Thursday, January 10, 2013

The One Where She Is Kinda Cranky

How did it get to be Thursday already? What have I accomplished this week? A big fat "not much". Monday and Tuesday I was on the couch all day. My pain level is unreal right now.

Yesterday I worked in Kaylen's classroom for an hour (it was my regular day to volunteer and I had missed two times prior. I felt I just couldn't cancel again. I have a very good sense of responsibility and that would have pushed my personal values) then checked the kids out of school and took them into town for Kaylen's eye appointment. She got new glasses in October but by December she was complaining and having trouble, so back in we went. She has new lenses on order. Again. Anyway, the kids and I stopped by the grocery store for a few needed items and then back home. By then, I was practically in tears from the pain so I took a pain pill and waited for it to kick in.

Stephanie and I worked on a fast, but good, dinner for everyone and then I returned to the couch to whimper.

I've been going to bed early this week...the pain is sucking all my energy. I sleep like crap and nothing provides comfort.

Tuesday the school, that has decided I'm a rockin' good sub and calls me directly for jobs, called. They booked me into two jobs next week and then yesterday called again to book me for the rest of the week. I accepted the jobs because when you are a sub and school calls you directly, you do not want to say no. Pain or not, I will be working every day next week. In a big, big way, I'm not really looking forward to it but it is nice to be wanted...and respected. I am hoping like heck that my pain settles down between now and then but if it doesn't, I have no choice but to suck it up and do what needs to be done. A least they aren't 8 hour days. I guess that's something.

Haven't heard from the insurance company yet but hopefully next week I will know when the MRI will be scheduled. From there, chances are good I will be referred to a neurosurgeon for following and treatment plans. Not necessarily surgery, it would be a last resort and I don't feel in my gut that I am to that level. Yet. Time will tell. It always does.

And guess what tomorrow is???? You will never, ever guess because tomorrow's date is only significant to me. The day my life was forever altered. Tomorrow is the 16th anniversary of breaking my back.

There is nothing bittersweet about January 11th. It's just bitter. I wonder who I would be and what my life would be like if it had never happened. Everything would be different, that's for sure.

And yeah...I'm cranky. Pain does that to me. But honest to God, I've had enough pain to last me for the rest of my life and this? This constant pain for weeks on end now? It's just not right. Or fair.

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