Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

It's hard to believe that tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Where has the year gone?  I'm already feeling the pressure of not having enough done in the way of Christmas gifts.  I think I have Kaylen all but done.  Kelton is a struggle for me.  All he wants is Skylanders Giants which is great but I learned last year not to do single theme gifts.  Kaylen insisted on all things Barbie and then by June, was done with it.  I want a variety of things to hit a variety of interests.

And yes, I noticed that I titled this Thanksgiving but am focusing on Christmas. 

I've never been hugely into Thanksgiving.  It's a holiday that, in my opinion, should be moved to somewhere else on the calendar.  It gets the short end of the stick and honestly, I could do without it.  Then people wouldn't get all cranky and snotty when they learn I decorate for Christmas as soon as the Halloween decorations come down.

The kids are with Dakota for Thanksgiving this year.  I will confess that I'm not a fan of holidays when it comes to splitting time, nor dealing with it as a blended family.  It's chaotic and depressing and sad and I am finding the joy of the season hard to capture.  I want to.  But I don't feel it.  Haven't in...oh...say about three years now.  Thinking of Christmas morning makes me want to cry.  It isn't the way it was supposed to be and my traditions and things I think are important, are not shared ideals of Stephanie and Andrew.  What gives?  Which traditions trump because they can't co-exist just by the very nature of the holiday.

I don't think  passing out presents immediately and ripping everything open in less than 5 minutes is acceptable.  They do.  Last year, when we finally had our joint Christmas celebration, it was a struggle for me, and for my two as we tried to understand their ways.  But then, I'm finding lots of things with a blended family a struggle to find compromise.  I just don't want to feel like I am giving up things that are important to me.  You know?  And I don't want Stephanie to feel like like she is giving up things that are important to her.

And then there is Dakota and Vicki.  Where does everything and everyone fit in this year?  Last year, I felt awkward having Vicki at Christmas morning.  I'm just going to say it - even though I wanted to be the bigger person and be ok with it, I felt like an outsider in my own home with my children.  But it was the deal we made at the onset: the kids would always wake up on Christmas morning in their beds where ever they lived with me and Dakota (and whoever she was with) would be welcome to join us for the gift opening.  And I don't want the kids to wake up anywhere else but with me.  And Kelton must feel the same as he said today "I don't really care if they come (for Christmas morning) or not since I know we will see them later.  I just know I want to be home when I wake up."

How does that play with another child?  In another house?

I don't know.  And I'm rambling.  All these things are starting to keep me awake at night.  Again.  Tis the season for endless stress, I guess.

Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward but then again, I don't.  Because I want the kids to enjoy every minute of it.  Even if I don't.


But hey - Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I hope you who are with family and friends enjoy the heck out of the day.


Mimi said...

It will all work out....When I married my husband felt like an out sider I had two children from my first marriage (my ex never came over to our/my house for any holiday/birthday etc so I never had any of that stress) and a friend of ours gave my hubby a book about a blended family ..... in it, it says in around 5 years you will feel like a part of the family why you ask 5 years? because then you/them are in the memories....I kmow it sounds dumb but sooo true...hugs and kisses it will get better.

Anonymous said...

Since you're together with a new partner in a new house and your kids are older, maybe sit down and brainstorm about a new tradition with everyone. I'll bet the kids could come up with something creative and special. It won't be the same as in the past, but it will be uniquely yours. BTW, this event doesn't have to be right on Christmas could be any day they're all out of school. Here's to new traditions!