Sunday

Thanks to everyone who commented on yesterday's blog. I'm really thinking that, given time, things will even out. To say my life was turned upside down and inside out is putting is mildly and while there are some really good parts to my life now I find I am left with some pretty big "self esteem issues" to overcome. The self-talk needs to switch from "I am completely unlovable and not worth the trouble" to ...what? I guess to "I am enough and I am worth it.". I need to stop doubting everything I see and hear.....which I think is the biggest thing. My trust in what I thought was reality was shattered into a trillion little pieces over time and I imagine it will take time to find the balance. I want to trust because the alternative is driving me nuts. It's not who I want to be.

I loved the advice of breathing in with "I am" and out with "ok." I tried that in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and it seemed to help.

I'd love to tell you I feel better today. Well - and in some ways I do but it's sort of like walking a balance beam. I wobble to the right, wobble to the left and hopefully find my balance dead center for a while.

I want to be fine now. During the day it's easier to pretend that but at night? Not so much. Night is when my brain spins. Fake it until you make it and all that.

So...in attempt to get out of my own way I took the kids over to a nearby park and let them feed the ducks. They had a good time even though they left with more mud on them than I fear they left behind. :) It was nice to be out in the fresh air, walking the trails and feeling the sunshine warm me. Here are a few of the photos I took of the silly duo.