Tuesday, January 31, 2006

My child, the genuis.

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She's been saying "Nigh Nigh Nigh Nigh" since she was 7 months old whenever she is tired and wants to sleep. I think it's too darn cute!

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My Goof Ball Kids:

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Monday, January 30, 2006

Secret Sister

Every year my MOMS Club has a Secret Sister activity whereby people fill out forms with likes, dislikes, etc. and the forms are disbursed to other participants. During a six week period you do nice things by sending little notes or gifts to the person you have. At the end of the six weeks, there is a "revealing" party and you get to know who has been (hopefully) spoiling you. It's a lot like a Secret Santa.

I played the first year I was in my MOMS Club and I ended up with a really unattentive Secret Sister. I was bummed but when I learned it was one of the members who had been placed on bedrest, I understood (she is no longer in the group) though I was still sad that I had missed out. The person I had, who was also in my playgroup, was thrilled with all the things I did for her - which was really fun to witness first hand. I loved knowing I was brightening up days for her.

Last year I decided not to play because:
a) money was super tight (not unlike know, mind you)
b) I didn't want to be disappointed again
c) I had a newborn and was struggling with severe PPD (which disappointment would have made worse)

This year, I'm throwing my hat into the ring again. I hope, hope, hope I'll get a good Secret Sister. I can't begin to tell you how much little surprises here and there would brighten my life right now. I feel alone, lost and frustrated a lot of the time these days and it would just be nice to be reminded every so often (or often *grin*) with something tangible that someone is thinking of me and wishing me well.

I know that seems shallow. But....so be it. I'll say it again: I really, really want a good Secret Sister. :)
Have You Seen My New Pages?

If not, you're missing out. Head on over and check them out.
Where Does The Time Go?

It's a sad thing when people start sending emails asking when you are going to update your blog. I know, I know - I've been remiss. While laying in bed at night trying to sleep (I'm a terrible sleeper) a thousand blog post ideas float through my mind. I say to myself "That's a good one. Do that one tomorrow." but of course, when tomorrow arrives I have no clue what I had been thinking. Such is the way of Mommy Brain. *sigh*

Curious to know what I've been spending my time doing? Well...my on-line time, at least. (The rest of the time I'm sure you all can figure out since I have the kids all day/all night while Dakota is working and in class and/or studying) Most of YOU are the reason I'm not blogging much. Do you have any idea how many of your blogs I read every day (and check multiple times because I seem to have a need to live vicariously through everyone)? My list of blogs to visit grows practically each day - and now I have all my digi-blogs to visit as well. Then there are emails to answer (yes, I know, I suck at that too, lately), message boards to visit (again, I suck at that too) and I have added a bunch of digi-message boards too. Then there is chatting on MSN and/or AIM with friends (are you starting to see where it really IS your fault! LOL!), surfing to find info on various things in life and, of course, working on my digi-scrapping. AND....all this is done within just a few hours of time broken up over about 15-18 hours of time. Fifteen minutes here, 10 here and another 5 there.

So.....you see? It really *isn't* my fault. :) :) :)

The kids are doing well. Kelton never ceases to amaze me with his creativity, sense of humor and imagination. Yesterday, while shopping, he came across a moving box and desperately wanted to take it home. He decided it made a great car and he looks too darn funny inside the box driving around. You can't beat that kind of fun for $1.98. This afternoon we spent hours decorating it with paint, markers, stickers, paper plates and other craft items. I made shoulder straps out of belts (taped to the box) so it was easier for him to drive. Oh my gosh - the pure joy he has gotten for the $1.98. Worth every penny.

Kaylen is *this* close to walking and I can't believe that she will be a whole year old in 11 days. This time last year my c-section date was looming and I was growing larger by the day. It truly does seem impossible that she has been with us for a year. I am still having issues with the whole turning blue thing from last Tuesday and more and more I am noticing that she tends to turn bluish at random times. Today, she was fussing because she didn't want to nap even though she was drop-dead tired. She was breathing fine though maybe a little more shallow than usual but definitely NOT holding her breath when she turned a blue-gray color for a few seconds. I just about flipped out - though managed to keep calm so I didn't alarm her. I'm not sure what is going on with her but I plan to ask the doctor when I take her in for her year appointment in a couple weeks. I honestly don't believe she is "holding her breath until she turns blue and passes out" because she is angry. This is different. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Call it mothers intuition.

How am I? Well....I'm definitely feeling the need for a break from the kids and yet, I actually get a bit dizzy at the prospect of leaving Kaylen with someone. I'm sure it's part of what happened last week. I know that for me, though, I need a child free break. The last time I had one was about three weeks ago when Dakota's mom invited us to dinner and I begged off, opting to stay home alone. HEAVEN!! I need some of that again. Who knows when I'll ever get it though.

So that's that. As Kelton used to say to us quite regularly: "Happy Now?!"

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Thought for the day:

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Thank you.

Thank you for all your kind words, emails and phone calls. Your support means a great deal to me. Kaylen appears to be completely fine today - she played, laughed, cried, crawled, took some steps and, in general, had a normal day.

I wish I could say that was the case for me. It wasn't. Every time she bumped her head and would start to cry, I actually had a physical reaction. Dakota says it's probably a form of post-traumatic stress. Whatever it is - it's frightening. I'm trying so hard not to over-react - I don't want to scare her...or Kelton.

The images, and sounds, are still fresh and haunting. The tears still come at random intervals.

But my baby....she seems completely unfazed. Thank God.
As you can see - she is compeltely unfazed by the trauma of yesterday. I, however, am not unfazed.....I wonder when I will stop feeling like I am feeling. *sigh*

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Most Terrifying Hour of My Entire Life

I'm not entirely sure that I am in a state of mind to write this out - the terror is so fresh and every time I close my eyes I see it all over again. When I try to be still for a second, my mind plays out all the scenarios that *could* have happened. Yes, I know they *didn't* happen but it doesn't stop my brain from terrorizing me.

Kaylen, my 11 month old baby girl, and I were playing this afternoon while her big brother snoozed peacefully. She, being the clever girl that she is, invented a new "game" and even though I knew it wasn't the safest of things to be doing I let her because she was having such a great time and I love to hear her laugh. Our couch and loveseat are set up in the traditional L shape with an end table smooshed in at the angle of the L (you know, so you can have a lamp for reading). Anyway.....Kaylen discovered the joys of flinging herself over the arm of the couch, sliding onto the end table, sitting up, looking at me like she just won a gold medal, laughing hysterically and then climbing back to me to start all over again.

I was RIGHT there. I was holding her legs so she couldn't go too fast or fall from the table. But......on about the sixth time of the game something went wrong. I'm not sure exactly what happened - it's blurry in my memory - but she crashed onto the table neck first (chin up). It was a horrible sight. I grabbed her because I knew the tears were coming... except she didn't move from the position her body had landed - her neck was still extended, her eyes had a faraway look to them, her mouth was open but instead of a scream there was nothing but a horrible silence. I tried to get her attention thinking that she was just too scared to cry. No reaction. None. She started turning blue - I tried again. Still nothing - her face was now the color I would imagine comes with death. Then her eyes rolled back into her head and her body fell limp. She wasn't breathing.

I ran, with her in my arms, to the kitchen, grabbed the phone and called 9-1-1. I was crying hysterically because I was absolutely positive in my arms I was holding my dying baby. I was sure she had broken her neck and that she was dying. She was still limp, not breathing. Then she made some gurgling noises - awful, awful sounds. Suddenly it dawned on me that I should have her laying flat incase her neck *was* broken. I am still crying on the phone to the medical dispatcher. The person on the other end of the phone talked me through some things - finally....finally Kaylen started to cry...and then scream....and then flail around a bit. THANK GOD!

The ambulance was mere blocks away, I was told. And yet - it felt like it took a lifetime to arrive. During all this, Kelton woke up and come out to see what was happening. To his credit, he was very together. I asked him to get my cell phone and call Dakota. He did but since it was 4:30pm she was already at school and unreachable. Being my smart boy, he called Brenda. She couldn't really understand why he was saying about calling 9-1-1, the ambulance and baby sister having a blue face so she asked for me. I quickly said the ambulance was there and things were not ok. I'd call later. Meanwhile, Dakota was trying to call us back.

Needless to say, Dakota flipped out and said "I'm on my way!" She called her mom to come over to help.

While that is going on the paramedics are giving my baby a head to toe assessment. She didn't appear to have life threatening injuries so I had a choice - they could take her in the ambulance or I could take her to my peds office. After being reassured a few times that it would be safe to transport her myself, and told that it might be more traumatic for her to be strapped down with all the medical stuff they would have to use, I agreed to take her to the peds office myself.

I signed forms and they left. A quick call to Dakota to let her know where we were going (she would meet us there and she would call her mom and her mom would meet us there) Kelton and I put on our shoes and out the door the three of us went.

We signed in and they took us back to monitor her vitals. After the nurse finished checking her over we returned to the waiting room to wait for the Urgent Care docs to arrive. Finally, we were ushered back and Kaylen was checked out again. I was questioned in depth about how she fell, how she landed, did she scream at all first before passing out, did her body shake before she collapsed, did her eyes move rapidly side to side or stay locked in one position (which would mean seizure), etc. It was exhausting to go over every detail I could remember (and hard to realize I honestly didn't know because I was too freaked out to remember).

Again, we were reassured that babies are incredibly flexible and that she was acting appropriate for her age. PHEW!

We were discharged with the basic instructions for concussion and told to report to the local Children's ER room immediately if she started showing signs on the warning sheet.

Gratefully, we bundled up our daughter and came home. Thankful beyond words that she is healthy and alive.

I will never, ever, ever - not in a million years, forget what her face looked like, what her body felt like or the complete and utter terror I felt when I thought she was dying in my arms. Tonight, while I was nursing her to sleep, I sat rocking her....and crying. And after she had fallen asleep, I held her tight in my arms for a long time, tears still streaming down my face, grateful for my beautiful baby girl.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

His Sad Little Life

Oh yeah - this is life as we know it today. He is actually feeling better but clearly still not his happy, go lucky self. It's only 6:30 but it's looking like bedtime to me. THIS, yes, this, is what my life has been like for the past week. And this fit (which is minor in comparision to some) - well it was all about a piece of aluminum foil. OY!!!

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But Then....There Are Times Like This

The kids were having a blast yesterday screaming out the window and listening to their screams echo. Don't you wonder what our neighbors are thinking?

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

My Silly Kids.....AKA: How Kelton Loves To Be The Center Of Attention :)

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This was shot on 1/10.......clearly this is *not* how the kids are acting today. But I figured I could use come comedy relief. :)

Friday, January 20, 2006

Breaking My Heart

My kids are breaking my heart. They are so miserable. I finally got Kaylen to sleep but it's clear that both nursing and her binky cause pain....even with Tylenol on board she is hurting a great deal.

She cried so hard for so long. I cried with her......and there was nothing I could do to help.

Kelton is propped up reading in his bed. He is in too much pain to eat though he will drink water (I'm sure to get the nasty puss taste out of his mouth). He wants his binky but it hurts too much to even have it in his mouth. He actually started to cry because he is so sad and miserable.

I can't do anything to help them. THIS SUCKS!!
Update to the Update

And now the baby has them in her mouth.

I can't freakin' win!!

Send help.

Oh yeah - chalk one up for Mama. I was right - it is indeed Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease which became clearly evident while getting Kelton dressed for his doctor appointment. He was starting to develop the blisters on his hands and feet. Oh joy.

And besides pain relieving measures like Tylenol, there is nothing to be done but wait it out.

Another fun thing is I think Kaylen is starting to develop it as well. Nice nice nice. Oh - and for even MORE fun, it's going to get worse and more painful for Kelton than it already is since it's clearly in the early stages and since he is my child (and I always seem to be in that 10% population that stray outside the "norm" for things) he also has blisters various places on his body. Not commonly seen, but not unheard of.

This is miserable. They are miserable which means so I am.

Just shoot me.
Sick Sick Sick

Laura, you were so right.

My boy is one sick little dude. The last few days he's been complaining off and on that his "teeth hurt" though we couldn't get specifics from him and when we looked, nothing appeared different. Since his eating/drinking wasn't off, we let it go.

Two days ago he mentioned that his tummy hurt. But again - when asked, he would say "No - it ok."

Yesterday his eating was non-existent but he was running to get water often. Odd - yes. I even mentioned it to Dakota. He kept saying his teeth hurt. I got the flashlight and looked - I didn't see anything and when I questioned him further, he denied everything again. *sigh*

He finally ate cheese and crackers late in the evening.

Last night, when Dakota was putting him to bed, he popped his binky in, made a terrible face and ran for the bathroom. He rinsed his binky and drank water. When asked he said his binky was hurting him (which was odd since he had been using it on and off during the day without complaint). I again got the flashlight and we managed to get a good look. The poor little guy has bloody sores all over the roof of his mouth and down towards his throat (but not IN his throat). Well no wonder he has been such a challenge - he doesn't feel well.

We gave him Tylenol and finally got him to sleep.

Somewhere in my brain I remembered Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease so I looked it up on the internet and sure enough......I think that's what he has. I have seen no evidence of blisters on his hands and feet but he does have a tell-tale rash on his hinney (which we've wondered what it was from since he doesn't wear diapers anymore).

So.....a call to the doctor is in order today to have it confirmed (or not). Fun. I feel so bad for him and it makes me wonder if Kaylen has it as well (which would account for her horrible nights lately). They share everything - binkies, cups, etc.

Oh the joy. More later.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Bath Mats

Who invented these things? You know what I am talking about - those rubber mats that go in the tub to prevent slipping? We have a really cute one in the kids tub - it's blue with bright yellow ducks on it (we have a duck theme in the bathroom). I guess I should say we've had several. See - they always, always, always grow this disgusting black mildew on the side that adheres to the tub. Sure - it makes sense...it's probably always wet. I get the reason....what I don't get is why no one has invented a mat that *doesn't* grow this nasty stuff.

Heck- I'd even be happy if there was something I could spray on it weekly to prevent the problem.

With the mat before the one we have now, I was diligent about picking it up, drying it off and leaving it wrong side up to dry on the side of the tub. I mistaken thought this would thwart the growth. I've tried washing it weekly, that didn't work well either.

Does anyone know something that might help this problem? I'm getting frustrated and I hate plunking down $15 every couple of months for a new mat (though I hate the thought of a nasty black one sharing space with my kids even more). Sure - I could get the cheaper, ugly ones. After all, they end up in the same place, the trash, but I want a cute one. I should get to have a cute one.

And someone should make something to keep it from growing spots.
When Will I Learn?

When will I finally learn that to talk about something only seems to jinx it? I mentioned to a friend of mine that Kelton appears to be over the worst of the Challenging Three's. If yesterday and today are any indication, this is SO NOT TRUE!!

The same thing seems to happen when I say "The baby slept so well last night!" I can bet my bottom dollar that I won't be saying *that* line again for a long, long time. But mommy amnesia will set it and the next time she sleeps well, I'll mention it and then I'll be back in sleepless-hell.

Kelton. My son. The love of my life (well - one of three at least). My shining star. The ying to my yang. Today - he is the challenge to my sanity.

So deviant. So whinny. So needy. So independent. He bounces from one end of the spectrum to the other faster than the single beat of a heart. From kissing me to screaming at me faster than the moss is growing on the patio (which to those of you NOT living in the rainy NW, is dang fast!). From saying such sweet, silly and funny things to being almost vicious.

I know he's having a rough time with Dakota starting classes again. I know that and yet - it doesn't make me more patient when it all starts (and starts again and again and again).

I'm frustrated - and angry. I'm having trouble adjusting too. Not to taking care of the kids alone - that part is going as well as can be expected - it's the lack of time for myself. It's the lack of time to get the chores completed without having a child screaming or crying for something they "need" right that second. I realize this is only the first week - I know it will get better. More tolerable. But right now, knowing those things does not comfort me. And I know it doesn't comfort Kelton. If it did - things wouldn't be so awful.

I want my sweet boy back. I don't so much like the one that is visiting us right now. :(
When Will I Learn?

When will I finally learn that to talk about something only seems to jinx it? I mentioned to a friend of mine that Kelton appears to be over the worst of the Challenging Three's. If yesterday and today are any indication, this is SO NOT TRUE!!

The same thing seems to happen when I say "The baby slept so well last night!" I can bet my bottom dollar that I won't be saying *that* line again for a long, long time. But mommy amnesia will set it and the next time she sleeps well, I'll mention it and then I'll be back in sleepless-hell.

Kelton. My son. The love of my life (well - one of three at least). My shining star. The ying to my yang. Today - he is the challenge to my sanity.

So deviant. So whinny. So needy. So independent. He bounces from one end of the spectrum to the other faster than the single beat of a heart. From kissing me to screaming at me faster than the moss is growing on the patio (which to those of you NOT living in the rainy NW, is dang fast!). From saying such sweet, silly and funny things to being almost vicious.

I know he's having a rough time with Dakota starting classes again. I know that and yet - it doesn't make me more patient when it all starts (and starts again and again and again).

I'm frustrated - and angry. I'm having trouble adjusting too. Not to taking care of the kids alone - that part is going as well as can be expected - it's the lack of time for myself. It's the lack of time to get the chores completed without having a child screaming or crying for something they "need" right that second. I realize this is only the first week - I know it will get better. More tolerable. But right now, knowing those things does not comfort me. And I know it doesn't comfort Kelton. If it did - things wouldn't be so awful.

I want my sweet boy back. I don't so much like the one that is visiting us right now. :(

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

So NOT A Good Day

I'm tired. I'm more than tired - I'm exhausted and everything feels huge. I've already cried twice this morning and it's just now 11AM. One time I was actually crying over spilled milk. I kid you not. Spilled milk.

I'm a wreck.

The baby didn't sleep much last night. She was restless and cried .... a lot. More than a lot. At one point, I ended up falling asleep while nursing her (very unusual for me) in a very odd position and when I woke, my hand and arm were asleep and hurting. Nice.

I need a nap. I also needed the baby to take her morning nap on time. Yeah - that didn't happen. She was too uncomfortable and, presumably needed to poop. So - after a bit of playing, she did just that. But still no sleeping was to be had. Over tired would be my diagnosis. And now - well it's just too darn close to afternoon naptime and by golly I'm GOING to nap when the kids nap so she is just staying up until then. I have her parked in front of Baby Bach for a bit. She loves it and I love the no crying or fussing.

And the boy? Well.....he's in his full 3 year old "pay attention to me" mood and is driving me crazy.

It's days like this that I wish that Mother's Little Helper" pill was still the norm.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Please think gently and lovingly for a fellow blogger, fellow mom, fellow woman, fellow human. Today, she is facing what no person should have to face. She is 27 years old and is undergoing surgery for ovarian cancer. She started this journey in September when she began trying for baby #2. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she'd end up where she is.

Rae, we're loving you!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

And We're Off..........Again!

Yep - Law School, Semester Two beings tomorrow night. Yes, you read the correctly - tomorrow night. Oh sure- tomorrow IS indeed a holiday for public education institutions, banks, federal offices and most businesses but the law school D attends is private and, as a result, see no reason to pay any mind to the "less important-mainstream/bank type holidays". *sigh*

D is tomorrow off from work but then, around mid-afternoon, she will pack up and leave us in pursuit of higher learning.....and, around mid-afternoon, the kids and I will begin our descent into chaos.

I have to laugh at times though......this weekend, in particular, has been stressful as we all gear up for change and well, let's face it, life with kids is generally stressful - especially the evening hours. At a really chaotic times, when D was losing patience and all semblance of sanity and her temper was starting to show I gently said "Yeah - and there's two of us now. Just imagine dealing with this alone." to which I would heard the response "I couldn't. I could never do this all the time like you do. I don't know how you do it." My inner child was having a freakin' field day - screaming at the top of her lungs "I can't do it alone!! Have you no idea that this goes on all the time even when you aren't here to see it???? How is it that you just take for granted that I can do this all alone all the time?"

The adult in me just said "It sucks. This time of day sucks." and let it go.

To her credit though she did ask me if, after her first year is done, I thought she should take a year off. You all hear my laughter, right? Yeah sure - take a year off *after* starting this but you couldn't do it when I practically begged you to last year. Ummm....no. I want her to stay in and finish now. No point in postponing it. The baby is getting easier - I really, really, really needed D here when the baby was 6, 7, 8, 9 months...now that she is beginning to walk and talk, things are getting a bit easier. I needed her here when the boy was going through the roughest, nastiest parts of being three. Now that he's starting to come out of that stage, we're doing better (overall).

I needed her home when my PPD was wildly out of control. Now I have better meds to help and I don't feel as desperate or as out of control.

So no....but thanks for asking. I'd like you to just continue on so we can reach the end more quickly.

It's going to be a bumpy ride over the next 16 weeks. I'm sure I'll have lots to blog about....and hopefully I'll be able to find the time. Don't forget...I also need to find time for scrapping. Hmmmm......maybe daycare every other day so I can do all the things I need to do. :)

A girl can dream, can't she? :)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

There's a conversation happening on another blog that I thought was interesting - mainly because it's been on the front burner of my thoughts today. The subject revolves around feeling like you are a better parent when you have another person to parent with. A single mom by choice says no.....a single mom by default says yes.

The second topis was are children of single parents more at-risk socially, emotionally and acedemically.

Here's what I wrote:

You know what's weird? I was actually going to write a simliar thread tonight on my blog - about how Dakota starts classes again on Monday - about how stressed out I am about it because it means I am virtually a single parent 95% of the time. The point of my post was going to be how I feel like I am a MUCH better parent when Dakota is with us then when she is not. The past 4 weeks really brought this home to me. When I am "Mommy on Duty" I'm short tempered, tired, low on energy, overwhelmed, overworked and over everything and anything else you can think of but when Dakota is here to share it all with - I am so much more patient, playful.....fun. I actually enjoy my kids.

I'm only going at this from MY perspective - I'm a SAHM with 2 kids, with little to no child-free time. No "me" time to speak of.

I know that M shares the same basic background - and then she added school, studying, internship, etc. So perhaps her experience in similar.

L, I know you work outside the home full-time which probably gives you the time to fullfill yourself in various ways, run some errands while being child-free, and in general, re-energize yourself.

Ok - so maybe this addresses somewhat the being a better parent inside the structure of a relationship.

As for the social and acedemic risk part of it - I'm not sure I agree with that part the way it is written (and may be coming across). I think that if you go into parenting solo on purpose and have worked out the financial and emotional sides then I would say that your child is no more at risk than any other child. HOWEVER I think this statement MAY be true if you went into parenthood with a partner and then you are suddenly, without warning, a single parent.

In this case, you didn't have the time or resources to have put financial and emotional resources into action. For M the break up was sudden, she was a full-time SAHM mom with no income of her own. The house was sold and she needed to make a move. She could either stay where she was and pay a huge amount of money, work full-time in any job she could get quickly (vs. a career), put her son into daycare and try to survive OR she could move to her childhood town and stay with her parents (eventually building a mother-in-law apartment for space). Then she could return to school and eventually find a career.

So for her - the chance that she was putting her son at risk was very real. But for L, I don't think this was (or is) the case.

I think this is one of those times when the statement needs to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

And....now I think I will just cut and paste this onto my blog and save myself some time. :)

L - I think you are a GREAT mom.
M - I think you are a GREAT mom, too!

You're both single moms but you both took VERY different routes. It's easy to see where the views would not match. :)
Learning About Me In Groups of Four

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life:
1. Summer Camp Staff
2. Receptionist at Supercuts
3. Office Manager for a Orthodontist
4. Human Resources Coordinator for a major HMO

Four Movies You'd Watch Over and Over
1. When A Man Loves A Woman
2. Steel Magnolias
3. Beaches
4. The L Word (ok - not a movie but if you watch the entire DVD sets in one sitting it's *almost* like it.)

Four Places You Have Lived
1. Seattle, WA
2. Bellingham, WA
3. Arcata, CA
4. Mountlake Terrace, WA

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Commander In Chief
2. Scrubs
3. Gray's Anatomy
4. The L-Word

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Disney Land
2. Hawaii
3. Mexico
4. St. Johns

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. Every single blog on my hit list
2. digi-scrapping sites
3. parenting websites
4. PBS Kids (hey - I have a 3 year old who loves to play computer games and it's a safe site)

Four of Your Favorite Foods
1. Big Mac
2. Grilled Cheese Sandwich
3. pork chops
4. coffee - for me, this IS a food group!

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
1. Napping :)
2. Disney Land
3. On the couch reading a book
4. Anywhere QUIET! :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I have decided it was time to start posting my scrapbook pages over on my Addicted to Scrapping blog so....if you want to check out future pages, bookmark it and visit often!

PS...My baby is STILL sick. Went to the doctor today to make sure it wasn't an ear infection (it's not). Poor thing is CRANKY!

Tomorrow will be better - right?
Yeah yeah ...I know - I had the wrong link up and you couldn't get there. It's fixed now. Sorry about that! :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Cool Dude

credits: Shabby Princess Moody Blues, AcrylicAlpha by Dani Mogstad Font: Anke Calligraphic

Journaling Reads:
Three Year Olds: A Study in Contradictions
There you were - wearing my sunglasses, using a binky and holding baby (your blanket). This photo makes a clear statement of what defines you right now - still so young and yet wanting to be older.
Ugh. The baby has a fever and since the preschooler is acting cranky I'm going to assume he does as well though he refuses to allow me to take his temp. I'm pretty sure I have one too though I haven't the time or energy to confirm it.

Kaylen has been attached to me all day long and frankly, as much as I love this girl, I need a little breathing space for about 15 minutes. Kelton wants my full, and completely undivided, attention. *sigh*

It's been a loooooooooooooong day.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

You are Linus! you have a good heart and are a
genuinly nice person. Share your kindness with

what peanuts character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, January 07, 2006

My Little Duckling

Credit:Bouncing Boy kit created by Heather Vaughn (aka rubberduckie), 2005

Friday, January 06, 2006

Curious about digital scrapbooking? Want to test out digital scrapbooking? Come visit my scrapping blog for some great links to freebies to download, try out and keep as your very own!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
SPF Revisited

After the day I've had today I came up with a new Before and After picture....the only trouble is I have no idea how to photograph sanity....and lack thereof.

The girl had a super rough night last night - though she really *wanted* to sleep she was just unable to stay that way for more than a few minutes at a time. And if baby isn't sleeping, Mama isn't sleeping either. I tried all the tricks - clean diaper, Tylenol, rocking, I even resorted to thinking she was really hungry and that my well had run dry so I fixed a bottle (she drank 2oz. Clearly not starving.). Nothing worked for more than 15 minutes.

At times she would out and out cry - from frustration, I'm sure - but mostly she would just moan, groan, flip this way and that, sit up, groan some more, etc.

I figure I logged maybe 2.5 hours in tiny little bits of time. I finally get her to settle down a bit and doze off for about 20 minutes. The next thing I know a little boy is speaking (loudly, I might add) to me saying "Mama - you gotta get up. Other mama say I watch two shows then I can wake you up. Get up!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I growl in my Mama Bear voice. "Don't wake your sister!"


I stumble out of bed, glaring at him in my best "I may love you but right now I have not an OUNCE of like for you." look. And just then - the little one wakes up, cries out, sits up and lunges for me. Oh freakin' great. So much for sleep. I follow the boy into the livingroom and notice the clock on the wall.....he watched two shows my big Aunt Fanny! Dakota had left the house maybe 30 minutes before which means it was waaaaaaay too early for a mama who hadn't slept all night to be awake.

Needless to say, the day just continued to spiral downward from there. Two sleep deprived children and one exhausted, sleep deprived mama does not a pretty picture make.

Dakota took them over to her mom's tonight (Thank God!) for a family get-together that I couldn't face attending in my state of mind. I spent the first 45 minutes putting order to the house which looked like a tornado whipped through it and now I am writing this. I hope Dakota took my words to heart when I said "Please - DON'T hurry back!"

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The assignment from Random and Odd for January 6th:

1. Show me BEFORE

2. show me AFTER

3. Show me your new favorite thing

Here we go:

My son recently potty trained. Before this event took place diapers and pull-ups were a daily part of my life.

After potty training, my life is being taken over by Super Hero big boy underpants. (Don't you wish they made cool underpants like that for adults? I do! Imagine how fun it would be to go through your day knowing you were wearing Wonder Woman underwear!)

My new toy - a new camera. So, so, so much fun!!

credit: Still Life Kit
(c)2005 by Nancie Rowe Janitz

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Kelton received his first model airplane for Christmas this year and he and Dakota spent two days painting it and putting it together. He is SO proud of it!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

My Dad - No Longer A SuperHero?

I dream a lot these days. I'm sure it has something to do with being in a light sleep and/or being woken up so often at night but whatever the reason, I've been having a ton of dreams since I first got pregnant with my son. Frankly, I'm not a fan of dreaming - which I know a lot of people think is weird but why on earth would I want to be busy all night long and then get up and be busy all day? I'd rather fall into a deep dark sleep and get some rest. But anyway.....

Last night I had a dream that's been bugging me all day so thought I'd share it and see if any of you have any insight. First and foremost, you should know going into this that I was always a "daddy's girl". :)

I was still living at home - I think I was in high school but still the current Iraq War was taking place. My dad was called to into service for the army (no, he never really served) and I was really upset that he was going for obvious reasons.

A few months after he left, we received word through some sort of source that said he had been killed but since we hadn't yet received "official" word, I wouldn't believe it. The person who was telling us he was dead said that he had been shot at many times before but that his belt buckle always deflected the bullets. On this day, however, he wasn't wearing his belt and the bullet hit and killed him.

I was then getting ready for the funeral but because we still hasn't had "the visit" from the military to confirm his death, I was still not believing it. Then, as we are walking behind the casket to the cemetery, two men in uniforms approached us - I remember starting to fall apart.

Then the baby cried and woke me up (again).

So what do you think? Was his belt buckle, which was large like the kind SuperHeroes wear, protecting him? Am I in disbelief that my dad isn't really *my dad* anymore since his stroke 12 years ago?

I think my trip up to visit my parents last week really got to me. Even though I like to say I am braced for the inevitable with my parents, maybe I'm really not.

I learned that my mom isn't doing well. If you remember an earlier posting from this summer, my mom has Primary Lateral Sclerosis which, in a nutshell is a progressive neurological disease. One of the effects is a wasting of muscle - which, for her, is getting worse. My brother shared with me other things as well regarding how painful it will be (and is) as the disease continues and how, without muscle to hold things in place, how her body will begin to contort in painful and horrible ways. How the doctors are noticing a rapid decline and how this may mean that this was our last Christmas with her. Even though this isn't "a terminal disease" the heart is a muscle and well - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together.

Now I have my issues with my mom but I don't wish her to have a painful existence and death. I'm feeling guilt for lost time and then I don't feel guilt because of all that happened - and then I feel guilty for not feeling guilt. I wish a thousand million things but none of them can happen. I'm angry that she isn't fighting to live and I'm angry at me for being angry at her. And I'm sad - and I'm lonely for something I never even had. I don't know - I guess I always thought we had time - she is, afterall, only 67 years old - but I guess time is something we never have enough of. There is no way to really talk with her anymore - the disease and the medication to help her deal with muscle spasms and pain leaves her unable to focus or to hold a conversation of any depth. And - even if that wasn't the case, I'm not sure where I'd even begin.

So...back to my dream. I'm thinking that my dad is a fallen superhero, in my eyes, because he is incapable of protecting me from all of this.

But that's just me - and I'm not Freudian wanna-be.
No no no no no no no no!!!!

I just got off the phone with my good friend, Brenda, who shared some distressing news with me: her husband in interviewing for a position in California! NO!!!!!!

Everyone help me out and send "California people: Do not hire Al!" vibes out into the universe. And just to be fair, since his office here is looking at closing down, help me send out some "Vancouver/Portland people: Offer Al a great job!" vibes.

Oh man - I can't even begin to tell you had sad this news is making me. Brenda is the voice on the other end of the phone each and every morning asking how I am and how my evening/night went. She's my "mall date" - someone who goes to the mall with me just to hang out. She's the one I go with when it's time for pictures of her kids or mine for moral support. She's the one who's house my kids can trash while she and I talk, laugh and gossip (but not drink coffee - that's my friend, Shawna, who I can do that with! :) ). What would I do without my regular escapes to the local coffee place to hang out (which, I might add, we haven't done since D started school. I miss it.)? What would I do without Brenda?

"You have Shawna." Brenda said, sadly. Trying to make me feel better even though she and I are both feeling crappy.

And yes, that's true (and I LOVE having Shawna for a friend!) but is there a universal rule that says I can only have one good real-life friend at a time???????? I want TWO!! I'm greedy - I want TWO good friends. Doesn't seem like so much to ask for.

So help me - send out those vibes. Thanks.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Look at my baby with her babies! Isn't she too stinkin' adorable?