"I can hear the devil whisper "Things are only gettin' worse.""
Yep - that about sums it up for me. I'm not sure what is wrong with me but something certainly is. I have no patience, no attention span, no desire to do much of anything and have been on the brink of falling apart all day long. I used to knock myself out to keep this house picked up all day long but lately I just don't care. It's just going to look like a tornado whipped through within five minutes anyway. I have never, ever left the house with breakfast dishes still in the sink but guess what I did this morning? Yeah sure - I only went to the post office and yet still....I never would have done it before. I finally got around to washing them before the kids went down for afternoon naps.
The clutter is starting to get to me (a stack of magazine, the toys, the baby gear, and stupid experiment stuff that the prince likes to play with, the patio looks like Santa's toy sack threw up on it, my computer hutch is in complete disarray....and the list goes on. The only two rooms in this house that are 98% clutter free and clean are the kids rooms. Who'd have guessed that?
Oh...and the garage. Once upon a time I used to actually park my car in there. I know, novel concept, right? This winter we decided to change it into a playroom, of sorts, for the prince (we needed somewhere to put all those toys that had to vacate the livingroom to make way for the baby swing, pack-n-play, etc.). It's become a certifiable disaster area - I dare anyone to try to play out there.
Bins from my garage sales of things "not yet sold and not yet disposed of" are piled high. Bins of clothes for the kids to grow into are piled up as well. Extra bedding (how many old used comforter sets does one family need anyway?), the old coffee table, couch and rocking chair, the bike D just had to have but has never ridden, the prince's bike(s)lawn mower, camping gear, boxes of books (no room for booksleves in this house), boxes of keepsakes ,a hippity hop, too many freakin' balls to count, a Little Tyke's basketball hoop, box after box of Christmas decorations, the tall bookcase we took out of the old den (now the princess' room), the corner hutch that used to be in the kitchen that has since been replaced by the computer hutch.....it's endless. The amount of crap out there is endless.
Every time I walk out there I feel the panic rising in my throat. I have to get it straightened up. I have no clue where to start or how to go about it and the real panic starts when I realize I'm in it alone. Classes start in two weeks and then it's just me....just me, the prince (who seems unable to listen at all these days) and the princess who, at 6 months, is determined to crawl and really throw a wrench into the works.
I'm overwhelmed. Completely and utterly overwhelmed.
I didn't sign up for this and I feel I have absolutely no control. It feels like my life is spinning out of control.
5 comments:
Wow. I thought I had the wrong blog for a minute. Casey went and reformatted herself! Elephant is gone... do you want him back? And I see you copied MY color scheme... I forigve you.
Life out of control, I have no experience with that. G-d knows I am in control of my life at all times. But...
The kids are fine. The mess is fine. Teach the boy to clean up after himself. At three years old he is plenty old and mature enough to put away his own toys and even his clothes. He can put his dishes in the sink and help out with other things too. It doesn't have to be all you, all the time. I know you want to be on top of it all, but can you settle for being a little in the middle for a while?
It's too damn hot in your garage to play anyway. What were you thinking? Bake the child?
Deep breath in, deep breath out. You're doing great. Call me. It's time for your meltdown. Then we'll be even.
We have the same color scheme? Sorry about that - I guess I didn't realize. I was looking for a layout that has the area for links to other site (see? D's two sites are there as well as Brenda's.).
And...I'm not going to vent to you - you have your own stuff going on which trumps my whining hands down.
Oh dear god the clutter, most of the time I just give up and accept it and then have a moment every few months where I totally clean up and have a nice neat and tidy house for about 5 seconds and the hurrican Brendan blows through and it's all back to the way it was.
Have you thought maybe that you have some depression? I know you were on meds for the PPD, but maybe you need some different meds or maybe someone to talk to? Hugs!!!!!!
Casey, I understand this clutter chaos. I emptied my life of almost everything but Milo when I first moved in February. Moving again less than 6 months later is no cakewalk. Sure things are still packed up and somewhat condensed, but piles of things make me NUTS. Even when there are supposed to be piles because I'm sorting and packing for petesake. I HATE living in piles. I hate seeing boxes in my room.
I realize 3 things in all this:
1 Milo has like fiftyfold the possessions I have and my mother really does have to stop buying him all this crap,
2 My clothes are up to 10 years old and I really hate all of them,
3 I'm going to be very poor and very hungry and won't even have a bedroom of my own for several years and I have to fight the depression that threatens to engulf me again because I made this choice to move out on my own, after all.
Okay so maybe that's more like 6 or 8 things.
We're all quite a bunch, aren't we?
~mel
Wow, sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed by everything! Maybe you can redeem that hotel night and also have D throw in a cleaning service a couple times a month.
Hugs!
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