This is where I want to be right now. This outside log furniture looks so peaceful and I am incredibly overwhelmed with life today and could use some peace. A while ago I admitted to all of you that I can be going along ok for a while and then SMACK! I hit a wall and everything falls apart and feels completely unmanageable and then slowly I get my feet back under me and stand up again.
It isn't one thing that overwhelms me, it's the culmination of many and then one thing will tip me over the edge. The ol' "straw that broke the camel's back" story. Not unlike most of us, I know. I've been against the wall since Friday and I have been struggling to stand up again. I'm not there yet.
Last night Dakota told me that the kids asked her why they couldn't live with her full time and just visit me. From the sounds of it, she handled it well but it still hurts. I know kids always want what they don't have but it still stings. I know Kelton fell all over me last night when they got back and I know they both missed me greatly while they were gone, I know that I was smothered with "I love you's" last night and again this morning but it still hurts.
I know they have a great time with Dakota and her gf. They go to fun places and they shop and they are having non-stop fun and life with me is different. It's the life they have always had: chores, solid bedtimes, solid routines, etc. I know everyone would choose fun over chores anytime and I know they don't get that if they lived with her full time it wouldn't be like that all the time. Logically, I get all that. Emotionally, it still hurts.
Just another thing to say "You aren't good enough."
9 comments:
You ARE good enough. And you have it exactly right. They think it because they think it would be all fun and games, but we as adults know that's not how things work. That being said, why did she even tell you at all? Ignorance is bliss and you did not need to hear that little tid bit of information.
Don't blame her. I want to know and we have a full disclosure policy. I think it's the only way we can both fully support the kids and each other in situations like this. I appreciate that she told me because it gives me the chance to bring it up casually to the kids and make sure they are doing ok with everything.
I'm so glad she DID tell me. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt but I need to know.
That is actually a good agreement, but you are better then me. I'm not even in full disclosure and we're still hitched. Actually about the boy child I am but I have my own little things that I do keep to myself.
I do understand you point of view Casey. Wendy and my kids have bio dads from our previous marriages.We tend to be the "bad and no fun" parent by default. We do the everyday stuff while most of the time the other parents just get to have fun.Wendy's kids just came back from a month with their dad and Conlan wanted to go back the first night here.Dad did not make them do chores etc....
Anyway being a mom is truly a thankless job most of the time but know you are doing a good job.
Kerry
Ugh. I bet that hurts. I think it's all part of the split home and which home is "home" and which is where you "visit". We've had the same issues with Yegs.
You are adored by them. I know you know that. xo.
i think it's just kids sayin "we're always away from you, can't we stay here then go back to visit her" i wouldn't take that personal at all! cause you know if dakota had them full time, they'd be asking you if they could live with you and go visit her. could also be them wanting to know that she'd want to keep them full time too, maybe just some reassurance for them!! don't sweat it!! : )
jenn
I understand the hurt. My kids used to tell me they wanted to live with their dad. He was the "disneyland" dad -- not leterally going to disneyland, but at his house they had no rules, chores, etc. They wanted fun times all the time. It broke my heart because in this instance I knew he wouldn't be a good parent and also that he had no desire to take them, but he would entertain the fantasy with them and make me the bad person -- which I know is not the case with D, but it was our case. Absolutely broke my heart when they would get mad at me and say they didn't love me, just dad. Good news, they grew up, they now see and appreciate the home I provided for them. I did talk to my kids as they grew up about how much I loved them, how life wasn't all about fun and games and it wouldn't be if they lived with dad. We talked about it not during the I hate you times, but during the fun times because I wasn't looking to add guilt to their little lives. Hang in there, you are doing a great job, but I hear you...oh how it hurts to have the kids say they want the other parent more.
oops, meant * literally
Don't forget, Kelton had also just told you that I was no longer his favorite and that you are. I would not have shared the living with me part, other than to expose that I think both kids go back and forth and are conflicted and mostly, I think, happy where they are when they are there....until something happens, then they want it the other way.....They are just trying to figure things out like we are.
All will be better someday.
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