Friday, July 02, 2010

Holding on tight

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions the past little while: mostly tied in with jobs (well - the lack there of) and money (also the lack there of). Every day I sit at this computer for hours searching through new postings on job boards and, when I find ones I am qualified for, reworking cover letters and submitting resumes and cover letters in the hopes that *someone* will see the potential I have.

Make no mistake: it's hard work. And very frustrating, saddening and maddening. Eight years out of the work force while I raised my babies into the amazing little people they are doesn't seem to count for much in the real world....which sucks since children who are well loved and raised well are a tremendous asset to the world. There should be extreme value placed on the job I have been doing. These children didn't become the intelligent amazing people they are by magic. It is a ton of sweat the tears on the part of me, an incredibly dedicated mother.

(Please note: this is not to say parents who didn't or don't stay home to raise kids have anything less than amazing children as well. It's just.....different. I sacrificed everything I had and was to raise these kids 24/7. My world was/is the two of them and that is my reality. One of the sacrifices I made was walking away from a very fulfilling, very well paying job on the day I went into labor with Kelton and that sacrifice is the one holding me back now. It's hard for people to look past an 8 year gap.) I search for jobs to apply for I am struck by the fact of the other things I would so much rather be doing: baking banana bread, playing Princess Games with Kaylen, watching Kelton play the Wii, helping them with the summer school work. Just about anything other than sitting here hoping and praying for enough positions to apply for to meet my personal daily goal. Oh heck - I'd even rather be reading or writing prevera reviews.

Sure, job searching doesn't take all day. There is still time to do the other things it's just that my thoughts are consumed with needing to find a job and all the stress that goes along with that simple statement which makes it very difficult to sit back and enjoy the time I still have to spend with my babies.

Life. It's an ever evolving roller coaster ride. Nothing is constant but change...and all that.


Caroline said...

Have you thought about looking into something part time until you find something more permenant? I know you want to work in an office, but you might need to do something like a coffee shop, grocery store, etc until something better comes along. I think having any money coming in would make things less stressful.

Tanya said...

Caroline has a good thought, especially if you can work it out that you work at times that D is off, since she is now only working PT. Then once the kiddos are both in school you could work when they are at school. I'm sure even those jobs are few and far between, but it never hurts to look.

and what a quite unusual word verification..."mityrock" I like that.

Casey said...

One would think that, wouldn't they but no. That is not the case. Not when you have day care for two to consider. At least, not until the fall when they will both be in school from 8:30-3:00.

I have been reseraching day care costs based on what friends are paying. One of the least expensive in-home day cares run $7 an hour per child. That is $14 an hour. If I took a $10 an hour job, I would be having more money going out the door every month than I do now.

When you have kids who need care, it's a whole new ball game. Plus, any money I make impacts the kids and my health insurance. Can I afford to have us go without it until Dakota finds a new job? No. No I cannot. We are already going without dental - which makes me incredible nervous.

This is not as simple as it seems to outsiders. Not by a long stretch.

Casey said...

In theory, again. Yes, that's a good plan. However Dakota is working three (almost) full days which leaves part time options few and far between.

Trust me. I go over and over and over options. This is the stuff that keeps me up at night. Most every night. I do not take this lightly.

Casey said...

Ans yes, I am registered with temp agencies. So far, nothing.

Caroline said...

What about working evenings when Dakota is not working, weekends or overnight??

Pam said...


Move to NM. I would hire you in a minute and you would have sunshine - glorious sunshine.

The community here is pretty damn nice as well!

~ Mel said...

I know exactly how it is to spend more than half your day obsessing at the computer, applying for 10 things, sure that at least 1 will contact you, then hearing nothing and more nothing. It kicks all self-esteem in the ass again and again. It's even harder going through it a second year in a row.

I haven't looked at the comments to know what people have suggested to help until something comes along. I would ask if you've considered substitute teaching, but I absolutely know how it is to have to stress about morning and afternoon care, especially on an as-needed basis.

I know something is going to come your way (and mine.) Sooner rather than later for both of us would be just swell.

~ Mel

hackwife said...

Have you considered a work at home job?
(the online magazine for work-at-home moms)

Many jobs on that site are legit, some are not, so be careful. But these are things you can do while you're searching.

Good luck.