Dancing on the Edge

Stretched to the Point of Snapping

I'm feeling like a rubber band that has been pulled as far as it can go and yet - someone just keeps yanking on it anyway.

As if the stuff with my mom isn't stressful enough (and every day it becomes more so) we had a couple more things dumped on our laps.

Thursday Dakota called me to give some not great news. Her department is making some big cutbacks. Her supervisor's position has been eliminated and one of the two team members positions as well. It just isn't clear which team member. In all likelyhood, it will be Dakota that moves on. Not all together a bad thing as she has been restless in her job for a while now and would love to find something more closely aligned with law but still....yet another stress to deal with. The timeline is unclear as to when all this will unfold but Dakota isn't wasting time - she's already applied for a few positions and will continue to do so. We know something good will come of this - it's just getting from here to there that isn't all that much fun.

Friday we got even worse news. Dakota's dad was admitted to the hospital (ironically it's only 15 minutes from my parents house) and things weren't looking good. Today the offical word was given: lung cancer that has already spread far and wide. Three to six months is the prognosis. Needless to say, she is spinning.

This is the last week of classes and then finals begin next week. The timing of all this couldn't be worse and yet - here we are.

I can hear myself screaming inside my head: THIS ISN'T FAIR!! THIS IS TOO DAMN MUCH!! and yet, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. There are moments in time, like right this very minute, when I don't see how that is even possible and yet....I know that thre are two sleeping babies in the next room that are counting on me not to let their world implode.

We're lucky, in a way....we have the kids to keep us centered and focused and moving. And yet sometimes, just for mere seconds, I wish I had the time and space to just fall apart.

I feel like talking with Dakota about all the crap I'm feeling, etc. isn't very fair since she is now swimming her in own pool of grief. It's all so strange.

And I wonder how much further I can be stretched. No - wait. I don't wonder. I'm putting it out to the universe that I have all I can handle right now. No more for now. Give us time to absorb, deal, grieve and heal. They say (whoever "they" are) that bad things come in three's. Ok....we're at three. We're all full up. Any other problems are just going to have to keep moving and find elsewhere to set up shop. The Inn is full. Seriously. It's full.