Thursday, January 20, 2011

And Speaking of Kaylen.....

She sort of freaked me out last night. We were watching something and the topic of being 17 came up. She said, in her serious little voice, "Mom, I won't be alive any more when I am 17."

It shook me but I tried not to show it and instead said "Yes you will, silly girl!" But I have to say, my heart dropped because she tends to bring up these off the wall things about past lives, another family, etc.

My mind flipped through memories of the past with her...before she started talking about angels and drowning and living in a pink room with angels taking care of her. Before the days where she talks about the ceremony and party we will have when she is dead. Back to the days when she was small and would dress up in costume jewelry and laugh at her silly reflection.

To memories of her pulling up for the first time in her crib (which she didn't sleep in but did enjoy hanging out to play in), learning to walk.....all those amazing moments when it feels like life is stretched out endlessly in front instead of being confronted with thoughts of "What does she know that I don't?"

This little girl certainly keeps me on my toes.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This too will pass . . . for a child of divorce it is as if the very foundations of their world has been turned upside down. It is similar to death, in so many ways, and it shakes your faith in your parents, in a myriad of ways.

My son went through a similar process where he remembered drowning, although he was about three at the time. He also remembered other lives. Not so much, any more, although he does sometimes struggle with the specter of loss. This started after he lost his first pet and then his great-grandmother died. I believe it is his way of making sense of death, life, the fragility of the human experience.

Love her, let her talk about it, ask her why she thinks those things, explain that bad thoughts exists, hug her. As a mom, that's all we can do.