Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Previous Post

Ok - clearly there were mixed reactions to my earlier post. Here's the thing: Dakota and I both thought it was funny. Neither of us were offended by it because if that had been the case, Dakota never would have released it and either a) she never would have told me or b) she would have shared it privately with me.

I was in no way being disrespectful to Dakota and I know that she was in no way being disrespectful to me.

Our relationship, while complex, is going fine. I think we are better parenting partners right now than we have *ever* been and I know we both put the needs and safety of the kids first. We have way better communication when it comes to the kids and we are, all in all, doing fine in that regard.

I highly respect Dakota as a parent and as a person. The choices she made couldn't have been easy - and I'm sure some are still not. Back in December I wouldn't and couldn't have seen it that way but with time, distance and perspective I can see it now.

When she comes to see the kids we have a respectful and friendly switch off(sometimes I stay around, sometimes I don't because I don't really have a lot of place to go hang out). I share with her what she needs to know and she takes it from there. The switch back is equally as respectful with her telling me what I need to know. We hug each other goodbye and I close the door.

We're talking about sharing our children in a respectful manner; not sharing a sales job search or some other competition driven thing. We both love our kids and we both want the absolute best for them given the circumstances we are dealing with.

If the kids have a hard time separating (like they did last night) I know that I can pick up the phone and Dakota will be on the other end to talk with them and calm their fears around not seeing her again. She will sing to them if they need it. And Dakota knows the same is true when it's her turn to do bedtimes. I took one of those calls just this weekend when, after the initial goodnight call, Kaylen fell apart. And Dakota took one last night when Kaylen was in full hysterics.

No matter what, I will always love Dakota because without her, I wouldn't have 15 plus years of memories and I sure as heck wouldn't have our amazing children.

I'm not so blind as to realize that we probably won't hit bumps here and there but I think we are doing ok and as long as we keep the kids first, we will continue to slog through just fine.

And to do that, we need to keep a good sense of humor. So rest assured, all is good with us. We'll let you know when we feel one or the other is being disrespectful. Until then, assume we know what we're doing. :)

2 comments:

Caroline said...

I think it's wonderful how good you and Dakota are being to each other through this process. When people seperate they often forget why they fell in love in the first place. Reality is that sometimes relationships don't work out and when you realize that it's best to be mature and loving about the whole thing. Kuddos to the two of you for realizing that your kids come first no matter what. In the end I think your kidsd are really going to respect the fact that you and Dakota were respectful and loving through what could be a very nasty seperation.

Jen said...

I am so proud of you -- you just seem so mature in this post! I worry that I would be a whiny immature vindictive bitch in such a situation. I am so glad you aren't like me!!!

I could blather on but I'll stop. I'm proud of you, though!!!