I know you love me. I know that you truly appreciate when, at 5AM, I slide open the sliding glass door in my bedroom and leave it open a bit so you can come and go as you enjoy the your early morning stroll about the neighborhood. I know this. Truly I do.
This means, of course, that there is no need to thank me with a dead bird in my doorway and feathers scattered down the hallway.
Really. No gifts are necessary. I do what I do for you out of the kindness of my heart......and yes, my desire for a bit more sleep. See...letting you out means I can drift in and out of sleep for another hour without you climbing on my head, batting at the picture frames on the wall, knocking over stacks of books from my dresser or stealing small objects and hiding them goodness knows where. I guess you could say you don't need to thank me AT ALL because letting you outside to roam has completely selfish motives on my part.
So stop with the dead birds, k?
It's yucky. And sad. And definitely not what I want to wake up to on a Monday morning.
Your Human Mom