The coolest thing happened the other day. I received a friends request on Facebook from someone I used to be incredible close to. I have been thinking of her for a while now but the shock of seeing her name was undeniable. I confess I have stalked her blog every now and again and sometimes her comments or her photo would pop into mutual friends news feeds.
I admit. I hesitated before hitting the confirm button. There was so much hurtful drama that surrounded our parting and unfriending. The same hurtful drama that caused me to lose so many of the people I had called friends for so many years. Years have passed. What? Five? Six? Closer to five, I'd say. I'm not sure of the exact chain of events anymore (time, pain, etc have dulled and blurred memories) but it felt like one day I had a big group of friends and the next....none. Anyway - the specifics aren't important anymore. I'm going to guess that things worked themselves out in whatever manner they were meant to. I, for one, found myself busy with Crestline PTO and the friends I mad there.
Anyway.....opening the door and letting this friend back into my life kind of shook me up. It makes me wonder about the other people of that time. Where are they now? In the back of my mind, they have all stayed in exactly the same place. The same houses. The same number of kids. The same groups getting together for this, that, or the other thing. Only....that isn't true. I found out that two people I had kept neatly placed in their houses with their children have moved far away. Others have had more kids, gone back to work, sold their homes and moved. I don't know why I'm surprised because MY life certainly looks nothing like it did back then.
Those people. Those friends from long ago. I wonder if they think about me. I wonder what they think if they do. (And if it's mean and nasty, I really don't want to know.) I wonder if they wish it had all happened in a different way as well.
And here's a head scratcher for you: if someone who was a friend for a long time on FB unfriends you and then, months later, starts to follow you on Instagram: what does that mean?
I'm sitting here staring at the blinking cursor. I don't know what else to say. As I posted on Facebook last night, my head is swirling with so much but the words are hard to find. It's weird. It's like I don't trust myself anymore. Or maybe it's that I don't trust people anymore. Who is for me. Who is against? And I'm 51 so does it really matter? Yes. It does. I wish I could say it doesn't. But it does.
Technology. A tool created and sold to us under the guise of keeping us all connected is really a tool to take away being connected to people. People will read this and they will either choose to leave a comment, or they won't. I won't know who just read the crap I let flow through the keyboard. Probably not many since I have been MIA so often. But it's hard. This blog was filled with all things kid related and now? I don't have those cute stories to share. Or cute photos. I'm lucky to get a photo that is usable of Kelton these days.
Eh. Anyway. It is what it is, right? The only way out is through and all that happy jazz.
Onward we go. Ever onward we go. Even when I don't want to.