Let's just say it's been a really, really, really long week. If I don't get some serious downtime soon I'm going to lose it.
D's family is little to no help these days and my family is too far away (not that I think they would be much help even if they were closer). D's sister has been "too busy" to come over the last four Thursday afternoons to give me a break (unless of course it was right at nap time and frankly, if the kids are napping, that's where you'll find me too so what was the point of having her over then? I'd have actually *lost* down time) and she cancelled at the last minute last night to help me take the kids Trick or Treating. (Uuuuuhhh..yeah thanks. That was thoughtful.)
It's been raining like crazy here - which I love - but I think it's adding to the fact that I don't even feel like getting dressed in the mornings. Oh sure- I take a shower (I'm not *that* gross!) but forget "real" clothes...it's sweats and a t-shirt (sans the bra....what's the point? It's a pain to latch and relatch a million times a day for nursing). I even go so far as to put on make-up (don't get excited - I only do my eyes) but unless I'm going someplace, I can't even be bothered to blow dry my hair. Nope - it just lays there all day limp as a ragdoll. What do I care? Who am I trying to impress?
I could have gone to the Kindergarten Readiness program (preschool type program) on Monday but.......yeah, that didn't happen. I just wanted a down day. Today was MOMS Club but.....didn't go to that either. The thought of chasing around the prince just didn't do it for me (not to mention the princess still has a runny nose and I am still feeling less than great from the cold she gave me).
I'm tired. I'm tired of parenting alone and I'm tired of feeling like nothing I do matters. I'm tired of cleaning the house only to have it look like a tornado hit within the hour and I'm sick of laundry and dishes....they are never ending.
I want to go back to the coast, rent a nice room on the beach, open the windows wide and listen to the waves crash violently on the sand. I want to actually BE alone instead of just feeling alone.
I want...I want...I want. Not that it matters because this is what it is. *sigh*
6 comments:
sounds like you need a holiday in the south pacific, pack up your bags and the kids and head on down here. I am about to launch into a month of single parenting, my house constantly looks like a force 4 hurricane swept through it, you can keep me company and we can hang out at the beach...10 mins from my place, the vit D will be good for everyone and the kids can go home with cute little kiwi accents
Or you can come to NYC, it's lots of fun around the holidays. Really though, is there any way that you can get a break, even for just a day? Maybe on the weekend you can book a room at a hotel, leave the kids with D and just do nothing but hang around the room, eating room service and watching movies.
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Casey, I understand. If I am at home you will find me without a bra and in my jammies. That is why I tell friends if you are coming over call first. I know it must be hard doing it all day alone. On weekdays I am alone when I come from work at 2:15, then Karen goes to work and we only see each other for 10 minutes in the morning. You know I tell other people stuff and forget to tell her because I do not see her. Anyway, my point is you are alone all day, you need more down time. I wished we all lived closer and we could trade off babysitting.
Sorry that you're getting so bogged down with everything. And I am very sorry you haven't been getting your thursday afternoons. I know how much they meant to you!
On the bright side, it is now Wednesday, which means you survived Tuesday :)
I'm sorry!
I know I'm feeling defeated lately. I feel like I'm in a rut, and what I do actually do doesn't "matter" because if it can be un-done, it typically is in a matter of minutes. It is NOT because we don't do anything. Carie works her tail off day in and day out... yet still we feel like we are about to sink.
I sit here, look around me (literally), and it looks and feels like a tornado. I can't imagine being ingulfed in it 24/7... "I" get to "escape" and I still am on overload.
Not sure if that is how you are feeling??? If so, I'm sorry.
Casey, I am so sorry you feel this way and I can sympathize. I hope you get a break soon.
Kristen
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