You are all cordially invited to......
....my pity party. Aren't you the lucky ones. :)
I'm tired. I know that. So therefore it stands to reason that I am not coping very well. The last few nights have been filled with precious little sleep for me and I dare say, probably not a lot for my little girl either. She seems to be in the midst of some gigantic developmental growth. Her verbal skills have grown by leaps and bounds in the past few days (she is cranking out some four and five word sentences and using tons of new words) so I think her mind is just so busy that it is keeping her from staying asleep for longer than oh say...30 minutes at a stretch.
....my pity party. Aren't you the lucky ones. :)
I'm tired. I know that. So therefore it stands to reason that I am not coping very well. The last few nights have been filled with precious little sleep for me and I dare say, probably not a lot for my little girl either. She seems to be in the midst of some gigantic developmental growth. Her verbal skills have grown by leaps and bounds in the past few days (she is cranking out some four and five word sentences and using tons of new words) so I think her mind is just so busy that it is keeping her from staying asleep for longer than oh say...30 minutes at a stretch.
All. Night. Long.
For. Days. On. End.
She talks and cries out seemingly non-stop all night long. She thrashes around in the bed. It's incredibly frustrating to have a lot of patience for it at 2:30 in the morning when it had been going on since way earlier and I still have hours left to go. And naps for her? Forget it. The past three days she was napping for a mere 30 minutes, even though she is no where near ready to give up naps. She wants to sleep, I get that. I want her to sleep. Scratch that....I NEED her to sleep. I NEED sleep.
Ok - so the groundwork is down for you - I'm tired and my darling little one is the reason.
My pity party? I guess I'm just feeling like a loser these days (probably one day less than the sleep deprivation has been happening but whatever...I still feel like a loser). I feel like one of those girls in high school that no one wanted to be friends with who, if given half the chance was probably a really great person. And yet, people couldn't get past her ugly glasses or stringy hair or whatever it was that the popular crowd considered loser material.
I know I'm being sensitive. I get that. But is it really that much to ask that my posts in message groups and boards get responses equal to the responses other people get? Is it *really* necessary for one person, who seems to have an issue with me, to attack every freakin' thing I say when I respond to someone else's posts? I'm just saying that I don't recall an MD following HER name and it did indeed follow the name of the person who gave ME the advice I was passing on (and properly credited). Why do some people feel the need to throw barbs every chance they get? This is exactly why I stopped posting and responding on this particular group for a long, long while (and because of the exact same person) and yet why should *I* have to stop posting? Why does someone else have free reign to be an ass to other people?
I'm just tired. Normally it would (probably) roll off my back but today it really hit me hard. It made me feel like a loser - like I have nothing of value to add. I know that it's not true. I'm not that pathetic but for a while today I was (am) feeling *that* pathetic. And you know the kicker? I usually hit delete whenever I see a posting come through from her. I have no need to read her crap and yet for some reason, I scrolled through it (and her posts are longer than the freakin' Gettysberg Address! I guess she has a lot to be right about.) today to see the "not so subtle" attack on what I had posted.
And...in case that isn't enough..when I start feeling like I'm a loser I start to focus on all the other things that suck. Why don't I have many friends in real life? I used to have so many friends (and therefore know I can make and keep friends) but then, after kids and staying home with them, I just don't. I have a few mommy friends I talk with and one really good friend I talk with daily but I'm missing the connection from having friends you can just call up and say "Hey - what are you doing? Wanna meet for coffee?" I know it all changes once you have kids - I get that. I'm just feeling lonely. Isolated.
And again - I know this all comes from being tired. I just have to get it out.
Please, please, please - let me get some decent sleep tonight. Life always feels, and looks better, when you get sleep.
She talks and cries out seemingly non-stop all night long. She thrashes around in the bed. It's incredibly frustrating to have a lot of patience for it at 2:30 in the morning when it had been going on since way earlier and I still have hours left to go. And naps for her? Forget it. The past three days she was napping for a mere 30 minutes, even though she is no where near ready to give up naps. She wants to sleep, I get that. I want her to sleep. Scratch that....I NEED her to sleep. I NEED sleep.
Ok - so the groundwork is down for you - I'm tired and my darling little one is the reason.
My pity party? I guess I'm just feeling like a loser these days (probably one day less than the sleep deprivation has been happening but whatever...I still feel like a loser). I feel like one of those girls in high school that no one wanted to be friends with who, if given half the chance was probably a really great person. And yet, people couldn't get past her ugly glasses or stringy hair or whatever it was that the popular crowd considered loser material.
I know I'm being sensitive. I get that. But is it really that much to ask that my posts in message groups and boards get responses equal to the responses other people get? Is it *really* necessary for one person, who seems to have an issue with me, to attack every freakin' thing I say when I respond to someone else's posts? I'm just saying that I don't recall an MD following HER name and it did indeed follow the name of the person who gave ME the advice I was passing on (and properly credited). Why do some people feel the need to throw barbs every chance they get? This is exactly why I stopped posting and responding on this particular group for a long, long while (and because of the exact same person) and yet why should *I* have to stop posting? Why does someone else have free reign to be an ass to other people?
I'm just tired. Normally it would (probably) roll off my back but today it really hit me hard. It made me feel like a loser - like I have nothing of value to add. I know that it's not true. I'm not that pathetic but for a while today I was (am) feeling *that* pathetic. And you know the kicker? I usually hit delete whenever I see a posting come through from her. I have no need to read her crap and yet for some reason, I scrolled through it (and her posts are longer than the freakin' Gettysberg Address! I guess she has a lot to be right about.) today to see the "not so subtle" attack on what I had posted.
And...in case that isn't enough..when I start feeling like I'm a loser I start to focus on all the other things that suck. Why don't I have many friends in real life? I used to have so many friends (and therefore know I can make and keep friends) but then, after kids and staying home with them, I just don't. I have a few mommy friends I talk with and one really good friend I talk with daily but I'm missing the connection from having friends you can just call up and say "Hey - what are you doing? Wanna meet for coffee?" I know it all changes once you have kids - I get that. I'm just feeling lonely. Isolated.
And again - I know this all comes from being tired. I just have to get it out.
Please, please, please - let me get some decent sleep tonight. Life always feels, and looks better, when you get sleep.
Sleep.
Totally under-rated.
Seriously.
And on another front - I scrapped tonight. Check it out:
And on another front - I scrapped tonight. Check it out:
credit: Unamused Boys kit by Jessica Bolton
17 comments:
I would love to come to your pity party and I'll bring the wine and cheese! And maybe some chocolate too, to really help you feel better. So sorry you're down. Just look at all the wonderful people who post on your blog and think you're wonderful! I don't even "know" you and can tell you're an amazing and loving mama! I hope you're getting the sleep you deserve!
So sorry you're feeling that way. I don't know you but I love reading your blog and think you're a great person and a really awesome mother. Plus, you give me great advice and support on my blog.
Hope you get some sleep. Things always seem better after a good night's sleep.
Chin up!
FroggyMama: Thanks for the support and hey - feel free to bring over the cheese, wine and chocolate. Yum!
Shannon: Thank you. I so appreciate your comment. :)
Sonya: It's up. :)
SeasonalKat: Thank you.
Hugs. :) Here's hoping that today is a better day and that you get some sleep soon!
Jennifer
De-lurking (found you from Jen's blog, It's my life) to say, I know how you feel. I also am a stay at home mom and I have all those feelings of being lonely etc. I think being with young kids all day long really takes a huge toll on us. Bigger then we think it does. Not that we as moms don't LOVE being moms but it is such an emotional job. If it wern't for blogs and a good cup of afternoon coffee I don't think I would make it thru the day! I too have found that my friendships have gone out the window. Sad, but true. Once I had kids it just became so hard to hang out and get out there to meet people. I was at home with napping kids and sick kids. I almost feel trapped at times. Anyhow- just wanted to say hi and to say your not alone in your feelings. Keep up the great posts. You seem to have a wonderful family! -Heidi
Jennifer: Thanks! I was able to get a couple more hours than usual last night which has made a big difference today. Let's hope it's a trend that continues and gets improved upon. :)
Heidi: Your comment made my day. Thank you for delurking!
I am so sorry you are feeling that way. If we lived closer you would see me and Laura so much that you would be saying "why can't I just have a minute without them around!"
I do understand how things seem to become overwhelming when you don't have as much sleep as you are used to. Hopefully Kaylen is just going through a phase and will be back to sleeping all night long soon.
Hang in there. Lots of us in bloggerworld love you to pieces.
Caroline: Oh how I wish I could find out if I would be saying that (which I doubt). I think I would very much like to have you two hanging around. :)
Casey,
Please know I'm thinking of you. Can I just tell you that you would certainly be one of my running buddies if we lived closer. I think you are soooo cool. I'm serious, too.
Laura: Hmmm...that would imply I am a runner. *trying hard not to laugh myself silly*
Though now that I think about it - if Caroline would watch the kids I bet I could BECOME a runner! :) You really think I'm one of the cool kids? Seriously? You just made my night. :)
Hey now, why can't I run with you guys? Why is it you two plan something and always say, "oh Caroline can watch the kids." I feel left out.
Caroline: Oh ok - you can run with us too. I had no idea you would want to. :)
So who is going to pull the kids in the wagon? Not me! :)
Oh man, I think I know what you are talking about. I'll e-you personally...
Other than that, seriously, lack of sleep makes me crazy - it really does. I totally understand and I think you're totally handling it better than I would!
You know, Casey, I think part of why I try to stay so busy with other things in my life (the church stuff, the MOMS Pres, the volleyball) is so I don't have to face the feelings that will bog me down otherwise. Like how my house is a pit, my kids don't get enough play time with me, I can't just run off and meet for coffee like you said... Being a SAHM is more socially and emotionally taxing than physically a lot of times. I completely hear where you are coming from! Just know a lot of us out there feel just the same. As for this A-S-S of a person who belittles your input, well, those people probably have fewer friends than us! Water off the back; she's not worth it!
I sure you hope you got some sleep. I'll read on to find out. I'm very glad to have you in my blogosphere. You're the only other lesbo scrapbooker that I've found. So keep posting on my blog! You're no loser in my books AND you're incredibly talented!
Ivy: Hmmm...handling it better than you? Seriously doubt it but thanks for the vote of confidence. :)
Nikki: You hit that one right on - it IS harder emotionally and socially than physically. And indeed - just water off the back. I see that today. :)
Dee: Thank you! :) I cna't wait to see your scrapbooking - I bet you are quite talented. Do you paper scrap or digital scrap? I've gotten into digital mostly because I don't have to store stuff in real life and I don't have to get things out and clean them up. LOL!! I'm just a lazy scrapper, I guess! :) I've been digi scrapping for almost a year and a half. Would LOVE to see your stuff!
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