Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Chain Letter Answers....

Okee doke- here goes:

Brenda asked: If you could live any where in the world, where would it be and why?

My reponse: Hmmm....that's a good question. Today I think my honest answer is: Anywhere that I could be alone.

Ok - easy answer aside - I'd have to say the either the Seattle area or the coast with leaning heavily toward the coast. Seattle because it's "home" for me - I'm comfortable there, I have family and friends there. The coast because it's beautiful and peaceful. Listening to the waves crash brings peace to my soul.

Estelle asked: What is the biggest non child non marriage accomplishment of your life?

Me: Making it through my twenties in one piece. Let's just say I took a walk on the wild side there for a bit.

E: If you could grant one heartfelt, selfless wish for someone (wishing D would win the lottery does not count), what would it be and why?

Me: I'm not sure if this is what you were going for but my honest answer would be that I would wish for my children to grow up secure, safe, happy and successful (using their own definition of success). I would wish for life to treat them kindly and well because they are the most precious things in the world to me.

E: If you had the chance to wipe one thing/disease/emotion/person/continent/etc off the face of the earth, what/who would it be and why? (example... cancer, mosquitoes, envy, GW Bush, etc)

Me: I would wipe out an emotion: Hate. I think hate slowly kills all those inflicted with it and stops people from living the best life they can for how ever long they can. It spills over into thel ives of everyone around them and slowly but surely erodes away goodness and happiness.

E: Do you use solid, gel, roll-on, or spray deodorant?

Me: Finally. A no brainer. Solid. Right now I'm using Degree solid in shower fresh scent. I also use Sure and Secret solids in either shower or powder fresh. :)

Four Good Things About Today

1) I am not currently in charge of a child. D has them both in the prince's room trying to get him to sleep. The princess seems to have no interest so I'm letting her be in there with them.

2) Watching the prince run like a wild man all over Chuck E Cheese playing games and riding rides. We decided to take him to do something special since this is such a rough week for him. He loved it. After we left, we played in the big grassy area outside for a while. That was actually quite fun and I felt less stressed than I have a days.

3) I got to nap for 2.5 hours. I could have slept longer but we had to go pick up D's car at the repair shop (can you say OUCH! $400 for a valve replacement).

4) Winning an eBay auction for a very cute pair of Stride Rite shoes for the princess.

At least the day wasn't a total shipwreck.

PS..I'll be answering the questions from the chain letter posting soon - I promise.


If she says "I understand." or "I know it's hard." one more freakin' time I'm going to clock her!!!!!

Understand? Know? MY ASS!!!!!

She has no clue. None.


It's only 9:12AM and I've been in tears twice already.

It's going to be a long day.

I'm feeling so, so, so angry, ticked and pissed off at D right now - so much of the trouble stems from her being gone and the prince being unable to cope with the huge change that is taking place in his life.

I'm lonely and frustrated and hate this new place we are in.


This sucks.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Blog Chain Letter

My turn. :)

I got this one from Estelle who got it from Renee, who got it from Rae, who got it from someone else (and so on and so on (and if you know what commerical that is from you are as old as me!)).

I also took the bait and asked Estelle the three question, (she hasn't answered yet - I blame the stupid time zone thing)so now I have to open my blog to questions. It's the law (or so they say).

Ask me three questions, of any nature. I will answer them truthfully to the best of my ability. Don't hold back! However if it is something that could get me arrested (for example( as E said), airing my true thoughts on the state of this country's leadership right now) I reserve the right not to answer :)

Pursuant to international blogging code 7743H-869.4, if you take the bait, you must open your blog to the three question activity as well. This code is null and void if and only if you have a) already done so or b) have no blog.

For frequent readers, I will allow one free question - so make it a good one (and keep it clean, people! *grin*)

PS...please, please, please play. I would like to feel like a few people read this thing. :)

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Update on the garage clutter post from earlier this month

I'm on a mission....I'm starting to de-clutter the garage. Last week I went out there and packed up the three comforter sets, a duvet cover, two Levi jean jackets, a potty chair that someone gave to us that we have no use for and the old coffee table. Then I listed them on my local Freecycle site. ZIP BOOM BANG! Gone. Just like that. Everything was gone by 5pm the next day. Thank God.

Next I'm planning to list my old china hutch (which is a bit hard to part with since it's been in the family since my parents were married. I have no room for it though and it's sucking up valuable space and I really think it's time to let it go. No one else in the family wants it.). I'll list it in Craigslist and see if I can make some money from it.

After that's gone I'm going to start working my way inward. The one good thing about doing this alone is that my resident pack-rat won't be here to impede my cleaning process. :)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Ok - I'm on a roll with pictures....

Check out my prince and princess. :)

Like Mama, Like Son

I just had to share this....earlier today D was outside studying and the prince was really wanting to spend time with her so he picked up some papers and a pen, climbed up next to her and said "Be quiet please, I'm doing important work."

Isn't he sweet?

I Love eBay!

There. I've said it. I love eBay. Mostly I love to shop for clothes for the kids but this week I've been selling stuff. The auctions just closed about an hour ago and all eight items sold. Yippie!! What was I selling? A few outfit of the princess' 3-6 month clothes (which I removed from her closet last week).

It doesn't seem like much, I know, but there is something fun in having people buy stuff I list. I still enjoy the game and rush of winning auctions. Let me share a quick tid-bit about the down comforter I bought for $16.00 that I really didn't need....I got caught up in the frenzy. *grin* Sometimes I will find an item that I like and would buy if the price were low enough but when I bid I immediately get outbid by someone who listed the highest amount they are willing to pay. So.....I'll bid again to see if I can jack up the price on them - I know, I's not very nice but think of the seller. You KNOW they're happy. It's a gamble and sometimes I win and sometimes I end up with a down comforter. :)

Anyway...back to my original train of thought....I love eBay. I didn't make a ton of money but each thing sold for more than I would have priced at a garage sale so I'm pretty happy. Besides, now I can go shopping for some more stuff for the kids. :)

(Tracey, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you I listed some stuff but if it helps ease the disappointment at all, the mail carrier should be dropping something off at your house this week.)

Anyone else love eBay as much as me? Now I just have to find time to list the rest of the stuff I still have sitting here. Fun fun fun!

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Well....I'm not so very proud of this but I'm already ticked off about D's school stuff. This was supposed to be our last weekend without her needing to go off to study most of the weekend but noooooooooo.....she told me they are being given homework for the weekend in *all* their classes. Crap. Double crap.

I'll let you in on a little secret; I don't do change well. I'm a Type A personality struggling to deal with the constant changes being a parent brings and now I have the incredible inconsistency of homework, class schedules, etc. to deal with. When I am told something - I count on it. I schedule. I plan. I don't do well with changes in the agenda.

This sucks. This isn't what I wanted for the weekend. I wasn't prepared. Let me say one more time: I didn't sign up for this!!!

I know, I know - I'm freaking out for probably no good reason. Everything will probably be just fine. I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. Yeah - probably. Or maybe not. I hate living in the great unknown. I don't do well. I feel like I'm on a slippery slope and I'm about to fall. There's nothing to grab onto. I hate feeling like this.

I have a way to tell when I'm feeling out of control...I close my eyes and if I see myself spinning in circles I know that no matter how brave I appear on the outside, I'm falling apart on the inside. Guess what? I'm spinning so fast I think I may throw up.

Oh - and E? It's actually four years, not three. (This is in reference to the comment you posted on my earlier entry) The prince will be 7.5 years and the princess will be 4.5 years.....and I'll have raised them almost entirely on my own.

I don't want to do this. I really don't.
Not that it matters.

I'm just tired....I'm sure in a few weeks everything will be fine. Yeah - that's it. That's what I'll try to convince myself of. *deep heavy sigh*

Oh....and I have to say, I'm a bit resentful about how excited she is. And I'm not really a fan of hearing all about the new friends she is making. Sheeesh - I feel like a witch.

The Prince Goes to Art Class?

The prince has a new thing...whenever he is doing something and we ask "Where'd you learn that?" he'll say "Art Class."


This kids imagination gets the best of me sometimes.

So This Is It

Today is THE day. D went into work really early to put in a few hours and now she is in orientation for school. Believe it or not, she will actually have homework tonight - some paper that she has to write based on something they do/learn today. Paper is due tomorrow during the second orientation day.

At least today and tomorrow she will still be home in the evening but some Monday - everything changes.

The prince is completely stressed out. He woke up screaming (and I mean screaming) last night. We asked if he was having a bad dream and he said he was and then babbled on about something that we couldn't make out. By the third time we woke him up completely and talked with him about our trip to the beach and how much fun he had - it must have worked because he didn't scream out again. He did, however, wake two more times and asked us to sit and hold his hand while he fell back to sleep.

The princess had a truly horrible night as well. I was up with her for about two hours - the last hour I sat in the rocking chair and rocked and nursed her until she fell asleep. Then, since it was time for D to leave, I came out into the main part of the house to say good-bye. Back to bed I went only to be woke up 15 minutes later by the prince.

I had him crawl into bed with the princess and I and I started to drift off. Then I heard " (his blanket) is too warm. Need cold one." I said "Ok - go get one off your bed." (He has three) "No - you get for me." Grumbling, off I went.

I hadn't been back in bed more than 5 minutes when I heard "Wake time, Mama. Want to watch TV." "'s all set up in the living room - just go in and turn it on." Of he goes.....but never fear, he's back in 10 minutes. He wants a different show. Fine. I get up, convince him to watch TV in our room, turn it on and go back into the princess' room to crawl back in bed. Yeah right. Ten minutes later I'm up for good. Ugh.

All told, I logged about 3 hours of broken sleep and I am really not liking the decision I made to stay up until 11:30pm last night. It sounded like a good idea - time together on our last "school free" night but, in my defense, I had no idea that the kids would have such a bad night.

I'm hoping they nap at the same time and for a few hours this afternoon. But, before that can happen, I have to get us ready and out the door for playgroup. It's so hard to be motivated when you are so freakin' tired.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Bra Talk

OMG OMG OMG!! What a HUGE difference a well fitted nursing bra makes! I'm like a whole new person. :)

I was originally fitted for my nursing bra size when I was about 8 months pregnant with the prince and it's the size I've gone by since I was still wearing them through my pregnancy with the princess (the prince stopped nursing a month before I got pregnant again). They were umm.....eeeerrrrr....snug (I'm still blaming my weight gain after pregnancy on the Twinkie binge that I went on 2 weeks PP).

I went out today and bought a correct size because I just couldn't stand being so umcomfortable anymore and ZOWIE! What a difference. I wanted to wear the freakin' thing out of the store. :)

Since it wasn't the cheapest thing I've ever purchased I only bought one and searched on-line for a cheaper one (now that I know my correct(ed) size). If that one feels as great than I'm going to buy a couple more. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Who knew a new bra would make my day? :)

Monday, August 22, 2005

My Baby Toe is Sleeping

Prince: Mama - my baby toe is tingling - it's sleeping
Me: Your toe is asleep? I'm sorry - should we wake it up?
Prince: No toe say night Mama, no let the bed bugs bite.
Me: Who's baby toe's mama?
Prince: Dis one (pointing to big toe). Mama say night baby toe sleep tight no let the bed bugs bite an baby toe say night - me go to bed like big boy all by myself.
Me: Wow. Your baby toe IS a big boy.

Gotta love conversations with a three year old. :)

This is THE week.....

D starts law school on Thursday. Thursday and Friday are day session orientation/first assignment days so we'll still have our evenings but then on Monday we enter a whole new phase of life. I'm dancing ever closer and closer to the edge..... eeeeeeeek!

Potty Training on Vacation

While I am gateful that the prince has decided he is ready to use the potty I have to wonder about his timing. Vacation. At the beach in a town where public restrooms are few and far between. We got pretty used to the mad-dash to the nearest restroom but still.......why was it he decided it was time this particular week?

I'm glad to see it is carrying over at home as well. My little wonder guy has been dry four nights in a row now and yesterday he went to the potty each and every time he needed to go. I think we are FINALLY on the way to no more diapers!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Cheese Factory Anyone?

Wow. Who knew I could be so friggin’ bored? We drove for an hour and a half to visit the Tillamook Cheese Factory (my family in our car and our out of town friends in theirs….there just isn’t room to spare when you have two car seats, two strollers, diaper bag, extra clothes, etc to take along other bodies). Here I was thinking this would be this incredible adventure to see something I have never seen before but sadly, the most incredible thing was the drive itself (which was breath-taking-ly beautiful…the Pacific Coast in all its glory). We arrived at the factory and were getting strollers, gear and kids out of the car when I realized that the princess had blown through yet another outfit. Uh oh…..I had neglected to repack the diaper bag after her last blow out and I knew that the only article of clothing in the bag was a cute little pink sun suit. Not all that ideal since it was still chilly but what’s a mom to do? I cleaned her up, changed her clothes, wrapped her in a pink fuzzy blanket, placed her in her stroller and away we went.

I’d like to know who came up with the “self-guided” tour concept for this place. They ought to be taken out and shot. The place was so loud and packed that I couldn’t hear the film clips that were playing in each window so basically, I saw a bunch of machinery that no one was working. Maybe it was lunchtime but boy howdy was it as dull as dull could be. Even the prince said “Let’s go – ‘dis boring!” I really had to agree with him.

We did, however, get to purchase an ice cream cone made from the finest of Tillamook ice cream but as D so delicately put it “We could have bought this at Safeway and saved ourselves the trouble of the drive. She couldn’t have been more right.

On the way back I called Brenda – I knew she had visited the factory a few weeks earlier and I wanted to get her observations. When I asked if they had gone to the factory (had to confirm my facts, you know) she sounded almost excited with her “Yes! We did!” answer (which got me thinking that maybe we are just hard to please/entertain people) but when I said “What did you think?” she came back to “Well….it was interesting and we did get some really good ice cream!” Ah ha! The ice cream part was the best part for them as well. Suddenly I felt vindicated. She hadn’t enjoyed it either. Thank God…it wasn’t just us after all.

The drive back brought much the same as the drive there but we did stop off at a Scenic Viewpoint to take in the view (amazing!!). Our out of town friends loved seeing the coastline so…..the morning wasn’t a total waste after all.
Once we arrived back in town it was time for a quick trip through McDonald’s drive thru, lunch in our room and then swimming time for the prince and D. The princess and I stayed in the room so she could have her lunch and then we went over to the pool to watch (and take pictures, of course) for a while. The princess and I headed back to the room to rest and the prince and D followed not far behind.

We all climbed on top the beds so that we could get a quick rest in before dinner but wouldn’t you know it – we all fell asleep. Luckily D woke up 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet Lynn and Diana for dinner. We plopped sleeping children into the strollers and off we went. Dinner was good and I even managed to get the prince to behave for most of it. No easy feat but bribing him with going on the hand pedal train cars was enough to do the trick.

After dinner we headed back up the street, stopped to make good on my promise and then over to the little mall for some “looking around” and a few trips on the carousal. Then, finally, time to head back to the room……with on small stop along the way.

The prince insisted that I hit the beach with him (I had yet to step foot in the sand…I’m not a fan of sand). I cannot deny my children happiness so off I went (muttering to myself). We ended up in the surf chasing (or was it being chased by?) the waves. We had a blast and I loved having the prince all to myself for a while.

We stopped at the swing set on the beach (I know – weird, right?) before heading back to the promenade and when D saw us swinging, Lynn and Diana suggested she go get some photos and that they would watch the princess. Uh…..ok. Believe me when I say my daughter has a set of lungs on her like nobody’s business (what does that mean anyway?). We were far enough away that we couldn’t have heard anyone yell for us but we sure could hear the princess screaming and crying. It was awful…she is such a mama’s girl and she just can’t stand being out of our sight (or having us out of hers). When we heard her screaming D raced back to get her. She was fine as soon as she was in D’s arms. Poor little angel – she is going to have to learn that she is ok away from us for a few minutes. As it is now, I’m not sure how I will manage to get any breaks once D is in school.

So that was today – busy, crazy and fun. Tomorrow Lynn and Diana leave us and we continue on for a few more days alone. It’s still hard to believe they came all the way from Illinois to join us for a few days on the coast. Thanks guys – it was great!!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Laundry? Already?

Yep – it’s true. Day two and I am doing laundry. Oy! The princess has managed to blow out, or otherwise ruin, four outfits between yesterday and this morning. Three blow outs and one run in with an ice bucket full of water.

Thank goodness they have a washer and dryer in the hotel – I have a feeling I’ll be visiting it at least one more time this week.

It’s true – you can take the mom on vacation but the work load remains the same.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Notes from the Beach

I was able to steal a few minutes here and there to write posts while I was at the beach. My goal had been a little something every day know what they say about the best laid plans. :)

We had a great time though I will admit it was stressful and not at all relaxing. There is just something about being in a small hotel room with two small children, two adults and the boat load to crap we had along with us. Turns out I could have packed half of what I did as it was never warm enough for most of the outfits I packed for the kids and since I ended up doing laundry TWO times in 5 days, I really could have packed two outfits for myself, D and the prince and five outfits for the blow-out queen (Kirkland brand there's a post for later this week. Hate them, hate them, hate them!).

Oh - and I didn't need to stack of magazines or the Harry Potter book I took. I didn't even have time to finish reading one magazine let alone the seven I foolishly thought I would thumb through. (Note to self: need to write a post on the stack of magazines that my mom always had on the dining room shelf. I never understood why she had that pile year after year after year. I understand now.)

And the stash of kid-friendly food we bought before leaving...we didn't need that either after all, the housekeeping staff threw away the entire grocery bag of food that we had sitting on top of the mini-fridge. Grrrrrrr.

We had two friends from Illinois fly out to join us for half of our vacation. That was both fun and a little frustrating but again, that's a post in and of itself.

We had a good time though - the prince loved the beach, the toy store and the arcade the best. And my favorite moment was when he took my hand and said "Mama, come on the beach with me. You haven't been yet." and then we walked down to the water and played in the surf until we were drenched. It was the best and I am so, so lucky.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Princess' 6 month Check Up

My baby turned 6 months old yesterday. That means it was time for the dreaded "Well Child Appointment" which means......shots. I hate that part.

The little princess is doing very well - growing, thriving, changing and charming. Yep, she charmed her doctor with that amazing smile of hers.

She is 17.5lbs and 26.75 inches tall. Perfect. She lands around the 70th percentile which is SO much smaller than the prince was that I feel like she is super tiny. (He was 95 and 100% across the board - and still is.)

She was given 3 shots, 5 vaccines. I opted from the get-go to have the 3 in 1 shot to cut down on the number of pokes she was getting. All told, I've saved her 6 pokes. I feel good about that part at least.

The nurse, upon walking into the room to find a smiling baby babbling to her mommy said "I hate when I come in and babies are in a good mood. It makes me so sad to know that I'm the one who is going to ruin it for them." I felt sorry for her - it must be hard to have to hurt babies for their own good.

The first two shots were a breeze...she didn't make a peep. But then there was the last one. Ugh. She screamed until I could pick her up and I could tell by looking in her eyes she didn't understand. That's the hardest part for me. If I could tell her what was coming so she could understand I would feel better. But I feel like I blindsided her. There she was, blissfully looking into my eyes, listening to me talk sweetly to her and then BLAM! She is hit with pain.

I had given her Tylenol before the appointment - and I'm glad I did. When we got home she wanted to nurse and sleep but every time she would roll on her tummy (her preferred way to sleep these days) she would scream, push up on her toes and hoist her tiny hiney into the hair to remove the pressure from her thighs. Poor little darling.

After going through this a few times I picked her up, snuggled her tight and tucked her into the swing to nap. She was out within 10 seconds.

I gave her Motrin tonight and she seems to be sleeping comfortably.

I know tomorrow will be better and I know, that for her, I made a sound decision to have her immunized. I know that in the long run, this experience hurts me more than it will hurt her. She will forget - I won't.

An Overheard Comment

"Mom isn't very nice."

Oh yes, that is what my 3 year old prince told his other mom tonight while he was in the tub. I was in the princess' room (it shares a wall with the bathroom) nursing her and that is what I heard. *Snap Crackle Pop* That was the sound of my heart breaking into tiny pieces the way only he can do.

D asked "Why is that? Because she didn't want the step stool in the bathtub and got upset when you put it in there."


*sigh* I hate being the mean mommy. It sucks. Sometimes I wish I could come home and be the hero - the fun mom.

In my defense, he had taken an old library type stool (you know the kind, round; sits on coasters but when you step on the stool the coasters sink in to make the stool steady) from the garage and plunked it into the tub that was waiting for him.

I explained why it wasn't a good idea (it was dirty, the wheels would rust, etc) but he wasn't buying. He was mad that I was taking it out. Then he was grossed out when I picked it up and dead bugs were floating in his water. I don't think he has ever gotten out of the tub so quickly.

So I guess I'm not very nice because I wouldn't let him bathe with dead bugs. Ok - I know that isn't it. I'm not very nice because I didn't let him have his way. Logically I know that and yet - it still hurt to hear his words.

Sticks and stones my ass.

Another Freakin' Leaking Diaper

ARGH!!! I'm so sick of washing the sheets and mattress pad for the guest bed!! The princess' diaper once again leaked and while I *thought* I was being pro-active last night by putting down a waterproof crib pad, I wasn't. The princess had rolled half off the pad which meant I still had to wash the linens. Blick.

We've been using the Costco (Kirkland) brand of diapers and while they work great for the day, they suck for night. I think I'm going to buy a package of Luv's in one size bigger and see if that helps. The poor thing is usually in her diaper for 12-14 hours (depending on how long she sleeps). I know what you're thinking; "Why don't you change her when she wakes to eat?" Good question. The answer is "Because she isn't wet yet." For some reason she stays dries all night and then floods out between 7-9AM when she is starting to wake. It's very frustrating.

Another frustrating part is that she slept poorly again last night. I know she is doing so many things that her brain is on overload. She is rolling over and over and over (she can actually go from one room to another in the blink of an eye), she is trying so hard to crawl (up on hands and knees (sometimes on the tips of her toes), and she is busy mastering sitting up. I guess I would be a restless sleeper too and yet still...mommy needs her sleep. *YAWN*

I'm taking the princess to her 6 month appoinment this afternoon. Grandma is coming over to take care of the prince as it's a lot to deal with both of them and listen to the doctor. Plus, it's shot day which is no fun for anyone. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Nothing to blog about....

*sigh* I have nothing to blog about tonight. Nothing exciting happened today at all unless you count a leaking night time diaper for the princess which resulted in the washing of the guest bed for the second day in a row, a cat who peed under the friggin' bed, a prince who just *had* to go see the free kids movie at the theater this morning but then decided it was "too loud" for him to watch more than 30 minutes of, receiving two, count'em, two eBay auction wins in the mail, and having a housekeeping service stop by for an estimate something exciting. I, however, don't.

So..... :)

I'm so tired tonight that my eyes are stinging. I'm seriously hoping that both children will sleep well tonight though I doubt the princess will - she hasn't in about a week. She's on the verge of crawling and just can't seem to settle down to sleep. Too much going on developmentally with her which I understand in theory but intensely dislike in practice.

My princess turned 6 months old at 11:50AM today. Six months. Where has the time gone?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I'm Addicted to eBay

Is there a 12-Step program for eBay addiction? Does it count as shop-a-holic or gambling addiction?

I just won the cutest freakin' snowman outfit (not a costume as some of you had thought but rather a sweater, shirt and stretch pants) for the princess. It's 18 month and at this point in time I have no idea if she'll ever get to wear it outside of a winter photo taken in the summertime.

It *might* fit this winter if it runs a little small (she'll probably be in 12-18 in January/February....still winter time and still season appropriate). Otherwise, I swear I will dress her in it in the heat of summer. It's just to friggin' cute. :) (Tracey, this may end up coming your way.....who knows! :) )

As Brenda knows well from our various garage sale trips; I'm a sucker for all clothes Christmas/Winter.

(**I had linked to the clothes but I just removed the link as I'm not sure how long it will be available. - Casey)

I'm Jealous Of My Three Year Old

How sad does *that* sound? Jealous of a three year old. I can hear you all snorting. But come on - admit it. There is good reason to be jealous:

someone else makes all your food and cleans up all your mess
someone else worries about how to get you the things you need
You don't even realize you "need" anything
someone else pays the bills to keep a roof over your head
they don't even know what "keep a roof over your head" means
they get to nap
after a warm bath they are put to bed with a story, a hug and a kiss
they find happiness in the simple things
and the list goes on........

But those aren't the reasons I'm jealous. I'm jealous beyond all reason because my three year old prince can make my 6 month old princess laugh like crazy. All he has to do it walk into the room and she bursts into side splitting laughter. It's the kind of laugh that you can't help but join.

I love it - and it makes me a bit sad all at the same time. *I* want to make her laugh that way. I want her to light up the way she does with him when she sees me. She does to some extent but not nearly the way she does with the prince.

I'm so happy that they adore each other. And when they snuggle up close to one another and she puts her tiny hands on his heart breaks into a million happy pieces and I know that as hard as it is THESE are the moments that make it all worth while.

So yeah - I'm jealous of the laughter he evokes but I'm so blessed to have these two that I forgive him for stealing what should be mine. :)

Monday, August 08, 2005

To Quote A Song

"I can hear the devil whisper "Things are only gettin' worse.""

Yep - that about sums it up for me. I'm not sure what is wrong with me but something certainly is. I have no patience, no attention span, no desire to do much of anything and have been on the brink of falling apart all day long. I used to knock myself out to keep this house picked up all day long but lately I just don't care. It's just going to look like a tornado whipped through within five minutes anyway. I have never, ever left the house with breakfast dishes still in the sink but guess what I did this morning? Yeah sure - I only went to the post office and yet still....I never would have done it before. I finally got around to washing them before the kids went down for afternoon naps.

The clutter is starting to get to me (a stack of magazine, the toys, the baby gear, and stupid experiment stuff that the prince likes to play with, the patio looks like Santa's toy sack threw up on it, my computer hutch is in complete disarray....and the list goes on. The only two rooms in this house that are 98% clutter free and clean are the kids rooms. Who'd have guessed that?

Oh...and the garage. Once upon a time I used to actually park my car in there. I know, novel concept, right? This winter we decided to change it into a playroom, of sorts, for the prince (we needed somewhere to put all those toys that had to vacate the livingroom to make way for the baby swing, pack-n-play, etc.). It's become a certifiable disaster area - I dare anyone to try to play out there.

Bins from my garage sales of things "not yet sold and not yet disposed of" are piled high. Bins of clothes for the kids to grow into are piled up as well. Extra bedding (how many old used comforter sets does one family need anyway?), the old coffee table, couch and rocking chair, the bike D just had to have but has never ridden, the prince's bike(s)lawn mower, camping gear, boxes of books (no room for booksleves in this house), boxes of keepsakes ,a hippity hop, too many freakin' balls to count, a Little Tyke's basketball hoop, box after box of Christmas decorations, the tall bookcase we took out of the old den (now the princess' room), the corner hutch that used to be in the kitchen that has since been replaced by the computer's endless. The amount of crap out there is endless.

Every time I walk out there I feel the panic rising in my throat. I have to get it straightened up. I have no clue where to start or how to go about it and the real panic starts when I realize I'm in it alone. Classes start in two weeks and then it's just me....just me, the prince (who seems unable to listen at all these days) and the princess who, at 6 months, is determined to crawl and really throw a wrench into the works.

I'm overwhelmed. Completely and utterly overwhelmed.

I didn't sign up for this and I feel I have absolutely no control. It feels like my life is spinning out of control.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Being Bitchy

We have a "wine night" at D's sisters house tonight (it's a family gathering usually held on Friday night to celebrate the end of the week) to celebrate a new baby coming to the family. D's nephew and his live in gf are expecting a baby which is great and all but I don't so much feel like celebrating.

The baby is great, sure but I have issues with the nephew.

Jeff has never once even sent a comment in the direction of the princess - it's almost like she doesn't exist to him (which pissed me off!). He adores his two nieces and dotes on them and gifts them with presents all the freakin' time - all the while ignoring the prince (and now the princess). He is, at best, barely civil to the prince which kills me. The prince just adore his cousin and I so wish he didn't. Jeff hardly gives the prince the time of the day - and as for birthday or christmas gifts (let alone the all year round ones we watch him give to the girls) - forget it (and I know for dead certain that his mom bought those gifts and signed Jeff's name to the card). Except for the prince's first christmas and birthday, he hasn't gotten anything and I can't stand the look on his little face when he realizes his 4 year old cousin got something from Jeff. My heart breaks in ten-thousand ways.

So....I really don't want to go over there tonight and pretend to be happy. The bitchy part of me is thinking "Too much trouble to get married first?" I know this is an ooops baby but still.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I'm feeling old

I'm feeling old. A friend today was looking through our on-line album while talking with me on the phone and this is what I heard when she reached the prince's early months: "Wow. You were so young! No really - you looked so young then." was only three years ago.

My theory goes like this:
A) Children age a person
B) I was on the cusp of losing my youthful looks and now that I am *gulp* 40, I'm an old hag

Anyone want to vote the A option with me?

I know this for sure - I had three, count 'em, three gray hairs before the prince. In the following years I have given up being able to count them all.

I guess she's right. I used to look young and now I'm just old. Somehow, that didn't really make my day. *sigh*

Just Freakin' Shoot Me!

What? Because I was lucky enough to get a 90 minute nap yesterday my kids thought it would be funny to keep me up all night? I'm exhausted and cranky.....between the princess waking to nurse or fuss every hour (or less) and the prince having bad dreams for the second night in a row I logged *maybe* 3 hours of broken sleep. This sucks!!!

D came in to get me (I had given up and taken the princess into the guest bed with me an hour prior) when her alarm went off at 4:50AM to sit with the prince who was too upset to fall back to sleep (she had already been with him for a good 30 minutes). He, of course, kept insisting to get up. I, on the other hand, was insisting that he did not. An hour later, the princess woke yet again wanting to nurse so I left the prince in his room to tend to her. He followed me in and wanted to go watch tv (as if!). I told him no and that *I* was going back to sleep after the princess was done eating because if I didn't we weren't going to be having a very good day. He climbed up and promptly...........fell asleep. ARGH!! He couldn't have done that an hour before?

Never fear though - he woke up 30 minutes later to request that I shut the bedroom window because it was "too noisy". I'm not sure I heard anything more than the distant chirping of a bird but whatever. I climbed over the princess and closed the window. Before I could turn around the prince said "Awake time?" I lied and said "No - it's still too early." (it was 7 but to me it felt like 4) "But no tired anymore."

Sighing very deeply - I agreed to get up.

It's going to be a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry long day.

Does anyone want two adorable kids for the day? :)

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I could scream

Damn! I had just spent 15 minutes typing a post to amuse the masses when suddenly BLIP my web page disappeared. WTF? That totally sucks and I am completely bummed.

I guess you'll never get to hear the story of the prince taking the princess for a ride in his Fisher Price Powerwheels Jeep (my best ever garage sale find). *sigh* It was beyond cute, too. I do believe it was the best part of my day...watching him, with his arm wrapped around her, driving through the yard. I think it's a memory I will cherish forever. He, only 3 years and her, shy of 6 months and not really sitting on her own velcro-belted into the jeep pretending to go through the "coffee place" drive through so that they could bring me my pretend frappachino. Gotta love a boy who knows his Mommy's favorite coffee drink. Oh - and he picked himself up a pretend chocolate chip cookie too. :)

For those of you who know where to find our on-line album; I've posted some pictures. :)

Wow- people actually DO read this!

Today I was reminded by not one, not two, but THREE people that I needed to post an update. It's not that I'm intentionally shirking my blogging responsibilities it's just that some days it is so freakin' hard to find the time.

Ok ok - it's true...if I hadn't napped for the 30 minutes that the kids naps overlapped for the past two days I would have had plenty of time but alas, the call of the fluffy comforter is more than I can stand some days. Sorry guys - nap wins over blogging hands down. :)

I have so much to write about - all these things are floating around in my head just waiting for a place to land. Preschool (whether or not to look into for the prince. My sister is adament that I do, I'm adament I won't...and the feelings revolving around my sister thinking she knows what best for MY children especially when she doesn't have any of her own.), family crap, law school (feeling so NOT important in the equation which is really pissing me off and making me even more depressed), feeling like my relationship is fading to the background, feeling completely overwhelmed with my life. And the list goes on......

I also have funny stories to write about: how the prince was showing me how he can use his penis to pretend he is playing bass (what??), how he is getting better at using the potty most times, how watching Mister Rogers check out a kindergarten class made my boy dissolve into tears at the prospect of going to school and being away from me, how we went to the local theater this morning to catch a movie (his first ever)...and I'm sure many other stories as well.

So much to say and so little time to say it. I suppose if I gave up some of the time I spend on the phone with a certain someone I might be able to eek out a little more time but then.....who wants to do that? :) I have a feeling that in 22 days I will suddenly find lots of time on my hands and LOTS of things to vent...errr...I mean blog about. 22 days. Yep, that's all that remains between me and a quick leap into insanity.

Time to get the prince down for his nap. With luck, the princess will sleep for another hour or so. What's that I hear? Oh yes...the sound of my bed calling..... :)

PS....Sleep! Blissful sleep! The kids and I napped for an hour and a half today. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I needed it after last night. The prince had a bad dream that kept him and me up for over an hour and then the princess was up a couple times too. I needed a nap as much as they did. :)