Things with Kaylen are moving at a snails pace but they are moving. Sorta. Some moments. Some seconds.
Even though I know everyone who has experience with this says it will take time, my anxiety is getting to me over it all so I have made an appointment with her new pediatrician to see if we can pin down an official DX so we can start walking the path that needs to be walked to help her with her incredibly high anxiety. Quite different than what I expected to have to be working on. I figured sensory stuff was going to be the big dog but as it turns out, the thing you don't think will be a big deal turns into the mountain you have to figure our how to climb straight up. With no good foot holds to help you.
Ironically, her biggest trigger right now appears to be a lack in trust that I will come back and be where I say I will be when I say I will be there.
Never, ever, ever in her entire life have I not been where I said I would be when I said I would be there. Even Kelton tried to get her to understand that she could trust me and count on me. She can tell me that I have never let her down that way but emotionally? Emotionally she doesn't believe a word I say.
It's draining for me. The morning intense meltdowns, the swinging back and forth between ok and absolutely not ok. It's a lot. My sister said "You wouldn't hesitate to take her to the doctor if she broke her arm and you shouldn't be hesitating now. This is no less real."
Real indeed. Surreal definitely.
6 comments:
Wow Casey, this is a lot for you to shoulder. I hope that the doc is helpful. I think the sensory stuff is related, being overwhelmed is making her focus on her "rock" and "escape" quite intensely. You are a safe thing to focus her anxiety on precisely since you HAVE always been there for her. Anxiety is so tough, it's like boxing with shifting shadows, and when our kids are anxious it is so hard on a mom.
Huge hugs and good wishes to all,
Jennifer
Question.....will you have to go through all of this again next year? You now being home all summer with you? I totally agree with your sister....she needs help more help than you are giving her....doctors deal with all of the time (hopefully) they might be able to tell you what to do and bam it will work.....good luck to all three of you....remember poor kelton is going through right along with you......xxxxooo
Oh goodness is this hard. The part I was worried about was his activity level, and while I knew the separation would be an issue I didn't realize it would be such a huge issue, I thought he would be a bit sad and get over it, but it keeps lingering. It sounds like his issue is the same as hers, the worry that we will not come back when we say.
Also, did the sensory book mention anxiety stuff?
Word verification "reesses" isn't recess the best part of school :)
IF this helps at all, I cried everyday I went to school until I was in 3rd grade! EVERDAY! I went in with a splotchy red face everyday. It wasn't until my 3rd grade teacher recommended I see the school conselor that I finally got some help. I think mine ws directly related to the fact that I never went to daycare, never had a babysitter and I was with my mom every day until I started school. While you can't reverse that now and I have no backing for this, you are still very available. What if you weren't at the school all the time? I'm wondering how Kaylen would handle that. It would be tough love, but maybe if she knows you aren't available, she'll find other ways to cope. Maybe I'm way off, I'm just wondering....
I see where you are coming from. We tried tough love and it backfired. So now we are doing gentle tough love. It's working for her, for the most part.
The tricky part of parenting is a blanket approach is not good for some kids. Finding the way that works for her is the goal.
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