I love this blog and this post is one worthy of sharing. This, my friends, is the philosophy I have taken with the kids. It's hard but seeing them increase their personal responsibility level is worth it.
I didn't go this route, at first, for any other reason than pure exhaustion on my part of trying to juggle everyone's responsibilities as if they were my own. One day it dawned on me - it wasn't my grade that would suffer if Kelton refused to do his homework. So why fight with him over him? Who cares if Kaylen wears pajamas to school? At least she is there - and happy. If they can't put their clothes in the laundry, ok....they don't have their favorite clothes to wear the next time they want to because they aren't clean.
Taking this path with the kids has made my life easier and BONUS! is teaching them to take care of things themselves. After all, I can't do it all alone and still be happy. :)
6 comments:
You are a better person than me....maybe its my age but sorry there is no way I would allow my child to go to school in PJ's....I just couldnt do it.....why you ask....because in my mind it would look bad on me....yep I said it out aloud...if my children didn't look so so I was afraid people would think and where was her mother???? I know it might be wrong but thats me still to this day if my husband starts to walk out the door looking stupid I will say something again I am afraid people would think why didn't his wife double check him.....lol...and do you know what the out come is??? My daugher is 31 and I LOVE her with all of my heart BUT her children look perfect....and some times I think I have caused this because I always made sure my kids looked so good....and my daughter is three times worst than me.....some times I will say oh my they are only children and the answer I get is Oh mom people aren't going to think I am a bad mom.....so how are my great grand children going to be and so on ???? Again Life is too short to worry about some stuff and I have only learned that is the last couple of years....lol
I'm with you on this one Casey. I tried to follow the same approach with my kidsd. Like Mimi I most certainly did worry that it would look bad on me if my kids didn't look perfect, but I tried to push it out of my mind and let them try and at times fail. No slam to parents that did it differently than me, we all do what we believe is best (or works best) for our family/kids. My kids didn't have the best CA missions in grade school when it was time to build them because I didn't help them build them, I was there for consulting but that was it...they were sure proud of what they did though and I"m sure much prouder than the kid with the perfect mission that his/her parents built. Of course part was self-preservation on my part, I was a single mom to three, I didn't have the time or energy to build the missions :-) Kids gain a lot of self-esteem when they are allowed to succeed and yes fail. At least in my opinion.
Cris, I have to say - I think there is are some huge plus' to being an older parent. I used to care what they looked like, thinking it was a relection of me, but Kaylen challenged that early on with her clothing issues. I surrendered there with clothing. And then, it hit me. I can take the kids out and they can look at fashion challeneged as they way. *I* still look decent. So clearly, I know how to dress myself. That is whast reflects on ME. I'm not the one wearing pajamas. I know how to dress in day clothes.
I have found that other moms nod knowingly at me and we exchange a smile. They understand. And even if they didn't? Big deal.
As for another grown up's dressing style? Again, I'm not the one looking ridiculous. It's not my job to dress them. :)
I certainly agree with your approach on this one as well. The hardest part for me was not going behind them and fixing it. If the towels weren't folded right or the bed not made correctly, or the dishes were not clean, it was very hard for me not to correct them. But I soon found out that if the towels fell all over the floor...somebody had to pick them up and refold them to put them away...and it wasn't me. If someone got a dish out of the cabinet and it was dirty, well they just put it in the sink. It took me awhile, but I finally learned that if I fixed the little things, they would expect me to be there everytime, and I didn't have time for that! LOL
Lynn
Do you find it hard to get Kelton on board?
Tanya,
I don't know that he IS on board but I've given up fighting with him on things. It took too much energy and honestly was just damaging our relationship. His teachers let him know where he stands. Except for homework, he is above grade level in everything so his schooling isn't suffering. I absolutely do not do their homework for them. I will help, if they ask for help but it;s on them to get it done. He has taken to putting his clothes in the dirty clothes and closing his drawers though. Small steps but we're getting there.
When they can't find things? That's all on them. I just say "Wow - you should probably retrace your steps and see if you can figure out what happened to it. I know where my things are and you should know where yours are." :)
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