Wednesday

I've had a hard couple of days - I guess that's just life though. I could be all Zen about it and say "You can't appreciate the highs without going through the lows" and all that jazz but to be honest? The lows suck and when you are low, it's hard to feel like the highs are coming back.

It's the whole "standing with your back to the ocean and getting kicked to the ground by a big-ass wave" thing.

I have so much stress right now that I just know I'm going to have to break out the zit cream soon. And I am so not kidding.

Kelton's teacher called yesterday (and I was already on edge when that happened and I have to say, my heart drops when I see the school prefix on the caller ID). She was calling because she and Kelton's other teacher are very concerned with his writing and spelling. (*THUD* that was the sound of my heart hitting the floor) They aren't sure that he can catch up to where he needs to be and recommends that we start letting him keyboard things (which we do already just because he enjoys it). His speech issues has really impacted his ability to sound out the words and spell correctly and they aren't sure how that will play out or if it will change. Anyway - you get the gist. It went on and on and on as I fought back the tears.

Here's the thing - he CAN do it. He just doesn't want to. He doesn't want to take the time to write neatly and he hates taking the time to sound out the words because yes, it does frustrate him. But he CAN do it because we work with him on it.

His teacher gave me some ideas to help but overall, I was left with the impression that not much can be done if he doesn't want to do it.

I hung up and fell apart and then I sent an email to Dakota who, to her credit, was amazingly supportive and had some good ideas but more than anything, she kept telling me it would be ok. That's Kelton will be ok.

I wrote to Kelton's speech therapist and she wrote back and said she would meet with Kelton's teachers and come up with a plan. I wrote to Kelton's teacher and asked what she thought of a meeting with the two teachers, Dakota, me and Kelton. She wrote back this morning and thought that would be too much for Kelton given all he is dealing with (which comes across as she knows part of his struggling is because of home stuff). She recommended that I drop him off at school at 7:55am and she will work with him every morning until school starts. She thinks that will help and be more beneficial for him than keeping him in at recess to work. I agreed and so did Kelton. He was happily running towards the school door this morning at 7:55 for his special one on one time with his teacher.

Needless to say though - this all has thrown me for a loop.

And there is other things as well which when added to this just pushed me right off the edge last night. When Dakota and I were talking about stuff after she arrived last night, I completely melted down. I finally pulled myself together and took off for a while so they could have their time together. I didn't have too much to do so I came home early and just stayed to myself. Once the kids were sleeping, Dakota got ready to go and as we were hugging goodbye I completely lost it again. Everything was just too big for me.

Dakota stood there with her arms around me and let me cry and cry and cry until I was cried out. Then she did something I will be forever grateful for: she talked me off the ledge and offered some unique perspective to all that I have going on. She said things that resonated and helped provide some balance to my panic. It was one of those moments when I realized that we have been, and will remain, good friends. Friends that really do just want the best for each other and for the kids we will be raising together apart. We love each other deeply. But it's not the love that keeps you married - it's the love that comes from years and years of knowing each other and caring deeply about each other.

It's a nice feeling to have a friend like that.