....seem to cause the most pain.
I paid bills and balanced the checkbook yesterday. The bill paying went fine but when I was going through the register and checking off the cleared items the sadness washed over me. The day we took the kids to Build-a-Bear, the Yankee Candle store, Claim Jumpers, Standfords where Kelton discovered he loves "grown up Mac-n-Cheese, Toys R Us when I bought Christmas gifts for the kids, etc. All those entries staring back at me creating pain that washed over me in waves so giant they threatened to pull me under. Places we went as a family that we will never go to as a family again. If I had known they would be the last time would I have treasured them more? Would it be riddled with even more sadness now?
All the days in the register of "regular life" when I had no idea what was hurtling at me. The weeks when I was blissfully unaware at what was taking place. The days and weeks when I still believed this was a forever deal. No matter the hard times I believed we would get through them. I believed. I had faith because I had no reason to doubt it.
And now? Now I doubt everything.
2 comments:
Huge Hugs winging your way. I wish there was something more we could do or say, so you don't have to go through this...but unfortunately it is part of the grieving process. Be kind to yourself. Know that you are going through the death of your marriage. Grieve for it, and know that when you come out the other end, you will be a stronger person.
Love to all,
Lynn
Ugh. I hear you. The day after I was suddenly dumped by my boyfriend of five years, I received my VISA bill for the month. It had the gift I bought him for our five year anniversary on it. That was one of my lowest lows.
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