Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I know you are all worried. I'm still here - still keeping my head above the water line - still coping. Everything is just so big and feels out of control. I'm feeling like a bad parent because I have "one of those kids". You know the kind....the ones you whisper about when you think the mom isn't listening. The one you just *know* is out of control because of bad parenting. The one *your* child will never be.

Yeah. Once upon a time I thought that, too.

Of course - there is always the possibility that I actually *am* a bad parent (and I know there are at least 3 people who probably still read this blog occassionally who are laughing themselves silly that it's taken me so long to see that).

I dunno. I hope that isn't what it is.

I guess we'll know for sure when the baby is this age.

Thank you all for checking in on me. I wish that you could help too but since you all live so far away, there really isn't much you can do except what you are already doing.

And....just in case behavior issues aren't enough, the baby stopped breathing again this weekend (she's fine), then she fell against the coffee table and bite half-way through her tongue - this, of course, sent us to Urgent Care and Monday, Kelton used his plastic baseball bat and smacked Kaylen in the face giving her a huge fat lip. Oh yeah - and yesterday was full of not so fun events as well. Such is my life, I guess.

But seriously, thanks for checking in on me.
-Casey

8 comments:

One Boys Mom said...

Casey, sorry you're having such a rough time...but I'm right there with ya sistah. I know my parents were looking at me tonight thinking I'm just the worst parent. Declan has been crazy today (and off and on the past few months). 3 going on 4 can be a very rough age. Especially with HIGH ENERGY boys! Hang in there!

Margaret said...

hugs...

peace...

Catherine said...

oh, Casey. I was so worried about you! Keep hanging in there. Parenting is so hard. I am not suffering as bad as you. But, I have tons of anxiety (panic attacks) over the fact I am alone most of the time. I work alone then come home and Karen goes to work and comes home when I am in bed. I feel very lonely and isolated. We are moving back to my home town in a couple of weeks, so I will have a better support system and hopefully a new job where I work with actual people. And for those of us that tried so hard to have our children, we feel we must feel happy and fuflilled every minute and if we don't we feel guilty. It takes a village to raise a child. This stuff is so hard to do on your own, and you should have some help or least some me time. I can imagine how hard it is when you have no time to yourself, with a busy preschooler and baby that you are worried about. I am thinking of you.

Shawna said...

Casey, no doubt you are a great mom. No doubt. We all love you.

Laura said...

Hugs to you honey!!! You are a good mom. Just when we think we know what we're doing kids go and throw us a curveball and make us doubt. Doesn't make us bad parents, just makes us work that much harder to keep one step ahead of them.

Anonymous said...

Casey,
I have one of those kids too. The one that you seem to have. I also have one kid that makes me feel as though I am a good parent and I am pretty sure you have one of those too. God works that way...she tests us first to make sure we are up to the challenge and when she realizes we are, then she sends us and easy kid to help us realize that these hard kids aren't a reflection of our parenting. Also, God think's very highly of us...cause who else would still love them except us huh?

Anonymous said...

Casey,
Thanks for checking in. Glad that Kaylen is ok. Everyone's kid is one of "those kids" from time to time, it's not you. Hang in there, spring break is coming!
Jennifer

em1__mak2 said...

I have that kid, too -- the high energy boy who never stops moving, never stops talking, just never stops, never stops, never stops.

Some days I think I must be not the worst parent, but surely the grumpiest and bossiest parent EVER. My fear is not what the others think about me (and I've heard them use the word "spank" in not so hushed whispers...) but what the boy himself will think of me -- and that is that he surely has the grumpiest, bossiest parent on the planet.

Sorry everything just seems to suck right now. I know it doesn't help that so many of us know exactly how you feel but still can't really do anything that might make a difference. All I can say is give yourself a break, mentally, emotionally, physically. Everyone will benefit. Everyone.

Warm fuzzies all around...

~mel