Yep. That's what we are doing around here. Waiting. And waiting some more.

Kaylen, said this morning, "I can't believe Christmas is in TWO days! I've been waiting FOREVER!!"

As a mom, I have to say that the time has flown by. I'm ready though - as ready as I will be. So bring it on....let's get this party started!!! :)

Merry Christmas to you all!!!!

The Weather Outside...

...is actually quite nice. Cold, but clear. A perfect day. It could actually pass for summer time....you know, if I could pretend the trees had leaves on them. Maybe, if I closed my eyes for a minute, and concentrated hard, I just might be able to hear happy children playing in the yard, or in the pool. I might be able to hear birds chirping. Maybe, in my minds eye, I would be able to see two happy dogs laying in sun patches in the grass. I could have a different set of "worries" like if I need a swimming pool fence to keep the kids safe, or trying to figure out a good time to get the lawn mowed.

But summer it is not. We are at the official start of winter. December 21st. Six more months until thoughts of swimming pools and whatnot fill my head. Right now, it's all about the Ho Ho Ho, Fa La La and how to keep bored children from spinning out of control. Kelton does better with no routine. He finds things to do. Right now he is working on building a webpage and writing a Winter Break journal. Kaylen is a tougher one. She is B.O.R.E.D. She wants to be in school, and with her friends. She has gone through so many activities today, including helping me make Peppermint Kisses. That activity alone kept us busy for over an hour and yet...10 minutes later, she was complaining about being bored again. *sigh*

I love having them home with me though- bored, or not. I love having them running around and I don't even mind the huge messes they make with their craft supplies and toys. I cherish every moment I have with them....even the moments that are hard and frustrating. :)

I wish it would snow today. And a lot. A few years ago we had so much snow this time of year - something crazy like 20 inches. It kept falling and falling and it was amazing and wonderful and magical. You know, until the ice dams caused the melting snow to seep into the ceiling in the living room...but even then, it was still magical in the world. Christmas should have snow. Plain and simple. But Christmas in the Northwest rarely does. Doesn't make me stop wishing for it though. :)

Snow would be awesome. The kids would have so much fun building snow people and we could go for snow walks. Build a fire, have hot cocoa and watch Christmas shows. As it is, this afternoon I am planning to do the whole fire, cocoa and Christmas shows thing but snow would make it that much more magical.

Let it snow. That's what I say.

In the meantime, here are some photos I took of the Peppermint Kiss making. I would share the recipe but I don't wanna. :)








YUMMY!!!!! These little things are incredibly addicting. Yum Yum Yum!!!!

This Love Is Ours

I am so loving this song!!!

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water is rough, but this love is ours...."

Christmas Week

Well. Here we are. Christmas week. I can hardly believe another year of life is winding down. Honestly, it doesn't so much seem like it should be nearing the end of December already. September. Yes. But no later in the year than that.

Not that anyone asked me. :)

The house is decorated and ready to go. There are gifts under the tree waiting for the big day. I have plans to make some Christmas goodies this week and then, of course, Santa cookies for Christmas Eve. As Christmas' go, this is a fairly simple one and that's fine by me.

In the days after Christmas, the five of us will be traveling to Seattle for Christmas with my family. I've been a little stressed over how all our stuff, gifts and us will fit in the car (not to mention the gifts coming back!) but I also know it always seems to work out. It's times like these I think "An RV would be good. It would have enough room." But alas, no RV in my future which, of course means, I don't have to worry about rv insurance. So all in all...that's a good thing. :)

Christmas. Fa la la la la and all that. My emotions go back and forth - I'm wishing it was over and I'm trying to soak it all in. Christmas, as an adult, sure isn't the same as Christmas as a child. So I'm doing all I can to make sure my children have a great, memory-worthy Christmas. Lots of fun, laughter and family. Because it's not about what's UNDER the tree. It's about who you have to celebrate with.

Something Monumental, This Way Comes

No. Seriously, you guys. THIS is monumental news. In my world, I call it earth shaking. In yours....well...you'd probably call it every day life.

Are you ready?

No, really. Are you sitting down?

Ok well - if you aren't, you have no one to blame but yourself when you fall over.

Here goes:

I COOKED. Twice this week. And I don't mean kid-friendly, pop it in the microwave cooking. I've been doing *that* for years. I also don't mean "Oh look! I boiled water and added pasta." Again, I've been doing that for years.

I mean honest to goodness COOKED. Meat, no less. With side dishes to ...you know...make a well-balanced, honest to God, meal. With meat.

Yes, that nasty smelling, raw stuff. I cooked it and.......Kelton ate it and LIKED IT! Holy moly Batman -alert the authorities.

As a rule, in my previous life, I would say "Oh - I don't cook." and well, it was true. But in recent months....say....possibly 11 or 12 months, I have very slowly and carefully started learning how to cook. I had the basics down before: Omelette's? Mine rocked. Scrambled eggs? Perfection! Banana bread? Off the charts freakin' fantastic! My grandmother's Mac-n-Cheese? Oh yes - I can rock that really well, too. I even ventured into the land of homemade gluten-free stuffing for Thanksgiving. (and I have learned to cook a wicked good stuffed hash browns and eggs over medium, too!)

But "meals"? Rarely. And meat? NEVER.

Tonight though.....without benefit of a miller welding helmet, I made hamburger patties with melted cheese. The other night? Shake-n-Bake chicken. Side dishes? Yes, thank you very much.

And both nights, I purposely walked outside for a few minutes just so I could walk back in and smell the amazing aroma of food that I, myself, had cooked. I'm telling you, I am very proud of myself. I not only cooked meat but I TOUCHED it. And if you know me, you know there is precious little that grosses me out more than touching raw meat.

I am so proud of me.

Yeah - I know. A regular day in most of your lives but for me - HUGE! :)

Christmas Cookies

Today I wanted to do fun Christmas things with the kids as this is the last weekend before Christmas that they will be with me (though thankfully, I do have them with me during Christmas break - which I am VERY happy about. I love having this special time with them even when it is patience-trying. *grin*). I had a few "have to's" to get done but I also sprinkled in some fun into the errands. And I arranged for my friend, Cande, and her two girls to come over for Christmas cookie making. We picked up some firewood, cookie making supplies and a Christmas movie (Jack Frost). We even grabbed some McDonald's (the first time I've taken them to McDonalds in about ummmmm....six months. Wow!) after we finished our running around.

We came home and ate while we started watching Jack Frost. After lunch, I built a nice fire and made the living room cozy. We love fires in the fireplace but we only seem to have them when the Christmas tree is up. Ah tradition!

After the movie, I went to work finding all the cookie cutters and getting things ready. The kids helped me straighten up (and Kelton did a GREAT job cleaning the bathroom!) and then, while we waited for our friends to arrive, we wrapped the gifts for the Seattle cousins.

Finally our friends arrived and the fun was off and running! The four kids get wild and crazy when they are around each other and Cande and I try to not lose our minds. :) The kids (with help) rolled out the dough and used the cookie cutters to create their cookies. We baked their creations and cleaned up the mess while they all ran off to play. When the cookies were cool, we called them in for round two of the messy fun.

Oh my! The fun that was had. At one point, we were all laughing so hard it was hard to breathe. Kelton was using so much red gel stuff that when the tube started running low, it made "farting" sounds. Could it be any more hysterical for a 10, 9, 6 and 4 year old? No. No it could not be. :)

After the cookie making, the little girls pulled out Let's Dance for the Wii and went crazy. Oh my!!! So cute!

All in all, we had a great Christmas-y day! And now, as the hours of the day dwindle, we are all snuggled on my bed watching Frosty Returns. It's been a good day!!

December Fun

Oh How I Hate 3AM

I was exhausted last night. I've been running a low grade fever for a few days (probably due to my syringomyelia since I don't feel sick at all) and by 6pm last night, I could barely keep my eyes open. I made it to 8:30 and then tucked the children into their beds. I watched a half hour of TV and then shut off the light, sinking down onto my pillow with a happy sigh. Only.....sleep didn't come. As it does in the dark of night, my mind started racing with worries and whatnot. Finally around 11, I dozed off.

At 3, Jordan woke me by jumping down off Kaylen's bed (where he sleeps). I sleep incredibly lightly - which sucks for me but which is also good when you have an old dog. I let Jordan outside and stood in the open door, as the freezing air swirled around me, for a good 10 minutes as I encouraged Jordan to do what he needed to do. He is old and I swear he has a bit of dementia. He peed a few times (yes - you read that right) and then convinced me with his sad eyes that he was done.

I let him back in and helped him back up on Kaylen's bed.

No more sleep for me though. The stresses and worries hit me like a ton of bricks. I watched the clock go from 3:15 to 4:25 to 4:40 and then..I drifted off. 5am and Jordan's awake again. I put him outside AGAIN (because I know he needs to poop) and again I play the "GO!" game with him to no avail. Ten minutes later, I give up and in he comes. He and I go back to our beds. This time I drift off in about 15 minutes......

He's up again at 5:30. I put him outside AGAIN and then I give up and feed him. I put him outside again and he just stands on the patio for several minutes and just stares at me. I sigh and let him in.

We walk back to the bedrooms and.........HE POOPS ON THE FLOOR! SERIOUSLY?????????

I haven't slept for more than a wink and a nod since Three-Freaking-O'Clock and at 5:45 he poops on the floor?!??!?!?!?! He had been outside FOUR times!

So let's recap, shall we? I slept from 11-3 which is 4 hours.....add in *maybe* 30 more minutes and you get a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep. And I wish I could say this was a rarity. But it is not.

Any wonder why I fall apart emotionally every few weeks?!?!

Ugh!!!!

Gifts Under the Tree

Ask and ye shall receive.

Kaylen wanted gifts, wrapped and pretty, under the tree, so I made that wish come true. The kids are with Dakota this weekend and, since I had nothing to do this morning, I ran out and bought some tape (we go through tape like it's water. The kids LOVE using tape), came home, pulled out the gifts and started wrapping.

Instead of putting on something Christmas-y to watch, I turned on an episode of Tori and Dean's Home Sweet Hollywood because well....I could. :)

I wrapped and wrapped and wrapped and soon it was done. Well...not all of it. I left the cousin gifts for Kaylen to help me with. She loves to wrap. I put a couple gifts for each other the kids, and our gifts for Stephanie and Andrew, under the tree. The gifts joined the presents that my grandmother sent down for us.

I have to say, Kaylen was right. The tree just looks prettier with gifts under it.

Guitars

I was just thinking the other day how there used to be so many musical instruments in my house. I had two guitars. Dakota had two guitars. For a while I had an electric guitar but I never really played it so I consigned it. We never had gretsch guitars but we did have a djembe and various other percussion devices. Kelton even had a drum set, not to mention to other music sets that are well known for toddlers and preschoolers.

When Kelton was born, we uprooted ourselves and moved 3.5 hours south. At that time, I decided to let my guitars go since I never played them (and honestly, with a baby, my hands were quite full). We moved everything else with us. The toddler set was outgrown eventually, though it still does reside in the garage and Kaylen will pull it out every so often to play with it. The rest? It all moved out when Dakota did and now resides with her. Including Kelton's drum set. She has a basement and had room for it, so it just made sense.

I find, at times, I miss having music producing items around. I will, at times, briefly think about how much I miss playing my guitar. But the truth is, I wouldn't play it. I have too many other things I want to do with my time. It was great though, in days gone by, to just pick up the case, pull it out and start making music.

Music is good. But for now, the radio will have to do. :)

December 1st

My Facebook post today went a little like this: "Wow. December. Again. How?"

And yes, that is how I am feeling. How in the world can it be December again already? Sometimes I can hear my grandmother's voice saying "Stop trying to speed things up. Just wait. The older you get, the faster time will go."

Score one for Grandma. She sure nailed that one.

Right now, my life is threatening to overwhelm me. Yes, again. Maybe it's still. I don't know. But whatever the case, there it is. The day to day, while certainly enough to keep me busy and wondering how I will get it all done, isn't so bad. It's the emotional parts that get me. And this time of year? It's filled with emotional parts. Let's not forget my posting from December 1, 2009. The holidays? They are definitely NOT what they used to be. But they are what I choose to make it so I'm trying. God knows I'm trying.

Kaylen wants to know why I haven't wrapped their gifts and put them under the tree yet. After all, she says, trees are prettier with presents under them. Touche, young one, touche. I told her I just haven't had time yet. Maybe I will wrap a couple things this weekend and slide them under there as a surprise for when they come back home Sunday. I just don't want them to get used to looking at the few things I have for them and thinking "That's it?" because yes, that is it. From me, at least. Santa will have something for each of them. Dakota and Vicki will have some for them. Stephanie will have a gift for each. Other family gifts will be received at family gatherings.

I still need to find a way to let them know there will be no Christmas stocking for me this year. I've been working on the backstory....you know, money problems across the world so Santa is asking parents if it is ok if he skips filling their stocking this year so that there is more for the kids. I don't know. I'm wishing like heck we never let them believe that Santa fills Mommy's stocking too. *sigh* But that's life. It won't always be like this but it is what it is.

I don't have a lot of questions about what to get people in my life this year because there isn't money for that. Pictures of the kids just might have to do. On one hand, it's kind of nice to not have to worry about things like "what is the best ps3 game to get someone" or "Gosh - will they like this thing I found for them?" On the other hand....it sucks. My biggest worry is the kids. Which is what my biggest worry should be - and has been.

It's hard - this time of year. Yesterday I spent a few good hours under my covers coming out to brave the world at either end to take care of kids and chores and whatnot. I don't regret taking some hours to hide. I find there are just days I need to hide. And cry. Licking my wounds, as it were, for a few hours (maybe a day or two) here and there help me get back to facing the world.

And facing the world is something I always get back to.

Ready. Or not.