Wednesday, May 12, 2010


There just doesn't seem like there is enough time or energy these days to keep up on my (what should be) daily blogging. Or maybe I just have so much going on that I don't have the energy to sit down and put things into written form. Maybe it's a mix of all of the above but for whatever reason, I am slacking and don't think for a single second I don't have guilt over it. I do...which is silly and all....but I do. Because, you know, I think my life is *that* interesting to all 300 of you who stop by daily to check on me. :) Yeah yeah......I'm not really that full of myself but I do feel bad when the days slip by without me posting. I know how *I* feel when I stop by your blogs and there are no new updates. It's like "What? Too busy to talk with me? FINE!" and then I sulk. :)

Oh goodness. Maybe I shouldn't drink so much coffee in the morning. I get a bit bouncy and silly.

Let's see.....the kids are good. Kaylen has a new obsession: Otter Pops and the girl is going to drive me to the brink. I swear she would eat them all day long if I didn't cut her off. But Lord help me when I tell her "This is the LAST one for now!" because all hell breaks loose and suddenly I am the worst mom EVER and she hates me. I am going to chalk it up to an addiction issue and not take it personally.

So why do I continue to buy them for her? Yeah.....I dunno. I'm a sucker.

Kelton is doing well and growing like a weed. In school he is doing very well. We pulled back from his penmanship and spelling tutoring to avoid him getting burned out and giving up and it seems to have helped because he really was getting burned out. His penmanship has come a long way and he is trying with his spelling. His speech issues really give him a challenge though. And speaking of speech, he is doing well. His "th" sound is coming along nicely which is really great. I think correcting his speech problems will take more time than originally thought but it's coming along.

As for me, I'm keeping busy. Looking for a job and applying for ones I am qualified for takes up a chunk of time every morning. Slugging back an entire pot of coffee takes some time too so I multi-task on that one. :) I'm exploring options in my personal life which is great, fun, at times overwhelming but mostly really, really good. Figuring out what you want in life in your mid-40's is waaaaaaaaaaay different than in your mid-20's. Add to that kids, needing to do what is in their best interest, needing employment, needing to be thoughtful with my decisions, and all the other adult stressors and's a lot. Sometimes I think I have no idea what I'm doing on any front but I just keep muddling along trying to make the best choices I can. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine to travel forward and see where I will be and to know that I'm doing well in the here and now with my choices and decisions. But - since I don't have a time machine, I just have to follow my heart and my gut instincts. That's the best I can do.

The weather has been up and down. Rain and then amazingly beautiful and then rain again. I love, love, love the beautiful days and they do so much to lift my spirits but I have to say - the back and forth of the temperatures and humidity and barometric pressure really screws with me. The barometric pressure effects my spinal fluid pressure and triggers headaches (and for those of you who get migraines, this is true for you as well) and the changes in temperature and humidity really affect my skin. I swear to you that lately I feel like a 13 year old in need of acne treatment. It's crazy. But that is what spring does to me. Every. Single. Year. Ugh.

Tonight Dakota is coming over for her time with the kids (it's a wacky schedule this month due to trips, school events, etc.). Dakota's girlfriend is in town again so she and I are going to hit happy hour and hang out for a while. I really enjoy her company and she is fun to talk with. I know what many of you are probably thinking but you know what? I don't really care. :) Dakota and I are thoughtful in our decisions regarding the kids and what goes on around them and since we are lesbians and moms, the kids have been surrounded by women their entire lives. It's men they are completely unfamiliar with having in their lives in a capacity other than grandfather, uncles or cousins. Our bringing friends into their lives now is not much different than before. It's all in the way things are presented, framed and talked about. Unless you are a lesbian with children, I'm not sure you can understand it all. But know this: a lesbian divorce is NOTHING like a heterosexual divorce. And Dakota's and my divorce is NOTHING like anyone elses. We are friends and co-parents and we are in all of this together. So really? Unless you are Dakota, Kelton, Kaylen or me; you have no say in what happens or doesn't happen. So there! :) You are welcome to handle your children, your ex, their new partner and your divorce in whatever manner works for you. I promise I won't judge you for your decisions so do not judge me.

I'll get off my soapbox now. :)

And on that note, I will end this and let everyone, myself included, get back to their lives. Have a great day/evening/night!


A Jersey Girl said...

For what it is worth, I am so happy that you and Dakota are working so hard for the kids. While I agree that every divorce is different, but one thing that is the same for any couple with children, is that the kids are stuck with the changes and that is so hard.

I think you two are doing an amazing job being awesome Mommies to your perfect kids! I am so proud of you!



Kerry said...

I have to thank you for sharing your difficulties of the last few months. It has made Wendy and I do some self checking with our relationship and improve where we need to.

I know things are still tough for you at times but you have come along way since December. You should be very proud.


Anonymous said...

Awesome and well said! Glad things are working for you both!!!


Caroline said...

So, you are going to hang out with Dakota's new GF while Dakota hangs out with the kids? I think that is super cool!!! I will say, you are a lot stronger then me because I still don't think I could hang out with Laura and whoever her partner is. Kudos to you and Dakota for being so mature and grown up about your divorce.

Dakota said...

We really do rock! :)

On one level, I see it looks odd to have my new gf hanging with my ex-wife, but on the other, having healthy relationships all around, and having the kids be surrounded by adults who like each other is ideal.

Thank you, Casey, for being easy to co-parent with and for being a mature adult. I think a lot of people could learn from you and from us.

Casey said...

Yes - the kids are stuck with the changes but if handled gently and well, they do well. Sure, they would love us to get back together but we gently let them know that isn't going to happen but we are all still a family.

Kerry and Heidi; Thank you.

Caroline: Yes. Last night V and Dakota hung out with the kids but tonight she and I will hang out together. Here's the bottom line for us: It isn't just about us: it's about the kids first and foremost. V is part of D's life and therefore she is part of my life and the kids lives. It's in everyone's best interest that the grown ups get along and know each other just makes sense. V is a great person and I am thrilled that she is part of D's life and, by extension, the kids and mine. She is a great person with a big heart. I guess we have a true definition of "modern family" going on. Dakota and I are agreed with the line of thoughts that the kids should not have to struggle with feelings of split loyalty. This is their childhood, the setting for the rest of their lives, it is our responsibility to make it as happy and stress free as possible. Having the adults get along is a BIG part of it.

And besides, I really enjoy hanging out with V. :)

Casey said...

Dakota- we were posting at the same time. Funny. :)

And you are welcome. Thank you for your efforts as well. I can't imagine anyone I would rather co-parent with. we really are rocking this pretty well. :)

Anonymous said...

I am going through a heterosexual separation right now and have also been judged on my choices regarding how much time my ex and I spend together with the kids, increased visitation, conversations some may think are inappropriate for a couple in our situation, etc. We have decided to do what is right for us and our family and it's nobody else's concern. I've also stopped being quite as open with people regarding my life. What they don't know won't hurt them. Good for you for being strong and taking a stand!


SJayneI said...

For what it's worth, I think you guys have handled this beautifully from the very beginning and hanging out with the new woman in her life is awesome! You can't have too many friends, right?

Mimi said...

Good for the BOTH of you.....the kids are the only ones who suffer in a divorce and the both of you are trying to sheild them....again good for you guys......

Jen said...

It sounds like you're doing well. I do think it's important for the kids to be aware that you guys are both dating... that is going to help them understand that the separation is permanent. The fact that you can all get along so well together is huge -- I don't know if you guys can even fathom how much that will improve the kids' lives. And it's good for you guys, too. If you can see each other without major pain and tension, that's just healthy. It's wonderful. Don't be defensive about it, just be proud!