I think I'm beginning to sink into depression. There is a small voice in my head telling me to go see the doctor but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am still functioning. I get up, take care of my children, log in and find work for the day, pay bills, grocery shop, etc. but something is missing.
Maybe it's the gray skies that won't quit this time of year. Maybe it's the drama that unfolds around me constantly. Maybe it's the exclusion. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the holiday. Maybe I just need a freaking break.
I could tell you this is new...within the past few days. That would make sense. But no - it's been going on for weeks now. I have made it a point to get out of the house and into the world as much as I can. Working around people. Faking it until I make it. But I wonder.
There is so many little things around here that drive me crazy. Moulding that needs to be replaced because they haven't yet been from when we put in the new flooring. A master bath that is "in progress" of being renovated. The closet floor in Kaylen's room that needs to be finished. I have curtain rods that still need to be put up. Etc. It's slowly getting done...well...some of it. I'm sure, in time, it will be done. But it does add to my stress.
Over all, I am not confident that I am adjusting well. Everything seems so.....big.
I figure I will hold on until the first of the year and if I'm still feeling this way, I should get myself to the doctor. But that might mean finding a new one first. I'm not crazy about the PA I have. We'll see.
Time will tell. It always does.