I wonder if there is a way to reset the dog's wake up time. Well honestly, it's not so much the time she wants to wake up and have breakfast (though really - that could change and I'd be ok with it) it's the fact that she feels some insane need to go in and lick Kelton to wake him up. REALLY? If I am going to have to be up that early on the mornings I am actually sleeping then for the love of all that is good and holy DO.NOT.WAKE.THE.KIDS!
I would have loved to have some quiet time this morning before all the crazy stuff started (which I guess has been a big bonus in the 3am wake up times I've experienced lately) but no. By 5:15 I was being asked to give up my computer so Kelton could play games on it. Seriously?
No child. Go watch TV or better yet, go back to bed for an hour.
Yeah I didn't say that because within seconds I heard "Mom - where are you?" from the back of the house. I sighed deeply, turned over the computer and went to snuggle my daughter who loves to stay in bed, snuggle and talk in the morning.
One of the things I heard this morning (besides the daily "Will you really love me forever and ever?" question which will repeat itself throughout the day) was about her dream. Apparently she dreamed about the Jonas Brother's. Oh yes - that is what every mother of an almost 5 year old wants to hear at 5:15 in the morning. Isn't she a little bit young to be dreaming of boys?!?! As it turns out, she was jump roping on the stage during one of their shows which I guess is waaaaay better than it could have been. :) Then we talked about how she isn't afraid of "bad guys" anymore but that she is still afraid of ghosts. This girl and I have some interesting morning talks, that's for sure.
Kaylen has taken to dragging around her crib blanket (which until recently has always hung over the back of the rocking chair in her room). She said "I think I am over my stuffed buddies. I'm into my blanket now." She has named it "baby" which isn't making Kelton very happy since that is what he calls the blanket he sleeps, with but he is dealing with it. I think it's funny and odd how she has now attached herself to a blanket when she never has before.
I'm sure you are all wondering how I am doing and I am equally as sure you notice that I don't often talk about it. I'm doing ok. Keeping busy with various things - not the least of which is looking for a job. I have decided that I want to stay here but to do that, I need a job. I've applied for many in the past week and I don't mind saying that I am very nervous. This area has a higher than average unemployment rate. My skills are office related (administrative and human resources). The hardest part for me is that I've been out of the work force since the day I went into labor with Kelton and while I can talk up the last three years of volunteer work at the school and with the PTO, it's still going to be a large obstacle to overcome. The thing is, once I'm in, I know I will be a great employee. Just going back over the file that I have of rave reviews from my time at Group Health in Seattle will clearly show that I would be a terrific asset to any office. It's just getting to the in person interview part because once I'm there, in front of them, I know a job will be offered. This new fangled way of job searching is so completely different than it was when I was first hired at Group Health in 1995 and even vastly different than when I was doing HR and handling the incoming applications in 2001.
Emotionally where am I? I have my moments. Mostly doing well and sometimes way better than well. My mind can spin on me though it rarely has anything to do with the end of the relationship with Dakota. I could even go so far as to say I see what she was saying; we really didn't have much of a relationship for a long time and I know I deserve better than what I had. (This is NOT a slam against Dakota. It's just showing that I see how we grew apart and I truly believe I will be better off in the long run.) Law school was hard on us. Dakota's need for always wanting more, more, more was hard on me. Whatever she/we had was never enough. And it was always there - going all the way back to the beginning. I was content with life most of the time and I know she saw this as "letting life happen to me" but I so don't. I would much rather be content with my life than always searching for something bigger and better. (again - not a slam. Just basic differences in how we view life) I see things more clearly now than I ever did before. I can see red flags along the way and I can see where I ignored them. Where we both ignored them. I get that and while it was hard to watch the dreams for the future be shattered I am no longer devastated by it. Sad for the kids and worried for them but not for myself.
The best thing for the kids is not to uproot them from their life. The best thing is for me to be able to find a job that, coupled with child support, will allow them to stay in their home and live a life as close to the one they were supposed to have. That would be best in my eyes.
The other best thing for them is to see their parents happy and content. I think I am well on my way to that point.
5 comments:
glad you are doing well. fingers crossed for you on the job hunt. you'll find something, i'm sure.
Wow Casey, both my husband and I share the same views on life as you. We are happy and content and regardless of situations, we overcome them. Our love is unconditional. We both knew that we're in this for the long haul, so neither one of us should plan on going anywhere w/o the other. We didn't always share this view, not until the kids were born and we are in this for GOOD and BAD. We've both matured greatly during our 15 years of marriage and we're stuck together. The grass is always greener u know. Hopefully you'll find someone who shares the same values as you. Hang in there, you'll be blessed with someone fabulous!!
You are doing GREAT.... I too didn't want to move out of my home....I bought both of my children home to that house...I lived there for 24 years.....lol....and when we (my second husband) decided to move my daughter (she was 23) said omg mom I'm homeless!.....lol hell she didn't even live at home....lol....hope it all works out for you and your kids.......xxxox
It is good to read how you are doing, Casey. It sounds as if you and the kids are adjusting to an adjusted life style. Your strength will carry you well, I think. I hope you find a real peace and happiness. :)
So glad to read this. I don't understand this about always wanting more more more. If you have someone you love, a good home, a nice family, and your health, that is everything. Not status, or the "best" career, or highest title, none of that stuff matters. It's the people and the pets and the love you have around you that matters. It's a shame when someone does not realize this and spends, or wastes, their life chasing after things that hold no value, because these people end up alone and lonely and regretful, wishing they had done things differently. You will find a partner who sees life as you do, and you will be so happy. As will your children, how could they not, with a wonderful mom like you.
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