....listening to the surf crash on the shore. The breeze blowing. The seagulls singing their song. And me. Alone. A blanket around me to ward off the chill that is always on the coast, a book in my hands that can transport me to another world when this one gets to be too much.
Alone. Alone with my thoughts. No one for whom I need, or feel like I should, put on a happy face. No "have to's" or "should's". No fitting in anything someone else wants to do. No one around who will judge me for my sadness and my feelings of being alone even when I am surrounded by people who love me. A place of quiet where I can regroup, recharge and find my footing on the ever changing sand.
Dramatic? Maybe so. But you know, even being away from that judgement would be good. Why is it considered dramatic to need time and space to come to grips with changes and whatnot. Let's be honest, I haven't have space and time to really do that. And I am feeling the strain of not having that.
4 comments:
Sending you love. I'm right there with you!
Casey - I've lurked here for many months after finding your blog, but am coming out of hiding to say: "I understand completely!" It's even hard to explain to the ones we love, and love to be with, why that time alone is so necessary to our well-being. And that that space alone makes us better parents, partners, people. Find that time for yourself!
Trudy's Mom
Wish you could have that time. Sometimes we do need time away from everything and your description of being there makes me want to be there too.
You do need that time alone. Time to grieve, time to process. It's so hard being the main or only caregiver. And it makes you so so tired.
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