One Night Down; A Lot More To Go
The day actually went quite well. Dakota didn't have work today so we were able to spend some family time together early on. Kelton had his first gymnastics class so Dakota took the kids and went to that while I waited at home for Safeway to deliver groceries (which should have been here last week but they cancelled our delivery because of the snow and ice). All three of them arrived home jazzed from the excitement and fun of the first day.
After telling me all about it (complete with demonstrations using the couch cushions, of course) Dakota had to pack up and leave for school. Monday she has an afternoon class so instead of being able to be with us all day and not go in until after dinner, as would have been the case last semester on a "no work but yes school" day, she had to leave at noon. The really sucky part is that her class was over at 3:30 and her next class wasn't until 8pm. Oh how it would have been nice to have her here for those 4.5 hours but it doesn't make sense to drive back and forth and it was a good opportunity for studying.
Anyway, the kids had a hard time letting her walk out the door (as did I but I didn't call her back a zillion times to say good-bye like they did. Not that I didn't want to but I was *trying* to be more mature about it. *grin*). I promptly got Kaylen down for her nap and returned to spend time with my sad little guy.
The afternoon went by fine as did the evening. The weird part is that I'm fine doing this on my own (well let's not get crazy....I'll qualify that with "on the good days I'm fine doing all this on my own..."), it's just that I miss her, really miss her when she isn't here.
Out of the past 71 weeks I've been on my own with the kids for the biggest part of 48 of them. So clearly, I can do this but even as I move about fixing dinner, cleaning up, playing with the kids, managing conflicts, etc. I find that I have this intense feeling of just plain missing her and being lonely for her company. I miss just knowing she is in the house. I don't know - I doubt I'm explaining this so it can be understood. Maybe what it comes down to is this: I am fine on my own. I can care for the kids alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am a whole person in my own right and yet....whenever Dakota isn't here, I feel like part of my heart is missing. And I'm lonely for her. *sigh* I guess that's true love. :)
Wow - am I rambling or what? Here's the point of this posting: The day went fine. One day down, a lot more to go. :)
3 comments:
You and Dakota have an amazing relationship; one some people might find themselves envying. And the wonder of it is, some people can't make it work when they have all the time in the world together. You two, instead make every second count that CAN be spent together, and I know that's why you'll make it through this with no regrets and only love for each other's role in attaining a better life for you both down the road! How sweet the payoff will be when Dakota's a big shot attorney ;) Good luck, C, and you let me know when you want to drop the kids off and run off for some ME time!
It's so different for us. I am still the primary care giver or coordinator -with Lucka's help of course. I couldn't do this without a wife for myself -that's where Lucka fits in. I tell everyone their job and then juggle the rest. Jefferson comes waltzing in around 7pm to be the hero and read books for bedtime. Then at 7:30 what would normally be time for "us" is just time for me to study. Still...it is nice that we're in the same space.
Casey! I totally get what you are saying. I count the minutes until Cheryl gets home. I love having her around and miss it when she is at work. I really don't know what I would do if she worked all day and then had to go to school. I think I would go crazy!
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