Sharing a Blog Post

I have a friend, Jen, who rocks. She has four kiddos and a wit that will not stop. Her blog, in many ways, echos my experience with parenting, school, anxiety, etc. and helps me feel well.....less alone and crazy. I *get* what she writes.

Like this one from today.

A brief snip it....

"I had an epiphany recently, brought on by a combination of Miss A's bewilderment over a former friend ignoring her now, P's goldfish longing and subsequent grief, and Miss A's wild hope that the Tooth Fairy will spirit her away to Neverland. Their hopes make me heartsick with the fear (or knowledge) that they'll go unrealized, and the discomfort -- both emotional and physical -- is so great that I want to rip the dressing off the wound and have it over with. The Tooth Fairy? A lie! Your pet fish? A goner! Your friend? She doesn't think you're cool enough! Now let's move on, to more solid ground where your pain doesn't threaten to swallow me up at every turn.

I get that. "Their hope makes me heartsick with the fear (or knowledge) that they'll go unrealized, and the discomfort -- both emotional and physical -- is so great.."

*sigh*

Read the whole post. You won't be sorry. And Jen? I love ya, babe. I love your honesty and your emotion...and I love that I have known you for over 9 years now and get to call you "friend" even though you live far, far away and we have never met face to face. Remember those days on Storknet? Your perfect maternity pants? You kept me entertained our entire pregnancies. YOU ROCK!

Catching You Up

So.....the biopsy. To say it didn't go well is an understatement. The cell and tissue samples needed to be taken from my uterus so the doctor needed to be able to get inside and well.....my cervix was completely against that idea. As it turns out, you have no control over making a cervix behave. :)

The doctor used her first line of defense, then a clamp to straighten it out to give her a better shot....then dilator rods. All to no avail unless extreme pain is your goal. It was NOT mine but I got it anyway.

The doctor broke the news. The biopsy would have to be done another way.

After talking, talking more, and then a nice long phone chat with the doctor, I have decided to go the OR route. So, surgery has been scheduled and the biopsy and endometrial ablation will be done at that time.

Depending on the results of the biopsy I'm either good until the next go around or it's back to the OR. Time will tell.

So - that's what is up with me.

Droid, Anyone?

I have a Verizon Droid that I am trying to off-load. It's been reset to factory settings and it's a good phone. I used it for seven months however I o longer have Verizon and, as you may or may not know, Verizon phones are network specific.

It comes with charger cord AND docking station (which totally rocks).

Anyone interested?

Feeling Like Superwoman!

I am feeling *very* proud of myself. I know some of you will roll your eyes and that's ok. Some of you don't have the medical issues/physical limitations I do and what I accomplished would be a no big deal for you whereas it's a HUGE deal for me. HUGE.

I mowed the lawn.

Front and Back.

For the first time EVER.

I'm not going to say it was a piece of cake because it wasn't. It was hard and somewhat painful but I did it. I DID IT!

I'm trying not to focus on how my body is screaming at me right this second because I am pretty happy with myself.

And this? This is the reason I do the things I do and take on challenges that must be taken on. My kids. My beautiful, amazing kids.

My Bed

If you know me in real life, then you know I have an affinity for my bed. My amazingly wonderful fluffy and dreamy bed. I have a feather mattress cover, a feather mattress pad that goes on top of the feathers and a really great feather comforter. The pillows? Amazingly comfy.

I created my dream bed over a year ago and I have not spend one single second being sorry I did. When life gets to be too much, you can find me under my covers. In the evenings I will happily crawl in and watch TV surrounded by my fluffy softness.

I am a BIG believer in making your bed and your bedroom into an oasis of comfort. A place to retreat. A place to enjoy. I cannot stress it enough: bedrooms should be your safe spot.

So if yours isn't your safe place, do something easy and inexpensive to start making it so. Maybe go to Fine Linens and look at their matouk line. Not only do they have bedding but they have bathroom towels and whatnot. Seriously - it's truly life changing how good linens can enhance your life.

They don't have to cost a lot. WalMart, Target, Fred Meyer...all good places to purchase bedding. You can do what I did; one piece at a time so that it doesn't impact your budget too much.

Making my room my safe place is one of the best thing I ever did for myself. Ever.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for me. Sure, I've had bigger days and yes, I know I'm not the only person in the world to go through this but it's still a big deal to me.

Thanks to a bad pap, I have to have a biopsy. I am absolutely not looking forward to it. I hemmed and hawed about going public with this and I decided to just throw it out there. I've kept it a secret for weeks while I waited for the appointment date to grow closer. It is close and I know this because I received my confirmation phone call from the doctor's office just a few minutes ago. Ugh. Reality smacked up against denial in a big way.

I have done a great job of keeping it off the front burner for weeks now. I have tried not to focus on it because there is nothing I can do about it. Worrying wasn't going to change anything. Two days ago it hit me that it was "almost time" and I admit I started to stress out and spin. Today I am completely bouncing off the walls. I can't focus. *sigh*

I would so much rather be going to the doctor to discuss how to get rid of whiteheads. Seriously.

The message in all this is GET YOUR PAPS! I hadn't had one in two years because that was the recommendation of Kaiser when I was with them. I wonder if something would have shown up last year. Has something been going amiss for a while now? Is it all a fluke? A warped result which will turn out to be just fine? I hope and pray for the error answer.

The plus side to all this is I know will be having yearly paps no matter what the "current recommendations" of what ever medical system I am part of. Not that I look forward to paps but I DO look forward to a long, healthy life and so paps are part of the deal.

So if you are overdue for your pap - go get one. It's 5 minutes of uncomfortable embarrassment that is well worth it.

Go call your doctor. I'll be here when you get back. :)

Rocking the To Do Lists

I have things to do today and yet here I am - blogging. I'll get my To Do list done though because that's what I do. Every night, when I crawl into bed I can honestly say that I have done everything I needed to do in any given day. I'm a list person. Mental or physical, the list is checked off each and every day. Hmmm...OCD much, Case? :) Yeah sorta BUT I can close my eyes knowing I did what needed to be done. To me, it's worth the stress most of the time.

Sure - some days it means I am sending off resumes at 10pm but no one says I have to job hunt at 9AM, right? :) The glory of the Internet is that things are open 24/7. I can apply for jobs, I can print of coupons, heck....I can even shop in the middle of the night. Now if you are, say, looking for attorney tucson you could Google and research but you couldn't really make contact until business hours but still...the flexibility of the Internet ROCKS. Thankfully, contacting an attorney is NOT on my To Do list. :)

What is on my list besides the never job hunting? A haircut. I need one in a big way. So does Kaylen but we'll have to see how today plays out. It might be that I ask Dakota to take her this weekend.

Also on my list is picking up a birthday gift for my great niece. That one is pretty easy - she is turning 10 so make up and hair accessories are the order of the day.

I best get moving. Time is ticking.

Nickelback - If Today Was Your last Day

I've taken a shine to Nickelback lately. Truth be told, a lot of their stuff isn't "me" but there are some that really speak to me. This is one of them. The message is awesome.

What would you do if today was your last day? It is something I am trying to be cognizant of each and every day. Living my best life.

"Each days a gift and not a given right." "Against the grain should be a way of life."
Amen.



To see the official video (which for some reason I cannot embed), go here.

My Someone Special

Absolutely, positively, no doubt about it. Happy Happy Happy.

And my other "someone(s) special":



Life is gooooooooooooood! :)

Nickelback: I'd Come For You

I love this song.

Holding Hands

There is nothing like holding hands.

Simple intimacy.

Amazing.

Monday

Another weekend has come and gone and I will tell you that it was an amazing and wonderful few days. I had the house/pet sitter stay here and I had a much needed break from the dogs and honestly, I need to remember to do that more often. Sure, the kids aren't here every other weekend but the animals are and they are equally demanding and I get precious little solid blocks of sleep. Time away from the house was just what I needed.

I am seeing someone who is very special to me so I packed up and went out to stay with her for the weekend. She lives in the country so it's very peaceful and since it's darn close to spring the frogs are loud and amazing. From inside the house I could hear the frogs making their froggy noises all night long. The wind in the trees and the pouring rain where just the icing on the cake. Perfect! Did I mention that a break from my own life was just what I needed? It really, really was.

We spent the weekend hanging out and talking. A windstorm took out the power yesterday which was great. No, really. It was. I actually enjoy power outages as long as they don't last too long but you have to admit, they shake up life and get you thinking of new things to do and ways to heat coffee and meals.

It was hard to come home last night but I felt refreshed and invigorated an ready to once again tackle the world.....and all the dog-induced sleep interruptions.

Life is good.

Rascal Flatts "I Won't Let Go" LIVE (at iheartradio)

Dreaming

I often look around my kitchen and start dreaming of things I would do if I were to win one of those "kitchen makeover" contests (yes, I realize I would have to enter one before I can win but just go with me on this....I like to dream.), I'd restructure the entire kitchen area and definitely put in new cabinets with brush nickel cabinet hardware. I usually lean towards white cabinets but of course, now darker wood is coming back into style. (Of course!)

If I went with white it would trigger a massive need to make over doors, window casings and moulding throughout the house because it would just look silly. So perhaps a darker wood is the best move.

Not like it matters because this is all just dreaming but still - what is life without dreams?

Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self lyrics

Back in the Saddle

The Book Fair is over and done and I think it is fair (HA!) to say that we rocked it! We surpassed the last two years totals and earned over $4500 to buy books and teaching materials for the school! I've only been doing book fair for three years now and I know that my first year we surpassed all of the previous years so I'm just going to toot my own horn and say "I freakin' ROCK!" :) What a modest little thing I am. :)

I'm really proud of those of us who stood side by side every single day all week. Jeremy, my true cohort, took the entire week off to be there (Thanks Jeremy!) and the best volunteer we have, Scott, took off four of the five days and even then came in for the evening event to help after working a ten hour day. Now that is some serious dedication.

The week was a good one though on a personal level it also was a bit nutty. The drama went full tilt but I refused to engage in any of the attention seeking tactics that were employed. All I could do was roll my eyes and think to myself "A 12 year old is way more mature." which really only solidified my belief that breaking up was the best thing I could have done for myself...and I wish I had done it cleanly back in November when I really wanted to. No longer will I stay in something to avoid hurting someones feelings because hurting them early or late, it still hurts. I'm not sure why she thinks acting like she is is winning her any points with anyone. I wish she could see what other people are seeing because sadly, it is really quite pathetic. I know she is hurt and I am sorry about that but really? The proof is in the pudding and I wish I had paid attention to the warning bells before I did.

I truly wish her the best but more importantly than that, I hope she finds some mental stability soon. Games won't work on me - or anyone else. Time to move forward without regret. And I don't have regrets beyond I am sorry she is hurting...and that she is hurting other people in the process. And again, the tactics being employed all around only makes me more sure I did the right thing.

The kids are doing great. Kaylen is attending her full days without me there at all. She is handling substitute teachers with relative ease and is really coming into her own. I've had people remark about what an amazing and independent child she is. Now THIS is the child I know! I still do drop off and pick up but I am all too happy to do it while I can. I did the same for Kelton's entire kindergarten year and it is absolutely not an issue with me. I'm happy to do it. And I am beyond thrilled that she is thriving!

Kelton finally has a long term sub in one of his classes (he has two teachers) and is settling down into a nice routine. His regular teacher is having medical issues and has been out most of the year thus far and will remain out for a longer time. The kids were suffering through a different sub every few days until late January and, needless to say, the entire class was out of control. Now there is order and he is back to thriving.

The animals are doing well. Little Zipster is almost 6 months old and tomorrow I will be taking him in to be neutered. He is a little spit fire and I wish we had never brought him home (truth is, there are lots and lots of days I would gladly exchange him for one of several ed hardy ladies' watches) but the kids love him so here he will stay...and I pray he settles down. Dallas and Andi put up with him - grudgingly but Maddie and Zip have a love affair going on. The two of them can play for a long time together which is a good outlet for both boxer and kitten. Jordan is getting very old. He is, from the best I can tell, mostly deaf now and his vision is compromised as well. He still gets around and seems happy enough though I would be happier if he would try harder to get his geriatric butt outside BEFORE he pooped on the floor in the middle of the night.
Sleep is hard won around here. Once up on a time it was the babies and toddlers keeping me awake but now it's a geriatric dog and a ridiculously high energy kitten. Go figure.

As for me - I am doing great. Happy and (relatively) healthy. I'm out in the world enjoying life as often as possible. I am following my heart and finding the sense of peace for which I have been longing. It's all coming together. You know.... except for that pesky job thing...but I even have a good feeling that that is going to pan out soon as well.

I think you are mostly up to date now: book fair success, high drama escapades, kiddo update, crazy animal-land and me...yep...all up to date. Time to go figure out what to feed the young ones for dinner.

What are you still hanging around for? Get back to your life! :)

Tuesday Morning

It's 6:47am. I've been up since 4:15. So many thoughts rattling around in my head that sleep was hard won last night. Mostly good thoughts though so that's ok.

Today is day two of the book fair and, as it looms ahead, I've received a few emails from volunteers who need to cancel. I wish I had the volunteer schedule here so I could stop wondering about how it affects the schedule (and prepare myself for the onslaught of crazy!). We open the cash registers at 7:45 and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will be in a sweat by 8am as I work hard to ring up sales and answer questions. It's a quick, but long, 45 minutes from the first person to walk in to the ringing of the bell to signal the beginning of the school day. The rest of the day will go in fits and starts as classes come through and recess and lunchtimes factor into the schedule.

I'm excited and exhausted just thinking about the day.

Tomorrow is Loved Ones Morning which is a family event. An absolutely CRAZY hour in which we will most likely pull in an entire days worth of revenue. Thursday is the big evening event and then Friday we wrap up.

And the weather for the entire week? Pouring rain. All day. All week. That means wet children, wet money, wet everything. The school grounds has very poor drainage which just increased the "soak-a-tude" factor. Fun! :)

I'm hoping for a peaceful and highly enjoyable evening to offset the craziness of the day. It's the goal I have my eye on and one I hope the heavens smile favorably upon so I can have it.

Enjoy the day!