Last year, on January 3rd, I posted a list of things I was resolving to do in 2011. I printed out a hard copy and, instead of tucking it away in a drawer of a roll top desk, I posted it near my bathroom mirror, where I have read it nearly each and every day of the past 365 days. I've heard that if you post your goals, you are more likely to achieve them.
I'm going to add here, before going any further, that this was a HUGE list which basically would have completely reinvented myself. I shouldn't be surprised I didn't hit all of them - and I'm not. I'm actually quite proud of myself for doing as many of them as I did.
Let's recap, shall we?
I Resolve.....
...to be kind even when those around me are not.
I did really well with this one. Not 100% of the time but enough that I am satisfied with my progress to "hold my tongue". I'm a work in progress though...as we all are. :)
...to spend time taking care of me instead of everyone but me.
I think I have done well moving myself up the priority list - even when others didn't so much enjoy me putting myself ahead of what they wanted to me do. There have been rough moments with this one but I truly believe that I need to matter, too.
...to learn to trust again.
Work in progress, remember? Though I will say for as far as I have to go on this one, I am leaps and bounds ahead of last year.
...to remind myself that I *am* worth it...I am worth the effort to get to know and understand.
Should I just label this one as WIP (work in progress) too? I am finding this one exceptionally challenging though I am working hard to retrain my immediate "go to" of "not worth the time or trouble".
...to put myself at the head of the list.
See above. Making strides.
...to find peace.
Ummm........I have found *moments* of peace. And for now, that's better than I had so I'm going with it. :)
...to do more things for myself just because I'm worth it.
I think I am doing so much better on this one - though it is challenging.
...to find at least one thing to be happy about each and every day.
I have had days where I focused on many happy things...and then I had days that dragged me under the bus. HOWEVER...I am trying to remind myself of how lucky and blessed I am on a regular basis. I have more "happy" than not now though, so I'm taking this one as a win.
...to spend time alone. A lot of time alone.
I have done this and done it well. I'm happy to say I can be alone and I am completely fine alone. I will also say that being alone/loner isn't what I want or who I am. I am glad to know I can be completely fine alone when I want to be or have to be. So again, WIN!
...to build a great life for the kids and me.
Work in progress...but the three of us are doing very well. We are more settled and cohesive than we were a year ago.
...to stop letting others opinions of me get the best of me.
This is hard for me but I am trying to keep in mind that what you think of me is none of my business. I am doing the best I can at being the person I am.
...to learn to tame my anxiety and stress level.
I'm better than I was. Most days. Though I have made a distinct correlation between taking on the weight of others opinion of me and my anxiety and stress level. So now the trick is to really not let others have that sort of control over me.
...to spend more time with friends.
I don't have a ton of in-real-life friends, but I do have a few and I have spent time with them. I don't have as much time as I would like to spend one on one with them but I do share my life with people which is the point of having friends.
...to laugh more and cry less.
DEFINITELY.
...to be the best mother possible to my children but not at the expense of losing myself again.
I'm calling a win on this one.
...to find who I am, what I want and what I need.
Work in progress, remember? I do have a more clear sense of all three though, which is way above where I started.
...to be true to myself and trust that it will all work out as it should.
This is a challenge but I am continuing to do my best on a daily basis. Some days, I succeed. Some days, I fail.
...to let go of the hurt, betrayal and heartbreak and move forward happily
I'm going to say that yes, I have let go and am moving on. I'm not perfect and some moments I fall backwards but overall, I'm moving forward and I am VERY happy.
So...for 2012, I'm going to continue working on these goals and I will add only one thing: Love like I've never loved before. And that includes everything: people, animals, hobbies...anything and everything I do I will do with as much passion as I can muster. I will grab ahold of life and love it for all it is worth - and it's worth a lot!
1 comment:
You are really an inspiration, Casey. I am so very sorry for your Jordan's passing, but have been in the same position with a couple of dear pets and know that you have to move forward. You have great motivation in yourself, beyond your kids, and that is quite lovely to see. I know you get down, but you get back up. I don't comment often, but want you to know I read everything you post and am usually inspired with looking at the day and seeing things that I may have passed over while being the mom or wife or friend. Thank you for your inspiration. My goal for this year is to love more - totally and unconditionally. Yes, may get burned a time or two - but, I don't want to miss out on the feeling of love when there is so much to go around from so many.
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