It's my mom's birthday today. She would have been 69 years old. Instead, she's been dead for three months and two weeks.
It's weird how incredibly sad I feel today. It's not like today every really involved much on my part - I would send a card to be there in time for her birthday and then I'd call to wish her a happy birthday on the day.
*sigh* I'm just sad.
Kelton said "You can still send flowers to her. But remember mom, it's good that she doesn't have to be in her wheelchair anymore. She doesn't have pain and maybe that's her present." That incredible point of view was quickly followed up with "What happened to her wheelchair mom? Kaylen and I had so much fun playing in it. Can we get one?"
From the mouths of babes and all....but I still miss my mom.
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mom. Show all posts
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
My Big Boy
The kids and I headed out to the mall this morning for Kelton's 5 year old/kindergarten photo and I have to say - I really think I have one of the cutest little boys alive. I'm not biased or anything either. *big grin*
I can pick up the photos Thursday after 5 and you can be sure that I will be scanning them in as soon as I walk through the door. They are so, so cute!!! He really looks like a big kid. Amazing. The photo studio I took him to puts them on-line and I have been to their site a few times just to stare at them. *happy sigh*
In other news, we are heading up to the Seattle area this weekend to see my family. It's the first time we will have been back since we left the day after my mom's funeral. I definitely feel the stress of it all. I plan to stop by the cemetery on the way back down to visit the grave. The marker was placed a few weeks back - I have a feeling it's going to be very surreal.
My brother and Cara just moved into a gigantic house with 5 bedrooms so we are lucky enough to be able to stay with them. I'm looking forward to seeing the new place and hanging out with my family. It's going to be a busy weekend (which ones aren't for us?) but I am so glad to be going back up. Saturday is the three month anniversary of my mom's passing and in those three months I have had more than a few moments of breaking down and losing it along with a couple panic attacks and a new, incredibly heightened sense of fear of not being around for my own babies until they are old enough to be in the world without me (is there ever really an age for that? I don't think so.). Losing my mom has really changed the way I view life - and how I view my children and my dreams for them. It's something I never would have seen coming.
And on *that* cheery note; let me again just say how adorable my son is. I can't wait to share the portraits with you.
I can pick up the photos Thursday after 5 and you can be sure that I will be scanning them in as soon as I walk through the door. They are so, so cute!!! He really looks like a big kid. Amazing. The photo studio I took him to puts them on-line and I have been to their site a few times just to stare at them. *happy sigh*
In other news, we are heading up to the Seattle area this weekend to see my family. It's the first time we will have been back since we left the day after my mom's funeral. I definitely feel the stress of it all. I plan to stop by the cemetery on the way back down to visit the grave. The marker was placed a few weeks back - I have a feeling it's going to be very surreal.
My brother and Cara just moved into a gigantic house with 5 bedrooms so we are lucky enough to be able to stay with them. I'm looking forward to seeing the new place and hanging out with my family. It's going to be a busy weekend (which ones aren't for us?) but I am so glad to be going back up. Saturday is the three month anniversary of my mom's passing and in those three months I have had more than a few moments of breaking down and losing it along with a couple panic attacks and a new, incredibly heightened sense of fear of not being around for my own babies until they are old enough to be in the world without me (is there ever really an age for that? I don't think so.). Losing my mom has really changed the way I view life - and how I view my children and my dreams for them. It's something I never would have seen coming.
And on *that* cheery note; let me again just say how adorable my son is. I can't wait to share the portraits with you.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Blah
Grief is a weird thing. It washes over me in the most unlikely times.
This afternoon I went to the mailbox to collect the mail and in among all the junk and a power bill was Kelton's Highlight magazine. It has been a yearly gift from my mom for three years (which is about 2 years before he was ready for it but my mom wanted him to have it). It expires in December.
As I handed it to Kelton I mentioned that he will only be getting 4 more issues of it because it was a gift from Grandma and now that Grandma is in heaven she won't be able to have it sent to him anymore. He looked at me sadly and said "Oh. Ok." and then hugged it to his chest.
I left the living room, rounded the hall corner and burst into tears.
All because the Highlights magazine arrived.
*sigh*
This afternoon I went to the mailbox to collect the mail and in among all the junk and a power bill was Kelton's Highlight magazine. It has been a yearly gift from my mom for three years (which is about 2 years before he was ready for it but my mom wanted him to have it). It expires in December.
As I handed it to Kelton I mentioned that he will only be getting 4 more issues of it because it was a gift from Grandma and now that Grandma is in heaven she won't be able to have it sent to him anymore. He looked at me sadly and said "Oh. Ok." and then hugged it to his chest.
I left the living room, rounded the hall corner and burst into tears.
All because the Highlights magazine arrived.
*sigh*
Monday, June 11, 2007
Trucks, Dolls, Painting and More
Last night after her bath, Kaylen had a little play time while Kelton and I worked on a scrapbook page (his very own creation). Dakota came across the room and whispered "You've got to see this." And this is what we watched. The truck was actually my dad's when he was a boy and the doll and tub is none other than Kira, her new doll from this weekend. The last picture is her ready for bed. Notice all her friends - two dalmation puppies, the truck and Kira with all her stuff. Later, of course, she realized she was missing another doll, her big pink stuffed bear and her hoppity hop. Yes, you read that correctly. The girl actually insists on sleeping with her hoppity hop some nights. Some nights I wonder where she sleeps in that bed. Strange little child. :)
Today we painted. As you can see, I stripped Kelton out of his shirt because he has never not gotten paint all over himself. Except today. Today I should have stripped down Kaylen. That smock did precious little from keeping it off her shirt. But - they had a good time and that's what matters, right? :)
On a side note, today marks one month to the day that my mom died. It's still not really "real" in a lot of ways but in another way, it feels like it's been forever since that day. Time is such a fluid thing, isn't it?
A month.
A whole month.
Wow.
Last night after her bath, Kaylen had a little play time while Kelton and I worked on a scrapbook page (his very own creation). Dakota came across the room and whispered "You've got to see this." And this is what we watched. The truck was actually my dad's when he was a boy and the doll and tub is none other than Kira, her new doll from this weekend. The last picture is her ready for bed. Notice all her friends - two dalmation puppies, the truck and Kira with all her stuff. Later, of course, she realized she was missing another doll, her big pink stuffed bear and her hoppity hop. Yes, you read that correctly. The girl actually insists on sleeping with her hoppity hop some nights. Some nights I wonder where she sleeps in that bed. Strange little child. :)
Today we painted. As you can see, I stripped Kelton out of his shirt because he has never not gotten paint all over himself. Except today. Today I should have stripped down Kaylen. That smock did precious little from keeping it off her shirt. But - they had a good time and that's what matters, right? :)
On a side note, today marks one month to the day that my mom died. It's still not really "real" in a lot of ways but in another way, it feels like it's been forever since that day. Time is such a fluid thing, isn't it?
A month.
A whole month.
Wow.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Photographs
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
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