Monday - Again

Where is the sun? Seriously. This overcast, rainy, cold stuff is killing me. And if you knew how much I complained about it this morning, you would know it is not killing me softly. It's killing me loudly. Very, very loudly.

It's hard to get motivated on days like this. I have so much to do - both workwise and house upkeep wise and today all I really wanted to do was crawl under the covers and nap. I work-worked, of course, because it is what absolutely needed to be done, but the laundry hasn't been started and the house, while decent enough, is far from my usual standard.

The lawn needs to be mowed but it is just too dang wet for that. I'm sure by the time it is dry enough, I will need to pony up funds for the neighbor kid to mow it because once it gets too long, my body can't handle the stress of trying to get through it - not to mention hauling catcher after catcher of wet grass to the yard waste bin.

My physical To Do list is a bit overwhelming right now. I can tell because the past week I have been so incredibly tired I can't barely stand myself during the day. Sleep is hit and miss, as it always is, but that usually doesn't leave me feeling as exhausted as I feel right now.

My mental To Do list is gigantic. So much is ahead of me. All good - just a lot. The sun would help. It's hard to believe that last weekend was in the mid 80's and this weekend was solidly in the 60's. As hot as I was, I preferred the warmer temps.

For a fun part of the To Do's...the kids, Stephanie and I have been doing a bunch of flower planting and "sprucing up" of the front porch out at Stephanie's. The covered porch is large enough to have chairs, a cement bench and several flower pots (and a dog bed) so Stephanie and I have been spending time on it enjoying being together outside. Even on the days when it is raining - which rocks. Stephanie admitted that she has probably spent more time on the front porch in recent weeks then she has in the 13+ years she has lived in the house. I like that we have created an oasis of sorts. I have plans swimming in my head for the house - little changes that will add up. It will take time (and money) so it will be a slow go but I'm excited about it all.

Life is definitely moving in the right direction. :)

Food for Thought

Stephanie and I have adopted "a motto", of sorts, for us, for the kids, for everyone in our lives.  It's simple, straight forward and says all it needs to say.

Everything we do is for the good of the whole.
No one will succeed at the expense of another.

True 'dat.  Ya know?

It's no secret by now that I am really loving Jason Mraz's music and, last week, his new album "Love is a Four Letter Word" was released.  Totally LOVING it!  I'm not sure how I missed him over these years but it doesn't so much matter - I have discovered him and, to quote Stephanie, it's all good.

Track 2 is the one I am stuck on right now.  It's such an upbeat, happy song and I swear, if I could just imprint these words into the very core of my being, there would be no stopping me.  For instance:
" I will not waste my days making up all kinds of ways to worry about all the things that will not happen to me."

Great, great, great song.  If you haven't have the pleasure yet, check it out.  Bet it gets stuck in your head, too.  :)




Well if this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
So I just let go of what I know I don't know

And I know I only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
With Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To keep living my life
Easy and breezy

With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
With peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life reaching backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment

Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
With peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
Got  peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
Peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

Eeeeeeek!

Ok seriously...the changes to Blogger?  Not so sure I am all over them.  But then - I don't so much dig change and especially not when it is sprung on me.

What?  They didn't spring it on me?  They have had a blurb up for about 6 weeks that changes were coming and hit *this* button if you want to enact the changes now?  Why yes.  I saw that.  But hell no I didn't want the changes enacted immediately.  Let's revisit the point I made earlier....you know, the one about not digging changes?  Yeah - that one.  *sigh*

So today I hit my bookmark to take me to my posting dashboard and *this*  THIS is what it looks like?  (Yeah yeah - I know you can't see it but if you have a Blogger blog you know what I'm talking about.)  Me no like.  Seriously.

Sure....yes....absolutely....I will adjust.  I will learn my way around and in about 1, 2..oh who am I kidding...6 MONTHS, I will finally accept it.

Why must they change things that already work perfectly fine?  Sure...more options.  Shinier, brighter.....blah blah blah.

And yet...didn't I post something just last week about learning to roll with the tides?  Go with the flow?  Sheesh, Universe...it was NOT an invitation to test me.  You would have thought I would have learned that by this point in my...uummm.... 47 years of life.  So many times when I put something out there, I find I am tested almost immediately.  Let's say, for instance, the simple, seemingly harmless phrase "Give me patience."  I no longer say that because, like a lightning bold out of the blue, I will be placed in a situation were EXTREME patience is called for.  A learning opportunity, if you will.  Only thing is.....I don't want to LEARN patience, I just want to have it.  Learning it requires practice and practice requires people and situations that piss me off.  Who needs that??  Not me, thankyouverymuch.

I remember once upon a time, a long time ago, I made the simple statement "I wish I had 6 weeks off to just lay around and do nothing."  I kid you not...within the week I had broken my back and guess what?  Was told to do nothing, absolutely nothing,  for 6 weeks.  WTF, people?  Right then and there I decided that I needed to be VERY careful with what I asked for and how I asked for it.  I now qualify statements such as that as "I wish I had a whole week to be at the beach relaxing and having fun."  Not just being at the beach because sure - I can get to the beach but then my car might break down, or my wallet might be stolen.  I clearly have to be more specific about having fun and relaxing.  Judge me all you want.  I know what works.  :)

Huh.  I seem to have gotten off on a tangent unrelated to the Blogger changes.  That happens....often....doesn't it?  Casey's on a rant again - let's just sit back and watch how her scary mind works and where we will eventually end up.  Goodness knows it won't be a point A to point B trip...nope, we'll be stopping at Q, Y, X and C along the way and none of it will make any sense if you go back to point A and try to connect the dots.

That's the fun of being me.  :)  You never know what you are going to get.  It could be a blog having to do with an overbed table (which I think would be way cool, just so you know.  And oh hey - that just might be exhibit S in the "random thought process" equation.) which then morphs into something PTO related and then that feeds into something I did this weekend and from there.....well...you get the idea.  I'm a "connect the dots" game but in my world, the dots aren't even numbered or lettered.  Just random...flittering here and there.  But when you take the pencil off the page and stand back to look you get......oh hell, who am I kidding?  You get a big ol' mess of lines that look more like a toddler's first drawing than something that resembles a masterpiece. 

And yet you all just keep coming by to read what I write.

So who is the crazy one exactly?  :)

So the changes to the Blogger Dashboard.  Blah.  And if you think I'm going to take the time to watch the tutorial?  Well...clearly you don't know me At. All.  :)

Inspiration

Those seem like good words of wisdom as life continues to change and evolve. Just let it carry you...don't fight it. Roll with it. It's all good. Eventually, it will all work out as it should. Don't fight for control - just do the best you can and know that some how, some way karma will sort it all out.

I do enjoy getting my words of wisdom from inspirational sayings that I find here and there. While I don't consider myself a "going to a church building and sitting in wood church chairs to worship" person, I do consider myself to be spiritual.

I have found that recently I have joined many uplifting groups on Facebook - some just post quotes, some post amazing photos, some post a combination of photos and quotes. Never does a day go by that I don't read *something* that makes me go "Yeah - I get that." or "Huh. That's a really great way to look at that." And sometimes I disagree completely with what they are saying/posting but it gives me a chance to look in the mirror and double check to make sure I am still being true to who I am and not just taking the words of others as gospel.

Overall, though, the groups are a great way to pepper my newsfeed with "positive thoughts" - especially on the days when it seems everyone on my friends list is having a bad day. :)

Manners 101

I'm having a tough time getting motivated this morning so I thought I would kill a bit of time before starting my work day (and goodness knows I have enough work sitting here to keep me busy all day long). I kind of feel guilty for not just jumping in and getting down to the nuts and bolts of it all but then I remembered that when I went to an office every day for work, more times than not I spent the first 30-60 minutes "getting ready to work". Checking email, sucking down a cup of coffee, wandering out to check my mailbox, etc. I guess this isn't much different so I'm working hard on letting go of my guilt because well...the work is going to get done. It has to. I'm the only one to do it. :)

Anyhoo.....I'm killing time by sucking down my glass of milk and reading all the blog posts that went up over the weekend. I do so LOVE the blogs I have on my reader. They are written by strong, take no shit from anyone, moms and they never fail to speak to me on some level.

This morning, two of the blogs centered around manners. Ah yes...manners. The common courtesy we should all extend to each other on a daily basis. Manners are a big deal to me. Be polite. Show up on time. Say Please. Say thank you. Chew with your mouth closed. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Hold doors for other people. Clean up after yourself. Go out of your way to help someone. The list goes on and on.

My friend, Carrie, writes one of the best blogs around. She is a Southern Girl and calls it like she sees it. She used to live in my town and I know her from the MOMS Club I belonged to once upon a long time ago. I regret not getting to know her well during the time she was here. I was *very* pregnant with Kaylen when she joined and by the time I pulled my head out of the insane world of "OH.MY.GOD. WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE. TO. MY LIFE?" with a new baby who had off the chart sensory issues, an increasingly out of control three year old (who was the world's sweetest 0-3 year old) and defacto-single parenting when D went to law school (and because of A and B, I all but stopped going to MOMS Club. Ironic because that is when I needed support the most but sought it out the least), she had moved away. I caught up with her again when she friended me on Facebook. An action that I am profoundly grateful for because she never, ever fails to make me feel like I am doing an ok job, that I am not alone and that we, as single moms, can indeed make a good life for our kids.

Ok so - looooong story short; Carrie posted a fantastic blog about manners. I do hope you will pop over and give it a read.

Spring Break

This past week, the kids have been on spring break which means a serious lack of schedule, a ton of fun and a smidgen of frustration for all of us. Lack of schedules can be good but also, when you have small ones who are used to schedules, it can be a challenge.

Last Friday, the kids, Stephanie, and I started spring break early and headed 4 hours north to see my family. We were supposed to have the annual "cousin birthday celebration" but due to various reasons, the cousins were not there. My two, though, enjoyed their celebration and time with family whom they rarely get to see. We all enjoyed seeing Baby Madeleine who, at 8 months, is really fun for my two to interact with. Personally, I can't believe it's been 8 months since she arrived on the planet. Time goes fast.

We headed back last Sunday and have spent the entire week at "the country house", as we call Stephanie's house. It's been amazing and fabulous. The kids love being out here and it goes without saying that I do as well.

Stephanie's birthday was Wednesday so she stayed home from work and we spent the morning just hanging around. We finally got everyone moving and made it out the door in time to catch the 1:30 showing of Titanic (re-released in 3D). Everyone loved it! Even Kaylen, though I did turn her away and cover her eyes for parts of the sinking. This mommy thought some of the scenes would be too intense for her 7 year old brain but boy oh boy was she not happy with me and told me I "ruined the WHOLE movie for her!" I'm ok with that because I'm the mom and I get to decide what is appropriate for her small self....not her. :)

After the movie, we stopped by "the city house" and I took care of the cats and picked up a few things we needed. From there, we went to a birthday dinner to celebrate the love of my life. It was an awesome day and I am happy to report that Stephanie said it was the best birthday she has had in years and years. That, in and of itself, is perfection as far as I'm concerned.

Due to illness in Dakota's house, the kids missed both their visitation evenings with her this week. Let's just say it didn't go well with the boy child. When I broke the news to him Thursday (which was going to be a special long day with Dakota) that Dakota was now sick, he went into a full on melt-down. Hours were spent trying to make the world better for him and I will say, he broke both Stephanie's and my hearts. Stephanie took care of work stuff from home but opted to stay and help with the emotional upset - for which I am very grateful. We started thinking of fun things to do and we finally hit on an idea that brought a smile to Kelton's face so we loaded up the car and headed out to a local pizza place that Dakota has taken them to a couple times in the past year. We spent some time there and then, as we were leaving, I noticed a resale lego store across the street and down a road. We headed over to check it out.

I spent less than $20 on the kids but they both left incredibly happy and excited. We headed back to Stephanie's and we all spent time in the hot tub. All in all, the kids will tell you that they had a really great day even though it started off not all that happy around here.

Yesterday, while Stephanie went to work, the kids and I headed into town and did some stuff at the house. I picked up the Easter Bunny things and spent some time with the kitties, who are starting to get quite lonely in the very quiet house. Soon enough, we were on our way to the grocery store and then back to Stephanie's. The kids are really having a great time out here and I am really enjoying watching them play outside and use their imagination.

It's been a great week and getting to spend it with my love has made it even better. I am very excited for all that is to come.

Life is amazing.
I am a very lucky woman.