Crazy Times
It's been a strange few days. Friday the kids were buckled into their car seats and I was just putting the key in the ignition when James called to say my mom was gone. I'm ok about not being there for the actual event - I had already said my goodbyes ( a couple times) but it was still a shock to hear the words. Her pastor had arrived, said a prayer and right after "Amen" he said "She's gone." I'm happy for her that he was there to help her move on - he had been a regular fixture in the house the last 7 weeks so it feels right that he was there when it happened. He's a great guy and I really enjoyed the time I had spent with him and I know that he will take good care of my dad as Dad navigates through his grief.
Yesterday James, Lannon, Cara, my dad and I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. Holy smoke! What it costs to die is amazing!!! I knew it was expensive but wowsa! I'm not sure how people afford it - it was really mind blowing. $1200 for just walking in the door and sitting down with the people. And it just added on at every turn. My parents had done some pre-planning (and pre-paying) which was nice. No guessing as what type of headstone she wanted, that's for sure. :) But even so...the dollar amount made my head spin. And it isn't a final cost yet - there are still flowers to order, etc. Yikes.
I have to say though - the funeral home we are going through (the same place our entire family always uses) sure could use a method that was more time effecient. It took us 2.5 hours to do what really could have been done in about an hour. It was a bit crazy. I'm sure some people like all that time and whatnot but I'm thinking there are probably others (like us) who would be much more satisfied with an "express" service. Maybe electronic instead of handwritten. I joked about needing a kiosk...just walk up and select what services/products you would like. :)
The funeral service will be Saturday. Graveside in Seattle at 11:00 and then the church service in Everett at 1:00 with the reception to follow. The obituary will be in the Seattle Times/PI and the Everett Herald on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Today we met at the adult family home and packed up all my parents things and moved them to my dad's new apartment. It was weird. I thought it would be no big deal to walk into the house and go down the hall to their room but boy was I wrong. I didn't even make it half way down the hall before I had to go back outside to cry and get myself together. I spent a lot of time in the recent weeks sitting in that bedroom next to my moms bed and now....well..she wasn't there and it really rocked me.
Early last week I put the finishing touches on the video montage I created from photos spanning the time from my mom being an infant to just a couple weeks ago. It's 14 minutes 26 seconds long and (I think) really good. I burned it onto DVD's and gave copies to Lannon and James so they can watch (and have my dad watch) a few times before the funeral reception where it will be shown.
Dakota went home tonight and will be back Thursday afternoon. Even though we don't have the vacation time to spare, I really need her up here a day earlier than she would normally have come. I wish she could have just stayed this week. It would have helped me a lot but, as always, I'll just do what I can on my own.
I notified the hotel of our check-out date; the four of us will head back home next Sunday. Together. It's been a long time coming.
Thank you all for your kind words. It meant so much to me. It's a crazy ride, that's for sure. It rocks me hard whenever I slow down enough to think.
My mom is dead.
It just doesn't compute for me.....yet.
11 comments:
Oh Casey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it must be handling all of the 'business' of death. How wonderful of you to make her a photo montage of her life. Please take care of yourself and know we're thinking of you. xoxo Elise
Honey it won't "compute" for you for awhile probably. I still think in my mind that my loved ones are just "away". It's very hard to comprehend. Very. I know you will be glad to get back home though.
Casey. I know this has been such a rough time. It will be nice to be in your own house again with your family. Take care of yourself.
**HUGS**
I've been thinking about you so much these past few weeks and wishing I could be there to give you some hugs in person. I cannot imagine doing what you've been doing-you are an amazing woman.
You were really on my mind yesterday as I made my first Mother's Day cemetary trip. It really hit me then that I have no mother! I have to say that 6 months out, I'm still hurting, but it is not constantly painful. The part that's the worse is going to pick up the phone to call her and then remembering that shes gone. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Casey, my mom has been gone 7 years this month (and my dad, too), and I still can't internalize it. Yesterday was the first Mother's Day that I allowed myself to think of her on the day. I don't know when ... or if ... it will begin to be real for me. It's so very hard. Feel free to grieve. People are often given the message that they should "get over it." Ain't no such thing.
I hope the hospice and funeral home send you some of the wonderful materials I got on grieving after my husband's death. It helped me with getting past his death, but it also helped me to heal some of the 5-year-old open sores about my parents, too. I don't know how I would have made it without.
Go home and enjoy life with Dakota and those beautiful children. And hug your dad as often as you can.
Happy Mother's Day to you & D. I'm so glad you did something special to celebrate your day before diving into the days tasks.
I can only imagine how incredible your photo montage is. I'm sure it will be cherished by all who have an opportunity to see it.
I'm glad that you will all get to go home together next Sunday. Looking forward to that will undoubtedly help you get through this week.
I've sure been thinking of you a lot lately. I hope you're hanging in there. BIG, BIG hugs to you!
Casey- It doesn't compute and that's ok. Give yourself time .((hugs))
Umm, hi.
I know you don't know me from a bag of rocks, but I jumped here from Patti-Cake's site.
I just wanted to express my sincerest condolences.
Sometimes, it doesn't compute until you get that "trigger". It could be anything.
Gosh, I don't know what else to say.
Again, my deepest sympathy.
There are no words I can add which are more touching or more meaningful than those who've seen you on this journey much longer than I have. But know that we're thinking of you and praying for your family that you'll find the things you need in life to keep moving forward.
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