Tuesday, December 08, 2009

My Fearless Daughter....

...is anything but right now. It's really hard to watch her go from self-assured to a lump of a little girl who doesn't want me out of her sight. She woke this morning and was immediately in tears and the unhappiness continued for the better part of an hour. I finally convinced her to take a hot shower with me and that seemed to calm her down...well..that and the promise that I would stay with her at preschool until she felt ok enough for me to leave. This is my self assured daughter we are talking about. I just knew all would be well once she was at school.

After Kelton went to school, Kaylen and I headed out to MOMS Club. On the way there she insisted I stay in the same room with her. I agreed. We got there and were the first ones there for about 30 minutes which gave her time to get her bearings and play a while alone before other kids started arriving. Most of the kids are kids she has known most of her life so finally she and a couple others were happily engaged and she was ok that I went into the other room.

I took that as a sign that she was settling down and preschool would be a non-event.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Crying on the way there. Holding my hand so tight on the walk to the room and refusing to leave my side no matter what they tried. I sighed and settled in for the duration. I promised I would stay and sit against a wall and watch her. She went off but checked every minute or so to make sure I was there. Blowing sad little kisses at me. A look in her eyes I can't describe.

I sat on the cold floor and watched. For a long, long time.

I followed the class to the room where they had PE. I followed back. About 90 minutes after arriving (and an hour before the end of the class) she came over and said "I want to go home. Will you please take me?"

*sigh*

I signed her out and we left; me and my very sad and confused little girl.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Casey,
I am so sorry this is happening. It is always the hardest for the kids involved and when they are this young...how can they possibly understand what even you don't understand. I think other's suggestions of couple's counseling is a great idea.

If Dakota won't go, they say to go without her.

Perhaps, it would be good for the kids to have someone to talk to as well as give you advice how to answer their questions.

When people say, "I stayed for the kids" ...well sometimes it is the right way to go..assuming no domestic violence is concerned, of course....which in your case I'm sure is not the issue.

Lots of hugs to all of you as you try to find the right words to help everyone involved.

Love, Lynn

Anonymous said...

I agree with Lynn

Kerry said...

Casey

It will get easier for them once a routine is set. I know you are really struggling right now but for those of us who have been through similar situations it will eventually get better. Kaylen and Kelton will bounce back. As for you make sure you get some rest and please talk to people who you can. There are alot of people out here who do care.

Kerry

A Jersey Girl said...

Poor little girl. Life is tough for all of you right now and it really sucks. And as hard as all of this is for you and Dakota, it must be worse watching what it doing for your baby girl.

Sometimes life is just so hard! The stronger she sees you be, the faster she will regain her confidence!

You are doing Great! Day by Day!

Love,

Emily

Jen said...

Oh, I'm sorry! I can't imagine how much it hurts to see her like that, but I want to assure you that she *will* be okay. You all will be. You're a fantastic mother, and you've been a constant for her and Kelton and you'll continue to be their rock (even if you are oatmeal when they're not looking). You guys will find your way through this.

Sending love!

Anonymous said...

omg, my heart is broken, it pains me to read this cause i too was once that little girl and i understand : (

Tribe Mama said...

I am so sorry Casey.

Ryan and I separated a few years back when my girls were 3 and 5. I took them to see a play psychiatrist because I wanted their fears and concerns to be heard and to come out. It was a great experience, it helped me see that what they were doing/saying was normal, and that they were going to be OK regardless of the outcome of the marriage. I would ask around and try to find someone who is well equipped to work with Kaylen and Kelton as needed..my kids loved going since she had a million things for them to do, and the play therapy was so comforting and didn't seem like therapy to them. Hang in there, she is just in shock, your girl as you know her will come back to you.

Mimi said...

Casey when I went through my divorce my son who was 3 at the time also would not leave my side even when I went to the bathroom he had to be there and then he started to wet the bed (he had been potty trained over 6 months by then) so I called the doctor and he told me it will pass he said my son doesn't understand why daddy is gone and he's afraid that you also will leave, once he realize you're not he will be ok.....again I am so sorry you have to go through this.....hugs and kisses

Anonymous said...

Huge hugs to all of you.
Jennifer

Tracey said...

Poor Kaylen! I know you understand why she's acting this way, but I imagine it's a further knife in the heart going through it. It will get better, you're being a great Mom but keep taking care of you...

Stacey said...

so sorry it's hurting her so much. we always want to protect them and it's so difficult when we can't. {{hugs}}

Shannon said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be so hard on all of you.

Elizabeth said...

Hugs to you all. My kids were 18 mos, 3 years and 4 years when I divorced. I was surprised how hard my 3 yo took it. I agree that play therapy might be a good option if you don't feel like she's getting back to her normal self in a reasonable amount of time or you feel she is feeling too depressed herself. It's hard on kids but they do get through it, especially if the other parent stays involved and continues to reassure them that although they live in a different home they are still there for them and loved by them.

Mary-Pat said...

Hi Casey,
I'm so sad to read this! You are doing the right thing to try to follow her cues, and give her what she needs (you by her side...)
But it is so hard, I know!
Have you considered family counseling to help with this transition? With all 4 of you, or the 3 of you?
Hang in...
Love, Mary-Pat