, panic and disbelief for the moms who know all too well that "baby" is a necessary part of life. Crucial. Critical. Can't go anywhere or do anything without baby. Luckily, after retracing our steps from one end of the mall to the other, we found it. Someone, a kind and good someone, had found baby and placed it on a display rack near the section we had been shopping. Thank God. Relief. I made a quick trip to Walmart to buy a second baby to have on hand. Tried to do the ol' switcheroo but Baby K would have no part of it, She could smell the traitor doll a mile away. For an entire day I tried to get her to believe it was the real baby but nothing doing. She could see right through that big ol' lie. The sad thing is her baby is only 4 weeks old. How in the world can she know the difference between a 4 week old doll and a new one? They look the same to me. So...the new baby is hidden in our closest and we'll jsut have to be reallllllllly careful with the real baby. At least until Baby K bonds to something else.

My copy of the key to the new car. It's gone. I never added it to my key chain because I didn't want to have to lug around an extra key when the new car is mostely in the possession of D. I had the key, with the dealer keychain still on it, on the buffet where it has been for 4 weeks. Suddenly it's gone. Vanished into thin air. Oy.

We bought new pillows this weekend (D is a pillow hound. I could probably sleep on the same pillow my entire life but D seems to need a new one every year. She gets bored easily. :) Anyway....we bought new pillows at Penney's yesterday because they had a buy one get one for a dollar sale. After buying the pillows, we took the kids to the arcade at the mall (it's a family thing - we always go to arcades). After playing a few games we prepared to leave when we discovered the pillows were missing. Uh oh. Luckily, after much searching on our part, the arcade attendant retrieved them from her office. Why she felt the need to take them when we were *the only people in the place* in beyond me. I'm really sure they would have been safe by the Skee Ball machines for a few minutes. :)

Were there other things we lost or misplaced this weekend? Probably. But these are the only ones I can think of right now. It was a crazy weekend.

Oh! I also had someone work on my computer and it's back to its fully fuctioning self again. Yippie!!!