I've packed up and I'm taking the kids!

That got your attention, didn't it? :) No worries, the prince, princess and I are just taking a three day trip to visit my sister (and hopefully my brother). It's a 3.5 hour drive and I'm planning on pulling out of the driveway at 7AM.

Part of me thinks I'm nuts. Not because the kids are I are going to be away from home (though I do have some anxiety about it....we've never gone anywhere overnight without D before and my emotions are kind of all over the board these days with the PPD stuff) but rather because of the drive itself. There will be no one to help calm a crying baby or pacify a restless 3 year old. It will just be them and me.

Keep good thoughts and I'll see you all next week!

Color Test....read what it says about me! I think a lot of it is true. :)

Casey took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Takes easily and quickly to anything which provide..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Did you hear that?

It's the sound of my heart breaking. This is what the prince said to me today while I was strapping him into his carseat so we could drive home from the park:

"Mommy - I'm sorry I make your life so hard."

I told him that HE didn't make my life so hard but sometimes the behavior he chooses does.

And still....I just wanted to cry.

He and I have really been struggling lately. I know it's typical 3 year old behavior but knowing that doesn't really help in the heat of the moment. He seems to be struggling so hard - being a child isn't as easy as it should be, I guess.

More pictures

I know, I know. Shameless of me but I just can't help it. :)

The park pictures are from Saturday when we went to a Lesbian Moms picnic (big fun!). The one of the princess in her highchair is her first experience with finger food (and the first time we used the big tray!). Enjoy!

Naughty Rug

Oy! A certain little someone is spending a lot of time on the naughty rug tonight. I know it's important to teach him that he can't spray water in the house and he can't purposely knock over the paper shredder - let alone mere inches from the princess' head - but it sucks just the same.

It's going to be a looooong night.

"Mama, it's hard to have a baby sister."

How can you argue with that? I did, however, counter with "And I'm sure it's hard to BE a baby sister."

This conversation took place after I had left them both in the livingroom so that I could take care of the dinner dishes. I was in the midst of drying things when I heard a horrible baby scream followed by some serious crying. I ran into the room, scooped up the princess and demanded "What happened?". The prince looks at me, dissolves into tears, collapses on the couch and says "I don't know!"

Again, I demand "What happened to her?"

"Her fell and hit her mouth on the table." He said, referring to the coffee table.

"Did she fall all by herself or were you dancing on the table and accidently ran into her?"

He looks down.

Finally he says "Her standing at table and I push her down. She hit her mouth when her fell."

*sigh*

"You need to stop pushing your sister."

My teary eyed boy says "Mama, it's hard to have a baby sister."

"Yes, honey. I know."

You just can't argue with that.

The Fox and the Hounds

When you are in deep trouble, say nothing, and try to look inconspicuous.

For All Of You Who Have Been Wondering....

I went to the doctor today about my depression and other symptoms. The short story is my anti-depressant has been increased to double what it was, they did blood work and a urinalysis to rule out other medical things (like thyroid). I am supposed to work on carving out more time for me, more time for just the prince and me and I am mandated to return in 4 weeks. To assure my return, she only gave me enough antidepressants for the month. Sly fox. Guess that probably had something to do with the part of the conversation about "why'd it take so long for you to come in?" and "because I'm a good liar and I could have convinced you I was doing ok and I guess it took me completely falling apart to realize I had to tell the truth to get the help I clearly need."

Now about that "me" time and time alone with the prince...just how am I supposed to get that?

Next month she is going to give me another goal to work towards. The only issue I can see arising is she is a big fan of crying it out and I'm not. Not sure how I'll deal with that one when it comes up. She said we can tackle the harder things once I'm feeling better about life.

Baby steps. She said we'll work through this all in baby steps.

My Daughter Has A Black Eye

Just pass that Mother of the Year award over here.

Yep - it's true. The princess is sporting a black eye. She has been crawling around like a wild woman these days and this evening was no different. I had her in the kitchen with me while I was doing the dinner dishes. In the blink of an eye she was in the diningroom and in another blink she was screaming. See....we have this step down into the livingroom from both the foyer and the diningroom and it never fails that crawling children take a header (or two, three or four) off the step before they learn to scoot down backwards. She has not yet learned the scoot down backwards.

Unfortunately, she didn't fall off in the open area. No, not my girl. Instead, she took a header off the step and landed face first on the pointer rocker of my antique rocking chair. An eigth of an inch more and I think she might have poked her eye out. As it is, she has a large angry red scratch on her temple and a nice bruise right at the corner of her eye.

Oh yeah - nothing says "I take good care of my kids" like a big old ugly black eye on a 7 month old. *sigh*

Bath Buddies

I wish I had time for a real posting but until I do, pictures of the prince and princess will have to do. :)

The Prince Strikes Again

I left the room for 10 minutes to give the princess a bath and this is what I came back to. *sigh* It's never ending around here.

Some photos to share

Mommy brag time! :)







I know you're dying to see more. :) You can right here. The magic password is: ourkids

Guess Who Has A Tooth??

Yep - the princess.

Can you say "Growing Up Too Fast!" with me? Sheesh.

I guess that accounts for the sleepless nights full of all out crying jags we've had the past three nights. Poor little thing.

What Does My Birth Date Mean?

Your Birthdate: December 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Spinning

SPIN
SPIN
SPIN


If you read an earlier post of mine, then you know what those three little words mean.

This is my livingroom as it looks at this very moment - it's a disaster and I don't even care. I'm just going to leave it - maybe D will clean it up when she gets home. Maybe not. I just don't care.

Yet another day on the suck-o-rama ride. Is it just trying to adjust and feeling overwhelmed? It is PPD getting worse? It is a combination of many things? It is just my inability to cope? Maybe I'm just a sucky parent. Maybe it's everything.

*sigh*

I'm washing my bedding again.

Potty training SUCKS!!



But I have to say, a waterproof mattress cover is worth it's weight in gold.

"We do not blow food out of our nose at the table."

Yet another sentence I never thought I'd have to say.

*sigh*

***********
Edited on 9/15
For Tracey: It was milk. Gross!!!

Hmmm...which toy should I choose?

Uh -oh, here comes trouble!

Need I say more?

"Quick! Send in the reinforcement - she's gonna blow!"

Oh yeah - that pretty much sums up my day.

The prince was in rare tantrum mode today - everything became a full-blown tantrum. By the 10th, or was it the 12th or 14th - I gave up counting - I picked up my cell phone, punched the one number I knew would connect me to the other person who was responsible for creating these children and spit out the first words that come to my mind: "I hate you!" I don't, of course, but at that moment I was hating her for the decision to go to school. I was hating her for not being here when I desperately needed her here. I was hating her for having a life while I was here, listening to children scream at me, for me and to me.

I rattled off the stuff that had just recently happened and when she, in all her wisdom, tried to point out the good stuff I said "I have to go now. I have nothing nice to say." Word to the wise: never, ever, ever try to point out the times when the children behave when one person is in the throes of meltdown hell.

About 15 minutes later my phone rang, it was D's sister asking if it would be ok if she stopped by for a while since she had to be on this end of town anyway. Would it be ok? YES YES YES!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! I am normally not one to say "I need help!" but after the day I had, and the tears I had cried in frustration, panic, pity, loneliness, sadness, and regret I eagerly agreed to have the door open.

Ten minutes later my cell phone rings and I can see from the caller display that it's D. I pick up and say "Called in the reinforcements, eh?" She said "Yeah - figured I'd better." Smart woman.

Linda and come over and it was heaven on earth for a while. She and the prince locked themselves away in his room (with intructions from the prince for me to "Go in the other room, please." Yeah - I'd had enough of him, too.) and played. I nursed and rocked the princess and got her down, folded a load of laundry and returned a call to my sister. The princess awoke - I nursed her back to sleep.

Then the dreaded time arrived. Linda needed to leave. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Ok, we're calm, the baby is sleeping, the boy is doing better. I took a deep breath, thanked her for rescuing me and said good-bye.

I swear the princess heard the click of the lock on the front door. *sigh* Off and running again. Get her quieted down, run the bath for the prince, quiet down the baby again, get the prince in the tub, nurse the baby, return to the bathroom to wash the prince's hair - stop mid wash to go back to baby. Pick baby up and bring her to the bathroom. Finish washing hair, try to convince the princess why playing with the potty chair is not a good idea, rinse the prince, try to convince him to leave the tub, give up because I can't face another tantrum, check email with baby on my lap, return to bathroom to find prince squeezing out the last few drops of the NEW bottle of baby wash, sigh deeply, pick boy up out of tub, dry, clean up tub, dress boy, hold now crying baby, turn on TV and get boy a snack, take princess back to her room to attempt putting her back down. No dice. Give up and take baby back to livingroom with me.

Ten minutes later D arrives home. Thank God!

This day sucked.

Banana Bread!

I am making banana bread, are you proud of me? You would be if you knew one key thing about me.....I am no fan of cooking or baking. In fact, it's fair to say I hate it. Ick. I guess I've never seen the fun in it. You work and work and work to make something, you spend 10 maybe 15 minutes eating it and then you have all the clean up to do. Wouldn't it just be easier to pour yourself a bowl of cereal?

Anyway - I have THE best banana bread recipe and it's so easy that even *I* can't mess it up. Ready?

3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup oil (can use applesauce and 1TBL oil for lower fat bread)
2 eggs
1 cup mashed banana (about 2 bananas)

Mix all up and then combine with:
1 3/4 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

For added fun, feel free to toss in chocolate chips (which I forgot to do for this loaf. Bummer.)

Bake at 325 for 1 hour

Enjoy!

How Can 15 Minutes Feel Like An Hour?

The kids and I are all in the kitchen. The princess is crawling around on the floor, the prince is trying to convince me that he should get to pull the string on the ceiling fan as much as he wants and then, since that failed to work, starts pulling leaves off the poor plant on the table.

I get angry that he won't listen to me and pluck him from the table (which he climbed on during all this) and plop him on the floor.

"Mama" he says "Me peed on the bed."

"WHAT? You did what?"

"Me peed on the bed."

"Which bed."

"Yours."

"Why?"

"Cuz."

Why Kelton? Why did you pee on my bed?"

"Me thought me had to pee than thought no, no have to and then peed on bed.", he saiys; shrugging his shoulders

Crap.

I walk down the hall and into my room (which I haven't actually slept in in weeks and weeks since the princess and I are sleeping on the bedin her room). Sure enough - he peed on the bed. Thank goodness for waterproof mattress covers.

I feel like I'm gonna blow. This potty training stuff isn't working out like I'd thought. Leaving him naked works most of the time - unless he is upset at me or bored or just not in the mood to make the trek to his potty. I hate this. It shouldn't be this hard but I have one of the most stubborn children on the planet - but I guess he comes be it honestly.

I strip the bed and start the washer. Never mind that I already have a bunch of laundry to do today. What's another three loads? *sigh*

I hear the princess. Oh right - she was still on the kitchen floor.

Uh oh. The dog water.

Yep - it's true. She crawled over to the dog water and dumped it every where which, of course means....another new outfit for her (this would be her third and it isn't even 10 o'clock. Just call my daughter "The Blow Out Queen").

I change her and while doing so I look at the clock.

It's only been 15 minutes. How is that possible?

Can You Say Uh Oh?

Look what the princess can do. YIKES!! What will next week bring? Walking?

Housekeepers - are they worth the trouble?

Yes. Absolutely. However these is a lot of stress involved in getting ready for the housekeepers to come.

Who knew I would have to spend 90 minutes running around like a mad woman cleaning up before the people paid to clean my house arrive. I know you are probably saying "Get over it." but really.....I had to de-clutter all surfaces, arrange toys, bag up all the bathtub toys, etc. all the while trying to keep the prince from pulling out every game and toy he owns (which I concede....is far too many!).

The good part is I didn't have to scrub the toilets, showers and sinks. I didn't have to mop or vacuum or dust. I didn't even have to do the windows.

So yeah - it's worth it. Now if I could only find a service that would straighten up, put things away and then clean I'd be all set. :)

Feeling Lucky

I am completely, and shamelessly, stealing this from another blog I read. I read it on Cristin's blog last night and this part kept echoing in my head last night and today. I've edited to fit my life....

"I am lucky to have gotten the chance to be with my kids today. I am lucky to have gotten the chance to yell at them, to feel fed up by them, to feel overwhelmed as a mother, to feel like my two kids were always under my feet.

Thank you babies, for always being under my feet. I wouldn't want it any other way. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I am lucky. I am sorry for yelling, cursing to myself, wishing you both would sit quietly so I could get a moments peace. I'm sorry.

I am lucky. L-U-C-K-Y."


Thank you, Cristin - this really sums it up for me.

What Is It About People Who Think They Know It All?

They frustrate me. A lot.

My sister never raised children - the man she married had grown children when they got together and while she has spent lots of time around kids, she's never raised them, been completely responsible for everything about them or been in total control of their well-being.

Though she knows everything about anything....just ask her. :) I love her, don't get me wrong, but it's so hard to hold my tongue when she starts in with the "You need to send the prince to pre-school. He MUST go. It's the best thing for him and he needs to spend time away from you." or "Just wait - you aren't always going to be the center of his world - next year he'll be wanting to get away from you." or "You shouldn't let him stay up until D gets home from school. It's not good for him and he won't be able to function in the real world. When he's in school he just won't be able to stay up until 10pm. He'll have to just get used to it."

ARGH!!!!!!!!

I want to yell "How do you know? How do YOU know what's best for MY child? How do you know what our family needs and/or wants? And who gives you the rights to pass judgement on me and tell me I'm doing things wrong?"

Let's start with the first point: I don't NEED to send him to preschool. If he was wanting to go and really seemed like he was ready, I'd find a way to swing it for him but that isn't the case. He gets plenty of interaction with other children and we do things like crafts, imaginary play, etc. We take trips to the library, parks, etc. It's not like I keep him locked in his room without exposure to the real world or other people. And on top of that, he is doing fine. He can count to 20, he knows his colors and shapes. He is working on knowing the alphabet. He can play computer games like Clifford, Dora and Alphabet Express. He really is doing fine in all regards - though he isn't ready to be away from me yet. Should I force that on him? Heck - even if I should, I'm not going to. He has his whole life to be away from me and only 5 short years to be with me all the time. So does he NEED preschool? No. No, he doesn't. But if he wanted to go, or if I felt it was in his best interest, I would send him. Bottom line: my child, my choice.

The whole "you shouldn't let him stay up until D gets home" bugs me even more than preschool. So what? She thinks it's best for him to go 3 days without seeing D at all? All of the sake of going to bed one hour earlier? I believe that he needs to see D and spend time with her EVERY day - even if it's only 30 minutes. He needs to know she is there for him - he needs to know she is there - period.

Sure, this wouldn't work in some families. I know some people think I'm crazy to let him stay up but I also know my child and I KNOW he needs his other Mama. I would never, ever keep him from that if I dodn't have to. Sure - if she was coming in at 11pm, I'd be a little nuts to keep him up but it's really only an hour later than he usually would go to bed. On the days she will be late, he will go to bed before she gets home (case in point, last Thursday. He was asleep before she arrived home because her class was going over to make up for the Labor Day weekend). But you know? Even if I WERE crazy....isn't it my call to make? Again, my child, my choice. No one knows my children or my family the way I do. I am always going to do what is in their best interest - even if it means I get 30 minutes less of alone time.

And don't get me started on my co-sleeping with the princess. I know I thought I wasn't going to co-sleep this time around. I was going to be strong and have her learn to sleep alone, in her crib. She hated it and wouldn't sleep well. She sleeps much better next to me and I get more sleep when I can just roll over, nurse her and go back to sleep. I tried doing what I thought I should do in the best interest of my child but it turns out she had other plans, other needs....and I adjusted.

That's what being a parent is about. Adjusting to fit the needs of your children even if you never thought you'd do this, that or the other. Or even if you thought you would always do XYZ. You never know until you know. And those who do not have children will never truly know and will never truly understand.

So I just bite my tongue and say "That's a thought." or "Yeah - maybe I'll look into that."

PS...the same can be applied to people who have children who opt to parent in a different style. I don't, for a minute, think my ways are the only way but they are the ways that work best for my family. Clearly I have a lot of issues with being told what I should or shouldn't do, huh? :)

The Story of Floam

Yep - you read that right. Floam.

In a moment of weakness I did something I swore I would never do.....I gave in and ordered my child something he saw in a commerical. Darn that NickJr station! Why must they have so many commercials? I'm usually good about skipping commercials since we record all shows on the DVR but lately I've been lax and the prince has been finding his own shows to watch (the kid is so smart that he knows how to work the DVR menus and pick shows for himself). In my defense, I am busy tending to the baby during these times. :)

Anyway, this morning I heard him play the same commercial over and over and over and over. Pretty soon he comes running out to get me; "Mama! Come see something really cool!" I follow him back and watch the commercial. He says "I really, really want that." I say "Not today. Maybe you could ask Santa or hey - I know, maybe it can be your prize when you are all potty trained!"

The prince dissolves into tears. "Nooooo Mama! I really really want it. Realllllllly!! Some kids even in diapers get to have it." I say "Honey, I'm not even sure what you'd do with it." to which my smart child starts telling me all the things he can do with it and how much fun he would have and how it would keep him busy when I was putting baby sister to sleep.

I say "You're right - that does sound like fun but not today." Oh my - the water works that boy can come up with. He just broke my heart into a million pieces and I could tell that he had really given this a lot of thought as usually with this situation I say "Nope - not today." and that's it....not the case with the Floam.
Heck, we can take the prince to the toy store with every intention of letting him pick out a toy and 9 times out of 10, he will decide not to. It's really not like he asks for everything he sees. I had to give him credit for that - he's always been super good about hearing "No honey, not to day."

So.....I went to the website to check it out and finally agreed to order some. Sometime next week I'll be eyeball deep in Floam. Fun. Wanna come over and play? :)

The Princess Is Having A Bad Night

Poor girl. She is having so much trouble staying asleep tonight. Exhausted, I put her down about 7:30 tonight. She drifted off after talking to me for a bit (it's one of my favorite times of the day with her. As she gets ready to fall asleep, she takes her binky out of her mouth and starts cooing and talking with me. Her eyes are closed and she is snuggled up tight against me) she drifts off.

Twenty minutes later, she's awake. I try to nurse her back down but alas, the prince realizes I'm not in the front of the house and starts yelling "MOM!" "MOMMY" "WHERE ARE YOU??" Over and over and over. That's all it takes - her eyes pop open and she starts to cry. I finally get her settled again and the neighbor starts up his chain saw. She hates that noise (she also can't stand the vacuum cleaner, dust buster or blender) and starts to cry. I close her bedroom window and silently curse the guy who has a chain saw fetish (a regular occurrance in our neighborhood these days).

She *finally* is drowsy enough for me to put her down again. I stay until she quiets down.

D arrives home and she and the prince go to play trains in his room before reading stories and settling in (yes, I let him stay up until she gets home. So shoot me - the boy needs his mommy and she needs him.). I hear them getting a bit loud......and so does the princess (her room is directly across the hall from his). I go back into her room and once again rock my crying child.

She is out again now - hopefully for a few hours. Poor little thing - it's so hard to sleep in this house sometimes.

You Know You Are Desperate When......

....you raid the freezer in search of some long forgotten frozen cake or other yummy surprise.

Yes - that was the scene in our kitchen last night. Desperate for a treat, D and I were pulling things out of the back of the freezer (things best left alone, really. Who knew you could forget you had frozen chicken dated back to March of 2003? Oh yeah - good thing it was garbage pick up day - we had a bunch of stuff to toss out). We finally hit upon a package marked "Cheesecake 12/04"! Pay Day!!! Cheesecake left over from my 40th birthday party.

We popped that sucker in the microwave, sliced the three pieces into two servings and sat down in front of the tv to watch a movie and eat 8 month old, formerly frozen cheesecake. YUM!!

New photos to share!

So while D was off studying today, I took the kids and went to The Picture People. The goal was a photo of the two of them together but that didn't pan out so well. I'll have to try again next month - maybe they will both cooperate a bit more.

I did get a good shot of each though. The prince was more than happy to comply when the photographer said "Act silly!" and the princess looks just "ducky" in her pose.

I know I'm baised and all but I have the cutest kids EVER! :)

And She's Off!

OY! The princess is crawling. Yep...crawling. I wasn't expecting this at 6 months since the prince didn't crawl until 10 months. I feel cheated out of 4 months of non-mobility (and therefore a lower level of stress since she can now get into everything!). *sigh*

But on the other hand - she is SO proud of herself and that excitement is fun to watch. Plus I have to admit, it's really amazing to watch this tiny being move around the house on her own. She just seems so little still.

Life just moved to a whole new level of fun.

More Questions and Answers

From Daria:
1. If you could have a personal chef come & cook you one meal, taking into consideration ONLY your preferences & no one else's, what would you eat?
Me: Eggs Benedict with hash browns. What can I say? I'm a girl with simple tastes. :)

2. If you could have a room that was only yours, with no one else allowed in unless you invited them & no one else's input in decorating, what would it have in it? What would it look like? Money & space are no object.
Me: Oh my! Great question. How much space do I have in this blog? :) It would be a huge room with wall to wall plush carpet with the thickest of padding underneath. I would have comfy, wonderful couches and one of those chair and a half things that I could really curl up in. I'd have shelves of books and tons of photos of my kids and D. I mean TONS!! I have an affinity for photos of my kids and too many woul dnever be enough. I'd have a fridge stocked full of my favorite goodies and lots of water. Oh - and I'd have a fancy schmancy coffee maker (but I'd have to learn how to make my favorite coffee drinks first so I could really use it well). I'd also have a TV with lots of stations.

3. If you could have a perfect example of any one kind of tree growing in your yard (and it would be healthy & gorgeous, no matter what), what tree would you choose?
Me: An evergreen. I'm a girl from the Pacific Northwest and I love my evergreen trees.

From Tracey:
1. What ONE thing from your life would you not like your kids to know about until they're old enough not to repeat it?
Me: I'd have to say that I would rather they not know how I feel about a few certain family members (from both sides). I think that would just be awkward. :) Does that count as one thing? Hmmmmm.....

2. Did a book or a movie have a significant impact on your life? If so, what was it and why? (compound question I know, it could be considered cheating).
Me: No. Hee Hee. Ok - let me think.......you know what? I don't think so. But then, I guess it could be mommy brain syndrome and I just can't remember. Sad.


3. How would you describe yourself, in 5 words, to a complete stranger so that they felt they got a sense of who you are?
Me: Introverted (I know - hard to believe, right?), Fun, Intelligent, Responsible and Trustworthy

4. Choose a favorite cheese :)
Me: Tillamook Medium Sharp Cheddar

Picture of Estelle, Jean and Charlie

If you are a reader of E's blog then you are probaby here to check out their one and only family photo. E is the one with glasses. :)

To those of you who don't read E's blog.....you probably don't care. LOL!!!