Monday, December 13, 2010

I'm here

Nope. I haven't given up blogging. I just gave up on trying to find something to write about and, instead, chose to pull the covers over my head. Today is the first day I haven't had massive cobwebs filling my brain but just the same, I wasn't motivated to do too much. I did end up making an eye appointment for myself (Thanks to the Lion Club) since my vision is getting increasingly worse. I also vacuumed and swept not to mention dishes, laundry, etc. I'm not a total slug.....

Wednesday is my *gulp* birthday. I hope it passes quietly because every time I think about it, I get a "kick in the gut" feeling. December used to be my favorite month of the entire year but last year and this year I mostly just want to survive it and move on. Maybe some day it won't feel like this.

Judge me if you want but thinking about this month reminds me of the emotions I had when we were doing the funeral planning for my mom. Sure, there were moments of grins and giggles but mostly it was the kick in the gut feeling. I guess loss is loss though, you know?

I need to get off my behind and start working on wrapping the kids gifts and making sure I have everything in order for the big day. I was thinking I would get it done this week while they are at school but more and more I'm thinking I will spend my weekend taking care of everything. Pull into myself, be alone, watch something on TV and wrap gifts. During the Christmas break, the kids and I are going to not plan a lot besides looking at lights and making the Christmas goodies they like. I'm going to try to keep it fun for them without it being too much for me. A delicate balance to be sure.

Tonight is our first night of getting out to look at lights. They are very excited and I have to say, I'm looking forward to sharing it with them.

Fa La La La La

1 comment:

sally said...

Welcome back Casey, I was thinking of you. It WAS a death when your relationship ended, you had lifetime plans, and now they are no longer. To recognize that your feelings are the same as when your Mom passed away is a big first step my friend. I send you Peace and strength.