I started watching the TV series Saving Grace tonight and I'm already on episode 4. (It's good - by the way - but a very poor substitute for In Plain Sight. It's going to take me a while to get over that one.) I should really be sleeping. I haven't slept much since Friday night. My mind won't shut off and I find that even when I do finally drift off, I'm still running through the endless play list in my head of things so it never really feels like I get any rest.
The house is quiet right now....which is good since it's almost 11pm. I can hear Kelton breathing from his room. It's funny...I've always been able to hear Kelton breathing but Kaylen? She breathes so quietly I have to bend down to check on her. Ying and yang, that's them. Aside from the rhythmic breathing I can hear a cat on the other side of my laptop screen cleaning himself before he settles into sleep. I can also hear the soft white noise from the machine I have on at night to block out the noise so the kids aren't woken as often as I am. In the distance, I can hear cars, about a block away, as they travel one of the busier roads between arterials. And just now? The clock chiming to let me know it's 11 o'clock.
Eleven more minutes and I can make a wish. Eleven eleven. A magical moment twice a day. A time made for wishes. I make a wish that is always the same these days. I feel a little like Kaylen when she was 2, 3 and 4. Her wish was always, always, always to ride a unicorn on a rainbow. With all her little heart she believed that wish would come true if she just wished hard enough. Last summer, when she was five, she went to make a wish on a wish flower (and dandelion gone to seed) when she suddenly looked up and said "My wish is never going to come true, is it Mom?"
It broke my heart to tell her that it wouldn't. At least not outside of her dreams. Innocence shattered.
Do wishes ever really come true? Is there magic fairy dust out there somewhere? I want to believe in magic and little girls getting to ride unicorns on rainbows. I want to believe that life really does work out for the good. That unending happiness awaits for us all.
My faith is lacking these days. And like the TV show I have started watching, I could use a little saving grace. And probably a whole lot of sleep. Things are always better when sleep is being had.