Tonight I did something I told myself I wouldn't do; I let the kids skip a bath on a school night. I'm OK with skipping on the weekend but normally I am strict with the "it's a week night and you are going to have a bath so I can have you both start the day clean and fresh." line of action. I'm not a fan of the stinky kid smell, you know?
Tonight I let them skip. And I don't regret it for a second.
It was one of those moments that is perfect in every way and one that I want to remember for the rest of my life. All three of us lumped together like a pile of kittens on one half of the couch (a dog was taking up the other half) as we flipped through photo books and scrapbooks. The kids were so absorbed with every word I read and the stories I told of when they were babies. It was truly like a magic spell had been cast upon us.
It was one of those perfect, perfect moments.
Baths can wait. Memories in the making cannot.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Monday, September 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Getting Used To Missing Her
It's been a sucky 24 hours. I miss my cat so damn much it isn't funny. I honestly had no idea how integral she was in my life - how much a part of everything she was. My eyes keep playing tricks and I will see her here and there - but then my eyes will focus and it will either be nothing or one of the three remaining cats. Three. A year ago at this time we had five which yes, I know seems like a lot but it really wasn't. Even at night when all five cats were in the same room it didn't seem like a lot. It was just our life. Last night it was just three (plus the dogs) and it felt so wrong. So many pieces missing.
Everything I did this morning as I went about my routine made it painfully obvious that Taz is gone. No Tazzy waiting on the bed for me when I went to take my shower. No Taz greeting me as I came out of the bathroom. No Taz following me from room to room as I went about getting things done. No Taz sleeping on the back of the couch or coming in last night to walk across me as I tried to sleep. No meows heard when the house became too quiet for her (she loved the noise and chaos and if the kids were too quiet for too long she would start calling out and would only settle back down when the noise was back to a level that she liked).
Now don't get me wrong - she had her more than obnoxious qualities: the first of which was she needed noise and activity constantly (after the kids would go to bed she would cry and cry and cry and would take a long time to settle down). She would paw at doors and cabinets to make them bang - usually just because she was bored and usually in the evening or in the night. For years she was a force to be reckoned with at the door - she would always be looking for a way to escape into the big world and sometimes she did. We would have to chase her all over the place to get her safely back inside.
She was so tiny. Compared to other cats she looked like she was about a year old - very small and petite. It was hard to keep weight on her in the winter so she was given lots of treats and extra food. She never weighed more than 8lbs in her entire life and generally hung out around 6 or 7lbs. Her nose was so tiny. But her personality was huge. You knew she was in the house.
She was the only cat who would ever come out if we had company. Most people never believe that we had other cats because they are never anywhere to be seen but Taz was always in the mix. At the very least she would watch the happenings from the safety of the dining room table. Always watching her beloved chaos.
I miss her so much I can barely breathe today which I know might seem weird to some. But let's be honest, pets give us something that you rarely, if ever, get from another human - unconditional love. They just want to be loved and they want to love you back. It's a pure relationship and it hurts like hell to lose it.
Dakota and I are struggling. Kaylen, well - she's 2. She is ok with it but then again, how many times in the past year has she heard about heaven and people/animals going there. It's just reality for her. She did ask several times yesterday when Taz would be coming home. Kelton, on the other hand, we are worried about. He swings back and forth. He was really close to Charlie and after he died, Taz became his buddy. Never before had Taz allowed him to get as close to her and this summer she began letting him carrying her around (not always happy about it but she would let him). She slept in his room (which she always did for at least part of the night) and seemed to watch over him. The two of them became good buddies. Now she is gone. We're worried that he will just begin to feel like it isn't worth getting close to anyone or anything because they will just leave. But then, maybe all the talks about heaven and not having pain, etc. makes him feel safe with their leaving for this mysterious place. I know he talks about everyone being together and how Charlie must be so happy to have Taz with him again. I don't know - all we can do it watch, wait and see.
Grieving sucks and honestly, we've all had enough for right now. We need a break from bad news. We just need some time to be happy and feel safe. Is that really all that much to ask for?
Everything I did this morning as I went about my routine made it painfully obvious that Taz is gone. No Tazzy waiting on the bed for me when I went to take my shower. No Taz greeting me as I came out of the bathroom. No Taz following me from room to room as I went about getting things done. No Taz sleeping on the back of the couch or coming in last night to walk across me as I tried to sleep. No meows heard when the house became too quiet for her (she loved the noise and chaos and if the kids were too quiet for too long she would start calling out and would only settle back down when the noise was back to a level that she liked).
Now don't get me wrong - she had her more than obnoxious qualities: the first of which was she needed noise and activity constantly (after the kids would go to bed she would cry and cry and cry and would take a long time to settle down). She would paw at doors and cabinets to make them bang - usually just because she was bored and usually in the evening or in the night. For years she was a force to be reckoned with at the door - she would always be looking for a way to escape into the big world and sometimes she did. We would have to chase her all over the place to get her safely back inside.
She was so tiny. Compared to other cats she looked like she was about a year old - very small and petite. It was hard to keep weight on her in the winter so she was given lots of treats and extra food. She never weighed more than 8lbs in her entire life and generally hung out around 6 or 7lbs. Her nose was so tiny. But her personality was huge. You knew she was in the house.
She was the only cat who would ever come out if we had company. Most people never believe that we had other cats because they are never anywhere to be seen but Taz was always in the mix. At the very least she would watch the happenings from the safety of the dining room table. Always watching her beloved chaos.
I miss her so much I can barely breathe today which I know might seem weird to some. But let's be honest, pets give us something that you rarely, if ever, get from another human - unconditional love. They just want to be loved and they want to love you back. It's a pure relationship and it hurts like hell to lose it.
Dakota and I are struggling. Kaylen, well - she's 2. She is ok with it but then again, how many times in the past year has she heard about heaven and people/animals going there. It's just reality for her. She did ask several times yesterday when Taz would be coming home. Kelton, on the other hand, we are worried about. He swings back and forth. He was really close to Charlie and after he died, Taz became his buddy. Never before had Taz allowed him to get as close to her and this summer she began letting him carrying her around (not always happy about it but she would let him). She slept in his room (which she always did for at least part of the night) and seemed to watch over him. The two of them became good buddies. Now she is gone. We're worried that he will just begin to feel like it isn't worth getting close to anyone or anything because they will just leave. But then, maybe all the talks about heaven and not having pain, etc. makes him feel safe with their leaving for this mysterious place. I know he talks about everyone being together and how Charlie must be so happy to have Taz with him again. I don't know - all we can do it watch, wait and see.
Grieving sucks and honestly, we've all had enough for right now. We need a break from bad news. We just need some time to be happy and feel safe. Is that really all that much to ask for?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Photographs
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
My sister, brother and I are pulling together photos for a montage. This is the only photo I have of my mom and me from "the early years" and I have to say, it's kind of cool and kind of eerie how much Kaylen looks like me.
This was my second birthday which means my mom was 28 years old. This, of course means, this picture was taken 40 years ago. Wow.
I'm sure as my brother and sister start going through the family photo albums, I'll have a few more to share. My sister and I were reminiscing via IM tonight.....we really do have some amazing and fun memories from when we were kids. It's nice to be able to look back and remember things like that. Nice...and heartbreakingly sad at the same time.
I'm looking forward to working on the montage and being able to have a DVD full of memories to cherish. I still can't believe we're in this place in time though. Things feel very surreal.
*sigh*
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