Playdates, Children and Guns
Which of those things don't belong? Yeah - kind of a no brainer but here is my question; how do you handle bringing up the question about guns in the home when you are letting your child go somewhere to play?
This question, of course, covers not only your child's (or your) friends homes but also the homes of relatives.
How does everyone else handle, or expect to handle, this issue?
Our home is gun free. But I know that this won't (or hasn't) been the case in the homes of friends and relatives and now that Kelton is getting old enough that friends are coming here without parents and he is going into other homes without me I am getting concerned.
So I need to figure out language to work into every situation when playdates are arranged. I find myself worrying about offending the parents but then I do a quick internal check and think "Umm...offend the parents or risk my child being killed. Not really a toss up, is it?"
I guess I could say something like "Kelton would love to come play with (insert name here). Given kids curiosity though I have to ask if there are any guns in the house." Beyond that, I'm at a loss.
And what is they don't tell me the truth????
How are others handling this? At this point I am feeling like my only option is to have all the kids here to play instead of sending him into someone else's house.
I'm so freaked out about this stuff....it only takes an instant for a life to change - or end.
And I thought being pregnant was stressful and scary.
12 comments:
I may be a member of the NRA (JK!) but no guns in my house no way!
I've thought the same thing before, it is a tough question to ask, I really need to grow some balls and just say it.
So would you be offended if someone asked you? No, you'd be happy they asked. And if you had a gun, won't you be telling everyone that you have the same concerns and how you have taken precautions and what they are. I think in this day and age if someone didn't ask about my home environment I'd be wary. And it is just starting. Next you'll be asking about computer games, TV and computer time supervision, is there liquor in the house and then is there a parent in the house and will they be watching the teens or just letting them hang out??? It just goes on...And you are still taking a risk that the little kid has a brother, uncle, father, neighbor, that is a pedofile. Stand up for your kid and don't be afraid to ask, be afraid of the person who doesn't ask! (I will now step down quietly off my soap box and thank the gods I'm past all that)
Lynn
I hate this one and have to admit that while I think of it from time to time, I have never gotten around to asking anyone. I guess the way I like to handle things is to act like " i know I'm a paranoid mom to ask but...." I also have talked to Corinne many times about how she should never touch a gun,that they are evil, and to tell me and other adults if she ever sees one. I should be more on top of this though.
I think that's a perfect thing to say. You aren't making a judgement, you're just making sure your kid is safe. So if anyone is offended, it's their issue. Isn't funny, we wouldn't feel weird about asking parents if all household poisons are out of reach, so why do we feel strange about guns? I guess it's the politics around the issue. I grew up with guns, but will never have them in our house, unless we move to a town with grizzly bears.
Oops. I meant "isn't IT funny."
You mean real guns or toy guns as well?
I think no one should be offended you're asking. Some gun owners are very irresponsible and you're right, a life can change in an instant.
You know, I never really thought about that concern. I guess I've never known anyone with a gun. It seems so foreign to me. But yeah, it is good to ask and ensure your child's safety. Who cares what the other parents think of you're just making sure your child is safe. That just makes you a good parent.
I hadn't even thought about this issue. That's a tough one. But I think you have every right to ask. If it offends the other parent, oh well. And it likely won't. They'll think you're a good parent for asking. I would.
Casey- You bring up a good question. I also have worried about such things. I have never asked about the gun thing but I have been VERY careful with where I let my kids play and with who.
My oldest if 5 and when he started getting invited to others homes I was concerned. I was worried first with others driving him in their car. Would they buckle him in safe? Will they drive the speed limit? I then would ask myself, do I know these parents well enough? Do I trust them? The list goes on. But, I think it is VERY important to know the parents well, trust them and ask the questions you need to.
I also have found that my girls are totally differnt then my son as far as how they play. My girls will sit in their room for hours playing dolls, or polly's. My son, he is more active and when he is with friends they can get nutty. They are more likely to roam the house and find something like a gun. We have none but others might.
Anyhow- I have a story I will e-mail you. I don't want to post it here. To long.
Heidi
Our relatives know that their guns must be in a safe, or my kid doesn't go in the house. My own guns are kept under lock and key. My son will have a gun saftey course next summer. I also have no problem asking if there are guns in the house, and if they can be secured if they are not already.
Of course, this is Texas and not all that unusual. Another ay to phrase the question is: We don't keep any unlocked guns in the house, do you? Oh the nightstand? I'm not really comfortable with that....
Blogger wouldn't let me comment but I am trying to say this is a very valid point Casey. We have a handgun and shotgun in the top/far back of our bedroom closet. both unloaded. No I would not be offended if anyone asked me that question. I think you should post it just like you typed it here.
Shawna: I think I'm going to start practicing - and I think I'm going to start with YOU. :)
Lynn: Small bites, woman! Sheesh! There is just too much to worry about. :( This afternoon while we were playing the chance to talk more about "private parts" and "it is always safe to tell mommy anything" presented itself. Seems like there is just soooo much to prepare him for. I'm starting to wish for a plastic bubble. :(
Perrin: I like the "I'm a paranoid mom..." line. Soeone on my parenting group had another good way of starting it "I know this is totally random but..." Good jumping off places, that's for sure. If we all start asking each other, it will no longer feel weird and it will just become part of the vernacular of playdates.
FroggyMama: Oh great! Another thing to add to me list. Household poisons. So many things to worry about!!
Stacey: Americans have a strong gun-culture. I wish we didn't. :(
Shannon: Thanks.
Heidi: Thanks for your comment and the email. I'll respond to the email privately. You're right though - I have noticed a HUGE difference in the way Kelton and Kaylen play. Kelton is much more likely to get himself into trouble.
JoJo: Thanks for the tip!
Patti_Cake: Thanks for that! It helps.
I'm also mom to a boy who is going to start to be exposed to gun play through friends and cousins etc. and i was going to ask about what you do to intervene at home in the kids' play.
then i realised you were talking about *real* guns.
and my guts bottomed out.
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