It's been gray, cool and on and off again drizzly all day. Fits my mood perfectly. The leaves on the trees are changing daily and I can definitely feel autumn in the air. Today is quite a change from two days ago when it was 91 degrees. I both like and dislike that about this time of year - one day it's summer and the next it's fall. Back and forth it goes. It's hard to know what clothes to wear each day. I pulled out the bin of last years winter clothes for Kaylen today (she still wears the same size)but I can't really switch out her summer things yet. Kelton's school clothes are all fall/winter so every day I am needing to rifle through his summer shirts to find shirts he can wear to school (no stains, good shape, etc.). Once the weather settles in I can change out their wardrobes...but not yet. It's still too soon.
It's like being caught between two worlds. And again, that fits my feelings perfectly because that is totally how I am feeling.
I miss my mom. It's sad days like this that I miss her most of all. Times that, when I was a child, I would imagine her being here for. Now in reality, she was "gone" long, long before she died because of the brain deterioration and while I logically know that I've been without my mom since my early 20's, my heart aches in these moments when I could really use my mom. I sit here imagining that she would know what to say to make me feel better. Imagining. I know that's all it is and yet....I still want it.
"Mom - think of butterflies and happy thoughts." That's what Kelton tells me whenever he knows I'm feeling sad. Butterflies and happy thoughts. If only that made everything better.
10 comments:
Casey, I totally understand what these gray days can do to our mood. I struggle with the same thing. You will get your groove back, and there will be a new "normal". Get as much sunlight as you can, turn up some good music, and know you have friends you can vent to.
Melanie
**HUGS**
You're in my thoughts, and I'm thinking butterflies for you too.
Several years ago I realized that I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), one of the reasons I could hardly wait to leave KC. I love your part of the country, but because of the grey, overcast days, I just could not stay there too long. It does affect our moods, and you're right ... this time of year tends to be the worst. Yet I love fall.
This is not unusual, given the loss of your mom. It hurts miserably, I know. You're also grieving the loss of your boy's babyhood.No wonder you're melancholy.
As Melanie said, get sunshine as often as possible. Invest in a lamp that provides "sunshine" for the darker days. turn on lots of light in the house and find some upbeat music that makes you want to dance. Make yourself move around ... maybe you and Kaylen need to have a parade through the house for 10 minutes while you giggle with her. And never doubt that your blogger fan/friends send our hearts to you. Mine is being winged your way by a gaggle/flock/herd/whole bunch of butterflies!! :)
Yep the changing seasons can make us a little melancholy also. I'm so sorry you are missing your Mom. I, too will be there one day.
I'm sorry you're blue. Big hugs from us.
So sorry to hear you're feeling down. There have been a lot of changes in your life in a short period of time. Hang in there. I love what Kelton says. And I agree with what other people said about putting on your favourite music and dancing.
I understand. {{{{ }}}
One days like that I often ask myself what my mom would tell me, and try to hear her voice in my head.
I'm hoping your big night out this weekend was able to life your spirits.
Hey Casey - Catching this late but I hope you are feeling better.
I'm so sorry you are missing your mom, and I know I completely don't have the right words to say - but I will send a few big (((hugs))) your way.
I too understand your feelings about your mom....I lost my mom when I was 16 (I'm 49 now) I hate to say I really didn't miss my mom when I was raising my children because you don't know what you don't have....once my daughter (age 28) became pregant and gave birth to my granddaughter, that's when I started to REALLY miss my mom....because I started to realize everything that I had missed out on like going clothes shopping with my mom when I was pregant, my mom with my children when they were young...knowning how much I LOVE and enjoy my granddaughter my mother would of had a ball with my children....so hopefully this too will pass...hang in there....
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