My emotions are running on turbo. I thought today would be a relief from the stress of it all but really? How can I stop thinking about my girl and how to make school easier for her. Everyone says I am doing the right things but I just feel like there is so much judgement being cast upon me and my daughter who can't "suck it up" like everyone else.
Probably my own projection but still....I feel it.
Yesterday was a tough day for Kaylen. She left her class at 11:00 after completely losing it and I couldn't get her to go back so she hung out with me while I worked hard and fast on our PTO fundraising sale processing. The tears kept flooding my eyes because I feel like I've somehow let my child down. I somehow didn't give her the tools she needs to fight her demons and well...I probably contributed to it all by being overprotective of her because of her pallid breath holding and sensory issues. I feel guilty and I can't show it to her. All I can do is put on a happy face, excitedly talk up school and get her to a place where she can handle being there for 6.5 hours.
If only my stress could be bottled into weight loss pills that work. Wouldn't that be awesome?! Instead? Instead I flip back and forth between stress eating and not eating.
I miss my happy, secure girl.
1 comment:
Casey,
It will come, it's ok if it's 3 steps forward 1 step back for a while.
You mentioned that K doesn't love loud noises. Today at Sunday School there was a little boy who wore a hoodie over a t shirt. His mom said that he was sensitive to noises and when it got loud (concrete walls and floor, yikes) he would put the hood up for a while. Not sure if it actually muffles much or if it gives more of a sense of control but wanted to pass that along in case it might help.
Huge hugs and lots of good wishes for the coming week,
Jennifer
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