I was having a great day yesterday. The birds were singing, the rain wasn't falling, and the world felt amazing and safe and perfect. The kids are all away for the weekend which means quality AND quantity time with Stephanie. Oh how I love our kid free weekends. I love the kids but I will readily admit I also enjoy when they are away with their other people for a couple days here and there.
Anyway.....around 6:00 I decided to drive up to the end of the road to get the mail. I pulled the mail out of the box and drove back down the road . I grabbed the envelopes, left the car, and quickly settled back into a chair next to Stephanie. I flipped through the envelopes and then opened the one from my OB/GYN. I had been in for an appointment a couple weeks ago and, since I hadn't gotten a phone call to indicate otherwise, had been expecting the "normal results" letter.
Hmmmm......I scanned the first paragraph and kinda froze in my tracks.
Yet another bad pap.
When I had a bad pap in 2011, my doctor called me personally.
When I passed my test in 2012, I received a letter in the mail.
Apparently now bad news can come in a letter.
"Atypical cells not a result of HPV" The letter goes on to state we are going to "watch and wait" because it *could* be inflammation of some sort or it *could* be pre-cancer cells. The letter asks me to make a note on my calendar to be sure I come in on or after March 5th of next year so they can track the changes. (March 5th is the magic "one year from the date of last exam" date.)
I get the wait and see approach. I'm ok with it. Kinda. (Truthfully, I'd rather they know for sure one way or another.) What I am NOT ok with is a year. Let's try 6 months. But...and yes, there most likely is a but, insurance probably won"t want to pay for another test in 6 months. They only want to pay for a pap every year - at the most. And because of my first bad pap, I am a yearly visitor no matter what "care standards" say. I'm sure by now you have noticed how much I do not really care for my insurance coverage. Every blessed thing is a battle.
This all warrants a phone call this week to talk directly with the doctor to, if nothing else, get the overwhelming number of questions I have answered.
I don't know if you were a regular reader back in 2011 when I had my failed biopsy and then my OR biopsy but it was NOT a fun time. And honestly, I thought this was all behind me. To say I am shocked by the news I received in that letter is an understatement. To say I am scared and worried and frustrated is to say the least.
I'm bummed. Big time bummed. I didn't want to have to deal with this again. Ever. I want to stomp my feet and scream "IT'S NOT FAIR!" but because I am a grown up, I know that life isn't fair and at a time like this, I just have to suck it up and keep moving forward. Trying to remember that, in the grand scheme of health-related things, I have it pretty good.
Even when it doesn't feel that way.