Today

Today started out with so much promise. Yesterday, Kaylen handled the morning part of the school day like a pro. I met her for lunch, as was the plan, and then spent the afternoon in and out of the room as I worked on the never ending PTO fundraising projects.

This morning we had our usual "I don't wanna go to school." comments but we were off and running on time. We walked Kelton to his room and then off to Kaylen's room we went. She took care of all the things she needed to take care of and I told her I was going to go start my work and I would meet her for lunch. She gave me a kiss and off she went to hang out with her friends

I worked on PTO stuff and when I came out of the room to ask one of the secretaries a question, she gave the universal sign to back away which I knew meant Kaylen was in her safe place behind the desk. I went back into my room feeling sad and defeated.

Soon enough I saw her happily heading back to class so off I went to get the info I needed and to check my mailbox for more items. I was gone about 10 minutes and on my way back, I saw Kaylen sitting back behind Sandy. DAMN. I waved at her with a cheerful, confident look and went back to my work hoping she owuld pull it together and go back to class.

I received a personal call on my cell so I went outside to take the call. About 15 minutes later the school counselor came up to me, clearly needing to talk. I ended my call. Kaylen was really struggling and what did I want done about it.

We talked for a few minutes and I decided that I would go in and talk with her and see if I could get her to rejoin her class with the promise I would meet her in her classroom on 15 minutes to go to lunch with her.

I did just that and then I took her to rejoin her class and then I met her for lunch. I sat on a bench at recess while she ran all over the place with friends playing. I had some nice conversations with a few other children but mine would just wave from a distance as she played.

Ok, I thought. We're getting somewhere.

I hung out in her room for a while after lunch and then I left to go do a bit more of my own work. I wasn't gone more than 25 minutes or so when I started my way back down to the kindergarten room. And there she was. behind Sandy's desk sobbing hysterically.

I swear to God it's like a knife through my heart.

I went over to her and we had a heart to heart about us both having jobs to do, blah blah blah. I gathered up my crying child and her bear and we headed back to her class, which had just gone to recess. I took her outside and told her to go play with her friends.

She did and then I spent the rest of the time (an hour) in the classroom helping. I left briefly to go get my personal belongings from the PTO room and on the way I noticed the school psychologist was in her office so I stopped quickly to talk with her. It's not really in her realm of things to do but after hearing what I said, she offered to stop into the room next Monday when she is back in the school to watch Kaylen and see what is setting her off. Hopefully by then, things will have settled down (they are moving 7 kids to a new teacher tomorrow which will take her class size from 26 to 19) and I will be keeping myself busy in the staff lounge during the day reading up on weight loss information. A girl can dream, right?

So - the upshot is, she made it through the day but it was stop and go. I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from the roller coaster I have been on for 2.5 weeks (which feels sooooooo much longer) and I am really ready for a magic bullet to make this all ok for her. If only I could find the magic potion.