September 22

I know it's been days since I last posted but I have a reason...wait. No. Just an excuse.

I'm in the Land of Funk.

I think I'm PMSing (yeah I know...TMI but I don't really care). Need proof? Take for instance: the changes over in Facebook Land. They so don't make me happy and yet - I realize in that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. And yet - it seems and feels terribly important. The job hunt has me slightly (!) on edge. My goal has been 4-6 applications a day. I have hit that goal every day since setting it. I know it's still early for those to pan out since weeks and weeks can go by before hearing a word...you know, IF I hear a word. I am even in contact with an agency who works with "hard to place people". Such a f-d up way to look at yourself. Hard to place.

I know in just a couple weeks via my annual Social Security report, the Federal Government will again remind me I am worth a big fat zero. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It's funny but until the past few years, those reports didn't really bother me because I knew I was doing something ultra-important: raising future adults. Now, though my job with the children is the same (raising them to be fully functioning, happy, well-adjusted adults) my lack of worth hits like a hammer and brings me to my knees.

We all know that if stay at home moms received paychecks, they would be higher than an average paycheck for an average worker...plus overtime. I also know that the skills I have honed in the 9.5 years since Kelton arrived on the planet, in addition to the ones I had prior to that (you know - the same skills that made me a highly qualified and an in-demand employee who was recruited into the last position I held), should make me an excellent candidate.

I have no doubt that 5 years ago I would have been snatched up. Five years ago. When the economy was different and well...when I had "only" been out 5 years. But five years ago I had a 4 year old and a 1 year old who I was solely responsible for more days and nights than not and I had a partner who agreed with the advantage of my being at home with them. I thought those days were hard. They were, in retrospect, a walk in the park.

I'm grumbling and moaning, I know. I don't expect poor you's and don't need any self-righteous ideas and thoughts on my life. I'm just venting before I explode and lucky you - you get to read it. Or not. No one is forcing you to.

Remember a post I had a while back about Polaroids vs Portraits? This is a snapshot of my mindset at this very moment. It is NOT indicative of anything else.

I know I am VERY lucky, fortunate, blessed and loved as well. It's just that in this moment, those feelings are in the background and the PMS monster has taken over. Right now I'm sad, defeated, frustrated and scared.

It happens.


(PS..I turned off comments. I really don't want any. I just wanted to vent. Thanks. I'm sure my brighter outlook-self will be back soon.)

Heart of the World

I heart heart heart this song. I've listened to it so much since Wednesday that the kids even know the words now. :)




Heart Of The World
Tom Douglas / Scooter Caruso

Tin cans rattling the pavement
Confetti scattered everywhere
She falls asleep in the seat beside me
Rice caught up in her hair
I don't mind it, I keep driving
Flying on these wheels of steel
A bit anxious, a bit nervous
The moment's all we can feel

If oil is the soul of the engine
Then wine is the drink of the gods
Forgiveness the road to redemption
Faith can still beat the odds
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
You'll never not be my girl
Cause love is the heart of the world

I leave him sleeping as I rise early
Always up before the dawn
The house is dark but I see clearly
The kettle sings a morning song
The bacon's frying, baby's crying
I soak up the sights and sounds
Minutes turn to ...days and I
Wish that I could slow 'em down

If grease is the soul of the kitchen
And coffee the drink of the gods
Routine too perfect to mention
Time is a thief I would rob
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
I’ll never not be your girl
Cause love is the heart of the world

If hope is the soul of the dreamer
Then Heaven is the home of my God
It only takes one true believer
To believe you can still beat the odds
We're meant to be
Baby hold on to me
You'll never not be my girl

Never not be your girl
Cause love is the heart, love is the heart

Love is the heart of the world

Homework

The topic is buzzing around the interwebs like crazy: homework and the hell on earth it creates for some children and parents.

The hours spent agonizing over rewriting five paragraphs. The tears. The tantrums. The stalling. The "needing a drink or snack" every ten minutes. The throwing of the pencils across the room. The parents, standing there, willing themselves not to bash their own heads against the wall. Willing themselves to stay calm. Breathe deep. Be understanding. And stand strong against the overwhelming desire to send a strongly worded email to the teacher telling them exactly what they can do with their homework assignments.

I am in that hell. And it's only the second full week of school.

Every day I hold my breath and hope he just breezes in, grabs a snack as he tells me about his day and then settled in to do his work.

And every day I hear "Can I just not do it today? I only have to do it four days a week - I think I'll skip today." For the record - this 4 days a week stuff is making it even harder than if they say "Nope - it's every day. Monday through Friday. Saturday and Sunday no homework." (Writing is every day but math and reading are 4 days a week.)

Every day I say "Nope. Sorry. Sit down and get to work, please."

Every day I say "Kelton? I'm serious. Get to work so we can move on to something else."

Every day I say "Yelling at me isn't going to make it go away or get it done."

Every day I say "Unlike last year, I'm not going to argue about your homework from the time you arrive home until the time you finally get it done. We're going to work on it as soon as you get home and then we can move on."

And everyday we argue about sitting down and doing his homework.

To his credit, I do feel like the level of homework is a bit too heavy for a 4th grader. Yesterday it took almost two hours for him to do his writing assignment. Then there was math. And 20 minutes of reading. I also can't help but feel fourth grade is when it really starts to matter. The weight of his workload feels....heavier. More serious. Like I'm worried about sick days and how we will make up the work that is bound to be sent home.

Fourth grade seems to be a new ballgame.

No longer is it a bit of homework every day (like reading). It's homework every day. Real homework.

And then on the flip side, I have Kaylen begging for homework. She has reading, of course, but it we don't officially begin logging until October. Which means she doesn't feel she needs to do it now and besides, reading isn't really homework, according to her. She wants HOMEWORK.


I don't. Because juggling two of them at the kitchen counter every afternoon sounds like more than I can do right now. I know my future. Kelton will say, as he looks over at Kaylen's work, "That's so easy. I can't believe you have that as homework." and Kaylen will burst into tears. She will say he is mean and she hates him. I will scold them both and try to get them back on task. Kelton will kick her under the counter edge where I can't see. Kaylen will scream and cry. Kelton will get reprimanded and Kaylen will be told she needs to not say mean things. Kelton will say "Yeah KAYLEN!" in his snottiest voice. Kaylen will burst into fresh tears.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Mommy will look for an adult beverage.

October can take it's time getting here, thankyouverymuch.

In the meantime, I have a child who took almost two hours to rewrite FIVE paragraphs. I will grant you, he needs writing and spelling homework. And I love the process his teacher is using it's just that, for Kelton (and me), it's like dragging a 6,000 boulder up the side of a mountain.

We finished the weeks writing assignment yesterday (Day 1 Create a visual web of your topic. Day 2 Write down an overview of your paper. Day 3 Write a draft of your paper. (insert weekend here - no homework) Day 4 Edit your draft for spelling, grammer and punctuation. Day 5 Rewrite your paper.) and today? Today we start all over. Ummm....yay?

It's going to a long year as far as homework is concerned.

Update on Stalling :)

Ok - I got some things done and I'm leaving others for another day.

I straightened up the living room; cleaning up the toy corner (which I predict will stay clean only until.....oh let's say....4:00pm today), took bedroom toys back to the kids rooms and put them away. Folded and put away the load of laundry I had done and then got the idea of washing the couch blankets (I have a basket of blankets near the couch that the kids cuddle up under in the mornings and evenings. The dogs also end up cuddling on them. Eeew.) and the couch pillow covers.

From there I vacuumed the entire house and the couches and then...oh heck.....may as well clean the carpets in the main areas.

So...I made a dent in the To Do list for housework and I'm ok with that. Dents are good. The kids will be home in an hour and a half so I think I am going to make something for lunch and heat up a cup of coffee.

Life is good.

Stalling for Time

I'm postponing the inevitable. I need to vacuum and I don't wanna. I need to straighten up the kids toy corner in the living room - it has taken on a life of it's own - and I don't wanna. I need to dust and I don't wanna.

It's a dark day and while the forecast promise sun and temps near 80, I seriously doubt that will happen. It's hard to be motivated when the dark days set in.

I did all that I needed to do this morning. It's the To Do list on the housework that hangs over my head. I don't wanna. Sometimes I don't see the point. The kids don't care and it's not like I'm trying to prove my worth to anyone anymore.

I will get it all done....but I don't wanna.

I might not get it all done today.

The nice thing about being where I am in my life, and having gone through what I have, I have let go of some of the OCD-ness I had when it came to the homes I created. Now, I walk by the dining room table and see the layer of dust and instead of feeling overwhelming guilt, I draw a smiley face and walk away. I look at the kitchen floor and think "Eh. I'll sweep and mop but I have no need to kill myself scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees." I see the kids beds, which they make themselves, and think "I should redo them so they are perfect." But I don't because what does that teach them? That their work isn't good enough? That's not a good lesson. (And see how easily I can justify not doing it?)

I mean really - it all just needs to be done again in a day...or a week..maybe two.

I wish I had realized how silly it was to kill myself before. How silly it was to think that that my worth was validated and appreciated by how clean and organized I kept things. Maybe I would have spent more time on the floor playing with my babies. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten so frustrated trying to juggle it all and trying to be seen as having it all together. Maybe I would have taken the kids to the park more often. Maybe I would have taken Kaylen to the zoo or the children's museum when Kelton was school full time. I always planned on it. There never seemed to be a good time. Too much to do. Too much waiting to be done. Too many balls to juggle.

I'm not saying I am letting the house go to shambles. I'm saying my priorities are different now.

But then...my life is different now. So very different.

Different is good.

Do It Anyway

Do It Anyway
By Mother Teresa

Please are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and
some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people
may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years
building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity
and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do
today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.

Give the world
the best you have and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got
anyway.

You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God; It was
never between you and them anyway.

Great Weekend!

It was a great weekend. It was hotter than hot the past week and the weekend was no exception but luckily, my home has AC and Stephanie's home is cooled quite well by a window unit and a couple well placed fans. I'm sure the huge trees surrounding the house help, too. :) So..the heat didn't bother us, which is great because if there is anything a person should know about me is I cannot stand being hot and sweaty.

The kids were with Dakota and Vicki. The plan had been to have the kids with them during the day and back here for sleeping (the heat can set off Kaylen's sensory issues which can make her a very miserable child. Both for her...and those around her.) but Friday, just minutes before Dakota arrived, they decided they would try to stay at her house and not come back to sleep.

Ok then. They rushed off to pack their stuff and I talked with them about if they changed their minds, all they had to do was say so and we would figure it out. I sent dakota a text so she was in the know with the change of plans.

They didn't change their minds. Even though the upstairs of the house was hot, they soldiered through and stayed the whole weekend.

For me it was a weird switch of gears. I hadn't planned to *not* see them all weekend (and yes - it is VERY hard to not see them on the weekends they are gone but luckily, I get to see them Friday and then again on Sunday before bed so I really only have to go one full day, twice a month, without seeing their bright and shiny faces) so this sudden shift of plans knocked me off balance a bit.

But it's not about me. It was about them and I'm ok with that. I regained my balance in time.

Plus it meant I could, once again, rearrange my weekend plans to what they had been (well mostly) before the news of the heat wave.

So win win. Kids happy, Casey happy.

Dogs not so happy.

I am gone for many hours on my kid-free weekends and while I try hard to limit my away time to 8 hours, it does sometimes reach nine or ten. And I feel bad but there is also Cody who is alone for more hours than that. And there is also Stephanie and me who want to be out in the world doing things. It's a fine balance we have to strike between taking care of the dogs and taking care of ourselves. Yet another reason I am not a dog person. But that isn't here or there at this point.

Anyway - when I am going to be gone longer than a few hours, I gate Jordan into the kitchen. That way, if he does have an accident, it is easier clean up. Still grosser than gross...but easier to clean up. I toss down his fluffy dog bed and another blanket but I do feel bad for him. He is so old now and I often wish I had a custom floor mat to put down for him. Something super comfy and soft but that cleans up super easily.

I don't. So his bed and a blanket will have to do.

I think he still has it better off than Maddie. She is locked in her crate and while she likes it well enough, it's a long time to be in a crate. Personally, I would lose my ever lovin' mind.

But then...when I finally do get hired somewhere, their time being locked up will be just as long as it is on days like this weekend.

I'm not so sure being a dog is that much fun. I would much rather be a well-cared for house cat. But then - we all know I am more of a cat person anyway. :)

So anyway...back to the weekend; it was great. The more time I spend with Stephanie, the more time I *want* to spend with her. We are going strong and building something fantastic. Now that school is back in session, our time together is severely limited but even so, we're making it work and it is working well. Very well indeed.

Life is good.

Time Keeps On Slippin' Slippin' Slippin'....

...into the future.

Oh come on - you know you started singing along. :)

It's true though - time is slipping away faster than I can try to capture it and hold it still.

We had a fantastic long holiday weekend. Stephanie and I had all three kids so, as we do every weekend (kids or not) we spent our time going back and forth between the houses to take care of dogs. We have it down to a nice routine though so it feels pretty seamless. Friday night the kids and I stayed home and enjoyed a pizza and movie night together. We watched Rio, me for the first time and the kids for the second time. It was so much fun! Cute movie but my favorite part was listening to the kids say "Hey Kelton, remember THIS part??" or "Kaylen...watch! Here is that bird. Remember?!?!!" At the end of the movie, we went into special features and danced to all the songs that they had available. It was a great time!

Saturday the kids and I went out to Stephanie's in the late morning and stayed until late in the evening. The kids play so well together and even though they had been apart all week, they just clicked back into sync with each other. The boys played Wii, Kaylen picked berries and then all three played imagination games in the field. Oh - and at one point all three where in the bed of Stephanie's truck and were begging for her to drive around with them. If you had a truck in your family growing up, I know you know what I'm talking about. I remember (pre-seat belt laws) when my dad would let us ride in the back of his truck. He didn't take us far but it didn't matter - as a kid it felt like SO much wild freedom!

We looked at each other, shrugged and nodded yes, we set the ground rules (Sitting down at all time. Not being on your behind meant it was over. Just like that.) and Stephanie and I jumped into the cab of the truck. She drove, in first gear, all around the field. The laughter, as the bumps in the ground bounced them around, from the back of the truck was contagious! It was so much fun!

It wasn't long before we were back here and settling in for the night.

The next morning flew by and soon we were on our way back to the other house. We spent another fun-filled day there, complete with a last swim in the pool before it comes down for the year. As we were gathering kids and things to come back here that night, we all tried to find Cody, Stephanie's dog. The kids were calling for him and his name bounced around through the air and off the trees. I finally went out to search for him and found him laying right off the back patio (how they didn't see him is beyond me). He wouldn't move more than to lift his head. When he did lift his head, I saw red stuff all over his chin.

Crap.


I called Stephanie over. She tried to get him moving. Nope. Wasn't having it. She looked at the stuff on his chin, looked and me and said "He must have gotten into something." Crud. She scooped his limp body up and headed for the truck, I went the other way and grabbed her phone, keys and backpack.

She loaded him in the truck and the kids came running out. We told them she was going to take him to the vet because he wasn't acting right and we thought he had gotten into something not good for him because he had something on his chin. Andrew piped up with "That's sauce from my ravioli. I left it on the coffee table and he ate it." He looked down sheepishly because we all know the rule, Cody cannot, at any time, have people food. It makes him very sick. The other rule is never,e ver leave your food or dishes unattended.

Stephanie and I looked at each other with relief. Ok - so no poison. But what was wrong with him? We talked it over and decided, that while it is difficult to have Cody at the house with my cats, we would take him with us to keep an eye on him.

I kid you not.....we were about two miles from my house when the little fluff ball perked up and looked 100% fine! He continued to be fine for the rest of the night. Clearly he was just unhappy at the thought of being alone overnight again. (We worked out a strategy so he never came in contact with the cats (He enjoys chasing them. They do not enjoy it.) and we all survived the 24 hours. )

We arrived back, with Cody in tow, around 7:15pm. The plan was to build a campfire and have s'mores. At 7:30, Kaylen said "I wish we could set up the tent, too." I explained that I didn't want to sleep in the tent and that unless the boys did, we couldn't set it up. I didn't think the boys would want to either but surprise! They did.

I yanked the tent from its place in the garage and unzipped the bag. It hadn't seen the light of day for two years and was quite musty and I was feeling rusty in the department of setting it up. No problem either way though. Stephanie and I had it up in less than 15 minutes and the kids were thrilled!

We loaded in bedding and whatnot and then I built the fire. It was an awesome night! After making s'mores and sitting around the fire talking, the kids drifted off into the tent. Before long, games came out of the house and the three of them played HeadBandz and other games for a while. We sat on the patio and listened to them as they laughed and laughed. :)

Kaylen fell asleep around 11 and the boys were finally settled down just after midnight. We left the slider open to my bedroom so we could hear them and two of the dogs slept in the tent with the kids. The day rocked!

At then end of the weekend, none of us were ready for it be over. We took Andrew, Cody and Stephanie back to their house and we all had dinner together. Before long, the three of us were back in the car and heading home. We talked about what a great weekend it had been and they both bemoaned the fact that it was over and they didn't want it to be. I nodded my head in complete agreement.

A perfect weekend. A perfect ending to summer.

Oh you know....except for this heat wave we have had going all week which makes it hard to believe summer is really over. :)

Interesting Brain

Yesterday, when I was at recess with Kaylen, a gaggle of girls were hula hooping. Kaylen among them. I was watching when I noticed that the child standing next to Kaylen was hula hooping in a different direction than Kaylen. "Huh." I thought, "She must be left handed."

Then I looked around. All the other girls were also hula hooping "backwards". Huh?

I did a quick survey and asked the girls to raise the hands they write with. Every single one shot their right hand in the air. Including Kaylen.

What?

Kaylen was the *only* one in a group of about 15 hula hooping girls who was hula hooping in a different direction than everyone else.

I know that over the past year I have been asked by different people if Kaylen was left handed because she did this, that or the other thing differently from the other kids. Take, for example, stepping. From standing still to walking, she leads with her left leg. During a random non-scientific survey I took, right handed people seem to lead with their right leg.

So....my very strongly right handed daughter seems to have a left handed wired brain.
What does that mean??? Is that why she has a brain bug? Crossed wires affecting the way she processes things? I don't know. I just find it fascination.

Just another way my daughter is marching to her own beat.

Day Three

As expected, Day Three has gone without so much as a hiccup. I had to be at the school first thing this morning for a PTO related visit so the kids and I were there before the buses. They love arriving early!

Kelton's teacher spotted him and right away asked if he would be willing to help him with some things that needed to be done. With a big smile on his face, Kelton left my side and went with Mr. D. I have always liked Mr. D but with this seemingly small action, I think I moved from like to love. :) I really think Mr. D was an excellent match for Kelton.

Kaylen and I walked by her room on the way to pick up PTO things from the child of another PTO member (we use, what we lovingly call, "kid courier mail" for the back and forth paperwork). On our way back by her room, her teacher called to her. We went in and she said "Would you like to hang out in here with me while your mom works?" Again - from like to love. :) Kaylen eagerly nodded her head, turned to me and gave me a kiss before sending me on my way.

I achieved my "in school" work goal and left for home, secure in the knowledge that both my kids were happy in their rooms with their teachers. What a great feeling!

Already this year I can tell there will be no massive amount of school induced stress for me to use as effective fat burners. What a relief!

I arrived home with a stack of PTO mail, volunteer forms, request for funding and student supply funds. I got to work organizing, sorting, tossing and inputting data. The hours flew by and the next thing I knew it was close to Kaylen's lunch time. (She had asked Wednesday evening if I could come have lunch some day with her. I assured her I could and would but it couldn't be Thursday as I had to take my car in for some work.) I decided to jet over to the school and surprise her.

It was so great to hear the chorus of "Ms. Duncan! Ms. Duncan!" from so many of the kids. I said hello to everyone I could and then sat down at Kaylen's table. She, her friends and I enjoyed lunch together and then I joined them on the playground.

It didn't take long before I was bored out of my head. Kaylen was playing with a large circle of girls and was blissfully ignoring me. The recess staff came up one by one and shared their amazement with how far my little girl has come from last year. I am so proud of her!!! Before recess was over I said my goodbye to Kaylen (who really could not have cared any less if she tried! YAY!!!!!) and headed back home.

A few more hours of work on this, that and the other thing and I was finally able to leave the computer for a while. It was an incredibly rewarding and productive day which honestly? I really needed.

The kids arrived home with big smiles on their faces. Kelton is not only a "bus buddy" for a group of kindergartners but I also learned he is "cloakroom czar". Did I mention that I love his funny and quirky teacher?!?! Have I also mentioned that his quirky teacher has the legal middle name of "Spam Spam Eggs and Spam"? It's true! It's on his passport and drivers license! What a quirk!!

So yes - school is going well and my small people are settling in nicely.

Data Input

This year, instead of buying school supplies and bringing them in to school, we have all kindergartners and second graders submitting supply fees and then the teachers buy supplies in quantity to save money and have enough supplies to last all year. We did it with kindergarten last year and it worked really well so this year, we've expanded to the second graders.

It's great except someone needs to enter the data into a spreadsheet.

Meet "someone". :)

It's actually pretty easy but it would be great to have a fancy printer to be able to print some sort of receipt to give to teachers.

I have to say though, after seeing what supplies for two kids cost this year (Thankfully, Dakota took that on.) I think the handing over a check and letting the teachers do shopping in bulk is much more cost effective. I enjoyed just writing a check for Kaylen's supplies last year and knowing it was done. Sure, it was sad that she couldn't pick out new crayons and whatnot but honestly? They don't keep their own supplies anyway. They go into a community basket and everyone shares so really...I saw it as avoiding problems with a newbie to the world of school not wanting to share "her" stuff? So writing a check was easy!

Day Two

I am very proud to say that Kaylen appears to have her school anxiety licked. I know several people had voiced their concern last year that she would probably back slide when starting first grade but I had a gut feeling that she wouldn't. I watched and supported her as she worked and struggled hard to get where she was by the end of the school year last year and by sheer determination, she was going to hit the floor running this year.

She did not disappoint herself. She is rocking the school year!

This morning she bounded out of bed, into the shower and then went to get dressed. In the shower, she had voiced concerns about not being able to wear the jeans she picked out yesterday. I casually just said "That's ok. You can pick something else and try again with the jeans another day." That immediately calmed her down and she finished her shower. She went to get dressed and, amazingly enough, she came out in her jeans!

JEANS JEANS JEANS JEANS!!!!!! Moms who have kids with sensory disorders will understand what a HUGE deal this is. HUGE! Bigger than huge!!

Her excitement was similar to what I will expect when I pull out the outdoor halloween decorations in a few weeks time. So excited!

She couldn't stand the wait for school so with 20 minutes before the bus was due to arrive, she finally talked me into letting her stand out front to wait. She was so silly and giddy! Just look!






And this is how Kelton waited for the bus:


Kelton. He is another story this year. Something seems "off" with him and I am really working hard to figure it out. I'm hoping to get some one on one time with him during the coming long weekend to see if I can get him to open up. Something is bugging him...he just isn't himself. :(

First Day Success!

Both kids came home with smiles on their faces and stories to share. Kaylen, after saying she had a really good day, looked at me and said "Mom. Do you think I can get my spot from Ms. B?" Her "spot" is a special sensory pillow for her to sit on during carpet time (also known as circle time in some schools). Because of her misfiring "sensors", she finds it painful to sit on hard surfaces. Once her sensory issues are stimulated, it goes down hill fast. I thought it was amazing that she assessed her problem, came up with the workable solution and then requested help. She is definitely a different child than last year! I placed a call to Ms. B, the counselor, and she said she would deliver Kaylen's spot to her classroom and it would be waiting for her in the morning. That was all it took - my girl was happy! Easy peasy!

After about 40 minutes of talking my ear off, the kids slowly settled in. Or so I thought. Kaylen actually went to her room to pick out tomorrow's outfit. Right there tells me a lot. She is doing great!


JEANS!!!

I know, right? Can you believe it?????? This child has never, since age 2 when her SI went full tilt, worn jeans for any length of time. And definitely not when changing out of them wouldn't be an option. PEOPLE: THIS IS HUGE!!!

She picked everything out and put them in her clothes cubby for tomorrow. I am really rooting for her to follow through in the morning. Time will tell and if she chooses not to go forward with jeans this time....well...at least she tried and maybe next time she will. The most important factor here is: She is doing great!!!!

I am so proud of her!!

Kelton seems to be having a bit of an adjustment issue. He isn't thrilled to be back at school but I hope that will change in the next week or so as he settles in. Growing up is hard - and I think the transition into the land of the older kids has unnerved him. He has a good teacher though so I think he will be ok. He had the same set of teachers (two of them) for both second and third grade so this switch to a new teacher is hard for him. But I have great faith in him that he will settle in and thrive.

Here's hoping they both have a fantastic second day!

Revisting a Revist

I just spent time re-reading last September's blog entries and I came across these little movies of Kaylen when she was three.

How can my babies be so big already????

And We're Off!

The 2011-2012 year has officially begun and both kids are happily settled into their classrooms.

The alarms started going off at 6AM this morning and the house was in full swing by 6:15. Kids were dressed and ready to go early enough that Kaylen wore her fully loaded backpack around the house for a good hour. :) We took our annual "First Day of School" pictures but sadly, both kids have a tendency to move the camera as they click the shutter so the ones of me with each child are a bit blurry and because the lighting sucked this morning (It was gray and raining. Of course.). The flash made it look like midnight but without it, they are not great either but life goes on and you can't recapture the moment. It is what it is. :)

Kaylen had a few minutes of panic/anxiety and collapsed onto the grass holding her tummy. After talking for a few minutes, she looked at me sadly and said "Will you meet me at the school?" I told her I would and she felt better.

We waited for the bus and they happily climbed on board. I followed the bus, parked on a neighborhood street (school parking lot is a lost cause on the first day) and was standing at her bus when the driver opened the door. She climbed off and we walked a little bit down towards her room. She turned, looked at me, smiled and said "I can do it from here." I kissed her, told her to have a great day and off she went!

I put on my official school badge and started helping kids find their rooms and answering questions for parents. Then I went into the office and helped the front desk staff. From there I went into the mail room and started counting out, and placing in teachers mailboxes, the massive amounts of paperwork that is sent home the first week.

I walked by the kids rooms to see them both happily engaged in their work and socializing with their table mates.

Two hours later, when my work was done, I walked by Kaylen's room. Her class was in music so I popped my head in and asked how she was doing. Her teacher smiled and said "She is really doing great!" We chatted for a few minutes and I was on my way back to home to an empty and silent house.

I can't wait to hear all about their day when they get home this afternoon. I miss those two!

Summer Goeth Before the Fall

The day dawned overcast and drizzly. Perfect. Because, you know, I am not having enough trouble with the transition from summer time to school time. Today is the last full day of summer. The last summer night. Tomorrow is open house at the school and then home to bed so we can wake to the 6:30 alarm clock which will signal the official end of lazy summer morning and will begin the hectic school schedule.

Rush rush rush. Not enough time. Never enough time.

Let it be stated that I am going, kicking and screaming, into this change.

Kaylen states she is ready for it. Kelton and I have having trouble. Short fuses and tears from both of us are plentiful today. Change is hard.


Being as how Mother Nature decided to pull the rug out from under my denial today, I decided it might help me feel better (and, let's be honest, surrender to the changes) to pull out the fall decorations. This was not as easy as it seems.

Last year, the person who helped me store the fall, Halloween and Christmas decorations threw a kink in my being able to get them out. In years passed, when putting everything up in the attic, the Christmas boxes went in first, then Halloween then fall. The reason being it was easier to access the boxes of needed decorations in order.

Ummm...yeah. Halloween and fall were shoved in the far reaches of the attic space and the Christmas boxes impeded being able to even get into the attic.

Add to that, I *won't* climb up into the attic, Kelton has a fear of heights and Kaylen, while eager to get up there, is just too short. Damn.

I called a neighbor boy this afternoon and he popped over and crawled up there. After much moving of things, he located the fall and Halloween bins and handed them down to me. He earned $10 for about 15 minutes of work but at least I have my decorations and I didn't have to break myself to get them.

About 15 minutes later, I had the fall decorations in place. Remember how I thought it would help make me feel better...you know...jumping in with both feet? It does not.

Once upon a time, three and more years back (all my life, actually), fall used to be my favorite time of year. A time to begin anew. Now, as in very recent years, it is filled with dread, fear, anxiety and panic.

Some day I hope it is again a time I love.

The Beginning - Again

The clothes are bought. The backpacks and lunchboxes are in place. The school supplies have been purchased. New shoes wait to be worn and new clothes are in drawers and closets.

Clothes for Kaylen was challenging this year - as clothes always are for her so... knowing her clothing issues as well as I do, I took her to the second hand store, Once Upon a Child. She and I pulled about 60 items of clothing to try on. She selected 15 that she thought would do. (Shirts, soft stretch pants, skirts and dresses. Thank goodness in amongst it all, she didn't ask for cupless bras. I'm so not ready for that. Ok - really? Is any parent EVER ready for that bit of knowledge about their child? :)) The items she selected have the HUGE advantage of being pre-worn so they are as soft as they are going to get. She knows exactly what she is getting. And bonus - it didn't break the budget. :)

Dakota picked up things for Kelton. A few new shirts and pants. Shoes.

It's a time for starting over.

The leaves have already started to fall from trees. The neighbors yard, always the first to need it, needs to be raked already.

September is imminent. For me, September is more like New Years than January. Everything starts over. Everything is new.

Buckle your seat belt because here we go.

End of the Line

Summer. All but over. I think I can hear the beginning strains of taps playing in the background. I'm not ready.

The weather is finally hot. As in HOT. I have a feeling this fall is going to be uncomfortably warm. I might be way off base but I think with the changes in the world, our seasons have shifted, ever so slightly. The summer starts later and runs later and winter? Well - it never ends. The cold dark wet days will be here before I know it. I'm not ready.

I want to have more swimming pool days, long lazy afternoons, late nights on the patio. I want to hear the kids clamour for ice cream, cold drinks and beg to buy the latest and greatest buy xbox games. I want the cats to stretch out on the hot patio and sleep away the afternoon. I want to drink sweet ice tea by the gallon.

I want. I want. I want.

And yet - here we are. The days are winding down at an alarming pace. Today is Thursday. Tomorrow the kids go to Dakota's for the weekend. Then Monday. Monday is the last real summer day. Tuesday is open house at school and Wednesday is the first day.

And I'm not ready.

Your Children Are Watching

I stole this from a blog I wandered by this morning. It was talking about when bad things happen and how we, as moms, process how to handle it. The bad could be all sorts of bad: health related, divorce, lack of employment, problems with other people...it doesn't matter what type of "bad" it is.

If you are a mom who has children watching your every move, who count on you to keep their world together, who rely on you more than any other person on the planet....you get this.

This is what we do.

"You intend to be stoic…strong…a champion…even knowing as you promise yourself this that in reality you will crumble to the floor in a heap and scream and cry and pound your fist at the injustice.

And then… you will rise. You will be stoic. You will have faith. Because really…what other choice do you have? After all, your children will be watching."

Your children are watching. I know mine are. They are looking for chinks in my armour - anything that will belie my outward appearance of everything is fine and dandy - that I have it all handled and nothing can rattle me so deeply that it can't be fixed by a decent night's sleep. They are watching me when I say "It's ok. Everything is fine. You are fine and we are fine together." When I say "We are very lucky. We have people who love us and want the best for us." When I tell them that, in a few years we will look back over this time and be amazed and how far we have come. When I cuddle them and tell them it won't always hurt this much or that something that seems so enormous to them will, in time, grow smaller.

I can't fall apart in their line of sight. I have to remain steady in front of them. Falling apart is reserved for showers and late in the night and Facebook updates. People often tell me "I don't know how to do it." My answer is simply "I have no choice."

What other choice do I have? My children are watching.

Summer Cookout Night

As tradition goes, we have at least one night every summer where we have a cookout. In years past, it usually is one of the times when the tent has been up and we slept outside. Last year and this year, I skipped the tent part and we just had the cookout.

I built the fire and got it going and Kaylen sat out with me and we talked as we watched it burn down until it was finally good for hot dog and chicken nugget roasting. Yes, I said chicken nuggets. Apparently, Kaylen wasn't in the mood for hot dogs so she decided on chicken nuggets. I didn't care either way so chicken nuggets it was. Some day, when I am out searching for the perfect medical school graduation gift for her, I will look back on tonight and have a good giggle. :) Chicken nuggets, roasting over a campfire. Gotta love my daughter!




Kelton and I opted for hot dogs.



And for dessert? S'mores, of course. :)



It was a good little cookout. Calm and non-rushed. Good conversations and no bickering between themselves. Probably the best one I've ever had with the two of them - a sure sign that they are growing up right before my eyes.

Friday Night - Again

Oh look. It's Friday night again and, right on time, I'm blogging at 8:50pm. This time there is no one snoring gently next to me. Only the sounds of children settling in for sleep and a cat or two wandering around. Even the dogs are, blissfully so, settled in. You know - until around the time I flip off my light and try to sleep. Then they will be up and needing outside, where Jordan will wander around the yard fora good 20 minutes before coming back in. And, as luck would have it, he is mostly deaf so calling him doesn't help. I'm totally at his nighttime wandering mercy.

Nothing new in that.

With all my nighttime interruptions and all the other crap (and no, that isn't a pun) I have to deal with, I count myself luck that dog mange is not on the list. At least there is a bright spot, right? :)

Today has been a pretty good day. The kids found out who their teachers are and both are happy. Kaylen seemed to visibly relax when I read off her classmates name. She knows many of the kids from her class last year. A downer for her is two of the kids she is nervous about due to behavior issues early on last year are also in her class(one is "the spitter" and the other was a behavior issue kid. Kaylen gets upset when kids get into trouble for not doing what they should do. At school, she is very much a rule follower and thinks everyone else should be too. I have to agree with her on that one.). We weren't able to meet up with her teacher today but we did get to talk with the teachers who Ms. M student taught for a couple years back and Kaylen asked how well Ms. M could deal with "the spitter". Mrs. V assured Kaylen that Ms. M was very good at making sure everyone felt safe. That helped a lot.

Kaylen is ready for school! She even informed me that she thinks she will say goodbye at the house on the first day and doesn't need me to follow the bus. She has opted to leave that open in case she changes her mind though. :) Kelton is dead set against me following him to school. Guess I don't blame him but it kind of sucks for me.

Kelton was listed on two class lists. His first choice, and mine. Apparently there was an oversight for the final assignment. This meant, of course, that he was able to choose which one he wanted. He, of course, chose Mr. D and I am ok with that. Mr. D was there today so we got to spend some time talking with him and Kelton got to ask questions about what the year will hold. He, too, is ready to go.

Because of all the teacher changes and looping, the school no longer has the usual primary and intermediate sides. Instead, all the grades and jumbled up throughout the building. It's actually kind of nice. For my two, it means they are three classrooms away from each other. I think Kaylen likes knowing her room is so close to her brother's. I have to admit, I kind of like knowing that, too. :)

The school has also been undergoing some other changes; classrooms are being set up to accommodate all types of learners. The teacher I was talking with today has an interesting point: Where do you read books? I'm willing to bet you read them curled up on the couch or in a favorite comfy chair. Maybe, like me, you sit on the patio and read. Maybe in bed. Where is it we expect kids to read at school? Sitting up in hard chairs leaning over a desk or table. I bet not many of us sit at the kitchen table and read our books - at least not books for pleasure reading.

So now classrooms have some tables and chairs, big pillows on the floor, tall tables for students who like to stand and work.....super low tables for kids who like to sit on the floor and work. Even clipboards for those who prefer to lay on the floor and work.

I think this is AWESOME!!!! Kelton has a hard time sitting in his chair and working. This will give him different places and he can find what best suits him. Kaylen's classroom is completely set up and it is so cute, cozy and inviting. No more harsh overhead lighting. I think she is going to thrive in this type of environment and I am very excited for both kids. I think it's going to be a great year for them!

One more week of summer left. Wow.

Boo Boo's

I think I should check my closet to see if I am hiding a couple nursing uniforms that I am unaware of. The past 24 hours have been the day for taking care of boo-boos.

Last night, as we were making dinner, Stephanie was grating cheese when she hit the grater with her knuckle. It was UGLY. Ok - so *I* didn't look because I am way, way, way too squeamish when adults hurt themselves. Especially when they are saying "Oh man - it's bad. Really bad." Umm...no thanks. But I can hand you a band aid. I know. I suck. BUT...to be fair, it must be really gross because now she won't let me look. She called the doctor today because it is still seeping blood at a good rate. Ice and band aids is the recommendation because there is nothing to stitch. Ummm...GROSS!

And then just a bit ago Kaylen came screaming into the house. She fell off her bike in the driveway and skinned up her knee and arm. No hiding from this one: blood and all. I got her all cleaned up and stayed as calm and cool as I could (even though I am wigging out inside. A good nurse I would NOT make!) but can I make a request to the universe that we stop with the blood and gore for a while? I've had my fill.

I'm off to go do something very un-nurse like now; change the loads of laundry. Oh come on. You know you're jealous! :)

Rowdy Summer Nights

The summer is winding down and one thing I will miss is the kids being able to stay up later than usual because seriously? The fun starts happening right around 8pm. The kids start watching youtube videos of songs they know and they sing along. Loudly. At times VERY loudly. Right now it's The Lazy Song. Which has grown on me this summer.

Their laughter is infectious. The noise level, at times, climbs a bit too high and then I have to remind them to turn down the volume and settle down a bit.

Tonight they are in fine form. Singing loudly and, from the thud thud thud, I'm guessing dancing.
I hide in my room mostly. I love listening to them but the distance between them and me is a good thing for my noise (in)tolerance. At times I swear there is a band of steel drums out in the other part of the house.

But they are having fun. Making memories that, hopefully, will last a lifetime.

I remember the long summer evenings of my childhood fondly. Working on puzzles, playing board games....all of us a bit wild but all of us having fun.

I'm glad my kids are making memories.

Thoughts of School

It's Wednesday morning. Two more weeks to the day until the first day of school. I'm not ready. For me - handing my children over to anyone for any length of time, is not my idea of a good time. Sure, yes.....they can drive me bananas faster than you can say "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog." but just the same, I like them with me. School, for obvious reasons, takes them away from me.

If I were a different person in a different set of circumstances, I would probably home school. Why a different person? I don't have unending patience which I think one needs when teaching two children. Home schooling is a year round event whereby everything you do becomes a chance to teach. Measuring water? Math. Grocery shopping? Math and science. A trip to the park? Science....and recess. Mommy losing her mind and raising her voice to be heard? Not so much a great learning experience and probably won't so much be on the SAT. Just sayin'. I think my kids need to be taught be people who have a real drive and passion for teaching. (Let's be clear, being a parent is being a teacher as well. I have taught my children important things, and continue to teach them, every day of their lives.)

Oh but circumstances are what they are and like it or not (NOT!), school starts in two weeks. We are all trying our best to brace for the change. None of us are great with change (but really? Is anyone? I think people who loooooooove and crave change hate their lives...or themselves. You pick).

The rest of us are content with our lives. Love our lives and enjoy what we have and who we have in our lives. I don't see "resistant to change" as a bad thing unless it paralyzes you into not moving at all. Resistant to change is just "I don't want things to change. I like it as it is, thankyouverymuch."

And so - change in routine is not something I scramble to achieve. Nor do the children. We like knowing what to expect and what is happening. We like having plans and routines. That said - as things change, we all find our groove. New routines, new plans. It's just the days leading up to said change that can rattle us. The kids act out, I pull in. I sometimes look at them in the middle of their meltdowns and think "What I'd give to be able to scream and yell and stomp right along with you. I so get it." But sadly, because I am a grown up, that is looked at as well....a bit unstable. So instead I become quiet and withdrawn while I process. Not 24/7 because well...kids don't get to meltdown for 24/7... but every now and again. We all do what we need to do to cope.
Friday we can go over to the school to find out teacher assignments. We met up with Kaylen's kindergarten teacher who gave us the heads up that she is 99% sure who Kaylen will be getting as her teacher and that she has already talked with that teacher and filled her in a bit on Kaylen. Once class lists are carved in stone, Mrs. G will meet with the 1st grade teacher to thoroughly discuss everything and she is highly recommending Kaylen meet her new teacher and spend time in the classroom the week before school starts. I love Kaylen's kindergarten teacher. Oh how I wish she could have looped up this year and taken Kaylen with her. She is sooooo good with Kaylen and Kaylen responds well. You could actually see Kaylen relaxing as she and Mrs. G talked yesterday. It has to calm her fears to know that Mrs. G is looking out for her and will be right there if she needs her. That alone, pretty much guarantees Kaylen won't need her. Knowing there is a safety net is sometimes all we ever to be able to take the leap.

I don't know the possible new teacher well. She came in late last year when we needed a fourth 3rd grade teacher to accommodate all the kids. Her classroom was a portable and unfortunately, I have few opportunities to meet her. I do know the staff was impressed enough by her that when her contract ended, and it became apparent that we would need more teachers this year, she was offered another contract.

Now all this goes on the assumption that, as our principal sat in her office yesterday shifting around names and student groupings, she hasn't shifted Kaylen to another teacher.

Not that I have anxiety or anything but last night I dreamed Kelton was assigned a teacher at his school but Kaylen's assignment took her to another school. She was going to have Kelton's 1st grade teacher but that teacher was being sent to a different school so she decided to take Kaylen with her. First off, in realy life, I don't think the teacher would be a good match....for me. With Kaylen (both kids actually), I need to know I have easy access to the teacher and Kelton's 1st grade teacher, while great with the kids, was not great with the parents. I need someone who will communicate with me...and do it well and timely. Anyway - as my dream went, I was trying hard to figure out how to get both kids to school at the same time in different locations. And in my dream, Kaylen was repeating the way kindergarten started. Needless to say, I woke up stressed out. When my heart rate calmed, I was happy to realize it was just a dream. Or was it? Is Kaylen being bounced to another teacher? Friday will reveal all. And I'm pretty nervous. Oh...and so are the kids. :)

Kelton really has his sights set on the male 4th grade teacher but only because his class puts on a Shakespeare play every year. I'm sure he would do well in that class however I have my sights set on another teacher for him. In the end, I am defering to what his 3rd grade teachers feel would be a good match for him. I don't want him upset but I do want him to have the right teacher so I am nervous about that, too. Kelton is, too.

BUT...I have two more glorious weeks to have my babies with me and not worry about alarm clocks, rushed morning routines, school buses, homework and friend-drama. And I am going to take full advantage knowing that this year is going to be one full of changes. Small changes and big changes. But in the end, I am hoping that all the changes will be good ones.

A Wild Friday Night

It's 8:50pm and I am sitting in bed blogging while Stephanie snores next to me. Ok - not snoring...but breathing that "I'm asleep" breathing. Do I know how to rock a Friday night or what?!?!

To be fair, she put in a long day at work - up and out with the sun and didn't get back here until after 6:30. Then it was dinner while we watched last night's Big Brother, some reconnecting time and talking about our days and now......snoring and blogging. Rock on!

So here I sit. Catching up on email, reading blogs and, of course, Facebook. Maybe later I will pull up some sites on manufactured homes and do a little dreaming of a place in the woods big enough for five people and a variety of animals. Maybe I'll pop over to Netflix and watch more episodes of Saving Grace. Maybe I'll head over to Damn You Auto Correct and laugh myself silly.

Oh I know you are all jealous. *I* am having a way cooler Friday night than you. :)

Well look at that. It's 8:56. I've managed to fill six whole minutes! I am ON FIRE! :)

And from the sounds of this post, I just might need to get some sleep myself. I think I'm getting punchy. Wowsa.

9:00 on a Friday night and I'm ready to call it good.

Getting old sucks. At this time of night when I was in my 20's I would still be trying to kill time before going out for the night. And now? At 46 I'm thinking of giving my kids their goodnight call, flipping out the light and sleeping.

Sad.

Money on the Brain

So....the DOW has had quite a week, has it not? Up and down and all around. Facebook was all a twitter about it but I look at it this way, there isn't anything in the world I can do about it. I am at the mercy of the stock market. I have surrendered to that fact and I'm ok with it.

I was, however, happy to hear the news about the interest rates staying low through 2013. I know it's not ideal and all...blah blah blah...financial stuff...blah blah blah but for someone like me, trying to get back on their feet after having their life implode, it's a good feeling to know that I have a chance not to be priced out of things by high interest rates. Things like mortgages, auto refinancing, etc. The big stuff. The stuff that feels important for me at this stage in my life.

When all is said and done and I am standing on solid financial ground once again (SOON!), I want to know that I can move forward and take care of keeping a roof over our heads and a set of reliable wheels to move us from point A to point B with reasonable (and by reasonable I really mean LOW) interest rates.

So for all of you with car loans and mortgages, now might be a really good time to look into refinancing and getting a lower rate. Saving money on your loans gives you more money to spend which, in turn, helps the economy- which in turn helps the market.

All it takes is a phone call or two. What do you have to lose?

Thursday

Wow. It's been a busy week so far. It actually feels like today should be Friday because I. Am. Exhausted.

Last Wednesday started my marathon week as it was the day I started refinishing furniture for Kaylen's room and the kids and I embarked on our "Operation Kids in Their Own Rooms" journey.

As one day moved into another into another into another it seemed like the energy level was frantic as we worked to get everything done and everyone settled. Instead of "just" refinishing furniture, it felt more like I built log furniture from scratch. Yeah yeah - but still - it was a huge energy outlay. In and of itself, no. But when added to all the other stuff I still had to get done daily, it was big for me.

So now, a week and a day later, the kids have been settled into their own rooms and the frantic energy level has turned to school stating in 18 days. There are still summer things I want to do with the kids. I'm not ready for school schedules to come front and center. I'm not ready for PTO to go full tilt again (didn't we just close out the year?). I'm not ready to figure out new routines for everything. But - ready or not, here it comes.

Kaylen goes back and forth between wanting school to start and being apprehensive about not knowing who she will have for a teacher. Hopefully we will have that answer next week and we can put that fear to rest. It helped to ease her fear when we started focusing on school clothes, shoes, supplies and....wait for it.....Halloween costumes. I know, I know! But the catalogs started arriving and Kaylen has started dreaming. Good thing, too, since to get what you want, you have to order very soon. But not for nothing...it's also a great distraction for her! She can focus on the good things to come and it helps ease her anxiety.

We had a tough day earlier this week when her brain bug made a reappearance and sent her into a frenzy. When all was said and done and she had collected herself, it came out in bits and pieces that she was scared about school and not knowing who her teacher will be. Once we talked about it, she settled down and things have been calm on that front.

Kelton is being a trooper. He has his sights set on one of two teachers so hopefully he won't end up with the third teacher. I would be happy with either of his choices and we talk a lot about trusting his third grade teachers to make a good match for him and his fourth grade teacher. He goes back and forth between being ready and wanting summer to last longer.

It feels like it's not time for school to start because, weather-wise, summer never really got started. I even had to take down the pool this week because after weeks of not being warm enough to swim, when I took the cover off the pool I found larvae in various stages. Um....no thanks. Eeeeeew! Sure, I could have dumped, scrubbed and refilled but given the lack of hot weather and school starting in a couple weeks, it just didn't seem worth it. That and we do have a pool out at Stephanie's house that we can swim in anytime we want. :) (Note to self: next summer add the chemicals every week even when not in use. *sigh* My bad.)

Still - it was sad to take it down because it felt like we only had a handful of days when it was used this year.

Ok - I've rambled on long enough and I have a daughter chomping at the bit to go down around the corner and down a bit to see if the blackberries are ready to pick. She has been busy picking blueberries and raspberries this week and I guess she wants to add a third berry to her collection. If only she would eat the darn things! :) So I'm off for now. Take care!

A Little Peek.....

....at country life.

Kaylen picking blueberries. We collected a lot!

Busy Morning

I'm tired. Yes...it's only noon but I am whipped. I've been moving at full-tilt since my feet hit the floor trying to get everything accomplished that needs to be done today. Seriously. I feel like I should be wearing a pair of nike wrestling shoes and a wrestling outfit since it feels like I've been herding cats all morning.

It's overcast right now and I am eager to get everything under control by the time the sun breaks free later this afternoon. The big question is.....will I succeed? Chores (kitchen, breakfast, bed making, house straightening, bathroom wipe down, laundry, dishwasher, trash emptied and garbage taken to the road for tomorrow's pickup, etc.)are done and I have already hit three of my five major job posting sites and applied for a handful of positions. Kids are dressed, brushed and entertained. Pets have been cared for and seem to have all found napping locations.

Is it any wonder than I am running out of steam? I have to say - it's days like this that I really impress myself. The heck with the rest of you - I'm pretty damn proud of myself. :)

It was a great weekend - which always helps me kick Monday into high gear. We split time between here and Stephanie's house so that all dogs were properly taken care of and all children have time at their own home. The kids have all gotten along incredibly well (can I just say? They were doing pretty well before the beach trip but since? They seem thick as thieves, which I awesome. I love laying in bed at night listening to them talk and giggle from the darkened living room (where they have weekend sleepovers). There is nothing like it.

And now - my break is over and I need to get back to it. I see it getting brighter out there and I want to check off my To Do list and move on to my Want To list. :)

Kaylen's New Room

Oh my gosh you guys....I rocked it! Seriously rocked it! Ok - yeah, the kids helped. Kaylen more than Kelton but still - I was the driving force behind it. Ok - not THE driving force. That would be Kaylen who insisted it was time for Kelton to move out of her room and back into his own. But really? I was the next driving force. The one who rocked it and changed it from "Oh My God what happened to this room?!? Should I call CPS? Maybe that show Clean Sweep? Seriously? There are two children living in this disaster? HO....LY CRAP!"

Ok ok - it wasn't *that* bad but it wasn't great. You will notice I didn't take a before photo. I just couldn't subject myself...or you....to that scene. I could clean and organize til the cows came home but there was just too much stuff and not enough room. So yeah...maybe what transpired today in the span of four hot and sweaty hours wasn't as magical as say......reverse osmosis but it was still pretty amazing.

With the dresser and desk ready to go Kaylen, Kelton and I set about transforming Kaylen's room. We took down nursery prints and posters of puppies, We cleared out under her bed and collapsed the trundle down and slid it under her bed. We moved bookcases and toy bins. We sorted through clothes and toys and stuffed animals. Nothing went untouched. Nothing. Not even the closet.

We sent 6 kitchen sized garbage bags to Goodwill, 1 bag to the trash and 1 bag to recycling. I played hardball and Kaylen played with me. We sorted and said goodbye to things and viola! Like magic - four hours later - this is what we had:

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?!

I am so proud of what we accomplished and I am so proud of my girl for letting go of things (I'm trying so hard not to let the kids grow into pack rats. I am not and it drives me wild when they can't let go of toys and books that they are done with.). She rocked the wall decals (with my help, of course) and the whole room has such a big girl feel to it now.

I love, love, love it!

Oh - and Kaylen does, too. :)

Think she will let me sleep in there? :)

Before and After

The story goes like this: For a variety of reasons, Kaylen has never been alone in her bedroom. Kelton, while having his own room, took to sleeping in her room when he was 3 and Dakota started law school. Can't really blame him - he was little and scared and wanted me with him while he fell asleep. Since Kaylen was an infant, I spent bedtime in her room nursing her and putting her to bed. It became the easy thing to do to set up a bed for him in her room and let them share.

I always assumed once law school was done and life got back to "normal", he would return to sleeping his room. After all, there would be two parents to move bedtime along.

We all know what happened after law school.

Kelton remained a room-sharer in Kaylen's room.

I have been wanting to transition Kelton back into his own room for a while now but both kids were resistant. At the beginning of summer, I informed them both before the start of the school year, they would be in their own rooms. End of discussion.

Grumble grumble whine whine.

Then Monday morning Kaylen came to me and said "I want Kelton out of my room." After much back and forth, the decision was made. By the weekend, Kelton would be in his room and Kaylen would have a "girly room" all to herself.

Kaylen doesn't have a dresser. Or didn't before two days ago. She has a pull out box thing from Ikea under her bed for her clothes (and I'll be honest, it hasn't held up. I've had to rebuild it and reinforce it. I imagine wood floors are better for something like that.). I set about finding a dresser for her.

After much searching, Stephanie mentioned that she had a dresser than Kaylen could have. It needed updating since it was coming out of Andrew's room but Kaylen liked that idea.

Hot pink was the color choice. Of course.

So yesterday we picked up primer and paint and today we went to work on transforming the dresser from Star Wars to Girly Girl.

She LOVES it.

Tomorrow, when the paint is good and dry, we have removable decals to add to give it that perfect girly charm and then we are all set to begin "Room Switch 2011".

Before:



After:
Nothing is constant but change.

Sweat Time

It's hot. Well - not as hot as lots of places and certainly not as hot as it's ever been here but still...hot enough that when I spend time in the sun, I turn into a sweaty puddle. The outdoor thermometer is hitting 80 today.

I know. For some of you, that would be a welcome relief and I'm really not complaining that it's *only* 80. I'm just saying that it's hot for me.

I'm always grateful for inside climate control because when the core of my being heats up to a solid 80 or above, I'm not happy. At all.

That said, the AC in my car isn't working. Which sucks. Big time. But the $2500 it would take to fix it? Yeah - well.....can you say "pipe dream"? That sucks, too. But today? Lots of things suck. (Yeah yeah.....pity party for one, please.)

Kaylen and I (with a smidgen of help from Kelton) have been working on a furniture painting project the past couple days and I will tell you......while 80 makes for nice paint drying weather.....it's hot to sit and stand in for painting. And especially when painting is one of my least favorite things to do. Ever.

All this said...I'm still in a funk. A major funk. (Can you tell?) Which sucks more than hot days or broken AC.

I'm just saying.

Not Perfect But Perfect in Its Messy-ness

"....as a blog is a mere glimpse into our lives, not a moving picture of every blessed and damned moment."

I stole that from a friends blog post. I think it's appropriate to share that line of thinking in order to remind everyone that things I post are a snapshot of where I am *at the exact moment* I start writing a post. It might not even be where I am when I hit the publish button. It's just a few moments in time. It is not a portrait of my life, or my mental stability. A Polaroid, if you will. Taken on a whim and developed quickly. The color not quite right, messy hair, a speck of pepper in your teeth from dinner, the light bouncing back from the lenses of glasses.

A portrait is a moment that is placed into perfection. Everyone arranged just so, hair in place, teeth shiny and bright and speck-free, glasses not catching the glare from the flash.

Yep. A Polaroid. That's what this blog is. Just a quick, sometimes blurry and never perfect snapshot into my life.