Monday, December 03, 2012


How in the world is it December already?  Wasn't it just June?  July?  Maybe August?  It must be winter though because it gets dark early, is still dark when I pour my first cup of coffee, and is downright cold and wet most days.

Yep - sure sign that winter, if not *actually* here (you know...that whole winter solstice is December 21st thing) is darn close.

And since I brought up December 21st.....what are your thoughts?  Do you think life, as we know it, will end?  Kelton mentioned something about how cool it would be if the Zombie Apocalypse happened that day.  Me?  I don't think that part would be so great but if the world has to end, then I hope we all just go quickly.  And whose December 21st date do we use?  Is it a rolling end of the world......we just watch it happen from the far side of the world as it get closer and closer to the United States?  I remember Y2K and all the predictions that never came to light but still...I watched in relief as the year changed from 1999 to 2000 across the world, knowing that we were among the last to experience it so by then, we'd already know what was what.

Maybe that will be the case on the 21st.  Or maybe we will all still be standing on the 22nd.  Kinda like that May date two years ago when the redemption was supposed to happen.  All I know is I'm ok either way.  Because, you know, I have no control over it anyway.

That's one thing I've learned quite well:  control is an illusion.  I don't know who has it but it certainly isn't me.  In any way, shape, or form.

But on a happier note:  the tree is up.  Well, the first tree is up.  The kids and I LOVE our fake tree and the fact that we can have it up for weeks and weeks.  Stephanie and Andrew prefer a real tree.  So, the fake tree is in the living room and the real one will go in the family room.  Somewhere along the line, we will take ornaments from both collections and mix them on the trees.  Somewhere along the line, we will decide which tree we will use for the Christmas presents.  Somewhere along the line, all this won't cause panic for me.  And anxiety.  And tears.  And and and.........

It's hard.  How hard?  As hard as a metal hose.  To bend it all into a different shape will take great effort.  Blending families is not for the weak.  This is hard shit.  Some days I wonder how I can find my way through it.  Some days I would probably tell you that I can't.  Some days it seems doable.  Some days feel good, others feel anything but.

Change.  Never been a fan of it.  That hasn't changed at all.

Kelton and Kaylen are thrilled that their favorite month is here.  I love seeing how excited they are and I try, with everything I am, to soak it up and let it pull me through.  They are both BIG BIG believers in the magic of the season and I am so thankful for that.  I have been mentally preparing lists of holiday things I want to do with them when they are on break.  This year though, there doesn't seem to be much time between the end of school and Christmas.  It is going to go too fast but I am hopeful we will trek out to look at lights, made Christmas goodies, read more stories by the light of the Christmas tree.  Just be together.

Time goes fast and I want to have a good holiday season with them.  They are growing so fast and I so much want to keep them little.

My babies.  My angels.  Every birthday and Christmas gift I have ever wanted.

No comments: