Friday, December 18, 2009

Still Here

I'm still here - it's just been a busy week. The PTO ran a Christmas store at Kelton's school and I worked it from 8AM-3PM.

We closed up the store yesterday afternoon so today will be filled with running around, wrapping things up and taking care of things that were neglected during the week.

It's also the last day of school before winter break.

I'm trying really hard to get through this holiday season in one piece. I find that I am reliving things from years gone by and seeing things in ways I never saw them before. Both in good and bad ways. My brain feels overloaded. Like it could use an upgrade to its entire system memory. So many things are swirling around in me and it's a challenge some moments to even function.

I have this huge weight that pushes on me and seriously? It's all I can do to pull myself out of bed in the mornings. Not that I have a choice.

It's an absolutely shitty time of year to be hashing out visitation schedules and trying to untangle 15 years and 8 months worth of a life. Not that I think there is a good time of year but this? This is just cruel.

8 comments:

Mimi said...

Hang in there it will get better! Trust me!

Gandksmom said...

The only thing I can say is just take one day at a time. One foot at a time getting out of bed and then one minute, one hour and one day. And then give yourself a pat on the back for getting through that day and the knowledge that you have what is takes to get through the next day. You have the strength and courage to do it, even though it hurts like hell. I believe in you Casey. I wish that I could take your pain away, just so you can catch your breath. I am a phone call away.
Wendy

sally said...

Casey, you would be amazed at how effective it is to scream and swear into a pillow. The screaming and swearing helps you and the pillow keeps your kids from hearing. Been there, done that.

Kerry said...

I know cyberspace does not help much but many of us have felt your pain...it will get better honestly..and Wendy is right we really wish we could take away some of this pain for you.

yankeegirl said...

Wendy is right- try not to think too far ahead, just focus on getting through. If getting though the day is too much, break it down and foucs on just the morning or the afternoon, or an hour at a time if need be. You can do it, and while it does SUCK, you will get through!
(((hugs)))

Melanie said...

Thinking of you Casey.... :( Remember, the mud is at its deepest right now, but you're building your leg muscles! -Mel

Anonymous said...

Hi Casey, It's been forever since we've chatted. I'm in complete shock about you and Dakota. I wish you both the best. I"m sure this is a very difficult time for you all. Take care and know that even though I am miles away - i think of you all and appreciate all that you did for me in a time i needed a reliable friend. If you every need to chat or cry - I"m only a phone call away! Hugs from Montana... Kara Carey

Rainbow Momma said...

I'm thinking of you. Hugs! Hang in there.