This morning I had an appointment with my counselor so I dropped a very happy and excited Kaylen off with a friend of mine. She loves going there because not only does she have fun but I pay her $1.00 to "help babysit" my friends 20 month old. She loves it and always has a great time.
I arrived to pick her up 20 minutes before the start of preschool. She has happy and told my friend all about her not so great day on Tuesday but they had talked and she was ready and excited about going today.
She chattered all the way over there and she bounced her way down the walkway to the classroom. I signed her in, got her settled. She kissed and hugged me and we waved good-bye.
PHEW! I happily walked out the door and drove home.
Forty five minutes after dropping Kaylen off the phone rang. It was the preschool calling to let me know that Kaylen had been crying since I walked out the door.
My heart dropped. This is not my happy little girl. This is not the child who is independent and loves new adventures.
I hate what this is doing to the kids. Kelton isn't escaping any of this either. He is riddled with fears which sometimes come out in the form of what he is really worried and scared about but mostly seem to come out in ways that he can understand and process instead of abstract things he can't. He is suddenly very worried about fires and getting out of the house...and bad guys breaking in.
It's so hard to watch them knowing I can't change any of this for them. It's hard to know that all I can try to do is ease their fears and tell them things will be ok. That they are loved and will always be loved.
I say all the right things - happily and upbeat. It's all I can do.
5 comments:
My heart breaks for your family. This kind of "change" is never good but I know you'll all be okay in time.
Definitely use this space as a place to vent. Nothing has helped me more through my journey. And, of course, continue to email. I'll be here.
It takes time. And it won't be perfect. But it will work out. Keep doing what you are.
It will be like a roller coaster for a bit with ups and downs. I am glad you are talking to a counselor that will help. Keep talking we are listening.
My heart aches for you. I wish I could take away all the pain and anxiety you and the kids are feeling.
Be strong and just keep loving your babies. Sometimes a hug makes the day alittle easier!
Emily
Poor kiddos! I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is to have them both suffering like this, not to mention you. Please try to keep eating, even if it's just something little, but something healthy! Hang in there, we're with you.
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