Monday, May 07, 2012

Seriously? Monday? Again?

Do I only post on Monday?  It can't be true but it sure feels like it because I seem to want to post the title as "Monday, Monday" but I know I have used it before.  Recently.  Oh well...not that it's important to know exactly when I post...only that I do, indeed, post.  I'm not sure why it is important, but it feels like it is. 

Long gone are the days when I spun tales of what the children were doing, day by day.  With both in school, my time with them is limited and even when we are together, they are more likely to have their head in a video game, a book or a dress-up make believe game that I am not privy to.  Instead of days when I changed diapers, arranged play dates, attended playgroups, and entertained for hours on end my days are filled with conversations of who is said what at school, who likes whom and who is "so over" whom.  Who got the lead in the grade music show and who wishes they did.  What butterflies hatched this week or which days the MSP test is scheduled.  I pack lunches, make meals, clean up, make sure everyone has clean clothing, clean bedding, that their rooms aren't condemned by the board of health  (Kelton - are you listening?  No matter how many times I clean your room, or stand over you while you clean it, you have to make an effort to KEEP it clean on a daily basis.  Really, my child, it isn't that hard to put your stuff away or make your bed!  Calling yourself a "mini hoarder" isn't really that endearing to me...the person who detests clutter but has had to learn to lower my standards on the issue once I had children.).

I get my work done, the chores, the errands...keep it all running as smoothly as possible.  All of that is hardly post-worthy but it's something.

I miss the days of sharing stories about Kelton and his obsession with water (which, by the way, hasn't changed ONE. BIT. in the past 10 years.  Just this afternoon, Kelton, Kaylen and the neighbor child asked of they could wash my car.  Sure, why not.  No harm, no foul.  Except........*sigh*  When will I learn to limit his access to water?  Probably never.  I keep hoping he will outgrow his need to spray everything and everyone in sight.  I seriously doubt it will happen.), or how Kaylen would have tea parties with all her dolls every. single. afternoon.  Or  how they would sit and intently watch every second of Blue's Clues or Dora.

How did they grow into these children with lives of their own?  Their world no longer revolves around me and I know this is just a taste of what is to come in the years ahead.  My days no longer revolve around their minute by minute needs (though is still absolutely revolves around them).  No naps to figure into the schedule.  No craft project to do in the mornings.  No play dough squished into the carpet.

Sometimes I read back through my archives and it makes me sad to know those days are over.  But I am so glad I have a record of them.  The silly things they said and did.  The heartbreaking moments.  The days that had me wanting to yank out every hair on my head (Oh I still have a few of those every now and again but they are different.  Looking back - those times were easy compared to the hair pulling days of now.)  I miss those days and while I love the people they are now, I absolutely miss the babies they were then.  Life felt hard - I think it always does in the moment - but looking back, those were some precious and amazing days (and let's not forget terrifying with all of Kaylen's health issues and whatnot).  And I know that given the passage of time, I will feel the same way about these days.

Life just keeps moving forward.  Breath by breath, moment by moment.

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