Not A Steller Moment

I really dislike moments like I had this afternoon. Nothing makes me feel like the world's worst parent then when I am yelling at my amazingly wonderful and beautiful children. I know most (all?) parents lose their cool with their kids and yet, I still hate when I do. I feel crappy during and after and it's definitely not the memory I want my kids to have of our time together.

I was incredibly busy and overwhelmed this afternoon trying to set up my own website domain. Being as removed from the technology world as I am made the process incredibly frustrating and time consuming. It was getting late and quickly coming up on the time I needed to start making dinner. The kids were growing restless and wanted to do this, that or the other thing. Then it hit Kelton - he wanted to paint! I told him no, that it wasn't the time for painting but he oh so cleverly got his sister on his paint bandwagon and they were all over me. (Did I mention I was frustrated with the computer stuff?) So - against my better judgement, I agreed to the painting project when Kelton came up with the idea of painting outside on the patio. They would have newspapers down so they wouldn't get paint all over the cement and they would be really careful not to make a big mess.

I agreed when every part of me was screaming "BAD IDEA! BAD IDEA!" I closed up the stuff on which I was working, set up their project and then went into the kitchen to start dinner. I hear the happy sounds of happy kids....for about 5 minutes. And then I hear "Kaylen...Kaylen...just dump the paint in your hand like this and rub it on your tummy."

SERIOUSLY?? Did I just hear that?

I go outside and what is there to greet me? Two children covered from head to toe in paint! Covered. Kelton very proudly saying "Look mom! I made our skin a different color."

I think I saw three shades of red...and mommy lost her cool.

So into the tub they went but not without leaving paint all over the bathroom wall, the floor, the sink, the toilet......*sigh*

I scrubbed them clean and then went outside to clean up the disaster area. I had to take the scrub brush to the patio to clean off the paint. All the clothes had to be sprayed down and washed - it was a giant mess. And I told them both that there would be no painting for two weeks (well - in my anger, I said until next year...but then after I came to my senses I backed it down to two weeks).

Once I calmed down I called Kelton into the kitchen where I was trying to make something for dinner. I apologized to him and then said "You know who I am the most angry at about all this?" He sheepishly said "Me?" "No," I told him, "Me." "I knew it was a bad idea. I knew that it was too late for a painting project and I knew that it wouldn't go well. Instead of sticking with the no I have you when you first asked I let myself be talked into it and I shouldn't have done that. So even though you were wrong to paint all over yourself, I was wrong too and I'm angry at myself for letting this all happen."

And what did he say? "That's ok, mom. Next time you'll know better."

Ummmmm.........yeah but not really what I wanted to hear. So I said "Yes. Next time when I say no, I'm going to stay with my no answer even if that means you are unhappy and cry about it. Next time we won't put ourselves in the position for this to happen because I don't like feeling angry at you, your sister or myself. And I don't like yelling at you guys."

After that conversation, I apologized to Kaylen. She said "Dat ok, Mommy. I love you." and gave me that silly little grin of hers.

I really don't like feeling like a crappy parent. *sigh*